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Page 92 text:
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i Q Why I Dislikes Radios By Ivan Elder Radios are now one of the worst things a rising young man has to con- tend with. I had always thought Edi- son a man worthy of my approval until I learned that he had a hand in the making of this despicable thing. At the place where I board, there is a new radio Kwhich my landlady pro- nounces raddio J. I often come home at night completely exhausted by a grind of terrific mental effort which my teachers do not at all appreciate, and am just getting under the covers when a shrill scream, or other equally disconcerting noise announces that I am about to undergo the worst of all known modern tortures-a bed-time story. It lasts only fifteen minutes, but I have been on the verge of insanity numberless times before it was even- tually finished. I sincerely hope that some day Reddy the Fox will catch and thoroughly masticate Brier Rab- bit. I also hope daily that Dear Uncle Wiggly will contract acute tonsilit's fr laryngitis or even a sore throat- but he never does. This however, as might well be imagined by the uninitiated, is not the worst. Far from it. The worst comes when I am awakened about half-way between midnight and morn- ing by a miniature thunderstorm. I roll over and am about to go to sleep when I realize that a party is nearing its zenith below. This of course com- pletely unnerves me. I am constantly afraid that someone will think of the radio. And just as I begin to get a glimmer of hope, someone invariably turns it on. It is not bad at first, but just as I am getting interested in the love alfairs of Bob and Jane, again someone turns one of the knobs at random. A yelp of joy is heard at this advent of this horror of horrors, Springtime in the Rockies. This is a favorite of these modern pirates, but there are other songsf'?J almost as bad. I have lately, however, adopted a fearful expedient. I have discovered a remedy and will FEAT RES 4 undoubtedly be hailed by the world as the successor to Edison. It is a simple process embodying a certain scientific hypothesis and only my technical knowledge of this saved me from be- coming a raving maniac. I merely reach up and unscrew the light until it flickers. With every flicker comes a bang of static in the radio. This is very effective and I have even forced people to shut off such enjoyments as the above song. QI can not bear re- peating the namej. My doctor tells me that I am recov- ering from nerve wracking experien- ces. Little does he know of my trials. But never again shall I be subjected to such a soul shaking experience. Lost-One 1 1B Geometry Class Apparently the wind caused it all, or maybe it was a mischievous Junior High student. But anyway, the door slammed and then the second bell rang. Miss Coxshall was giving the assignment when a key was heard grating in the lock. Miss Coxshall rushed to the door but it was too late. of pounding on the results. It began to the geometry class a meal of Modern A few minutes door brought no look as though was doomed to Plane Geometry. But Miss Coxshall spied Mr. Olson for his noonday leaving repast, calls sent him dashing and relief. The solution lem seemed to be Miss her keys. When rescue the building Her frantic to their aid to the prob- Elstrom and Hnally came the rest of the school was blithely de- parting for dinner. So ended the mys- tery of the lost Geometry Class. -John Hayes. Miss H: Give me a sentence using a subjunctive-something impossible. Virgil T.: I wish I were in heaven. Miss H.: Yes, that would be im- possible. 31
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Page 93 text:
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s e gs Teaching a Boy to Cook One of the most harrowing and breath taking experiences that I have ever known is teaching the gentle art of cooking to a boy. One could never realize Without the very experience how awlnvard a boy can be until she has to teach one something about cooking. The boy. after dropping a greater part of the silverware on the fioor, immediately proceeds to break a dish, -at least one, if not two. Sometimes this is done by practicing the famous art of juggling. Other times he absent- mindedly-in attempting to set a dish on the table-calmly sets it alongside the table and it therefore proceeds to drop with a great clatter to the floor. In picking up the remains of the china he invariably cuts his finger. and with the wounded part in his mouth he jumps around the room yelling for something to tie it up With. After wrapping a good sized sheet around it, fastening it with a roll of string- or in some cases where the cut is fatal - twine, he goes back to pick- ing up of the broken china. This usually takes him quite a long time for he will take no chances on getting slaughtered again. The cooking lesson proceeds with minor injuries as slop- ping everything all over the stove and floor. a few burns. and perhaps a mop of sticky hair, but no other dangerous incidents. The patience of the instructor is usually pretty Worn out after an or- deal such as this but she usually is not bothered again by teaching any more boys to cook. -Jane Overby. Alice R.: Miss Ryan, I just handed in tw'-'o note books and now I got one back. How many have I got? Miss R.: You must have three. The Mumps What's this thing that's got us all afiutter? It's the mumps! An empty seat that tells the tale- It's the mumps! One by one we all fall victims- To the mumps! Where's Mary, John and Jake? Oh, they've- Got the mumps! What a jolly time we'd have-if the teachers- Got the mumps! But We mustn't think that! 'Cause how would We like- To have the mumps? Something for Our State Senators A law prohibiting teachers' Wearing glasses in the main room. An ordinance against the sale of steel cleats for shoes. A relief committee to look into the cause of over-worked pupils. An appropriation for the relief of those crippled by goose-Walking. A law prohibiting the sale of gum to school students. fRequested by Mr. Ridge.J An appropriation for transparent desk covers. fTo oblige Miss G. M. B. A. Hagertyj. More laws against Writeups like this. A danca A data Perchanca Out lata. A classa A quizza No passa Gee Whizza!
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