University of Rhode Island - Renaissance / Grist Yearbook (Kingston, RI)

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f Class Prophecy On June 10, 1965, you will open your morning newspaper and read the follow- ing headline: Thousands Turned Away From Murderball Game, Someone Lost the Ball. It is in this very throng that the R. I. Class of ’45 holds an informal re- union. If you are one of the unlucky people standing in the ticket line, and if you happen to be near two members of this class, you will more than likely hear this: Yes, yes, this is the end of the ticket line to the Rams vs. St. John’s Murder- ball game, but you don’t have to push me, I’m not carrying the ball. Murderball? Oh, that’s the result of a nightmare Coach Keaney had after he’d eaten pickled pigs’ feet and banana cream pie. He just couldn’t toss up such an opportunity un- noticed. Why, there’s Dotty Hanna. I haven’t seen her since we went to visit that for- tune teller during our Senior Week at State. The fortune teller turned out to be Peep Winter dressed in one of her chic New York originals. Dottie insisted that Peep read her tonsils because she swal- lowed the tea leaves! What have you been doing with yourself? That is the new rage created by Stylists Hornby and Callahan that I see hanging, isn’t it? The slip with the zip will do much for the hip! A woman must be so careful of her clothes. Why do women talk so much about clothes? In fact, why do women talk so much? Isn’t it silly? Ralph Nardone, you remember Rip, well after he got mar- ried he wondered the same thing, so he decided to get some statistics on the mat- ter. He discovered that what a woman really means when she says she hasn’t a thing to wear, is that she has nothing compared to the possibilities. A man never says he hasn’t got anything to wear because it is obvious that he has. He has the same old thing that he’s been wear- ing for so long that you can recognize him by it at a distance! Of course, if he’s a Prof, it’s different; he probably wears something much older than that! Speaking for former classmatejs, my dear, have you seen Elaine MacDonald and Mary Farrell lately ? They must weigh at least two hundred pounds — apiece I mean. At any rate, they are good healthy advertisements for their new eating place, “Duck Inn and Waddle Out.” Of course you know that Shirlie Lalime is the first woman mayor of New York. The strain on her is terrific! She has to get up by 11 o’clock once a week to meet with the city council. Just the other day I saw her running down the street yelling, “Great Scott! Where is it?” I guess she meant the City Council. Isn’t it wonder- ful about Bob winning the Scientific Award of ’65 for his outstanding contri- bution to humanity t He’s invented an electric needle out of which every user is guaranteed to get a large charge. Dr. Harriet Hall recommen aea the treatment to Anna Bills who is in cnarge of a night nursery for underprivileged State students between the ages of 16 and 60. She teach- es them how to write the themes after cutting assembly, but before this becomes effective, she’ll have to teach them how to write. So many of our college classmates are going so well. Not long ago T met John Young who has just invented a microm- eter which will measure one ten-thou- sandth of an inch! Of course he’s never had the occasion to measure that distance, but it’s a great joy to him to know that he can. Besides, it’s convertible, and can be used as an ice pick when things get hot. Daniel Calenda showed me a block and tackle that he invented the other day, and he assured me that I could, by my- self, lift a piano or an elephant up to my second story window. I nearly bought it, but I don’t play the piano and I live in the basement. Oh you must stop in at my apartment! It’s run by Mickey Fogel and it’s called the 29 Jfr-

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Lippitt Hall

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The GRISTETTE Tip Toe Inn. She serves a wonderful drink called “Just One Cocktail.” I guess the whole setup is a hang-over from her Judicial Board days at State. Just a minute, I must buy a magazine. I always get it. It ' s called The Niles Yearly Son. It was formerly a newspaper called The Gariepy Daily Date but I guess they thought it would be worthwhile to cut down production. I’m dying to read the review of Mernie Blaine ' s new book of the year, Will the Cream of the Crop Today Be the Cheese of Tomorrow? In it she tells how to take an agricultural course majoring in ice cream and minor- ing in skim milk. I hear the pictures in the issue of the New York Cracker, Gail Graham, are really sensational. You know she models for Sax and she certainly does have plenty of it, I mean of it. From the column called a Blueprint of Tomorrow ' s Blueplate by two of New York ' s leading connoisseurs, Mary Ann Hartikka and Mary Robertson, you learn all sorts of in- teresting things — how to serve appetiz- ing eggshells, and even what to do with all your leftover “aigs. Speaking of taste sensations, have you tried the new Gronneberger ? I hear it ' s rapidly out- selling the old cheeseberger. One Gronne- berger gives you a lift, two Gronnebergers send you all over the place. We hear that Phyllis Stedman has in- vented a new kind of dance floor. It hap- pens to be composed of tar and concen- trated lemonade, and is said to be prac- tically slip-proof. If you do slip, how- ever, I advise you to see Dr. Berman. He’s a wonderful masseur and guarantees to cure all aching backs. I rode over here tonight in one of Cot- trell ' s Convertible Hansoms. The only streamlined thing about it was the horse, and Betty Staffeld — she ' s the driver. Jean Heseltine rode with me — she ' s married to an Eskimo and is having such a hard time of it. Thinking of new and fancy ways to fix blubber, I mean. You know Bea Browning and Nancy Thornley were under contract by the gov- ernment to go overseas and rid the in- fected war-torn countries of rats. They advocated the use of bigger and better cats. I always knew those girls would go places. Sis Jones and Ethel O ' Connor went with them to try to introduce the game of football. They had to come back though because someone mistaking the football for a watermelon bit it and blew out his back teeth. Imagine ruining a perfectly good football like that. This is what you will hear, ladies and gentlemen, unless it is prevented. It can be prevented by one of two ways : Either lock up the class before it leaves these portals, or start them off as freshmen again and give them another chance. 30 ]►-