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Page 32 text:
THE CHIPMUNK for 1922
Tlirough the kitchen, up the stairs and into the parlor he went, using his
flashlight when he was not certain.
Now. this particular man was one of San Francisco’s most noted
burglars, but only his friends knew that. He had been making plans for this
little act for some time. He knew the family had gone to a fancy dress ball,
and the servants had taken the evening off. so he made this his night to call.
With his flashlight and his dog-like scent, he found the safe in the wall.
With steady fingers and lightning speed he discovered the combination. Then,
with a final twist, he had the fortune before him.
After carefully putting everything in his handbag he shut the safe. With
his handkerchief he polished the nickel on the door, so that no telltale finger
prints would leave a clue to his identity. Then with a chuckle of triumph he
made for the kitchen.
When he reached the door leading into the kitchen he heard, or thought
he heard, a woman’s scream issue from somewhere in the building. He stopped
turned off his flashlight and pulled out his gun. ready for any emergency.
After waiting for two or three minutes, he made up his mind that his
nerves had gone back on him. so. cursing to himself, he stepped into the kitchen
and made for the outer door.
Half way across the room he stood rooted to the floor: he heard another
scream, louder and closer than before: then everything seemed to go wrong.
He thought he saw something white in the pantry: there was a loud giggle
and shuffle of feet, and then a baby shrieked and mingled its crying with a
dog’s howling. His knees shook, the room swam before his eyes, some one
laughed, and a voice said. “Drop that bag and run." So he did, as fast as
his shaking legs would go. out the back door and down the street, not once
“Ha! Ha!” said some one in the kitchen. "I fooled Red that time.
Good thing he does not know I learned to throw my voice when I made my
famous trip to New York. I am no safe cracker, but the loot is mine, as sure
as my name is Shorty.”
At ten minutes to twelve—if you had been there—you would have seen
the same window slowly go up and the little man. carrying the handbag quietly
emerge and then disappear in the shrubbery—headed for Chinatow-n and home.
AN ALGEBRAIC TRACEDY
“Goodness, gracious sakes alive! What’s this? You don't mean to
say that infernal boy has deliberately put me in the waste basket?"
It was an algebra book that was speaking, one that apparently was
treated very roughly.
“Of course, silly," said a very sarcastic scrap of paper. “Are you too
good for us?”
"The idea! Why I should say so! I am a very well educated species!
Well, here comes Miss Cornell, the Algebra teacher. I hope she sees me.
Ah! this is better: I am among some books of my type. I like this library
very much. Now I wonder who my neighbors are? 1 hope they are not too
aristocratic. Aristocratic books are so snobbish.”
But this poor little algebra was doomed to hard luck for on one side
was Vol. X. of the Encyclopaedia Britannica and on the other side was
“Little Bo Peep."
The former did not see her. and she evidently did not see the latter.
It was a very miserable night, but in the morning when she was not yet fully
awake she was snatched from her place and banged down on someone s desk
just as if she had done something.
"Oh, how I pity me." she sighed after she was pounded thoroughly by
someone. “I really wish that boy was dead. l here is no other way out
of my troubles. I wish some senior would take me."
"Pooh!” grunted some text book next to her, “a Senior wouldn't have
such a childish thing as an Algebra I."
“Oh!" she sighed. “I never thought of that. Well then. I wish a girl
would take me, a Freshman girl—here come two now."
“Oh. Nancy!" cried one of the girls, “look at this perfectly horrible
book! I never saw such a dirty one in my life."
"Yes. I know." she answered. "It belongs to Bob Wells. He treats
it terribly, as if it knew the difference. I wouldn’t have it.”
"Why. where is it?” the other exclaimed. "It’s gone; why I won-
der-----?” But they passed on and were indifferent to one of the greatest
tragedies of a lifetime, for in sore distress the algebra had flung itself from a
two story window and perished.
B. E.. 24.
E. B.. ’25.
Page 31 text:
THE CHIPMUNK for 1922
“How in the world did this great tear come in your trousers?" demanded
Mrs. Smith was a small, quiet, middle-aged woman whose main care
was little Billy. Her usually kind face assumed a very severe look as she
examined the tear.
“I do wish you would try to be a better boy. Billy." she said. "I do so
want to be proud of you.”
Billy, a small lad of nine years, was the very imp of mischievousness.
His little curly head was set off by a pair of innocent looking blue eyes.
“Yes mom. I don’t know how—I mean. I meant to. You see Jimmy is
always getting us boys in trouble and can’t get us out. I guess he is the
troublest boy that is."
Billy stopped to think from lack of ideas.
“I—er—we tried to get in the chicken house an—an—er—Jimmy came
along and wanted us to go fishing and I fell on a rock an—an—I
“Billy Smith.’’ said his mother, “tell me how' you tore your trousers, and
“Yessum," said Billy. "You see it was this way. Wc went down to
Mammy Jones’ and borrowed a watermelon—an—an—she didn t like it.
so we decided to come home—an’—an’ on the wray I got caught on a nail
in a fence—an’ I was in a hurry to come home, ’cause I knew you wanted
me. I had Jimmy cut me loose, an’—an’—“
“That will do. Billy. As punishment you may go to bed for the rest
of the day."
“Ah. mom. have a heart, I didn’t mean it. Aw shucks. I w’on’t do it
On his way to bed Billy said: “Aw. grown folks are funny. They
don’t understand nothing. I wish I hadn’t had the pants cut. though."
L. M. B.. '22.
THE ACTIVE SCHOOLMASTER
Jimmy Noun and Jimmy Pro-Noun were the twin sons of Mr. Proper
Noun and Mrs. Abstract Noun. Mr. Verb taught the little red school house
where Jimmie and Jimmie Pro went to school. Jack Adjective was Jimmy’s
first cousin and was always telling things about the Noun family. Ah. yes!
and there was little Willie Adverb, who was always talking about Jack
Adjective, and the other little Adverbs.
It was in the dead of winter and snow covered the ground. Mr. V erb
was walking home in his brisk manner when Jack and Jimmy, who had been
skating, saw him.
Now Jack was a very good little boy and Jimmy, I am sorry to say,
was very bad. He was just as bad as Jack was good.
Jimmy made a nice big water-soaker (snowball) and threw it and hit
Mr. Verb on the nose. Mr. Verb was active, but when Jimmy hit him he
became more active than ever. He ran toward Jimmy, who dodged behind
a tree just as Jimmy Pro went skating by. Mr. Verb, thinking it was Jimmy,
ran after him on the slippery ice.
After more falls than Jimmy would even have wished him. Mr. Verb
took a short cut and caught up with Jimmy Pro. But when he looked at the
boy’s face, he saw he had the wrong twin.
Just then the village preacher, Mr. Preposition, came up with Jimmy
saying. “What shall I do with the little rascal?"
"Give him here!” cxclaimes Mr. Verb. "I want to give him an active
part in this." But just as Mr. Verb was ready to snatch Jimmy by the collar.
Mr. Conjunction came along and took Jimmy home to his mother, who gave
him a good warming up. But Jimmy never did that trick again.
P. P. ’26.
At eleven o’clock on a certain night—if you had been there you could
have seen it. too—a small, wiry man carrying a handbag, quietly opened a
window at one of the fashionable residences in San Francisco, and went in.
No small circle of light gave him away to the policeman on the corner. I he
house was as dark and lonely as before.
At eleven thirty, a tough looking character forced his way through the
servants’ entrance at this same residence. He. too. carried a small handbag.
Page 33 text:
THE CHIPMUNK lor 1922
Were you ever in High School during April and May when you just
feel like setting a match to the school house, and then laughing with real
enjoyment at seeing t burn? Well, if such is not the case perhaps you ve
just felt like doing nothing but gaze dreamily about at the awakening of
'Iliis ailment which comes to anyone attending school, goes by the name
of “spring fever” among some and among others of higher minds “pure
A sure sign of this disease is when the male sex start puttering with
their "Elizabeths” even though there isn’t the ghost of a chance to enjoy
them. And but a little later you might even see one of these well known
“Fords” rattling down the sidewalk like so many cans.
1 he girls in spite of their grown-up feeling take to jumping rope and
other childish games of their infancy.
rhen, oh! those teachers! Are they naturally cruel or don’t they
realize the crimes which they are committing when they laden the poor students’
weakening backs with ex’s, themes, debates and other what nots so dear to
If there is a cure for this fatal malady, the students of the High School
would be most grateful for information concerning the same.
A. I.. 73.
DAVID COPPERFIELD JACKSON
It is a dark and stormy night. In the “colored” section of a certain
Southern town are many “Monte Carlos,” gambling places for the convenience
of the colored people who have inclinations for gambling.
David Copperfield Jackson, a young negro, has been in this town almost
a morth. and has been enough at the various Monte Carlos so that the people
have some respect for him.
This particular dark and stormy night David Copperfield Jackson entered
the “gambling joint” of a certain fat. sleek, wealthy negro, whose name is
George Washington Lincoln.
Our hero goes up to the proprietor, and demands that “c’n he see
Mistah Linc’un fo’ a minnit, all private-like.”
Mr. Lincoln then shows Mr. Jackson into a back room, where he has
his office. "Now, Mistah Jackson, what do you want?”
"Mistah Linc’un, suh. las’ night ah had a dream. Ah dremt that ah
fell off a high bridge, and a big fish he grab me by the laig. an he just
pulled me under the water. Just as ah was about to get drowned, ah waked
up. Ah then looked in a dream book, and it said that ah would be extrem’ly
lucky in all mah gamblin’.”
Mr. Lincoln, who was as superstitious as he was fat. then said: “Will
ten dolla’s entice yo’ to leave mah establishment?”
Ten minutes later Mr. Jackson entered the "Monte Carlo” of W. Wilson
Taft. Five minutes later he emerged with fifteen dollars and a broad smile.
He then proceeded to the "Monte Carlos" of Julius Caesar Booth. Jame3
Monroe Doctrine, T. Roosevelt Daniels. P. T. Bamum Longfellow. E. Poe
Jones and Daniel Webster Calhoun, and emerged from each w.’lh ten or
fifteen dollars more than he entered with. He used the same “gag” on each
one to get the money.
That night he caught the outbound train for parts unknown.
S. D.. 74.
A WESTERN TWILIGHT
The sun was sinking slowly behind the western hills, bathing the little
cup-shaped valley in a parting flood of gold. The once white and fleecy
clouds were changed to burnished sheets of copper and fire. The hills
deepened from blue to purple.
At last the sun had set and the long western twilight settled down
upon the little valley, high in the Rocky Mountains. A coyote’s sharp yap
broke the calm, while the birds twittered sleepily in the trees. A large,
white owl flapped its way lazily across the meadow in search of some un-
The gentle evening breeze whispered through the little forest at the
edge of the meadow, rustling the leaves and crooning a soft lullaby to nature’s
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