Gwynns Falls Junior High School - Gwynnonia Yearbook (Baltimore, MD)

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8 GWYNNONIA Iune1928 Pressing my traveler button, I got a picture of all Europe, but as few of my friends were there, I made my flight across the Atlantic in thirty-three minutes, and landed on Curtis Field. I immediately made my way into New York, for I felt sure wonderful sights awaited me. Frantic yells of Extras by the newsboys urged me into buying one, and I was well rewarded by finding that an old friend, Mary Mulligan. was marrying a desert sheik, but she had converted him to civilized cus- toms and was seeing to it that his large fortune was being presented to her outright. Such is prog- ress since the Hindu marriage in 1928. On Broad- way I saw that Eugene Roberts, the matinee idol, was starring with Helen Emory, the perfect flapper of 1950, and employing Elizabeth I-Iipkins, the expert accountant, to keep a record of the enormous box ofhce receipts. On a corner I joined a large crowd in listening to the human substitute for a phonograph, Herbert Harrison, and was unfortunate enough to see himi collapse from exhaustion. One of the crowd rushed to render first aid, and I rec- ognized Dr. Henry Windesheim, the renowned sur- geon. After the excitement was over and the phono- graph restored, I slipped into Roxie's New Theatre for a little diversion. Here Florence Berryman's remarkable acrobatic stunts and Sophie Bichman's light fantastic again made me proud of my Gwynn- onian friends. Virginia Freaner soon appeared with her troop, and strutted her stuff to splendid ad- vantage before the audience. Bewildered by all I had seen, I decided that it was best to return to Baltimore, and myself. So tak- ing a farewell look at New York, I pressed my traveler button, and dorpped off into space again. I opened my eyes just as a flash of lightning passed away, and then as the arcs of light faded away, I loosed the hand controls, and finally as the glare of the last bulb flickered out, I found myself seated again in Mr. Merlin's laboratory after my astound- ing flight into the future. FEBRUARY CLASSES The great night had come. The hall was jam- med to its utmost capacity. The toastmaster, in the person of William. Myers, announced the speak- ers of the evening. Lilian Boyce, the inventor of a new marvel, Kurly Kinks, was admitted to the microphone. I looked at the man next to me, who turned to me and said, I've just had one. Do you think it looks good? Howard Benson was the next broadcaster. His subject was, Why Chil- dren Leave School. Thanks to his talk, I sin- cerely hate all teachers. The broadcasting proceed- ed. Mabel Still, nee Clickner, told of her experi- ences as the wife of the President of the nation. Fred Drape next held the air. Fred always was slow, so an hour and a half was consumed in his lecture, half of that time being used up in starting, and the other half in wondering what he would say. Catherine Ruckert, the great campaigner, came next. As the President's secretary, she was in a position to tell something of his chances for re-election. The winner of the nation-wide story-telling contest was next introduced to the unseen audience. She was Leah Simpson, an able disciple of Miss Sahm. Edna Tinley, a famous Metropolitan star, told her life story. Judging from the bird-like quality of her voice, her chief diet must be canary seed. Ruth Lazon followed with a thrilling episode of an elopement with a millionaire. She provided lots of static. Indeed. one of the bulbs went out en- tirely. Harold Aaron and his orchestra played How Dry I Am, at this juncture, and made our mouths water. A talk on Why Boys Go Crazy Studying English, was the next number. Amado Bavato is a living example of the truth of his statements. Reuben Yoffe, with a bunch of hair big enough to secure him a place among the great composers, was next announced in a piano number, and was followed by Mildred Platt withra repertoire of stale jokes. Then a knock-kneed old marathon runner hobbled before the mike and made a feeble attempt to tell who he was. He finally managed to gasp out his name, Charles Ger- wig, just back from a foot-race around the world. An aged Rabbi next appeared before us with an imploring air. He wanted to be paid for his broad- casting services. Edward Belloff always had a Hebrew instinct. He was followed by Wop Papa with a self-advertising skit about his chain of barber shops. A man with a mouth like the Grand Caverns here stepped up and almost swal- lowed the broadcasting apparatus. We knew him in Gwynns Falls as Carroll Bradford. His mouth grew more rapidly than his body. Suddenly two large objects loomed before us, casting huge shadows on the opposite wall. Kieffer's earsl Yes, they were the same, only more so. Shutting off all the light as they did, the evening program concluded abruptly, and we groped our way out into the night, where I, for one, walked slowly home, pondering on the changes that had come over the members of our old February classes of 1928.

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Iune1928 GWYNNONIA 7 well-known journalist, Ethel Miller, on moderniz- ing her most popular short story, The Flight. On the campus I found Dorothea Stevens, the for- mer acrobat of Gwynns Falls, demonstrating the power of physical exercises to train mind and body. while Robert Shaull, the philanthropic jail chap- lain, took notes in order to introduce physical culture in conjunction with his study of the dic- tionary for the reform of prisoners. Strolling down Charles Street, I caught a glimpse of Palmer Fertitta coming out of one of the big apartment houses carrying a huge suitcase. Remem- bering that she had always wanted to be a famous singer, I naturally supposed the suitcase to contain her portable, automatic accompanist, and rushing up to her I learned that life had not disappointed She was now connected with the Singer Sew- her. ing Machine Company, and having just made a sale. she was most willing to chat and give me the latest gossip. From her I learned that Dorothy Scott. inspired by Genevieve Hamper's portrayal of Portia in The Merchant of Venice, was now strug- gling with a big case-her husband. Dorothy Schmidt had developed into a tall and sedate school- ma'am. Our conversation was interrupted by a loud and sonorous voice delivering a masterpiece of Oratory. There on a soap box stood Mildred Brack, the once- ambitious costume designer, lecturing on the merits of a' certain reducing medicine. She recommended exercise as an aid to medicine, and was passing around tracts advertising the new Vollonite Jumper,'.' invented by Mildred Reinhold-you re- member she was our famous volley ball player who could play everybody's place on the team, in- cluding her own. This clever invention made it possible for one person to become a whole volley ball team, from captain to the lowest player. The value of the i'Vollonite Jumper was enhanced by the fact that Robert Truppner, the great acrobat, had endorsed the accuracy and form of the jump. Seeing a familiar name in gold letters on a huge building, I bid adieu to my companion and has- tened inside. There stood George Nutzel, the presi- dent of the largest key factory in the east, in ani- mated convrsation with Professor Molofsky of the Latinonia University, who was interested in patent- ing a padlock key that was guaranteed to make ponies inaccessible to students. I slipped hastily out, and across the street to the new Stanley Theatre. Herbert Thaler and Kenneth Saunders, the 1950 home run kings, were appearing in person on the stage and receiving enthusiastic applause. The next act featured Theresa Hanenstein, the champion bas- ket ball center of the world, whose six long feet of height permitted her to simply tap the ball with- out even a stretch. Dorothy Jacobs was putting on a dance meanwhile and trying to keep up with her ultra-modern jazz accompanist, Margaret Nagel. During intermission Evelyn Nettles made her way through the audience taking up a collection for the Community Fund. She had lost none of her old power of extracting money. for not a person re- fused her. Weary of this amusement, I passed on until I was attracted into a handsomely furnished private school bearing the name of the Silberman Self-taught Eng- lish School. Sophie had made millions and a marvelous reputation as the one and only English teacher who refused to allow her pupils to rewrite compositions no matter how earnestly they pleaded with her. Adjoining her suite of rooms was the Kerns Korrect Kopy School of Business, where Teddy Kerns, the undisputed champion typist of the world, demonstrated daily her skill in writing 175 words a minute. So great was my astonishment at the things I was seeing, that I unconsciously grasped the hand controls more tightly, and in doing so accidentally pressed a small button. Before I realized what I had done, I felt myself whizzing through the air like The Spirit of Saint Louis. One more des- perate shove with my thumb reversed my direction, and I came up out of the water and hundreds of feet into the air. Another button being pressed, I was whirled downward again and landed on one of the mid-ocean landing fields, and quite appropri- ately on the porch of a field hospital. Strange as the place was, I soon saw a familiar face, that of Martha Hurtt, the nurse in charge. When I was able to collect my wits, I discerned a huge rock in the distance with a massive arsenal on its summit. I was curious and by now quite used to sudden flights, so I pressed the button marked traveler and started out again. Looking down, I recognized the map of the Aegean Sea with the big boot of Italy staring me in the face. I decided to land upon one of the islands and investi- gate. and so went into reverse. I landed safely, and approached a queer-looking, bearded individual who was earnestly digging into old mother earth. After some difficulty in attracting his attention from his absorbing task, I was amazed to meet Louis Ball, now practically lost to the world in his dedication to discovering new data for the Odyssey. Paris was my next stop. Here even the old Gwynnonians were well represented. Kenneth Stiel was announc- ing from the Eiffel Tower the radio program for the evening, the star numbers to be several selections by the great American tenor, Charles Street, and a speech by Mildred Kemp, American Ambassador to France, on America's appreciation for the payment of the first installment of the War Debt. Later in the evening, he announced that the International Air- plane Company would take pleasure in broadcast- ing .Ierome Flinkman, the harmonicaist, with Rena Goldberg clicking the typewriter keys in perfect rhythm to the latest jazz.

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11111111928 GWYNNONIA 9 JUNE CLASSES CLASS 9A1 ISADORE ABRAMS XVe have it from good authority that Izzy was the inspiration of the composer who wrote the popular song, Mah Curly Headed Boy, ROSS ADKINS Pinky owes his success with the girls to his sweet disposition, Those eyes are always smiling. JACOB BERGER Jake would make a good cook: his pies in printing are simply delicious. FRIEDA BERMAN Frieda's happiest moments are those she spends in the gym. She cuts her lunch period short to get there. DOROTHY BERRY lt speaks well for Dot's brains that she is most attractive to the boys on test days. MILDRED BRACK Mil was very much disappointed because she was not chosen to represent the stylish stouts in the Fashion Show. GERTRUDE BRODER Ciertie is going to open a beauty shop and be a living advertisement for the latest marceling ma- chine. EDITH BROWNING We have discovered that Edith keeps her nose turned up because she expects to be an astronomer, and she wants to keep her eyes star-gazing. S0 glad we know! U N AI lflltfnza 11 ff MAY BURKE No! May is not thinking of being an editor. She claims there isn't enough work to it to make her happy. MINNIE CAPLAN XVe think that Min would make a very good prima-donna for she sings our Iirench poems tres bien. MABEI. CLICKNER Vv'e should advise Mabel to be a Swiss yodeler for she is strengthening her vocal chords with mid- period giggling. BENJAMIN COHEN Benny does not believe that brain is better than brawn. His muscles are growing. BERNARD COHEN lf we could borrow one or two veils from the dance of the seven veils. and wrap them around Bruno's face. he would look quite handsome. HILDA COHEN Hilda is taking her daily dozen seriously in an attempt to reduce enough to tip the scales at a mere 250 pounds. IRVIN COHN Cohn is little, but so tough he bites nailslhis own. GRACE COLLINS The day Gracie made up for the Circus, she had a shiny nose all day after removing her make-up. It was tragic, because she had lost her powder puff.