Agawam High School - Sachem Yearbook (Agawam, MA)

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principal of Agawam’s new Junior High School. Mrs. Aldrich is estab- lished as the head of an orphan asylum. Miss Jauch has just been divorced by a famous American Polo Player. His name is withheld. He was granted his decree on the ground of foreign intervention in the way of conversation. Mrs. Smith. Pollez-vous, pollez-vous? Mrs. Jones. That’s new French to me. And Mr. Phelps. It’s so ex- citing. He defeated Hobby Jones, the great golf player! Mrs. Smith. Oh my, I’d like to see him swing that club! Mrs. Jones. That’s all there is. Mrs. Smith. I’m so excited. I just know when I go back in the house I’ll probably vacuum the stove and light up the carpet! Mrs. Jones. My work isn’t done either, but come over when you can and we’ll gossip as usual. Mrs. Smith. All right, I will. [Both leave stage.] zMs the (lass Wills Ladies and Gentlemen. Board of Education, Superintendent, Teach- ers, Pupils, and Friends — Only at the behest of my noble client, the illustrious class of 1928, of the Agawam High School, of the Town of Agawam, County of Hampden, Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I hereby present the foresaid client’s last will and testament. THE WILL: We, the class of 1928, in full possession of a sound mind, memory, and understanding, do draw up and publish this, our last will and testa- ment. As to such estate as our conscientious minds and sinewy arms have acquired, we do dispose of the same as follows: We give and bequeath — To the Town of Agawam, the knowledge that the class of 1928 will give renown, even fame, to the township. To Mr. Phelps, a new set of golf clubs so that he can beat Mrs. Phelps playing golf. To Mr. Williams, the other ring to go with the diamond Miss Hug- bee now has. To Miss Hutton, a covered waste basket. To Miss Perry, a health book, entitled “How to Avoid Scarlet Fever.” To Mr. Smith, a wig to replace the hair he pulled out at recent games. To Miss Haker, a canoe so she can paddle in her Pond. To Miss Smith, a set of Walter Camp’s Daily Dozen records so that she will not miss her morning walk on rainy days. To Mr. Dacey, a messenger boy to call back to clean their benches those sheiks who have to comb their hair before class. To M iss Mclntire, a pig pen so that she may have a place to keep the “Typewriting Mascot. ” hi]

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Mrs. Smith. Huh, very alarming! Marion ought to have had that when she was going to school. Mrs. Jones. That’s no dream. At Chicago, ‘‘The People’s Lecture Hall tonight, lectures for weight. Miss Katherine Otto speaks on ‘Laugh and Grow Fat’.” Mrs. Smith. Katherine who always said, “Oh feet, don’t fail me now.” Mrs. Jones. And, Mrs. Robert Rickert, nee Dorothy Munson, has now opened a hardware store. ” Mrs. Smith. That’s probably because she knows which kind of pans make the best food. Experience is a good teacher. Mrs. Jones. And look at this picture. Marceline Gosselin still a model for “Stillman’s Freckle Cream.” Oh, this is one! “Send for the Palmolive Soap Company beauty pamphlets on ‘How to Keep that School- boy Complexion,’ by Judson Hastings.” Mrs. Smith. I always did adore that “last rose of summer” on Jud’s cheeks. Mrs. Jones. Gordon Wallace has a shop in Paris. The paper says, “For Correct Harmony in Your Daily Apparel see the Wallace Collegian Shop.” Mrs. Smith. “Collegian”, you mean “collision.” Mrs. Jones. I guess the crash was too much for you. Thelma Gemme has opened an optical shop in Japan. See the slogan, “The Eyes Have It.” Mrs. Smith. I can see Thelma’s black lamps now. M; s. Jones. Oh, Anna King is stepping along. Listen, “For comfort in later years, go to the Wilbraham Old Ladies’ Home. For application blanks write to Anna King, Proprietress.” Mrs. Smith. How natural, Anna King and in Wilbraham — Ideal spot, all right. Mrs. Jones. Esther Stebbins is exchange manager at a home for con- valescents. Mrs. Smith. Heavens, didn’t she have her fill of exchanges? Mrs. Jones. Then Alfred Johnson. He holds the title of home-run king. He plays with New York Yankees. Mrs. Smith. I’ll bet Babe Ruth is wishing he was young again. Mrs. Jones. Just two more classmates, Anna DePhillips and Bar- bara Fruwirth. Both married. Mrs. Smith. Yes, I heard Barbara has quite a tribe of football play- ers to bring up. Mrs. Jones. Anna DePhillips is living a life of leisure. Mrs. Smith. Anna would look lovely reclining gently on a lounge and sipping amber tea. Mrs. Jones. Oh, don’t get dramatic! Here is some news of the teachers. Miss Smith and Miss Ward are in Greenland. Miss Ward is writing the history of the land and Miss Smith is surveying the land. Mr. Dacey has retired. Mr. Williams and Mrs. Williams have retired, too, and of course living happily ever after! Mrs. Smith. Oh! Mrs. Jones. Mr. Smith owns a prizefighting camp. Miss Phealan is [30]

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To Miss Phealan, a room of her own so that she may become more settled. To Miss Bugbee, a 1928 car to replace her Dodge. To Miss Ward, a ream of paper on which to inscribe her new book, entitled “Win Popularity Through Proficiency in Bridge.” To Mr. Hadley, a comb so that he can keep his tangled curly hair in place. To Miss Crowley, the privilege of making scenery for all artistic pro- ductions of the Agawam High School during the coming years. To Miss Jauch, a vacation from her job of private tutor. To Mrs. Aldrich, a cook book containing 365 hot dish recipes. This ought to do away with the beans which we fear will disappoint Mr. Wil- liams. To the Junior Class as a whole we give our front seats in the Audi- torium. We also give these friends our privilege of holding class meetings at any time. To Catherine Burke, a pair of glasses so that in her eagerness to get up on the stage, she can see the steps. To Steven Sleich, an iron helmet so that when he goes to class the day after a football game he won’t have the excuse, My head hurts,” if his les- sons aren’t prepared. To Marie Bozenhard, a caveman to take Judson Hasting’s place. To Harry Abell, a fireproof pocket so he can hide his cigarette when Mr. Smith appears. To Ruth Renton, a Ford of her own so that she will not have to bor- row her father’s car every time she wants a day off. To Charles Assad, some “Slikum” so that he will not use all the hand- soap in the basement on his curly hair. To Helen Rudman, a pair of heavy dumbbells to help in those reduc- ing exercises she takes every night before going to bed. To Henry Arnold, a new excuse to give to Miss Button when his English is not prepared. To Doris Roberts, a new office chair to take the place of the automo- bile seat she now has to sit on. To Frank Keating, a fireproof helmet so that when he is doing loop the loops in his aeroplane he won’t set the world on fire with his red hair. To Doris Parker, we give a little inside information on how to keep Gil away from “Mae” flowers. To Richard Merrell, an aeroplane so he can arrive at Grimes' house on time. To Helen Humiston, a bar of palmolivc soap to keep that schoolgirl complexion. To Thomas Cascio, a girl to take Mary Bruso’s place so that he may continue to carry on the interesting conversations in the English room. To Hazel French, a bottle of digestion pills to act upon strange things which she may swallow, horseflies for instance. To Richard Kellogg, A” in deportment because he will never earn one. To Alice Fickweiler, we give Esther Schwartz’ gum with the hope that it will develop in her some of Esther’s ruggedness in basketball.