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Page 79 text:
prising results ! In a week I was a new man. In ten days I gained ten pounds. In two weeks my hair grew fourteen inches, and a vigorous pubescence appeared on my upper lip and on the palms of my hands. In three weeks I had com- menced my favorite pastime of sermonizing, and my head regained its normal enlargement. At the end of four weeks I had resumed my occupation of working the Sunday Schools, and in six weeks I began once more the reformed heathen act, both with marked financial success. After taking twenty-five bottles of your medicine I feel that I am wholly cured, and now take every opportunity to recom- mend your valuable remedy to all suffering from unknown diseases. Yours for ten dollars, Gab Sin Kiro Shiroda. HAMPSHIRE SS. Amherst, Mass. Here personally appeared the above named Gab Sin Kiro Shiroda who de- poses and says that the above is the most truthful statement ever made by him, and that the same is the result of his own free choice and the hope of a financial remuneration. Sworn to before me : Ofermund von Kramer, Augsember i, 1894. Justice of the Peace. 65
Page 78 text:
QL DQoclern Cttiracle. Genius Wrested from the Grasp of Death. j " 7 " NOW all men by these presents, that during the fall of the year 1893, I, 1 Gab Sin Kiro Shiroda, a Mongol-Hebrew student at the Massachusetts Agricultural College, became afflicted by a hidden and mysterious malady of cause unknown. My physician, Dr. Leavens von Puff, declared that it was the result of the pernicious habit of early breakfasting ; others attributed it to the severe mental exhaustion attendant upon too constant scheming how to live with- out labor, to over-training in athletics, and to the prostration consequent upon the production of the large number of artistic and original sketches with which the ' 95 Index was illustrated. However obscure the cause the effects were evi- dent. I was so nervous that the slightest thing, the sight of a woman, or the thought of losing a cent, would cause .my heart to nutter and palpitate. I was so dizzy at times that I was obliged to walk backward up and down stairs in order to prevent falling. For the same reason I was compelled to de- cline the position of centre-rush upon the ' Varsity foot-ball team. Sometimes I felt so miserable and desperate that I thought I should either commit suicide or take extra work in chemistry. Having exhausted the medical talent of this section of the state aud expended a vast amount of gall all to no avail, at the advice of my pastor I turned to the proprietary medicines on the market, choosing such as seemed the most valuable for my purpose. For three weeks I took Mellin ' s Food, Douglass ' Vermifuge, Kendall ' s Spavin Cure, and Lydia E. Pinkham, but grew constantly worse. By this time I was so weakly that I only appeared on the Sabbath. I could bear nothing on my stomach, not even my gold watch charm. At last I turned to Hood ' s Sarsaparilla ; and with what sur- 64
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