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Page 29 text:
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Prophecy F XMOUS ENGINEER INITERVIEWED Donald She1man xv ho of Ill the membe1s 1n h1s g1aduat1ng class of 1939 vxas voted the Man Most L1kely to Become .1 Suc cessful Eng1nee1 has donc just that Whxle our sc1cnt1sts uc fevemshly atten1pt1ng to xeach Mal s vvlth 1oclvets Dr Shel man 15 calmly bu1ldmg a b11dge tovv a1 ds When 1nterv1evv1ng Dr Sherman rega1d1ng h1S phenomenal success as an eng1neer he modestly 16 pl1ed I'm undoubtedly the g1eatest eng1nee1 that ever l1v ed It IS th1s same self COI1f1Cl6l'lCe that enabled She1 man desp1te publ1c oplmon, to reach the moon v1a an extens1on 1n the up vvard d1rect1on of h1ghvv ay She1 man adm1ts hovv eve1 he does have h1s pro blems w1th brldges Don complalns that these days 1t's hard to f1nd a really good dentlst THEORIST HARD AT WORK Reporters eve1y'vxhe1e agree that obtauung pe1 m1ss1on to 1nterv1evv the late Elnsteln was noth1ng compared to see1ng D1 Patr1c1a Tanksley Dr Tanksley vv ho everyone knows has ac qu1red great fame through he1 complete rev 1s1on of geomet1y M1ss Tanksley became mterested 1n the subject vvhen attendlng Adna H1gh School She proved beyond doubt that the shortest d1s tance betvveen tvvo pomts IS not a st1 a1ght 11ne' My 1nterv1evv vvas vely short for Dr Tanlvsley p1 efexs to lose herself 1n he1 labo1ato1y vvh1lc dcvcl opmg nevv theorn1s Shc d1d not dxsclose hex latest pxoject but d1d say she vvas vvorlvmg on a nevx angle HOSTESS QU ESTIONED M1ss Pat W11son v1 as quest1oned concern1ng the fo1ced landmg of her jet st1ato uaxser carrylng Bladdama1 Vodka Pxe m1e1 of Russ1a The plane vv as fO1CCd to land vs hen numbel 2 3 and 4 eng1nes qu1t runnmg It vvas chsclosed that M1ss Wllson h 1d used bob by p1ns on the alter bu1n ers dl aft mechamsm Afte1 fu1 ther quest1on1ng lt was d1scovered she thought someth1ng vvas vv1ong and had hurr1dly p1nned them shut What 1eal1y fmed them was when she bent them Wlth a ham n1er to make them stay U S GOING TO THE BIRDS Dav1d Blrdland Tramm famed vv1ldl1fe man and lead1ng expert on orn1thol ogy IS constantly 1n the news as a 1esult of h1s controvers1al statements T1 amm dur1ng a news COI1f61 ence stated that he had observed a very dan gerous mcrease of over 3 1X2 m1ll1on more b1rds than were recorded ln the prev 1ous geophysxcal year T1 amm concluded by say1ng In my op1n1on th1s country 1S go1ng to the bll ds POSITION OF MOON CONTROLS SIGHT M1ss Earlene Alhson long troubled by a former seem1ngly loss of s1ght has 1el1eved he1 mlnd by a nevv d1scove1y Today she released her very mterestmg theory -Xt a ce1ta1n pos1t1on when the moon IS full 1t can seemmgly elase objects fl om v1evv YBd1S ago M1ss -Xlllson vx as alax med vvhen everyone else savv flogs on the 1oad He1 pos1t1on v11th the moon n1ade It lmpossxble to see them HABBENA ST -XFFORD RUN STATE W1th an over vvhelmmg major1ty M1ss Sandy Hab bena defeated her opponent 1n the 1ecent gube1nator1 al electlon She promptly appomted her good fr1end amd campa1gn managex M1ss She11a Stafford as he1 ch1ef adv1sor People generally feel that her ve1y dec1s1ve v1c tory can be attrlbuted to her advocat1on of abol1sh 1ng all state taxes I was fortunate enough to acqu1re an 1nte1v1ew w1th the talented Habbena Stafford team Ask1ng the very obv1ous quest1on Aren't you worrled about how the state vv1ll procure funds for lughways edu cat1on etc they qulckly repl1ed What us worry we read Mad' ll RUNS THE MILE Many people feel that M1ss An1ta Olson IS by far the greatest woman athlete ever She recently rewrote track and f1eld event's h1s tory as she almost s1ngle handed won the O1ymp1cs One of her more out standmg accompl1shments was the runmng of the mxle 1n the record breakmg t1me of 3 m1n lo 6 sec Tlus reporter vvas un able to acqu1re an 1nter VIEW w1th the novv famous lVI1ss Olson but her mo ther tells us she developed th1s phenomenal body strength While chas1ng cars as a youth MASON BACK HOTEL TYCOONS Recently tlus 1epo1te1 vvas fortunate enough to acqulre an 1nterv1ev1 vv1th the famous n1ult1m1ll1on alre Frank Money be t Mason Mason vvho novv ovvns 7375 of the WO1 ld s hotels attr1buted much of lus suc cess to the shrevxd trans actxons of lus beautiful busmess manager and nan cee', MISS Barbara Back Mason expla1ns how he rose from the status of a bell hop to that of a weal thy wonder boy 1n th1S vvay Conrad H1lton happen ed to be buy1ng the hotel vvhere I was worklng as a bell hop Knowmg how he enjoyed monopoly my fx ancee' challenged h1m to a game Thls was the usual game except for one very were play1ng for real ho tels Thanks to my paxr of loaded d1C6 Inow own all of the former Hllton hotels plus several othe1s MORGAN CONTRIBUTES M1ss Betty Morgan f1ancee' of the famous jet p1lot Woody Slpp has desxgned an 1mportant part 1n the structure of our new jets Upon the 1nterv1ew of MISS Morgan she stated that she des1gn ed the part to 1rnprove the morale ol our armed forces As the plane travels through the a1r th1s l1ttle jewel Wlll ass1st our p1lots lu every way by creatmg an 1nsp1r1ng atmosphere When 1nterv1ew1ng one of the p1lots who tested tlus neu plane he stated, That was the best KITI has ever been heard ten thousand feet above the ground! 1 - ' , ' ' ' ' V - V ' ' . . . .. V , ,y , - . , 1 .- . . . - . , - . Q . . . . . , - 1 'Y I H Q . D l . 1 n , , 1 ' Q 1 1 , y V V ' ' ' K - 1 . ' ' ' . ' ' . . V --, V . 1 . V V' . . . , - - L - , Y - . , - ,, , M . , . - , - j . . . - . . . it' 1 V . . . . - . i , N . . , Y 1 I ' 1 ' h . - - '- I D , V. , , ., i V . V : V ' - ' - , V' - - 0 a A , - - a ' . 1 , -,,, . . , .- . . I H y V , - V' ' V F I I 'VI . ' 99- considered the countries OLSON important difference---we . ' , V- - - - . 6 V V, V ' V - 7 ' - I . ' ' . Dr. ' ' ' , V ' ' . , ' , .V u , , . . I . V - V , ,. . . . N . , . , V ,- 1 .V - - Y - . 0 V: V J. . I . -. . D V V , , - , - V . V' ' - - , V . V . , . . . , . y - ..,. , . V . y . . .- Y 7 ' ' ' v I 1 V ' A V . ' ' ' , VV V v ' ' - 1 - - V ' , . ' , X y . , V V V V V' .I . . VV - v V 1 1 ' ' ' ' V. . V V - - - f 4 ' 1 1 1 - V V V V V V ' , ' V V - - ,- , 23
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Page 28 text:
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20th CENTURY BARTON AND NIGHTINGALE If Clara Barton and Flo rence N1ght1ngale were a11ve today the reporter 1S certam M1ss Zella Orr and MISS Bon1ta Rocker would be as successful as they Both g1rls gradu ated w1th honors from St Lew1s H0sp1tal London Both glrls gave up cer ta1n act1ng careers to vote the1r l1ves to the care of the S1Ck Together they have made 1ncred1ble advances 1n med1c1ne Some of these 1nclude The locatlon of nerve less t1ssue so shots are no longe1 pamful P1lls that look and taste l1ke M 8: M s The G1llette scalpel always 1emams raxor sharp The electr1c bedpan Our hats off to Orr and Rocker Medlcxne IS 1n deed lndebted to you MONOPOLY BUSTED Today 1n Washmgton Pres1dent A E Nueman at th1S news conference told newsmen a great monopoly had been busted, th1s be1n the vast emp1re of merged O11 and gas compames own ed by John D Leonard J D took the news qu1te badly say1ng he would be forced to ret1re to h1S s1x b1ll1on dollar farm 1n Key West Leonard a former Ad na H1gh School student and gr1d 1ron star began h1S 1llustr1ous caree1 as a gas statlon attendant 1n Cheha l1s He sold gas for 3 1X2 cents a gallon forc1ng h1s competltors out of bus1 ness DISCOVERS NEW CURE On th1s day a gl eat d1s covery has been made Dr Roy Harold Scherer M D has dlscovered a cure for hangna1ls FOI the past four years Dr Scherer had been study1ng the env1ronments of dlfferent people some were troubled w1th hang H3115 and others were not After long research and d1scuss1ng the problem w1th the people and watch 1ng them IH every day l1fe Dr Scherer reports that the people t1OL1b19d should Cut The1r Fmgernaxls More Often SHQREWD NEGOTIATING SAVES U S In these ve1y t1y1ng t1mes when the threat of war IS upon us Amen cans everywhexe agl ee that we are 1ndeed lOl tun ate 1n hav1ng J If ostel Nowlen Many t1mes has J F who speaks fluent Russ1an and Span1sh saved our country from dest1uct1on Th1s spr1ng Secretary J Foster Nowlen traded Cal1forn1a and New York for Moscow Many Amer 1cans quest1oned th1s move but they st1ll have great fa1th 1n Nowlen's dec1s1on and WISE Judgment MOTHER OF TPHEI YEAR Nancy fMOhO11CJ Thom as was named Mother of the Year Mrs Tho mas met her husband wh1le attendmg Adna H1gh School She was marr1ed follow1ng her graduat1on Nancy has been g1ven tlus hono1 for duty above and beyond the call of Motherhood She has de veloped an electr1cal potty cha1r and a chem1cal to go w1th It DESIGNER REVEALS SECRET Formerly the large d1 ess stores would send thelr experts to Par1s to observe the commg fash 1ons Now they are com 1ng to Long Beach Cal1 forn1a where the famous MISS Irene Sato does her d9S1gI1.l.l'1g work When quest1oned as to how she cons1stently turn ed out these exc1t1ng d1f ferent creat1ons that have made her extremely weal thy MISS Sato for the f1rst t1me revealed her secret I owe most of my suc cess she sa1d to my devoted model who has un t11 now rema1ned unmen tloned 1n my work I make all my crea tlons to f1t my model loosely she sa1d these dresses have never fa1led to appeal to women thlS t1me I would l1ke to thank Ray Jones for mak1ng my vast wealth pOSS1b16 CR -XCKS DIFFICL LT CASE Ron Mull1ns w ell known New York Detectue has f1nally solved the No 1 case of the nat1on -Xfte1 many months of 1nvest1gat1on Mr Mul llns who swore to crack the case stated that he had followed many leads tall ed to many people and had gotten no whele f11'l ally he had 1 b11ll1ant xdea -Xs the man was found at thc bottom of a cl1ff and It was xery hard to get to the locat1on of thc cr1me he dcc1dcd that It must haxc keen well planned Upon mspectlon of the body he lound the clue that solxed the case In the man's mouth was a su1c1de note Too bad they d1dn't look at the body sooner The man must haxe been a p1act1cal joker RE PLACES EMILY POST Recently a new name appeared 1n the column formerly wrxtten by Em1ly Post The name was that of Mary Lee Wlsner a former gl aduate of Adna Mary Lee replaced the old er Em1ly and seems to be mak1ng more of a h1t Wlth the publ1c than Emlly As we all know goss1p col umns have h1t the front pages of newspape1s all over the world When asked about her love l1fe she 1nformed the publ1c that she IS pre sently engaged to one of the Goldwyn boys and ex pects to get marr1ed soon HAIR STYLIST GRAD UATES Rumor has been go1ng through the halls of Adna Hlgh School that one of It s former gl aduates J1m Lester has Just graduated from the La Par1s Ha1r Styl1st's School For Men He gl aduated th1rd 1n h1s valuable exper1ence 1n styl1ng h1s own ha1r durlng h1S h1gh school days W1th1H the next few months M1 Lester w1ll 1ntroduce lus new crea t1ons 1n men's ha1r styl1ng to the world YOU NG SC IE NTIST AMAZ ES AMERIC A Doctor Danlel Mlsslle MaSS1ngh3m recently as tounded the world w1th h1s unprecedented successful m1ss1le launchlng Dr Massmgham has just ach1eved the coveted honor of putt1ng the f11St human mto outer space Strangely enough we flnd that 111 DI' MdSS1ng ham's m1ss1le called the Moerke III 1S a former classmate of the sc1ent1st Congratulatwns Dr Masslngham and good luck Fred Snodgrass whe1e ever you are . . ' -, , - o I 7 u - ! I , ' ' . . , . . . . 5 , I - . , . . . . . - . . . , . - ' ' de- ' - ' . . . , - . 9 . 1 ' . 1 . . 1 . . , . . - . - n H ' Y , 1 - ' H ' vw ' , , , - ' 1 I 1 ' - vw ' 9 it . . ' t. . - 0 ' 1 -- y vw ' , .V . ' ' A - . At 1' ' , ' . . , ' ' . H I . .i , 1 . . . Chinese, French, German, class after having so much I I . D , . . . v ! 7 ' ' Y - g . . v , , 4. Y. - . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . ' . , . - . . . . Q , 7 ' 7 . . . , . . . - y . i ' , . . . - .4 - ' ' 9 ' - - . , - , H , . 1 . , , 1 l y Y I . - A . . . , i 1 l . X V - I ' l . 1 E , ' ' - I . . ' Q a . . 1 ' ' . a r 1 ' . ' . , 22
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