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Page 65 text:
Yarnspin : You’re right, old boy, but don’t be in such a bloomin’ hurry------------------------we haven’t reached the “auld sod” yet. By Jolly!
we may have to take a swim before we get there.
Birdlorc (anxiously scanning the water): Say. fellows, don’t you think it's time we get the life preservers on? The fact of the matter is. we re almost in the submarine zone. I don’t know how
you folks feel about it, but 1--
Dist: Well, I’ll tell you right now, honest, this is a serious
business. ur president wouldn't have found it possible to dispense with our services at the Normal had it not been absolutely necessary for the welfare of humanity that we make this trip. I don’t believe in this dilly-dallying any longer. I may be old-fashioned, but I believe in tackling a job at once, and getting it done. Besides. we may run across a submarine any minute. We must make plans for our peace campaign and make them in a hum. My friend
Bagiev here—(taps hook under his arm)------
Yarnspin (interrupting): W as peace, do you think, ever
made in a day? Tin Lizzie’s creator met with no rapid results, you’ll remember.
Miss ClefTe (decidedly): It makes no difference. We abso-
lute must get this peace proposition under wav and definitely settled in short order. I have a special rehearsal of the Wailing Warblers set for Friday, the 13th. to practice for Commencement and !'vc got to be back.
Birdlorc (excitedly scanning horizon with telescope): What’s that 1 sec? A gull! gull! A sea-gull! Wonder if I can’t get a picture of it? (Hastily adjusting camera )
Dist: (impatiently): Come now. everybody, we’ve got to
get busy. Bagiev says-----(tapping book cruder arm)
(Kilter Miss Kmtcc Grateful)
Miss Grateful: Allay your fears, friend Birdlore, I have just had a conference with the captain about the Advisability of putting on our life preservers.
Yarnspin: Oh yes. I suppose vou’vc been kidding the captain. Miss Grateful: You’re unkind. Mr. Yarnspin. I mean business, and it's a good thing I do. Your intentions are all right, hut von have left tlie business end of the expedition to the women.
Miss ClefTe: I agree with you. Miss Grateful. Men arc mere
pieces of furniture. They are all right to stick around like other ornaments. W’hat you know about business would occupy a very small space.
Yarnspin: Some score on us fellows, believe »m ’ There's
nothing like getting used to it though. W’c’re all hardened benedicts. so we should worry.
Page 64 text:
lined with paper. The dray men were then called to haul it to the railroad. I hese men usually arrived at the last minute before train time, and with the self confidence inspired on!) by the ability to back up their statements with a wide splotch of tobacco juice, succeeded in placing the blame on either the office, the factory, the elevator. «»r the overalls as they saw tit.
With departure of the drav men comes the end of the Theme, had and Fancy have run their race and stand, panting aim steaming, ready to hear the result. Hut in the stand sits a solitary figure who also pants and steams. He is the Promoter of the race. Hut one question worries him as he watches for the decision of the judge. He is not concerned with the outcome of the race. Me bothers not at all with the condition of the runners. He merely asks in a voice hoarse with emotion. "Will the race have to he run again ?”
The judge smiles grindv and prepares to give the verdict.
THE CRUSADERS OF PEACE.
The Honorable Solomon Distiller: Apostle «»f Bagiev and Chair-
man of Peace Campaign Committee.
Mr. Rufus Yarnspin: Professor of Literature and fiood Cheer.
Prof. D'Angcll: Professor of Psychology and Pedology.
Mr. Mutch Nccduv Reformer Student of European History ami Chronicler of the Expedition.
Mr. Pcrcival Birdlore: Professor of Biology and Animal Surgery.
Miss Emtee Grateful: Professor of Expression and Impression.
Miss Trcbelle Cleffe: Professor of Music and Mesmerism.
Plot: Representatives of Eau Claire Normal School Faculty on peace expedition to Berlin.
fhe upper deck of the good ship Normalian nearing the submarine zone.
I he Hon. Solomon Distiller. Rufus Yarnspin. Pcrcival Hirdlprc. and Miss Trcbelle Cleffe all occupying steamer chairs lined up beside the railing. Distiller always seen with a eop of Bagley’s Classroom Management under his arm, Rufus Yarnspin carrying a sack of lemons. Pcrcival Birdlore a camera.
Distiller (decidedly): Now folks, we’ve got to get down to
work—Come, come now, get busy------.
Page 66 text:
Dist: Mow now! Stop all this foolishness! We must have
our conference, and lay our peace plans now. Come, conic, ladies and gentlemen. I’ve found a place of privacy. (AM gather around a table at one side.) What decision shall v:e come to? Eriend Yarnspin. suppose you and 1 have a little personal contlab with the Kaiser. My friend Raglcy (tapping book under his arm) shall render valuable assistance and show Wilhelm the error of his ways.
Yarnspin: Yes. and if that doesn’t take effect, I’l go up to Mill and ask him if lie hasn't heard of the terrible condition in Russia. and that the hoy stood on the burning deck in 1492. Believe me. I’ll kid the old hoy.
Bird lore (anxiously scanning water): Bv go?! Ihat's mighty
much like a periscope out there right non . My kingdom for a life preserver!
Dist: And what about you. Miss v'leite? Arc you going to
trv your “charm" experiment on the Huns?
Miss ClclTe (very decidedly): Why. of course. Music bath charms to soothe the savage Bochc. In the spirit of tlie dove of peace, I will stand before the armies of the savage Hun in the front line trenches. The licjuid cadence of m voice "ill melt their l ard hearts, bring tears to their eyes and remorse to their souls.
Miss Grateful: Hear! Hear!
Birdlore: But pray. Miss Cleffc, with what miraculous melodies do you aspire to this achievement?
Miss Cleffc: My first number will be “I Love You Truly”, and if encored, I shall sing “Let Me Call You Sweetheart
Yarnspin: n with the song, let joy he unconfined.
Birdlore (ironically): My George. he would he a hard hearted
soldier, indeed, and several kinds of fools, who would not, at such a touching appeal, lay down his arms and make use of the ones nature gave him!
Miss Cleffc: Sir!
Dist: By the way. folks, where is Prof. Mutch N’eeduv Re-
forme? He can’t he writing all this time, can lie? If lie expects to keep accurate account of the historic events of this expedition, he should he here taking notes, and Prof. D’Angell. where is he? Sav Yarnspiiii hunt them up and send them over. (Exit Yarnspin.)
Miss Grateful: Now, gentlemen: take a few suggestions from me. One of the essentials of expression is breath control. When you appear before the Kaiser, you must practice centralized breathing and absolute relaxation. It will give von moral support and mental poise. Should an argument arise, you must squelch him with a well-prepared recitation of Esau Wood sawed wood. Esau
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