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Page 13 text:
OOOH - FRANKIE !
Page 12 text:
and embarrasment of circulation to the gluteal area, and so was con-
tinued. In addition, the patients were taken to the pharmacology lab-
oratories for several hours daily, where they were used to study certain
pharmacologic reactions, such as the reaction of medical students to rat
bites, cat scratches, third-degree burns of the forehead, 10,000 volts
from a shocking machine, and chicken dung.
Gunn's mixture was supplied for sedation when necessary, and its
soporiflc effect was augmented by stuffing the patients into a hot, dark
room and placing poorlyffocused pictures of pathological specimens be-
Since the above regimen left the patients with nothing to do for
three out of every twenty-four hours, they were subjected to extensive
bacteriological study, and the cultures thus obtained consistently grew
out pure colonies of alphafhemolytic Staphylococcus contaminata. Be-
cause of this, a suspension of GebhardtfMarcus reagent was poured into
the left ear of each patient and permitted to flow out the right ear, care
being taken that none was retained or absorbed.
Toward the end of the second year, the patients were frequently
observed milling about the hospital attired in neck ties and white coats,
thinking they were doctors. The hospital staff deemed it advisable to
permit these delusions to continue-hence, the patients were allowed
the privilege of wearing stethescopes and rectal gloves with license to
auscultate, percuss and digit-alize at will.
At the beginning of the third year, the patients were transferred
to the Salt Lake County General Hospital where they were moved around
from service to service, earning their keep by doing blood counts, rhu-
barb titers, fecal geranium levels and other vital laboratory work.
While on the medical service the patients were attended by Drs.
Wintrobe, Cartwright, Hecht, Tyler, lager, Waldo, and by members of
the junior staff. Their stay on this service was dotted with many un-
forgetable highlights. Cn rounds, a fortunate member of the group would
occasionally be given the opportunity of impressing a member of the
senior staff with the extent of his medical knowledge. The staff man was
often so impressed that he would find it difficult to control himself.
Treatment while on the surgical service was directed by Drs. Price,
Moretz and Shaffer along with the residents and interns. Day after day
our heroes were taken to an arena called the "O.R." where they en-
gaged in a competitive sport known as a "scrub" In this game, a patient,
first rendered unconscious by allowing him to breathe no more then 576
Page 14 text:
oxygen and suddenly doubling his blood volume with transfusions, is
firmly attached to one end of an apparatus called a "retractor" and our
subject is required to grip the other end firmly while a fourth party,
known as the "surgeon" throws questions, sponges, insults, threats, hemo-
stats and resected segments of small bowel at our hero Cwho at this
point of the game is usually called a "jerk."J The "surgeon" is trying
valiantly all the while to force the "jerk" to relinquish his hold, but the
surgeons soon learn the futility of their efforts. For two compelling
reasons, the Ujerki' does not let go: CU his overwhelming, driving de-
votion to duty, and QQ after holding that thing for eight hours, he is
unable to open his hand.
Rotation through services also included the Pediatrics department
with Drs. Bosma and Kelley presiding. During this period the patients
apparently regressed to an early stage of psychosexual developmentg they
were frequently seen playing gleefully with meconium-an act which was
classically characterized by a member of the senior staff as a "singularly
scintillating, albeit esoteric demonstration of a remarkable subtle entity."
This statement provoked considerable discussion from the radiologists
who collectively felt that the pediatricians had no basis for saying what-
ever it was they said.
The department of Psychiatry, under Drs. Branch, Bliss, Tabaroff,
et al, was consulted and agreed to take over the care of these patients
for one month. Immediately upon arrival at the psychiatric ward, the
latter werel given keys-thus distinguishing them from the schizophrenics
who were being treated. After four weeks' association with the staff
and clientele of this department, the visual acuity of the patients under
discussion improved sufficiently that they, too were eventually able to
enjoy the fascinating array of small animals, secret service men and
twofheaded plaid ducks which reportedly adorned the ward.
At the close of the third year, the patients were discharged from
the hospital wards to be followed in the outfpatient clinics for the suc-
The fourth year represented a distinct change. The patients no
longer were subjected to the frustrations of learning. The previously
futile attempts to educate them were discontinued almost completely
and they were prepared for the day on which the academic umbilical
cord would be severed. Preparation for their resurrection into the cold,
cruel world was accomplished by leaving them entirely to their own
devises, with no guidance or instruction save for the efforts ofa few
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