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Page 109 text:
THE INDEX. 85 Prof. Maynard. — " Mr. Tyng, what is an aerial root ? " Tyng. — " A subterranean root. " Lieut. Sage. — (Gregory, straddling a beam at the top of the drill hall) — " Why in the d — 1 can ' t Gregory lift up that beam? " (Beam weighed 500 pounds.) Prex. — " Belden, what gender is cousin in French? " Belden. — " I don ' t know. " Prex. — " Why, it is like a South Hadley cousin. " Prof. Stock. — " Some of them farm folks have stolen my coulter. " Prof. Warner. — " Gentlemen, I had forty logarithm books which cost fifty cents apiece, and now I have only four. It is strange where they have all gone. " Prof. Wellington. — " Mr. DuBois, are you tired? " DuBois. — " No, sir. " Prof. W. — " Then please not look as though you were. " Notice. — For further information regarding the Junior class communi- cation of last year, see the ' 78 Index. Mossman does not believe that you can get thirteen two-cent stamps for a cent and a quarter. Prof. Fernald puts the roots of the Protozoan tree way down in the deep subsoil of our ignorance. Notice. — It is forbidden to ask " Mac " to go to the barn for a quart of milk with only five cents in his pocket. Gregory — (giving his orders to another guard). — " If the nuisance is great discharge your piece. " Attention. — Laughing gas will be furnished for these jokes by applying to the Business Manager of the Index,
Page 108 text:
An Ideal Love Letter. TYT Y DULCINEA : Here you have at your feet, Oh Queen of Beauty, a mortal who adores you and in whose heart there has been an aching void, since the very first moment that he had the good fortune of gazing at your majestic countenance. I have seen in you the angel of my secret adorations and words are a little less than nothing to express my feelings. 1 love you as the butterflies love the sweet flowers from which they suck the honey. I love you as Abelardo loved Eloise ; Paulo, Virginia, and Romeo, Juliet. As a wrecked mariner clings to the life-preserver, which in the dark tem- pest and among the turbulent waves is his only hope of salvation, so my darling, do I cling to you. Fail me, Oh fail me not. Let thy love buoy up my soul. Take me for thine own, and by your acceptance of my all, save me from a dark fortune, turning fear into gladness, earth into heaven! Don Quixote. Stray Whiskers. EROF. ALVORD. — " Eight times nine are sixty-two. " (Applause.) " No, sixty-four. " (Increased applause.) Prof. Fernald (four minutes after bell rings;. — " You gentlemen are pro- verbially late, if it continues you must consult the President. " Prof. Walker (to Barry). — " In monosyllabic words, on which syllable does the accent fall ? " Barry. — " On the first. " Prof. W. — " Why not on the last. " Barry.— " Don ' t know. " (84)
Page 110 text:
Quotations. ii TZELL is empty and all the devils are here. " - — Shakespeare. Faculty. — " For we are animals no less, although of different species. " Carpenter. — " At each step I feel my advanced head knock out a star in heaven. " Castro. — " My friends, I ' ll tell you his chief passion; It was a girl to be a mashinV ' 89. — " A mighty power is passing from us. " ' 90. — " ' Sub hoc signo vinces. " ' 91. — " Ex nihilo nihil fit. " ' 92. — " The maternal milk scarce dry upon their lips. " Tyng. — " The soul of this man is in his clothes. " McCloud, Farrar, Tyng. — " All Gaul is divided into three parts. " " Mac. " — " Oh, midnight specter that I am, in many a dreary bower I ' ve lingered round a cigarette and oft did beg to ' puff an hour. ' " Condit. — " Thou com ' st from Jersey meadows fresh and green. " Brown. — " I am a sweet-faced youth. " Felton.— " Much could have been made of him, Had he been caught young. " Felt. — " He seldom smiles. " Hull, ' 92. — " Thou, Bertha, thou hast metamorphosed me, Made me neglect my studies, lose my time. " Farrar. — " What ' s your name, Master Tapster? " " Bum, sir. " Smith, ' 90. — " I know it is a sin, For me to sit and grin. " Prof. " Stock. " — " In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a ' soft snap ' Prof-in-gineral. " Russell. — " Neither a borrower or a lender be. " (86)
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