University of Texas Austin - Cactus Yearbook (Austin, TX)

THE SWELL SET. 309 A BALLADE OF YE ^VARSITIE. Oh, this is the song of a ' Varsity girl. Whose like you all must know, Who can manage you all and your senses enthrall By the glittering glances that from her eyes fall. Like arrows from Dan Cupid ' s bow. One day she was walking as all maidens should (Or, as our Mrs. Kirby would like), With nary a beau to attend her, you know, As she wandered along so provokingly slow, Past a thicket of trees on the Pike. Now, in that same thicket a hobo was hid And the ' Varsity girl he saw, And he gazed at her purse and he wanted it worse Than ever a suicide wanted a hearse, For he ' d never read criminal law. So he jumped in the road and invited the maid A dividend to declare. For she had looks and learning in books, And he was bent (that ' s why they ' re called crooks) On doing the Texas Fair. Oh, why came Ferdy and Clarence not. To battle for her that day. With Tommy and John and Algernon, And chivalrous Harry and bold Leon, And run that tramp away. She looked to the left and then to the right. And then straight up in the air. And as her eyes gazed up at the skies. To the occasion her spirits did rise. And offered it a chair. Then she snatched a hatpin out of her hat. And she stuck him full in the side, And he ripped and swore and rumpled his hair. And moaned and groaned and leaped in the air. And passed in his checks and died. L ' ENVOL Oh, how did she happen to aim so true? You may ask me now, mayhap. After sticking the boys for flowers and rings. And carriages, Huyler ' s, and similar things, A hobo was simply a snap. Boning away on a whole year ' s work, Until his head spins round, Staring aghast at a question list, Tomorrow homeward bound. The Soph named Ballard Young Burgher (In the history of Man none absurder). His father would be Somewhat older than he, WHiich would therefore make Ballard Young Burgher.