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Page 113 text:
THE INDEX. 89 A man to open the fire-escapes an hour before the fire. A barrel of heavenly dew and a siphon for Castro. A Badger and whistle for Pat. A patent self-washer for Hull, ' 92. To know if Felton is going to take the class cup. A lady type- writer for the next " Index " board. To know why the resident graduates at the Ex. Station have to go down town every night. A healthy red-headed girl, weighing 300 pounds, to (Nourse) Woodbury. EDITORIAL WANTS. Three inches more on Greg ' s military pants. Something to gum Taft ' s ears to his head. A lady pianist to accompany Herrero on the banjo. A tin razor and a paint brush for Goddard ' s beard. A whisker invigorator for Jones. An inspiration to compose poetry for Mossman. A good temperance drink for Barry. To know if Field, Felt, Ruggles and Eaton are not ashamed of hav- ing voted for themselves to be on ' 91 ' s Index board, and if Shores, Hull and Legate, who did not vote for themselves, are not ashamed of their associate editors. 12
Page 112 text:
Wanted. M TAR walk to town. The recipe for ' 92 ' s paint. More than two bath tubs for one hundred students. A pair of tweezers to pull Mac ' s and Greg ' s moustache out. To know how West got Taft ' s drying paper. A. horse-car route to North Amherst to accommodate Jack, Stowe and Blair. Something to stop Freshmen from growing sluggers. To know how all the fellows got so many girls ' pictures in their rooms. A kitten and cream by two-thirds of the fellows. Apply to Jack. A mowing machine for Freddie McDonald to shave with. A patent on Lage ' s jaws. A pedometer on John S. West ' s gait. Freshmen for instruction in singing at No. 21 N. C. To know the scientific names of the new Weed, Crane, and Wood, which have just been discovered. A porous plaster to get the " Charley " off of Mac ' s back. A man to take care of the College grounds in Summer. A currycomb and brush to comb Castro ' s hair, (88)
Page 114 text:
Historical Reminiscence. 0UR special detective has presented us with the following, which he is said to have clipped from historic faculty records during his re- cent investigation of the most interesting and instructive proceedings of that most highly honored board. April — , Whereas, It is generally understood and acknowledged that the farmer is a brute, and by his profession wholly and utterly incapable of enjoying or in the slightest degree appreciating those pleasures of life which are known among men as social, and Whereas, In times past efforts have been made which, if continued, are likely to dangerously alter public sentiment in this respect. Resolved, That WE, the undersigned members of on this day of April of the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and do hereby denounce and abolish from this time forth and forever all efforts to improve in any way shape or manner, by any means whatsoever, the social life and privileges of the students of the Mas- sachusetts Agricultural College; and, further, Resolve, That as an aid to the above humane sentiment, we throw open the gateway which leads to the slums of the street. And be it further Resolved, That in so doing we are not only saving OURSELVES much needless trouble and anxiety for our respected and beloved proteges, but are doing an act worthy of gentlemen of our standing and pulling wool over the eyes of the public in general. Signed, Members of Notice. — We are happy to announce that the sentiment expressed in the above has to some slight degree been modified during recent years, but there is still further opportunity for improvement in this direction.— Ed. (90)
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