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Page 77 text:
A.t last one young man so longed to be his agent, that cal ' - ried away by enthusiasm, or something else, made a grab at the largest water-melon on the load, tucked it securely under his arm, and made a quarter miile dash for his room, thereby making the fastest time on record, for this distance. This last act proved too much for the ancient melon vender ' s patience, and after shaking his list at, and making dire thi-eats of vengeance against the rapidly retreating form of the would be agent, he seized the reins, and goaded on his steed, to some place which knew not college boys or agents. A FRESHMAN CLASS SUPPER. [ T was one of those clear, cold, starlight evenings last winter, when happening to be back of North College, our attention was attracted by a bright light, which shone forth from one of the unoccupied rooms. After much consideration and due deliberation as to its cause, my friend remembered that there was something very mysterious going on among the Freshmen that day. Summing the entire matter into tangible form, we very naturally concluded that the Freshmen were going to have a class supper. Our brains already over-tasked by the huge cloud of mathematical theories and suppositions enforced upon us, by the one whose shiny head had long since become a victim to their direful influences, and also weighed down by the gigantic pile of unexcused absences which commenced to rest heavily upon our consciences, were, we feared, almost to weak to make a plan whereby we could more fully inves- tigate the matter without being disturbed. But something must be done, and so we did it. Silently we stole over the rafters, through the darkness, now and then broken by the vivid flash of the " dark- lantern, " until we were directly over the head of what seemed to us to be a ' crowd of Indians, making the night hideous with their terri- ble war-hoops. The mystery was quickly solved ; all things were being made ready ' for a bountiful repast. Doors served as tables, news papers as table-cloths. The Kentuck- ian ' s room appeared to be the place of rendezvous, where the guests completed their toilet before entering the supper hall, where the savory viands were awaiting them. Among the most noticeable guests of that wonderful class, who appeared to be the stars of the occa- 63
Page 76 text:
J, C tC S Byron has pathetically expressed it, Tr !, " The melon-colic days have come, ojj» The saddest of the year. " And so they have, and it is a well known fact among college boys, as many a worthy watch dog can testify. It was only in the latter part of last September, that we called on one of our prominent farmers, and he showed us an extensive collection of — stern realities — which his dog had gathered from one time to another, during the last three years, while engaged in guarding his melon-patch. About this time every year, old Clytie decends from the confines of Sunderland, bringing with him his luscious melons, for which most of the boys gladly exchange their shekels. Now, whenever he drives his fiery untamed steed near the college, there is at once exhibited an un- usual interest in the fruit question. A minute inspection of the tail- board often results in its fall, and a consequent shower of melons to the ground, at which unexpected accident everj one at once help% themselves, simply saying as a kind of apology, " I say old man, don ' t suppose you want this piece, do you ? at the same time grabbing an entire melon. This method of obtaining melons at last became so frequent, that Clytie exchanged his old wagon for one with a station- ary tail-board. Then the agency racket commenced. Any quantity of young men at once offered their valuable services to act as sole agent for him, saying, that the only stock in-trade they would need, would be half a dozen melons, to be used only as samples. The old man, however, actually disregarded such excellent offers. Then sev- eral said they would give their services to him, but still Clytie shook his head. 62
Page 78 text:
sion, were Idiot, Goosie, Cobbler, Pete, Pat, and we believe tlie Vitalized Phosphate man canae in later. It appeared that the eat- ables for the occasion, were obtained from that most excellent estab- lishment, known as the " Hasl House. ' The guests becoming •impatient, the repast commenced. The first coarse served, was oyster stew, (slightly decayed bivalves -I- H 2 0), if our friends will allow us to call it such, and if it proved to be as inviting as those obtained at that magnificient res- taurant on Sunday morning, we must say we envied them. We did not notice any " quail on toast " but probably it was reserved for dessert, owing to its superior- nourishing qualities and excellent flavor. The popping of corks was heard, as the cork screw penetrated the neck of the bottles, and the sparkling beverage flowed freely down the throats of the apparently happy youths. Dwight was toast-master, and he opened his remarks by informing the guests to eat and drink all they could, for it was not every day that they were able to obtain such a treat, and at such a compara- tively low price. As time went on things became more lively, the uproar increased, and one of the number, noticeable by his small physical stature, managed to stammer out after several unsuccessful attempts that he " was ' nt drunk. " To make a long matter short, the first course was concluded, and speeches were in order. Skedink being called upon for a speech, mounted a chair, amid tremendous applause and said, " gentlemen it gives me mach pleas- ure to address this vast and brilliant assembly, " when at that mo ment the " pepper " went flying through the air. Stealthily but surely it penetrated to their nasal appendages, and caused them to vibrate in such a way, that music, sweet but slightly inharmonious, flowed out upon the still night air. The toast-master, after a vig- orous rubbing of his eyes, managed to declare that some one had upset the pepper-box, ' and other similar exclamations were indulged ill by diflierent members. Finally some one managed to discover a hole in the ceiling, and light broke in at once upon their half stupefied brains. With a yell and a rush they all started for the attic, but alas ! the scuttle would not yield to their ponderous blows, and they turned their vengeance upon " Brain Food, " who having neglected to partake of his customary portion was slightly weak- minded, and could not seem to realize the perilous situation in which lie was placed. Which advice was heeded. 64
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