University of Arkansas Fayetteville - Razorback Yearbook (Fayetteville, AR)

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Chapter III. 1. And the next year came again these certain ones, in the ninth month of the year. 2. And they were called no more by their old names, but they were called by a new name, even by the name of Juniors. 3. Now, when the morning of the opening was fully come, the new King, whose name was Henry S., of the tribe of Hartzog, assembled them and spake unto them after this manner: 4. “ Verily, I say unto you that I am your King, who is to rule over you, and there will be sent unto me a mighty Captain by the name of Lanning, of the tribe cf Parsons. 5. “And these things do I speak unto you, that ye should not be offended: 6. “ The Faculty shall compel you to drill without ceasing; they shall put you out of the Varsity, for to do such occasionally will give them a better stand¬ ing ; yea, the time will come, that whosoever fireth you will think that he doeth a righteous act. 7. “ These things will they do unto you also because they fear the wrath of the King and his Captain. 8. “ And this shall be your creed : “ I believe in Henry S., the King Almighty, Ruler of the University and Dormitory; and in Captain Parsons, the only-begotten military man, who was con¬ ceived in a military age, born a military genius; suffered under the strict discipline of West Point, was reprimanded, punished, and reduced to ranks; he rose again the third year; he ascended unto Arkansas, and sitteth at the right hand of Henry S., the King Almighty, and from thence he comes, at the end of the seventh period, to command the ‘ slobs ’ and ‘ farmers ’ of the military department; I believe in Henry S., the King Almighty, and his Captain; the University of Arkansas, the discontent and insubordination of the cadets, the remission of their sins, and ever • lasting punishment on drill days. 9. “ But these things have I told you that when the time shall come, ve may remember that I told you of them. And none of you shall ask me nor my Captain: Why doest thou ? ” 10. Now it came to pass that, in the third year of their sojourn, a mighty nation rose up to harass and vex the King’s people. 11. And they boasted of their valor; for there were among them two giants whose strength and prowess, as leaders against the mighty Philistines on the terrible place called Gridiron, was known throughout all the ends of the earth. 12. And these are their names: William, of the House of Ruggles, and Lemuel, of the House of Bryan. 24

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appointed of the month June, when each had gathered in the labors of the year, there was feasting and rejoicing and singing of praises to the All-Good King. 32. And after six days, they departed every one to his father’s house, where they abode until the coining of the Fall. Chapter II. 1. Now it came to pass that when the Fall was come, this same band of Fresh¬ men gathered themselves again to the King’s camping-ground, even in the halls of the King’s Palace of Learning. 2. And when the King stood before them they all, with one accord, cried with a loud voice, saying, 3. “ O King, thy ways are most gracious and full of wisdom; hear its, we beseech thee, and lead us yet another season in the paths of knowledge.” 4. And when they had made an end of speaking the King lifted up his voice and cried, 5. “ Diligently hath thou labored, oh, ye Freshmen, and in ye I am well pleased; therefore, toil no longer in the land of Freshmen, but come up higher, yea even unto the land called Sophomore. ” 6. And they toiled mightily for the space of two hundred and seventy days. 7. Now it came to pass that the new land was inhabited by even greater enemies and more powerful monsters than the land of Freshmen. 8. And some there were who fell by the wayside and were utterly devoured by the monster called Chemistry. 9. And some there were who fell victims to the foul dragon called Doubtful Case Committee, who goeth about seeking whom he may devour. 10. Others were attacked by their old Latin enemies under the leadership of Jack the Great, but, having secured “ ponies ’’ from Hinds and Noble beforehand, the Sophomores gained a glorious victory. ti. Now, when the time of their sojourn in the land of Sophomore was at hand, the King appeared before them and spake unto them (and his voice was as one very feeble and full of years), saying, 12. “ Hear me, O mv children. Long have I labored with the youths of many lands in the efforts to obtain knowledge; 13. “ But now I am grown old and the palsy weakeneth my body ; my days are numbered, and the end thereof draweth nigh; therefore, must T resign my place that a new King may rule over thee.” 14. And when he had said these things his faithful followers wept bitterly, for they loved him and profited by his teachings. 23

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13. Now in the third month of the year and on the 19th day thereof, the King’s people were amazed to find their enemies within their very walls and proudly waving a flag of green over their heads. 14. Then the Juniors banded themselves together and attacked the enemy with might and main. 15. And after a short but fierce conflict, the flag was seized and rent in many pieces. 16. Then the triumphant victors took each one a piece of the enemy’s flag as a token of their glorious achievement. 17. And the damsel Sue, whose surname was Burney, took unto herself a piece also; but being attacked by the enemy she put the precious scrap in her mouth and, heroine-like, swallowed it. 18. Now on the next day, which was the 20th day of the month, the enemy assembled on the Campus round about the King’s Balace, and planted their flag and defied the King’s people to take it down. 19. Then the King’s people, being greatly incensed at this encroachment upon the King’s territory, quickly put on their armor and girded up their loins and made haste to meet the enemy. 20. And many of the Preplets and the townspeople and the inhabitants of the neighboring countries came thither to witness the desperate conflict. 21. And there was one whose name was Smythe, of the tribe of Johnson, who beat back the vast throng of spectators with a weapon known in those days as an umbrella, lest peradventure they also should become involved in the fierce combat. 22. And there were some sojourning in the land who had been sent there by the tribe called Legislature, and they stood afar off and marvelled greatly among themselves for fear the frenzied victors would turn upon them and devour them. 23. The battle was long and fierce, and many times the flag came near being taken. 24. And it came to pass that in the heat of the battle that one Rupert of the House of Taylor was so engaged by his antagonists that a nether garment was rent in many pieces and scattered over the battle-ground. 25. And the fair damsels came and gathered the pieces up as souvenirs of young Rupert’s gallant deeds. 26. Now, when the battle had raged far into the middle of the day, the leaders on the one side and the leaders on the other side agreed to a compromise. 27. And a holiday was proclaimed throughout the King’s territory, and a great feast announced. 28. Now, when the evening was come, the combatants on either side began to assemble at the Great Feast Hall, each one bringing with him a lady of his own choice. 25