Sunbury High School - Torch Yearbook (Sunbury, PA)

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Page 96 11 'A'AvAvAvAvAvA'-vAvAvAvAJ.vAv.v l' 7 . .. Blessed are the Ellgilflggigz Innocent, for they A have lots to learn. A Publication of Nutty Literature Vol. 2-No. 6 Price-3 Guineas LOCAL WRESTLING MATCH PROVES TO BE HUGE UPSET A wrestling match last week between George Washington Bennett and Daniel Boone Neydig, a former lad of Penn's Woods, at Madyson Round Garden had an unusuale iinishe. Bennett, ye strange and strong strangler, tossed his unwieldly ad- versairye with such force that Neydig sailed headlonge out ye arena. The following day he was known to have landed at Fort Augusta, 150 English statute miles distant, where Colonel Hunter Houtzenheimer, surprised at the strange method of attack, withstood ye unexpected visitor fthe first in two yearsb attired in peacoolyear 'trassling togs. Colonel Houtzenheimer's beloved wife, Anna, and her erstwhile friend Sister Frances, milfed by the uncouth ruHian's actions, mayde negotiations with one Con- rad Meiser to deliver ye fellow to ye city of t'Brotherly Love. Inasmuch as this be record time, me- thinks it be well that Mayor Sir Walter Wert and some respectable citizens,includ- ing John Jay Dagel, Benjamin Franklynn Wheeland, and Robert Morris Snydare, a prominent banker, are endeavoring to ye utmost of their ability to have Messrs. G. W. Bennett and D. B. Neydig collabo- rate to repeate ye act and open a postal service between severale towns in Penn- sylvania. Ghost Writing Themes written, Research work done, Archives excavated, etc. Reasonably done by Betty Carl, Arlene Erdman, Jane Willard, and Miriam Renn. Also-Latin translations and second year German compositioneat slight ex- tra cost. COUNTRIE PARTY MAKES DIRTY SWEEP OF ELECTION Ye Countrie Party came to tovsm yesterdaye and defeated ye Gentlemen'sy' Party both in brutal, savage encounters and at ye polls to make this graft-filled election the most interesting in years. When a mob of rustique Germans ousted seventie sailors working for ye Gentlemen's party under Rudyard t'Ruddyface Bickel, thereby proving their supremacy which has long been a bowen of contention, the situatione became so acute that Mme. Netsy Mangle and Miss Betsy Gofer More, owners of Ye China Chipper Tea Shoppe, as well as Guy Grow Green and Charles Calledwell, operators of Ye Square Diehl Print Shoppe, were forced to cease work. QLet your editor, not these competitors, do your job printing4Ed. notej. Final results counted by ye Countrie party in the absence of their opponents: For Seneater Howhard Johnson ............ 4 Coryell Glenn Kerrpatrick .... 651,938.6 For Adj acent-General Harley Kent Bearitt ......... 328,391 Jackel Smythe .............. 297,654.5 At ye end of ye daye's voting Bearitt and Smythe were tied, so an extra period of voting was wrangled out. At ye end of this time the Countrie party proved to be better ballot box stuffers and won all events. Allwin Rothermeal was high scorer for the winners tossing in 42W ballots. He was closely followed by Frederick Poyer Springsett, who voted 3654 tymes. In all probability an investigation will be made to determine how a town of several thou- sand people can cast as high as 600,000 votes.