University of California Los Angeles - Bruin Life / Southern Campus Yearbook (Los Angeles, CA)

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Bible Tales for Bruins How God Made The Campus In the beginning God created th e heaven and the earth. Now the earth was unformed and void, and darkness was on the face of the deep. And God said, Let there be light. And after a week or so of Creation, God saw what He had wrought, and He was bored. Especially with Adam, His man. Adam was in His own image enough, but he was uneducated. And so God created UCLA, that the sons and daughters of Adam and the sons and daughters of the sons and daughters of Adam, etc. might hav e a schoolingplace on the earth. And He didst make spires, towers, grand corridors, vast chambers, majestic columns, great grid facades, and a treehouse, all on that day. And it came to pass that Adam and the bone of his bone, Eve, didst drink of knowledge in the botanical garden, with the injunction that they turn their heads from the knowledge of Good and Evil. And they didst streak in innocence. It then came to pass that the Lord blessed this Paradise with the Music of angels, 55 in the wind ensemble, 200 in the marching band, 100 in the symphonic band. And these didst play celestial harmonies at commencement, noon concerts, athletic functions, evening concerts, and sundry Creations. The chief host of symphonies was Winslow, who was wont to serve unto all the children of Westwood, in time, the works of Stravinsky, younger experimental composers and arrangements for Wind. And the angels didst find great pleasure in performing these graces, and diversion therein.

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East of Westwood Now it came to pass that Adam and Eve were confronted in the botanical garden by the Serpent and his Traveling Medicine Shaw and Apple Revue. The Serpent didst sport a loud purple and orange print shirt, bifocals, and he spake in run-on sentences. He spake most plaintively of limited budget, irascible actors, tight schedules, whilst he assembled his mainstage at the feet of the innocent couple. And he didst tell them of the Evils of maintaining a goodly quality of theatrical production with great flux and emotionally-charged atmosphere and too narrow a Vision by the actor, the director and the writer. He spake wistfully of his desire to form a professional company in the garden that might bridge more substantially into the professional world Out There. He spake indeed of bringing into the garden the professionals themselves, at which the naked pair didst shudder and quake and didst see their nakedness. And they didst cover themselves with diplomas, for they knew shame that day. The Serpent assured them that the seasons of the earth wrought finely executed plays, e ' en of the garden ' s own playwrights, and that the playhouse and little stage did altogether rend a Divine balance of drama, comedy and musical unto the Publick. Hardly had he begun to bring in the sweet refrain of angels ' accompaniment to commence the Acts, when the L rd didst intercede. He expelled these children of Paradise forever unto a life of toil. No more monthly allowance from the Father shall they know, nor soft academic pursuit. And they were led East of Westwood, to dreary jobs in fruitless LA basin, wretched to the last of their days.