University of Colorado - Coloradan Yearbook (Boulder, CO)

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To what lengths will CU students go to avoid the inevitable poly sci recitation? One soporific sophomore hasn't seen 40 cm. since he walked into his first 8 o'clock class and realized it was still dork outside. I know two floundering flower children who haven't left the UMC fountain since the end of the Vietnam War, and seniors are famous for using lines like ttsorry I'm late, sir, but I was raped by on armadillo on my way to class to elude academic commitments. Posslfoil is 0 way of life for microbiology mosochists, 0nd hapless environmental design majors regularly take field trips to Tierro gel Fuego or enlist in the Marines to escape a midterm. No extreme is too unbelieveabie, no excuse irrational. We're still waiting to hear the first male plead with his professor, ttbut sir, I can't finish my term paper by the end of the semester. HWhy not? itl'm pregnant.

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You see, nobody you know in Boulder ocTuolly grew up in Boulder iMindy doesn'T counTl. IT's illegal To live here unTil you're eighTeen, and Then only if you have on ID ThoT soys you're 21. OuT-of-sToTe license ploTes ore essenTiol. lT's assumed your cor is eiTher foreign or four-wheel drive. No less Thon four Don Fogelberg albums in your record collecTion will be ToleroTed, and any menTion of AerosmiTh insures oousTic commenTs ond perilous peer pressurionion. You can slide on The Frye booTs, o genuine cowboy hoT IsTrow ones are for your moTherl, and The quodro- digiTolphonio Tope deck, buT if you ski on onyThing buT Rossignols, iT's book To Michigan wiTh you. And you ThoughT all you needed was 0 good down vesT oncl UvorneTs. Ahrk, ohrk. Humor. BuT hey, wild and crazy, mild and lazy, you can be anyone or onyThing you wonT in Boulder. Nobody was ever expelled from CU for general weirdness or bod oroziness. They even used To require H in Sewoll residenTs. Oh sure, you'll geT o few snide chuckles in The Pooker Grill if you breeze by in o fishneT body sTocking ond pIoTinum pumps you sTole from your old roommoTe who hodn'T missed The Rocky Horror PicTure Show in Three years, buT mosT people wouldn'T boTher To look up from Their copies of The Colorado Dolly. This sorT of noncholonce, ofTen misToken os mellow , buT more clearly idenTified os boredom , con also be observed in mosT lorge psychology and ohemisTry IecTures. CommunicoTions majors don'T even boTher going To class To read Their's. Journalism majors oon'T read, so They gope oT The picTures ond Doones- bury, wondering where They wenT wrong wiTh The Working Press, CU's only high school poper. MUST have been The Typeface. STer in Boulder varies, depending on whoT's unsTylish elsewhere. Here, whoTever should be wrong is obsoluTely right. They would never allow hiking booTs in STudio 54, buT They're porT of The dress code oT The Blue NoTe. Hippie gorb is always foshionoble for any occasion, buT The LoTe Depression look is making greoT sTrides wiTh fooulTy ond froTerniTy members. SoTin gym shorTs ore bypassed for corroded cuToffs, and no Two T-shirTs in Town are alike. The cosmic cowboy inTerrningles wiTh The long-hoired preppie ond oTher wolking, Tolking porodoxes wiTh oil The ease of shifTing 0 BMW. John TrovolTo would be laughed ouT of Town. Affording Boulder is no liTTle feoT. lT's Tough To wallow in TrusT-fund deco- enoe when you wash dishes in Forrond To pay for your coke lThe bubbly sTuffJ. WiTh prices rising as you read This, even oorporoTe soions ond upper-oloss fugitives hove Trouble keeping up wiTh The Tabs run up on Friday ofTernoons oT AnThony's Gorden. NegoTive checking oocounTs are in vogue now, and handy TronsooTion cords provide osTronomiool omounTs of cosh onyTime, usuolly spenT on kegs and parking oT Voil. TwenTies disoppeor fosTer in Boulder Thon hiTs of acid on Halloween wiTh only 0 handful of ifreel popcorn from Isodoro's To show for Them. Change is used primarily To odjusT ski bindings ond plocoTe TronsienTs in from of Bovo's. Poy- ohecks are signed by your foTheri IT's ocTuolly quite easy To spend your allowance in Ten minuTes, largely due To The ropidIy-escoloTing cosTs of ocodemic diversions. Boin de Soleil, cigoreTTes, ond Ml grom Frisbees are free compared To The price of skiing oT STeombooT, a case of Molson's from Liquor MorT, or on ounce of iinserT preferred governmenT-reguloTed norooTioJ, To say noThing of o Tonkful of gas or a meal CT The Oasis Diner. There's always a good reason To skip economics, buT why sloop To pinboll when you can drink pino colodos in The sun oT Yocum's'? AlmosT odulT.

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Ah, love, sweet love. The Eternal Quest for Sexual Companionship begins the minute a nice-but-naive freshperson has that first eye-popping encounter in the dorm dining room and ends four years later in suicide, or worse, marriage. Everyone knows the chase is more fun than the kill, consequently, Boulder looks like the Boston Marathon on a hot night on the Hill. Best bet for those zipless pickups is the mall or the Harvest House, But the Broker, the Dark Horse. or anywhere that plays anything by the Village People remains ever casual and officially jaded. Some enterprising Valentinos score at the Aristocrat, while others swear by the Rec Center sun-deck. Coot Lake is cool if you're into orgies, and Norlin Library was built for romance behind the rocks. The dorms are fertile breeding grounds for intimate interludes and Soap silliness, groping for Greeks is a game played every weekend at the animal house of your choice, and you can often find that dream date lounging by the Varsity Townhouses' pool. Everyone wants somebody to love, but few college cuties are too enthralled about waking up the next morning with no blankets or pillows on their side of the waterbed. Considerations like that aren't contemplated while con- suming your fifteenth White Russian with a potential armpieoe at intimate gatherings of 500 in a two-bedroom apartment. Boulder parties, like home, are always better before you get there. As prospective breakfast-cookers parade by, you frantically consume alcohol before the masses, and those mushrooms hit like a May snowstorm. The stereo or some lost-oause band is blaring variations of what some laughingly call adult-oriented rock, causing minor brain damage and one-word conversations. Nobody is sure who actually lives there, so domestic destruction becomes inevitable. Talking to members of the opposite sex is always a harrowing experience, especially when they don't want to talk to you. A back- stage pass is essential to gain access to those private parties in the bedroom, where coquette cocaine- maniacs and their blow-dry connections share sneers and snorts. And if you don't attend at least five parties every night, you missed the good one. i , q ilk, 7 x 1'1