Akron High School - Golden Haze Yearbook (Akron, IN)

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M019 ecy I, Channing Utter, stepped lightly from my one-man rocket plane and flexed my muscles. Being cramped into that tiny space ship for a flight from Neptune to Earth is still tiresome, even though I had made the trip in a little under two hours and fifteen seconds. I rem-owed my helmet and bazsked in the rays of Earth's sun forthe first time in forty years. It didn't seem possible tlhgtn:oHrr3ii1ch time had elapsed since I had graduated from As I walked down the main street of town, I saw Leininger 61 Sons. much like it had been before. Inside l found tooth- pic'ks himself, I staggered in befwilderment for he was old, gray and wrinkled. Then I realized -that anyone wrho spent the past forty years on Earth would be changed, but not I, for in space there is no age change. After Randall and I got reacquainted we began asking each other about our class- mates. He wanted to kno-w about Terry, Charles, Lyle, Erma Ianet, Bonnie, Karen and Dick Smolker. First oftf, I told him that Terry and Charles got themselves banished to lower Sloibbovia for drag racing their Mutnilks down the milky way. They weren't too sad -about the incident because being Earth people they were treated royally in Slolbbovia. Lyile is manager of the famous Earthettes who recently won the Solar System basketball tournament. Fame has finally hit Erma. She has just returned to -Neptune after completing a solo flight around the universe in 80 'hours, in Sputnik LIX. lanet and Sandy, you know, are making a great deal of money as a result of their trip to Uranius, where they learned the secret 'formula for the solution which restores youth and beauty. Randall quickly mentioned that maybe he could try some of their solution. Bonnie married the King of luplter and moved there. She and her .six dfaugthters are among the l5 best dressed ladies in the universe. Space travel and living was getting difficult with the passing of time because of the number of people inztenested in it. Karen decided a new code of law was necessary. She took the task of writing some that would tbe suitable for the whole Solar System. She is expecting to finish this enormous job in about a year. At the present she is having trouble trying to solve the speed lifmit problem between Mercury and Saturn. Dick holds the ihi-ghestposition possible in the lnter Planetary Police Patrol. ln his -spare time he patrol-s the constellation Southern Cross, 'he just can not separate work from play. . Now, I 'begin to ask Randall about some of our classmates that stayed here on Earth such as Gary, Paul Mel'ba, Con and Larry Rhoades. 'He said, Gary Brown is nofw a midget due to an accident that occurred in Steve Harris' chemistry lab. Gary .fell into a reducermix being concocted to reduce the size of :termites and now Gary can be seen on Saturday nights at the midget races. As for Steve, he discovered a new rocket fuel by mixing one part layne Ma-nsfield's ohieese- cakes with three parts TNT and 'has taken up a happy li-fe of chasing Martian girls. Randall continued, 'Paul Heltzel has finally realized his lifetime ambition, to be an engineer, he now commutes ifactory workers to the new Hydro-statomatcal Superjet Aircraft Corporation from Disko, Athens, and Mt. Zion areas on the early morn-in-g 5:15 express. Melba, Betty D. and 'Betty M. are officers of the now ifamed Bro-kenhearted Old Maids Clubs with the motto We will get our man. Their husbands-to-be -became enthralled with Steve's new lark of chasing outer space girls and joined forces with the old boy. Randall sort of giggling contin-ued, Con, lim, and Roy Lee combined -their three talents, beauty, brains and brawn to form a corporation that makes a new kind of fountain pen that writes on outer space. Remember how Larry R. and Tom iF. used to like FFA. Well, they are atomic farmers raising fabulous corn crops which yield up to 18 gallons to the acre. As I left Leini-nger's Store I was in a happy mood. I bought a newspaper and decided to 'sit and read awhile. The headlin-es read Two of Akron's Axlutmni Novw World Renofwnf' Ross and Norman 'have become fabulously wealthy from their new invention. They found that if they mixed chloroform, ground up Elvis Presley records, fall out and two snorts of Old Factory Whistle , with 3 oz. ether, they had -a perfume with 100 times more power than My Sin and Better Not put together. These boys got their wealth not only .frofm the fact that the perfume is so powerful, but they can get as .much as S25 a -fifth from all the local boys who want to go out on a big, 'big, jag. On the society page I read an article about Carol Lee. She is a famous arti-st because she discovered how to mix stardust and moon glow to produce a new kind of lipstick. Right below the article about Carol Lee was a clipping about Iudy and Loretta. lt seems that they tried their luck at 'Broadway and now are starring in the new production of Hamlet or -better known as Call the Pi-gs Home You-All. Ais I walked on dtowin the street I ran into my old friend Stanlev Utter. Stanley told me that he 'had gone to Pluto to study hair styling. il-le returned to Athens to out the hair of the poor unfortunate Earth people who hadn't as yet adopted the new hep cat hair style that closely resembles the after- math of an Australian bushman-gorilla fight to the death. Stanley also t-:id me haf Clyde and Devon had m-oltvored over to see ho-w the cats on Mercury were -making an easy living. Devon discovered that the Merc. lboys hadn't yet heard of pizza so the opened a pizza house on the hot side of Mercury and hired Clyde as bouncer. Unfortunately, Clyde's weak- ness for pizza put the whole works out of Ibusiness. Now the boys have 'formed a corporation with Bernice who is selling air conditioners to the .Merourian-s. l hear they are getting quite wealthy because of the weather conditions on that planet. Stanley asked me if I heard from Don O. I told him Don was a wandering minstrel. At the present he is enter- taining troops stationed on Rosconal, a new fplanet. Those Rosconalions are really gone on 'him. He was voted the most popular minstrel in space. Carol Ann has the Inter- staler Hotel on Mars, which is famous for its Zorzel steaks an-d Mars candy -bars. Creatures come from all over the universe to eat 'her Zorzel steaks and the Maritians think the candy bars are great. As I walked on down the street, taking in wi-th amazement the changes in Akron and all of my old friends in the past 40 years a messenger came running up to me with a terlef gram from Neptune. -. ADVISE YOUR IMMEDIATE RETURN STOP BIG BUSINESS DEAL STOP BRING SAMPLES OF EARTH MONEY, EARTH FOOD AND EARTH WOMEN STOP IF LOW ON :ROOM IN S-PACE SHIP FORGET MONEY AND FOOD STOP LIKE I SAID - BIG BUSINESS DEAL STOP ' SIGNED AXOLOTYL STOP - As I sorrowfully shoved the telegram into my pocket and headed for my space ship, I heard a loud deafening roar and ducked just in time to miss -getting hit by what appeared to be a vagabond -spaceship. As this antiquated battered-up ship landed, who should stagger out of it but Sharon and Mary. As I heard earlier, these two 'had been missing for 30 years and -people assumed that they were dead. After a short conversation I 'found out that the two girls had gone out in search' of Sputnik antenn-as and ran out of fuel while cruising around in outer space. If they hadn't drifted into lower -Sldbbovia they would still be drifting around. Mary and Sharon indicated that the time on board wasn't totally wasted. 'Ilhey had developed a secret formula for a 'health tonic. This new tonic was called Old Wagonrwheelsu. I would have liked to stay 'longer and talked and sampled their infven-tion ibut the urgency of my telegram forced me to ,push pleasure aside and head for Neptune. As I walked up to my space ship -wiho should be standing there but Larry Powell. Aifter a brief talk I found out that Larry wanted me to drop him off at Jupiter. He wanted to take refuge there to escape paying alimony to four ex-wives and judgments from 'four breach-of-promise suits. As Larry and I boarded my space ship I took on-e last look at Akron and thought over the .happy experiences of the last few days. - O minus 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-0 -- Bramm m-mmmmmmm - whoosh. PACE 21 A f V' I I i .Q . xi! 9-.rl : 5. .Janssen .L ..f-1.59 'i 1 'i Kagan .

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I9 Tom F1165 PFA. 2, 3, 4, Pres. 3, 4, Haze Staff 4. Clyde Reed 1-li-Y 2, 3, 4, Stage Hand 3, 4, Track 1 2- Haze Staff 4. Betty Dcrwald 4 H Staff 4 Aero S.S.S. 2, 3, , aze ' , Staff 4, As-ststant Editor 4, Band 1, 2. hm Reed H1-Y 2, 3, 4, Play Cast 3, 4, Lack 1, 2, Haze Staff 4, Student Council 1, 2, Class Pres. 3, 4. Randall Leininger Hi-Y 3, 4, Sec'y and Treats. 4, Chorus 1, 2, 3, 4, Mixed Chorus 2, 4, Play Cast 3, 4, Track 2, Haze Statt 4, Band 1, 2, 3, 4, Capt., Varsity 3, 4, Baseball 1, 2, 3, 4, Sottball 1, 2, 3, 4. Stanley Utter Chorus 1, 2, lvhxed Chorus 1, 2, Haze Staff 4, Track 1, Z, 3, 4. Compliments of ROBERTS STUDIO, II37 Barr St., Fort Wayne 2, Indiana I3 PE Eli

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'MA I I, Carol Lee Hutchinson, being ol sound mind and very healthy ot body do hereby will and bequeath six inches oi my pony tail to Margaret Moore so that she can have a two toned tail just to be different. Also I would like to will to all IFITIUTS art students the tun and enjoyment I had while in art c ass. I, lsyvle Bamtmerlin, will my place in band ttirst chair cor- netl to Bob Burkett hoping he will do ta better job and have a lot more lun than I did. I, Norman Stanley, do 'hereby will to the junior class my idea on how to build new stairs tor their play. And my ability to get into trouble without being caught to lack Shoemaker. And to Mr. Dunn an elect-ric alarm clock tor early morning practice. Last, but not least, my ability for rabbitt -huntting to Allen Smith, I, 'Betty Dawalcl, will my ability to drive to LaVad'a McEvoy in hopes that when she 'becomes 15 she will get her drivers license instead of waiting until she is 17 as I did. Also I will my job as assistant editor ot the Aero, to any junior who might like the job and enjoy it as much as tl do. I, Roy Lee S-wick, hereby will my ability and time to any- one in Bookikeeping who lags behind. I, Betty Maddux, being of sound 'mind and -strong body, do hereby will my Home Ec. grades to anyone who teels the urge to use tthevm, and my ability to attend school talmostl every day to my brother, loe, whom I teel will need it. -I, Clyde Reed, being ot sound mind t?l do -hereby will my ability to run out of gas to anybody who can make better use of it than I did, my -grades in government to Dale Cofx and my V8 gas hog to anybody twho can attord to run it. l, Sandra Myers, do hereby will my blonde hair to Helen Arnetteg to Ifuanivta Burkett, my stale chewing gum which she always needs, and scatter brained ideas to Bonnie and Marvus which they cton't need. I, Devon Miller, do will and bequeath my job as movie machine operator 'to 'Kent Groninger, in hopes he will enjoy it as much as I did. I, Iudy Lu-ckentblill, beting physical tit and very sound ot mind t?J hereby will .tio Iudy Young tour usted 'horse shoes, and my shorthand book to anyone who tfhinks they can tind the right pages, because I couldnit. I, Stanley Utter, will my pole-vault ability to all future graduates ol A.1H.S. w'ho are interested and not atraid ot heights. Good Luck. l, Bonnie Gray, being at sound rnind, do 'hereby will my ability as drum rmajorette to Nancy Terrellg my ability to be dheer leader 'to any girl w'ho would like rto have it, my gov- ernment book to my -sister, Barbara, who will have to take in her senior yiear un-less she can find ta way ot gettting out ol it, and last, my baton to Mr. Dunn so he may practice the :linger twirls. I, Beth Sicks, being at sound mind, do hereby will some ot :my shortness ito Linda Nelson. My ability to attend school every day, and to get along with the teachers to my brother, Gary, who dettinitely .needs it. And my baton to Mr. Dunn tin -case he wears out the one Bonnie willed to himl. I, .Steve Harris, 'without the usual comme-nrt about being sate, sane and in other ways at normal, do hereby will and bequeath my abilities to stay out of ditches -to Kent Gron- inger -and Bill Burkett, who I am sure need it. Also, I would like to give to Alan Simitlh my ability to get along with girls and teachers and not get kicked out ot classes. We three, Larry Rhoades, Tom 'Fites, and Do-n Overlander, being ot weak minds and strong bodies, wish to will our ability to discuss things with Mr. tMatlhiesen in Agriculture class and get away with it, to Dale Cox, Munk Swiok, and Rod Kirk. .fpf f' I, Bernice Sterk, being ol sound mind and messy fingers hereby will my ability as printer ior the Aero to anyone who likes to get their hands dirty. l, Mary Newsome, being ol sound mind, will my -lull name Ruth Mary Louise Newcome 'to Iuanita Burkett, my ability to be ready and waiting for the school bus to Alvlax Helvey, and lastly an ability, I didn? have but always wanted, to be in the junior and Senior Plays, to anyone who might need it in 'hopes they can do more with it than I did. I, Randall lLeininger, do hereby twill and bequeath my good behavior in band to Lib tTigerl Whittenbergeru in hopes he can escape conviction as I was never able tot I, Lorretta Young, being ot sound mind, hereby will my school books to my sister in hopes that she will get m-ore out oi them than tl -did. Also I will my place in ltront at the mirror to Sandra McCloughan and my gray curl to anybody that c-an use it. I, Terry Walgamuth, do will the canteen to Larry Sheetz and hope that he will be a better manager but enjoy it as I did, my fiat to Curly , and my name Fats to any person who tits the requirements tor this name as well as l do. l, Karen Thompson, do hereby will my position as first tlute in the band with this sole encouragement Keep Tooti-n'. I, Channing Chaunce Utter, 'being ol evil will and on the verge oi mental collapse from brain in-filtration-, do there- by will and :bequeath to .Steverino Madtball Stheetz, any and all of my ttalentts concerntin-g hamfpslter raising, house- wreckintg, woman chastintg, money printtintg, drag racing, horse tradinfg, and my special secret formula: E-MC3, In this iormful-a, E equta-ls excellleration while 'sllicling drown the seconid story bannister. I, lanet Hammond, being mentally -stable, wish to will six years ot cheerleading to Miriam Kessler, who 'already has a nice start. Also to my sister, Karen, I will the 'keys to the Green Hornet , so that she can rod it around. I, Richard Smoker, do hereby will my reserved seat at noon in the Agriculture room to anyone needing extra time for study. ' , We, the Senior Boys, being ot scattered intelligence sizes small 'th-rough large bodies, wrill and bequeath plow jcakey jackets , levis, and an allarm cloak, 'that works, to Coach Dunn. I, Marvus tHivelyl Zimmerman, being ot particularly sound mind, do here and now will and bequeath to lim Swick my Government book in hope that he will get something out od it, and my ability to get a diamond in my Ir. year to any forthcoming lr. girl and 'hope they will get as nice a guy as I did. I, Larry Powell, being of warped 'mind and mangled body will and bequeath my ability to do one push-up without dropjping a knee to Curly , my ability do stay out ol trouble in chorus to Kent, my 'height as a guard to Alan Smith, my mou-thvpiece from my trombone to Barley Chown - lor he sometirnes looks like he might eat his, and last but not least, my Little Black iBook to lack, Beer , and Dan in hopes they will ttind a better use lor it than I did. I, Gary Lee Brown, being out sore mind and weak body do hereby will and bequeath my basketball ability at 'center to Lynn Smith, l3f4 inches ot my height to Mr. Dunn, and last ot all, my ability tt-o gent ourt ot class at the -end of tithe period to Bonita tl-Ielvey. I, Paul I-Ielltzell, being ot insane mind -and unconquferable soul, will my unearthly possessions, extcept my lB.A., to Bert Sterk, who i-s about to come into this ,world of gratt ind corruption which ll am leaving. My apprentice members ip in the Channy Yudder Chapter ol the 'Royal -Order at B.A.'! I leave .to ,Stkee Dillon, who has been waiting to get in very 0Contintued on Page 661 PAGE 22