University of Texas Austin - Cactus Yearbook (Austin, TX)

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NINCOMPOOPS . . . ho nave oeen in tne public eve enouqk to make it sore — A rho have been m the pi T SPORTS: At the head of each band there is a person who struts his stuff. We are unique in having a self-appointed drum major as yell leader. Since that unfortunate day when Hankins was so agile as to dodge a well-directed pop bottle, he has been in front of us on the field of battle receiving the uni- versal bold. And in the stands everyone asks Is there no way out? ej EXTRAMURAL SPORTS: The authority upon which the mascot and the King Fish of Texas SPIRIT overtly represent the en- thusiasm of Longhorn fans has never been quite clear, but it is suggested that here lies an ex- planation for the dormancy of the rooting section. There is also a strong suspicion that these two shines are representatives of the Ryan Monoplane Company. ELECTIONS: J. D. (Just Dumb) Matlock, the election judge who instigated the stupid sweetheart swindle, was vice-president of the Student ' s Association until recent- ly. This weak sister is the brains of the so-called Little Campus polit- ical machine, the disgust of the men of the dormitory. Invariably pledging the solid support of the seething masses to everybody, he prides himself on the number of sell-outs he has made. ( J POLITICS: The avowed ambition of Joe (Porky) Poole is to be thought of as a tin horn politician. He is the only person on the cam- pus who speaks freely of a constit- uency, he firmly believes in the rule that a motion for adjourn- ment takes precedence over all others. Protege and ex-member of the Independent Inner Circle, he smokes genuine seegars (nickel). Page 3JS

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The Thorn C HIS SECTION nas sometimes oeen known as Tke Axe, Dut a ruling ol tne President placing upon tne snoulaers ol tne censors equal responsibility -witn tne editors (pure tneory, ol course), nas somewnat dulled tne cutting edge. It snould be said, tnougn, tnat tins deed is quite m keeping -witn tne modern spirit ol keep your back yard and your college publications clean, and ol psycnology s newest prodigy, mental liygiene. Ine readers will miss some ol tne time-nonored institutions and grind nonors, but as tile and porcelain batn tubs nave displaced Saturday nignt s tin tub, so tne obscene cracks ol otner years are eliminated by good clean tun lor tne boys and girls. And really, w e don t mind mucn, altnougn it seems tnat tne system ol suppression nas not yet been properly perlected. J-ke censors are supposed to approve all material, and yet tne editors are neld responsible lor everytning ol an obscene, scandalous, or libelous nature. It is suggested tnat tnere is a bit too mucn ol cneck and double-cneck under tne present set-up. Ho-wever, we may tnank tne stars and tne present system ol cen- sorsnip lor tne mildness ol Ine Inorn. VV e add m closing tnat tbe old grind nas died and Irom its grave gro vrs a lair, pure, wnite lily. THE EDITORS.

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J-(ittle Jaunts Witn virreat Journalists-— or JWarqie V rites ner V olumn (It looks like the Pi Phis haven ' t done a thing this week) Dear Diary: Well, folks, the biggest event in Austin this week was Pi Beta Phi election of officers. Ted Lewis Moody (the cute thing) was elected president, and Clara Couth (isn ' t she smart!) was appointed secretary and the vice-president will be Dora Decorum; and the Grand Assistant Keeper of Cutlery (and you just think that isn ' t important) will be Margie (your own dear) Bite. Other officers will be treas- urer, Pan-Hellenic rep. will be so-and-so and so-and-so. Next week is Fiesta week in San Antonio. Miss Cytheria Bumpkin will be Duchess of Podunk. She is a Pi-Beta- Phi. Miss Martha Edmond (Pi-Beta-Phi mind you) will be the Duchess of I-forgot. Ruth Ropy (Pi — spell it right — Beta-Phi) and Lucille Sharp, Pi-Beta-Phi, repre- sented Austin, the University and Enfield, and all the other suburbs, including Toonerville. Some other non-sorority girls and Zetas went over too. In case you Fort Worth people don ' t know it, the fraternity dance is one of the things that mean success to a girl. Well, Delta Theta Phi had a dance and all us girls were there. Among those present were Nattie Nouveau- Riche, Pi-Beta-Phi; Gloria Gets Out, Pi-Beta Phi; this one and that one, Pi-Beta-Phi; and Margie Bite, Pi-Beta- Phi. Well, I saw that cute Tommy Gay yesterday hurrying to school. Well, that ' s just another part of college life. Last night at the Pi-Phi house we had pork roast and turnip greens and head lettuce and black eyed beans. Some of us girls drank milk and some of us had iced tea. It was so much fun, just us girls — just another gay pas- time of college life. Well I saw that cute, cute Woody Bunn standing in front of the Drug Store, and that ' s another part of college life. Well, that ' s just about all for this week. Love and kisses, — Margie. THOUGHTS WHILE STROLLING- STROLLING? -OR WERE WE Louise Lattimer doesn ' t know whether her feet are large or small; she hasn ' t seen them in years. Virginia Suggs is reported to have joined the police force; at all events. Wade Hollowell ' s badge is missing. There was a rush week this year; Kappa Sigma harvested its usual crop of offal. SIMILE: As busy as a Deke trying to act like a gentle- man. This University has the sorriest brother acts that can possibly be imagined. F ancy what a good school this would be if it were not for the Brothers Veltmann, Sullivan, Crowder and Guthrie. The Grisham-Davis romance has entered the tenth round, and is still a draw. Helen White could have attained some degree of popu- larity had it not been her misfortune to become associated with that perennial Austin Playboy, Billy Butler. She might have overcome even this handicap if she had not suddenly gone high-hat. After all, her chief claim to fame is that she is a Theta, and Goodness knows that is distinction meagre enough. We think that the Buzzard got off one crack this year which is worthy of perpetuation in story, song and print. Can you remember when he so eruditely remarked that he saw Mary Tom Blackwood surrounded by her pledge sisters like a star on a cloudy night. We agree insofar as the pledge sisters are concerned, but cannot discover the identity of the star. And speaking of the Pi Phew pledges, does anybody know as swell a gal as Ruth Robey, or as silly a little miss as Margaret Harrison? Is there any excuse for the Ay Tee Ohs? Of all the people who are deserving of ridicule, scorn, contempt and disapprobation we are of opinion that the most worthy are those Tattle-Tale-Student-Cops who haunt what are laughingly referred to as Germans. If our choice were between starvation and a position of that nature we should soon appeal to the Salvation Army for free food. Page 339