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Page 314 text:
ull i ilu
. Grim filthy ilgunre
Kind reader, h-ave you ever given thought to the pr'essing problem of what you
would do with a million dollars? Jenney says he would buy the Haslh House. Fool-
ish, we would buy athat four thirty cents and then feel that we were getting stung. "Ioe"
Logan says that he wfould spend it unselfishly on others. We are from Missouri,
"Joe" "Dot" Grow says she would mvarry it. Heavens, it is Leap Year too. How-
ever Holbrook wins the rag doll with his idiea of spending it on the Co-eds. WHAT!
NEHG. Go south, young man, VVaterbury calls.
GDB 15811 HUD Qllbflili U,'?IEItU211
Little did we know what a hofrnetsl nest we would sutir up by the innocent ques-
tion as to "what one would do to his worst enemy." Nlost answers were so savage,
we shudder even now to think of them. One, only, is refined enough to be prinated,
and 'then we do not propose to tell who wrote it, for fear th-at such a welak-willed
person would be ostracized. Hush! Here it is: "Arrange ia party of co-eds Carly
of the XB. W.'s or Dfsj the exponents of the Terpsichorean ant and the TRIP-
PERS of the light fantastic, and then Watch mine enemy suffer."
itB. VV.-Buxom Woman.
KH. D.-Human Dreadnaught.
"H-ankn Hfi-ll is the only one to answer this query in a satisfactory mann-er.
"Dere editur," he wrote, "if you hed asked me whafr di-d i lofe, insitid of whar do i
lofe, i wiud 'hev sed, 'Pete' Smith's, but them good old days are gone, and n-aow We
hev to wend our wfay thru the hordes at the 'Danesanit de llflooseef "
What kind of a time do you have at college dances? The girls say, "Punk",
the fellows say WI ISELYESJXF VV'hen pressed for reasons the girls suggest "chape-
ronesng the fellows Qwith much reluctancej say "Co-ed." Both agree they have
a wonderful time at other d-ances. Their reasons were not passed by the Na-Uionial
Board of Censorship.
HDD, Qlltfil, IDIJIU Cllllllllfl 19011
Bring yourself to the poinnt of kissing a girl for the first time in your short life.
The stories th-at ares told cause us to think th-at our classmates were rash in some in-
stances while in other cases, they were forced into it. "Sam:' O'N.eill says he did
it with his eyes closed, while Converse was so excited that he cannot remember how
he did it. Melby w1as peeved' that we should ask him such a question, and answered
'ALike any other d--n fool.', Besit says, "lt is nobody's business." McGreevy klissed
ll II EJ
Page 313 text:
2IEbem's 5191117 Sentiments
With a great feel-ing of fear and trepidation we approach -the job of chronicling
the opinions of a very select bunch of outr classmates, concerning the various institu-
tions of our college. We dfare not print one-half the opinions we receive every day.
Gentle reader, you cannot imagine how shocked we were to find ou.t the very frank
opinions of some people concerning us, especially when we had asked for nothing
personal, nor can you imagine how peeved we will be to hear the opinions which will
be expressed in regaird to the editors, when this rntasterly addition to English Litera-
ture is off the press. But go ahead and dfo your worstg we did ours.
Wl1+at needs reforming? Oh! that is easy -to answer. N-early everyone merely
said, "The whole d-n college, including the faculty and the rest of the nomadsf'
fYes, lVIrs. Wasson, even the co-eds said that naughty word.j One young lad in
a burst of originality brought forth this marvelous remark, "This authoritative
Faculty-Student Council needs not reforming but abolition. We've had prohibition,
why nrot aboli-tion ?" We'll bite-VV'hy not?
After exhaustive research' on the part of several of o-ur brightest Sherlock
Holmeses, we find that our courses suit us very well except in a few minor points
which are clearly outlined in th-e accompanying schedule which was drawn up and
approved by the S. W. meeting in extraordinary session. lylr. H. P. Shafrples,
the secretary of this organization, was kind enough to provide us with the necessary
Hour Mronday Tuesday Wednesday W Thursday Friday Saturday
8 :oo Sleep Holiday Sleep Day Sleep Day
9:00 Sleep QLab.j CNO Claissesj Sleep CLab.j of Rest Sleep QLab.j Reiipemtion
10500 Recess Aagfjftgjggy KNO Classesl PlJgliEiO?1Ej?kmg CNO Claissesj
, E lf h L- Library .I Music
II 'oo ng is ltt QAlcov1ngj Uazz Bandj
12:00 Lunch Lunch Lunch
1'oo " H H
. Shaft Sliiiry
Movies Comedy -.?.-. F .. .-
. Talks of
3 .Oo Educational B Officers
..-..-l- Y 1-ii of the --1
Only ' The Battalion
4:00 Deans Only
'S. VV. U.-
Sleep Walkers' Unuion.
Page 315 text:
her "on her back verandaf' While Herrick did it to the best of his ability. "Chubby"
never .did do it, the girl kissed him before he got a chance. Beach did iit by p-roxy,
using a letter, while Hlaigh says, "There is only one way to kiss fa girl." VVe wonder.
We did not wish to embarrass the yoting ladies with such a direct question. So
with our usual tact and delicacy, we merely requested that they tell us about their
first kiss, but alas! their replies were not very satisfying. Elsa Linder slapped our
editorial face? "Skid,' says, "I would not d-are to tell such a thing NOVV." Blanche
Abbott states that "the Havor lingers." Louise Twohey says she liked his moustache.
Clt is rumored that her 'father does not Wezur onej. lVIadine Boardman cannot re-
member things that happened before 1900, but her mother says that she was crying
at the time. Our thirst for knowledge is still unisatisfied, but there are many years
and secrets yet to be unfolded.
x12D1TOR's NOTE-Please do not confuse an assistant editor's face for the edi-torll-in-chief face.
Nobody would slap that. Oh! No.
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