Turlock High School - Alert Yearbook (Turlock, CA)
- Class of 1923
Page 1 of 130
Pages 6 - 7
Pages 10 - 11
Pages 14 - 15
Pages 8 - 9
Pages 12 - 13
Pages 16 - 17
Text from Pages 1 - 130 of the 1923 volume:
J. P. RATZELL, Principal
Franklin Marshall College: A. B.: Columbia University: A. M.
LEROY NICHOLS, Vice Principal
Southwestern College: A. B.: University of Southern California: A. M.: Economics
University of California: A. B.: Domestic Science.
GLADYS E. BEEMAN
Unfiversity of California: A. B.: Mechanical and Freehand Drawing.
AMELIA C. BOETTLER
University of California: A. B.: English.
OCTAVIA D. DeLAP
University of California: A. B.: English.
LEILA E. EVANS
Unliversity of California: A. B.: History and General Arithmetic.
LARS J. ERICKSON
Oregon Agricultural College: B. S.: Manual Training.
University of California: B. L.: French and Latin.
MARY BLAIR GRANT
University of California: B. S.: Shorthand, Typewriting, Spelling and Penmanship.
HELEN G. HALLIDAY
University of California: A. B.: Physical Education.
EVA MAYE HYDE
Pomona College: A. B.: Biology.
LELAND G. LANCASTER
San Jose Normal: University of California: Physical Education and Coach.
C. S. McCREADY
Baker University: McPherson College: Auto Repairing.
MRS. PAULINE C. PULCIFER
University of California: B. L.: Yale University: A. M.: History.
.l. C. RAY
Stanford University: A. B.: Mathematics.
MRS. FRANCES H. ROACH
Southwestern University: Dramatic School of Music, Mexico City:
National Conservatory, Mexico City: Spanish and Music.
ESTHA M. RODKEY
University of California: B. S.: Bookkeeping, Typewriting, Commercial Arithmetic.
College of Emporia: A. B.: University of Kansas: A. M.: Englrish, Drama.
EDITH M. SPRAGUE .
Brown University: A. B.: English, Debating, Journalism.
University of Missouri: A. B., B. S.: Mathematics.
G. P. SENTER
XVi1llam Jewell College: A. B., A. M.: Harvard College: University of Washington:
Chemistry and Physics.
San Jose Normal: Unlversflty of California: A. B.: Biology.
University of California: A. B.: General Science.
College of Pacific: A. B.: University of California: English.
MAE B. WHITE
University of California: Santa Barbara State Teachers' College:
Home Economics and Commercial.
University of California: A. B.: History and English.
MRS. DAISY BROCKWAY
Southwestern University: A. B.: San Jose Normal: Americanization.
Class Flower Class Colors
RED ROSE RED AND WHITE
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"One by one thy duties wait thee:
Let thy Whole strength go to each.
d elate thee,
Let no future reams
Learn thou first what these may teach?
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VOL. XV TURLOCK, CALIFORNIA JUNE, 1923
Published by the
ASSOCIATED STUDENT BODY
TURLOCK UNION HIGH SCHOOL
To Mary Blair Grant
Our Teacher and Advisor
We, the Class of 1923, dedicate this issue of The ALERT
in token of our appreciation of her untiring efforts in
behalf of the welfare of our class. Throughout
the four years of our High School career
she has always been a loyal and
MARY BLAIR GRANT
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIII llllIIIIIIIIllllllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIll!HIIIIIIIIIImillIIIIIIIIIIIIIllllllIIIIllIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIlllllllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIII IlllllllIlIIIlIIIIIIIll!HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIHIIIIIIIIII Illl
Dedication . .
Faculty . . .
Senior Heading . .
Seniors . . . . .
Juniors . . . .
Freshmen "B" .
Freshmen "A" . .
Alert Staff .....
Executive Committee .
French and Spanish Clubs
Football Team ....
Basket Ball and Baseball
Title Page . . .
Climb to Graduation Heights
Senior Will ......
Senior Class Prophecy . .
Still Remember Me ....
Calendar of Events ....
The Charge of the Light
Junior Report .....
Sophomore "A" Report . .
Sophomore "B" Report . .
Freshmen "B" Report . . .
Freshmen "A" Report . . .
Just a Collar Button . . .
"Pop" Crockett Retires . .
Dreams and Reality . . .
Senior Lament, or
To the Seniors . . .
Dorothy Jean . . .
Don't Cry . . . . .
Track Team ....
Girls' Basket Ball Team
Girls' Baseball Team .
Boys' Glee Club .
Girls' Glee Club .
Senior Play Cast .
Junior Play Cast .
Dramatic Club . . .
Debating Clubs . . .
Snaps ...... 105
Bughouse Fables . . .
H. S. Tribune Staff .
End of the Trail .
Socks . . .
Honor Roll .
Editorial . . .
Student Body . . .
French Club Report .
Spanish Club Report .
Football Record . . .
Basket Ball Record .
Track Record . . .
Baseball Record . .
Girls' Baseball Record .
Girls' Basket Ball Record
Girls' Track Report .
Music Report ....
Dramatic Report .
Debating Record .
Our Auto Shop . .
H. S. Tribune Report .
Alert Business Mgr. Report
HIII IIIIIIIIIlllllIIIIIIIlllllllllllllllllllllll llll IIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIllllllllllllllll llll IIIIIIIIIIHill!IIilllllllllllllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIH III Illlllllllllllill IIIIIIIIHIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHllllIIIIlllllllllilllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
A maiden, modest, frank and true
Girls' glee '20
Minstrel show '21-Honor roll '21
Baseball '23-Basket ball '23
Train up a child
In the way he should go,
When he's grown
You can't tell what he'll do
Band '20-Orchestra '20, '21, '22
Minstrels '21-Spanish club '23
Demure I am,
But always tried and true.
What doth this sweet child in th-is
Tribune stat'-f '23
A little maid am I,
But with lots of pep and vim.
Circus '22-Dramatic club '23
Alert staff '23
Majestic and tall
He moves thru the hall,
Towering high above us all.
Honor roll '20-Debate club '20
Class reporter '20-Editor Reflector '21
Tribune staff '22-Spanish club '23
Editor Tribune '23
Were silence golden,
l'd be a millionaire.
She's witty, sl1e's wise,
And quite small in size.
Class secretary '21-Reflector staff '21
Alert staff '22, '23--Minstrels '21
Secretary student body '23-Circus '22
And had he not high honor?
Orchestra '22, '23-Boys' glee '23
Tribune staff '22
Business manager Alert '23
The gentle mind
By gentle deeds is known.
I take no pleasure
In rlotous living.
So meekly, sweetly ladylike
Drama club '23-French club '23
Debating club '23-Operetta '23
My snappy eyes
Display my lively grace.
Girls' baske-t 'ball '14, '15, '16
Chorus '14, '15, '16
Girls' double quartette '16
Alert staff '16
Nothing but death will part me from
Supreme Judge vigilance comm. '23
French club '23
JEAN CLAYT ON
I like the boys immensely
But especially just one.
Glee club '22, '23-Operetta '23
The more I see of some -people,
The better I like my clog.
Tribune staff '23
Vigilance committee '23
Verst in books and fond of tee.
Drama club '23
Vice president class '23
The deed I intend to do is great,
But what, as yet, I lknow not.
' Track '22, '23
On his unembarrassed brow
Nature has written-Gentleman.
Tribune staff '23
-Her mind is one of keenness.
Transferred to Turlock '23
Secretary dramatic club '23
Associate judge '23
His actions were those of thought.
Spanish club '23
As quiet as a nun is she.
Glee club '20, '21, '22, '23-Operetta '20
Basket ball '21
Vice president French club '23
Honor roll '23-Minstrels '21
Still waters run deep.
All good things do not come put up in
Glee club '20, '21, '23-Operetta '20
Dramatic club '23
You look wise, pray correct that error
Executive committee '23
Alert staff '23-Dramatic club '23
Senior play '23
HELEN GALLIS ON
Her -smile is prodigal ot' a summery
Gaily persistent like a morn in June.
Operetta '20, '22, '23-Class sec. '23
Glee club '20, '21, '22, '23-Circus '22
Spanish club '23-Minstrels '21
Don't di-sturb meg I'm thinking
Vice president Spanish club '23
Foot-ball '23-Bow-Bows '23
Big T society '23-Sergeant cadets '20
Youth comes 'but once in a lifetime
Dramatic club '23
Any show for a pleasant chap like me
in this world?
Football '23-Bow-Bows '23
Her winning smile is a true index to
San Fernando High School '23
If to her share some female errors fall
,List to her voice and' you'll forget
Glee club '20-Minstrels '21
You are too mild, too mild,
I pray thee swear.
Alert staff '23-Tribune staff '23
The poet of the Senior class
A very knowing little lass.
Rare compound of oddity,
Frolic and fun,
Who relished a joke and
Rejoiced in a pun.
Executive committee '20, '22, '23
Class' -president '21-Tribune staff '23
Student body president '23
School yell leader '22-Alert staff '23
Reflector staff '21-Minstrel show '21
Football '23-Class play '22, '23
Bow-Bows '23-Dramatic club '23
Stir up the gift that is within you.
Glee club '20, '21, '22, '23
HOWARD HJ ELM
One can smile and smile,
And be a villain still.
Class president '20, 22
Debate club '20-Alert staff '20
Executive committee '21, 23
Business manager Reflector '21
Quartermaster Sergeant cadets '21
Tribune staff '22-Class play '22
Class executive committee '23
Treasurer of student body '23
Spanish club '23
Whate'er she did was done with
so much ease.
Vice president class '20
Executive representative '20
Transferred to Los Angeles '21
Alert staff '23
Not so bad as his name might
My own livin-g I can make ,
For I have wisdom enough at stake
Glee club '20
As sober as a judge.
Alert staff '23-Glee club '23
Honor roll '22
Tall an-d -stately,
And with studious mind,
I ply my efforts
At whate'er I find.
Honor roll '21-Glee club '20
I never did get much exercised
5 Transferred from Los Banos '21
Spanish '23-Track '21, '23
Full well they laughed with glee,
At all his jokes,
For many a joke had he.
Football '21, '22-Track '21, '22
Baseball '22-Tennis '22
Athletic manager '23
President Spanish club, 1-st sem. '23
She is a modest Little maid,
With eyes so dark and bright.
Debate '20, '22, '23-Minstrels '21
Operetta '22--Tribune staff '23
Alert staff '23-Dramatic club '23
Some smiles look as though they had
been done up in curl papers.
'l'ransl'erred from Hilmar '23
Happy and gay, t'l1e live-long day,
I dance and sing like bells that ring.
Vice president class '20, '22
Reflector staff '21-Dramatic club '23
Debate club '22-May queen '23
She needs no questioning,
Before she speaks.
Girls' glee '20-Basket ball '23
Baseball '23-Track '23
For his heart was in his work.
'Pransferred from Ceres '23
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He is so funny, yet so sensible.
Basket ball '22, '23-Baseball '22, '23
"I should worry!"
Glee club '20-Minstrels '21
I abstain from the follies of youth.
Transferred from Oregon '21
Minstrels '21-Spanish club '23
A friend is Nature's masterpiece.
His speech was like a, tangled chain,
Nothing impaired, but all -disordered.
Debate club '20-Tribune staff '23
She's always a, fniend to me and you
Glee club '20-Dramatic club '23
A lass with golden locks.
Glee club '20-Spanish club '23
Unceasing energy you have,
But do you never tire?
ANNA LARS ON
Black are her locks as the night
But her spirit contrasted,
Is as bright as the sunlight.
Baseball '23-Glee club '20
He said nothing.
Gentle of speech,
Beneficent ot min-d.
Honor roll '21-Glee club '20
None other he resembles.
Transferred from Tulare '22
I know thee
For a man of many thoughts.
I make a point of never listening to
whispers of scandal.
I am a maid,
Who always has a smile.
Class play '22-Dramatic club '23
Past hope, past cure, past help.
Minstrels '21- Glee club '20, 23
Operetta '20-Class play '22, '23
Circus '22-Dramatic club '23
Full of frolicsome mirth and fun,
Enjoying the clouds as well as the sun.
Glee club '22, '23-Mfinstrels '21
Operetta '22, '23-Class play '23
French Club '23-Dramatic club '23
Alert 'staff '23
I ENOCH ORNBERG
God bless the man,
Who first invented sleep.
I deny myself the luxuries of life.
Transferred from Denair '21
Track '21, '22, '23-Glee club '23
Class play '22, '23-Debate club '23
President dramatic club '23
The love of books is a love which
requires neither justification,
Dramatic club '23
Describe who can:
An abridgemeut of all
That was pleasant in man.
Class president '23-Class play '23
Glee club '22, '23-Debate club '23
Track '22-Dramatic club '23
Transferred from Upper Lake '22
I'm very haughty and proud,
But my kindly ways must be allowed.
Glee club '20, '21, '22, '23-Operetta '20
Honor roll '22-Tribune staff '23
Reporter Spanish club '23
Vice president -debate club '23
Alert staff '23
Let me move to the sound of
Her hair is not more sunny
than her heart.
Honor roll '22-Glee club '20
A daughter of the gods thou art,
Divinely tall and most divinely fair
Glee club '20-Minstrel-s '21
Debate club '21-Operetta '20
Basket ball '23
I would this were overg
I am tired.
A queenly mien I have,
So tall and fair.
Glee club '20, '23-Dramatic club '23
Class play '23
I ha.ven't much to say,
But in the world, I'l1 win my way
President Spanish club
2nd semester '23
A jovial soul,
WVhose help is never sought in vain
Minstrels '21-Spanish club '23
Tribune staff '23
LEONARD VVEJ MAR
Thou faster child of silence
and slow time.
Basket ball '23
RUBY POST '
'Tis the quiet people that do the work
Secretary French club '23
Alert staff '23-Honor roll '22, '23
When l'm alone .l'm lonesome.
Track '22, '23
Second team basket ball '21
And she lived "happy ever afterward."
Glee club '20, '21, '22, '23
ITTSIICII club '23
Talk to him of Jacob's ladder, and he
would ask the number of steps.
Football '23-Bow-Bows '23
Track '23-Spanish club '23
If my heart would but stand still,
I could ripple as a rill.
Transferred from San Jose '22
Oh, those tiny feet and tiny hands,
And the cute little poise of the head.
Alert staff '23-Tribune staff '23
Tennis '22, '23-Bow-Bows '23
I love to Wind my mouth up,
I love to hear it go.
Tribune staff '23-Reflector staff '21
Alert -staff '22, '23-Class play '22, '23
Class treasurer '22
She has two eyes so solft and brown,
Take care, take care!
Slhe gives a glance and then looks
Glee club '21, '23-Minstrels '21
Spanish club '23
Operetta '23-Dramatic club '23
Alert staff '23-Tribune staff '23
Class treasurer '23-Track '23
Tribune staff '23-Latin play '23
This maiden knows too much!
Class secretary '20-Debate '21, '22
Reflector staff '21-Class reporter '23
Alert staff '23-French club '23
Honor roll '20, '22, '23
I tell you,
They need more men like me.
Senior executive committee '23
Track '20, '21, '22, '23
I never dare to be as funny as I can.
Glee club '20, '21, '22, '23
Operetta '21, '22, '23
Minstrels '21-French club '23
Fair-haired and blue-eyed:
One in whom we may confide.
Glec club '20, '23-Dramatic club '23
Shakespearian contest '22
Class play '22, '23
MELVIN SJ OGREN
Stir up the gift that is within thee.
Transferred from Mission High
Her charms are manifold.
'Phe deepest rivers malke the
'Transferred from Wolt Point '23
With humor and wit,
And e'er a lively tongue,
My blue eyes sparkle
In every task begun.
Tl'iUlSfel'I'ed to Dinuba '21
French club '23
LAUREN SUN DERLAND
A man not of words but of action.
Basket ball '22, '23-Football '23
Track '21, '22, '23-Baseball '22, '23
Vice president student body '23
Vice president Spanish club '23
Class yell leader '23
Exec. comm. '23-Reflector staff '21
All's well that ends well,-
so says the proverb.
Baseball '21, '22, '23-Basket ball '23
Second team football '23
She was active, stirring, and aiireg
Could not rest, could tire.
Basket ball '23-Glee club '23
Operetta '23-Dramatic club '23
Opinions, facts, statistics all in hand
Combine to ma-ke the arguments he
Oratorical contest '23-Class play '23
Business manager Senior play '23
Secretary Spanish club '23
Dramatic club '23-Debate club '21, '23
San Jose High School '22
Reflector staff '21-Minlstrels '21
YVho fears to ask
Doth teach to be denied.
I care for nobody, no not I,
And nobody cares for me.
Class treasurer '21-Honor roll '21, '22
Trust in her is not misplaced.
Honor roll '22-Spanish club '23
Debate club '23
Naught in this world
Defies the power of music.
Operetta '21,,'22, '23-Class sec'y '22
Reflector staff '21-Alert staff '21, '22
Editor-in-chief '23-Class play '22, '23
Minstrels '21-Executive comm. '23
Glee club '20, '21, '22, '23
Dramatic club '23
President French club '23
Honor roll '20, '21, '22, '23
lmpulsive, aggressive in spirit
Basket ball '20, '21, '22, '23
Baseball '20, '21, '22, '23
Football '21, '22, '23-Track '22, '23
Class executive committee '22
Class athletic manager '20, '22
Big T society '20, '21, '22, '23
I am so quiet and pensive-
Always hard at work,
E'er bent upon my lessons
Which I never shink.
Honor roll '21, '22-Operetta '22
Secretary 'debate club '23
Junior sec'y '23-Glee club '22, '23
fy I 71 N JV
The Climb to Graduation Heights
AR in the distance lay Mt. Diploma, a purple mist-veiled peak whose
crest glistened like gold in the sunlight. To the group of youngsters
assembled at the edge of Freshman Slope, on September 15th, 1919, it
seemed so far distant as to be almost unattainable. Yet they had set it
as their goal and despite their own secret misgivings and the supercilious
glances the upper classmen bestowed on them they were eager to begin
their long climb upward to Graduation Heights.
Under the care of competent guides, holding high the colors white for
purity, red for courage, the Hikers of '23 began their journey. They had
not gone far when the ambushing tribe of '22 Savages from Sophomore
Hill surrounded them and tried to duck them in Initiation Creek. The
battle was hard fought but the warriors of '23 proved their merit in
holding out against the attackers. However, amicable relations were
soon established with all and the merry Party '23 pushed rapidly forward
soon completing the first part of their journey.
Efficiency, progress, diligent climbing and originality mingled with
gay parties, picnics, entertainments, athletic games and stunts, a minstrel
show, a play, a ditch day and occasional falls into Trouble Ravine, marked
the course through the next two laps of the journey, Sophomore Hill, and
Junior Ridge. '
On September 18, 1922, as ftheyj '23 stood at the entrance of the
fourth and last lap of their journey, Graduation Heights, that had seemed
so remote three years ago, now loomed large and distinctly in the fore-
ground. The Hikers now climbed more eagerly, carefully following the
trails selected by their guides, Miss Sprague, Miss Spencer, and Miss
Grant, thus avoiding the slide into Trouble Canyon. They chose Roy
Vann as chief, Pearl Colburn as second chief, Gene Rowley as caretaker
of the valuables, Helen Ga.llison as recorder of events and Marion Collins
as messenger to the Bow-Wows of the four tribes at Assembly Flats.
Early in the year it had been arranged to give a play, "Come Out of the
Kitchen," on February 23, the cast being chosen from those of the party
who had dramatic talent and ability. The play was splendidly presented
and was enjoyed by all who saw it.
April 8, the important Fete Day of the Senior Mt. Folk, was celebrated
in an extraordinary fashion. Everyone appeared in a motley of curious
raiment and with actions switched to his dress. At noon they enjoyed a
picnic feast in company with all the guides.
Soon after an enjoyable Senior Party was given, but best of all their
good times was Sneak Day celebration. Bright and early in the morning
they ditched their guards and sneaked off for a day far from Senior Mt.
Very soon their climb was ended and on June 14, the group of youth
and maidens stood on Diploma Peak looking back on their four years'
struggle through High School Realm and regretting to leave it, vet
looking forward with eager anticipation to carry out the figure. R. P. '23.
E, THE ALL-MIGHTY, educated evacuat.ors of Turlock Union High
School, East Side, Turlock, after due pondering, deliberation, and
much forethought, leave individually to our inferiors, as a mark of our
special favor, the following goods and chattels:
I, Howard Hjelm, the early bird himself, will my seat in detention to
whoever is tardy. The seat will undoubtedly remain unoccupied.
I, Erle Henrikson, leave 1ny hat to the highest bidder for use as an
I, Dorothy Hoover, will the remembrance of 1ny roguish black eyes to
whoever sees them.
I, Della Brown, the U. S. History Shark, leave my 1's in said subject to
some needy Junior.
I, Roy Oyer, will my ability of making love on the stage to some
youthful Romelet to Wayne Johnston, who has need of more practical
experience than I.
I, Lillian Gaylord, do hereby will and bequeath a pair of my silk hose
to Mary Strese, who will, no doubt, utilize them as a pair of spats.
I, Francis Bergstrom, leave, with all due remorse, my position as busi-
ness manager of the "Alert" to anybody who is in want of something to do.
We, Ruth Bevans and Hellen Gallison, the far-famed mammoth twins,
will our magnitude, both longitudinally and latitudinally to Marguerite
Vignolo and Barbara Davis, respectively, who are greatly in need of such
I, Forest Fiorini, will my position as target for Prof. Senter, the weight
throwing marvel, to anyone possessing an ivory bean.
Hot Bang! I, Eldon Thompson, hereby give ear to repeated entreaties
and leave 1ny corner on the slang market to Miss Sprague, who I am quite
sure will not indulge in it to excess.
I, Howren Roach, alias Mamma's little angel child, who hearkens unto
the saying the "children should be seen and not heard," do bequeath my
reserved and submissive manner to Oliver Nelson, the Untamed.
I, Jo Vierra, will my grace and ability as a dancer to Rudolph Valentino.
1, Viola Swanson,- do solemnly bequeath my happy smile to Lucile
Coveney, under the sole condition that it be used to welcome in the
I, Terry Laird, will by ability as a horse-shoe pitcher from way back
to Pimlott, the Pug, my only rival.
I, Anton Coelho, will in all sincerity, my unparalleled ability as an
extemporaneous orator to Leo Akulian.
I, Esther Ecklund, will my enchanting and seductive ways to Lygia
Erdman, the coming Nita Naldi.
I, Roger Quigley, bequeath my package of cigarettes to Ed Bernard,
who in years to come will be able to look tif there are any leftj at them
and remember his old pal Roger.
I, Marion Collins, do now bequeath with all due ceremony my nicked
and battered razor to Alonzo I-Ieimer, who will probably need to put it up
for future use.
I, Leone McBrayer, do hereby will and bequeath my loving looks and
winning ways, which I have used so successfully on Eugene Rowley, and
others, to Merle Landreth, the most popular boy in school.
I, Myrtle Lindberg, will my affection for Mr. Nichols to Willie Richards,
hoping that he may profit by the same.
I, Pearl Colburn, do leave my name to the rest of the family, as I will
have no further use for it in the near future.
I, Alfred Alstrom, leave my trousers to "Shorty" Elsen, who some day
might grow into them.
I, Lauren Sunderland, "Wally" Reid's only successor, do hereby discard
and bequeath my Grecian profile to Truman Potter.
I, Earl Richards, leave my million dollar feet to Erma Brock, a coming
I, Clifford Swanson, do hereby submit to the insistent requests of a
certain party and bequeath my sister, Gladys Swanson, to Louis Sweet.
I, Robert Stille, will the typing championship to Francis Bluett, my
I, Eldon Carlson, who deals out unwavering justice to friend and foe
alike, leave and bequeath my judicial ability to the judges of the Supreme
Court of the U. S.
I, Roy Vann, do hereby transmit my beautiful blush, which has duly
served me in time of need, to my bosom friend, Opal Merman.
I, Dee Kimzey, the most bashful boy in school, will this great asset to
Tommy Whistler, who is greatly in need of such a restriction.
I, Audrey Humble, do now submit my sparkler to the amalgamated
window pane company on account of the scarcity of glass.
I, Herman Trieveiler, will my large collection of neckties and stiff
collars to Ernest Roberts.
I, Clifford Harrington, will my ability in the mile to Elbert Smith, who,
coupling it with that of his own will surely win honors for the coming
Seniors of '24.
I, Chrissie Woolcock, will my wide Irish brogue and popular lips to
Addie Barricklow,-who will appreciate and use them to advantage.
I, Alice Hendrickson, will the honor and subsequent pleasure of con-
cocting the class prophecy to who may be so lucky f?J.
I, Orval Crowell, do hereby will and bequeath my pugilistic supremacy
to Francis Tyke, our four round wonder.
I, Irma Williams, will my reckless and speedy driving to Prof. Nichols.
I, Evelyn Lund, will and bequeath my pull with Miss Grant to Muriel
McAuliffe, hoping that she may derive as much enjoyment therefrom in
the future as I have in the past.
I, Melvin Sjogren, will my Irish name to Thomas O'Brien, the Swede.
I, Anna Housten, will my natural complexion and radiant smile to the
I, Eugene Rowley, do now bequeath my Ford and careful driving to my
little brother, Everett.
I, Newell Service, will my clever witticisms to Roy Hedstrom.
I, Mildred Booth, will my French lingo to Arthur Williams, the Spanish
I, Vaughn Earp, will my ability of interpreting complex thought into
intelligible English to Miss De Lapp, who may then be able to lucidate
I, Lester Thompson, leave my much treasured bottle of bandoline to
Pete Palmer, who, it appears, is very much in need of the same.
I, Nadine Pimlott, will my aristocratic reserve and fiendish desire to
criticize to Carmen Olson, who no doubt will use it to good advantage
in disclosing the latest scandals of her fellow schoolmates.
I, Elvira Kullander, do hereby will my golden tresses to old annex to
use as a beard to give it dignity even in old age.
I, Elston Ahlberg, will my ability in I-listory to Evangeline Carlson, who
is greatly in need of the same.
I, Clark Allison, having become tender hearted, refuse to longer terrify
poor fishes, both large and small, and leave this former wicked pleasure
to Vesta Chivington.
I, Helen Sheld, still wishing to retain the love and affections of Erle
Henrikson for some time to come, can only will the remembrance of that
little girl from Keyes.
l, Gladys Radantke, having exhausted the 600 pages of "Effective
Va1nping" will this wonderful book to Melba Coveney.
I, Ethel Soderstrom, do now leave my unique musical talents to
'Richard Steele, the songbird.
I, Merrill Swenson, will my skill, ability and endurance in all heated
student body discussions to Lamar Jackson.
I, Herbert Zipser, do will my football suit and all other track parapher-
nalia, to Elmer Elsen, 1ny ambitious competitor.
I, Jeanette Johnson, do will my position as twin sister to Marian
Sandberg to Carolyn Knutsen, an enterprising applicant.
We, Waunita Edmonston Jorgenson and Curtis McKenzie, do hereby
bequeath our ability in doing the extreme Chicago to Gladys Carnes and
I, Christine Kraft., having thoroughly read, absorbed, and successfully
applied, will the 800 pages or more of Harper's "Never Fail Reducer," to
We, Anna Ahlberg and Mabel Beauchamp, do hereby will in full our
controlling interest in the notorious Lars Erickson cabaret in Frisco to
Clesta Conner and Evelyn Larson.
I, Carl Bergstedt, will my Jewish Packard to Julia Gilliland, hoping
that she may thus better enjoy her many happy hours with Fred Stoy.
I, Fred Carlson, having satisfied mean disposition by persisting in
writing personal slams for the Tribune, do hereby will this remarkable
ability to John Peterson.
I, Enoch Ornberg, do will to Karl Claes my ability to ditch Pop Ratzell'S
fifth period study hall.
I, Ralph Hawk, do will my ability to put the shot to Harold Larson,
the long distance discus thrower.
I, Elizabeth Baily, leave my inheritetd ability to comprehend Spanish
to Sylia Bryer, who will undoubtedly appreciate my generosity.
I, Russell Bisnet, will my knack of using correct and high flown diction,
to Ethel Gilliland, who can use it to advantage in free hand drawing.
I, Guy Chappel, bequeath my weekly visits to the Modesto Skating Rink
to Miss Grant, the skating champion.
I, Albert Johnson, will my arrow collar hair comb to Daddy Ray.
I, Bessie Paxson, will in full my seven subjects to Ted Hohenthal,
Senior, some day to be.
I, Edward Larson, do will my 1890 Overland to the Turlock Junk Co.,
who, it is rumored, is running out of the same.
I, Eleanor Tracy, do will my tennis racket and form in said game to
Molla Mallory, hoping that she may improve by next year.
I, Leonard Larson, leave my coal black eyebrows to Linda Berglund.
I, Clifford Lilyquist, leave, will, and bequeath my inherited ecclesi-
astical tenderness to Arvid Klint, the would-be "hard" guy.
I, Bertha Simms, do now leave my meek, gentle and conscientious
nature to Bessie Busanio, next year's football star.
I, Dorothy Smith, will to my little sister Gertrude, my high standinv
with the faculty.
I, Inez Swanson, will my six-piece beauty attainer to Gladys Coveney,
I, Ruth Logan, will the sole right of taking my sister out to Everet'
We, Marvel Gran, Lois Wilcox and Francis Grubb find it necessary to
retain our charms and other facultids, as we intend to join Ziegfield's
Follies, and only will the chewing gum beneath our desks to Miss Smith.
I, Donald Ratzell, will my ability as a kangaroo in the high jump to
I, Florence Holmgren, will my much treasured dimple to Leroy Leedom,
the male flapper. I
I, Dorothy R. Peterson, will my seat in shorthand to Ina Olsen, with
all the consequent trials and tribulations.
I, Jean Clayton, will 1ny "Pierce Coop" to Abe Zipser, who may then
effectually court Hazel Arnold.
I, Emma Holgren, will my 72 inches of athletic structure to Evelyn
Larson, the vocal athlete.
I, John Claes, do will my two-wheeled velocipede to Peggy Clark, who
may then be able to catch the Hatch bus.
I, Mildred Bodin, now will one of my warmest dresses to the Flying
Mercury in the study hall.
I, Florence Green, will my thinnest dress to Lenore Bobost, hoping
that it will match her thin Romeo.
I, Abner Crowell, will my ability to step with all the girls at once and
get away with it to Truman Potter.
We, Austin Morrison and Eugene Raney, will our unparalleled ability
at playing pooling on the veneered surface of the Physics room tables
during class period to anyone who can accomplish the feat.
I, Ruby Post, will my ability of getting lessons without studying them
to Herbert Ferguson.
I, Vernon Jaeger, do now will my childish laughter to Leonard Wymer,
who, in turn, wills it to anyone who can reproduce it.
I, Helen Lundgren, will my ability to cook cornbread fsouthern stylej
to Miss Badgely.
I, Edith Crampton, leave my large collection of green garments, etc., to
this school for use on St. Patrick's day.
I, Evelyn Kane, will 1ny love of a good time to anyone promising not
to be more popular than I have been.
I, Glen Goddard, will my irresistible vamping methods to some forlorn
I, Agnes Zimmerman, will the 100,000 rubles allowed me by the court
to Miss Evans to buy a package of peanuts.
I, Grace Robertson, do will my remarkable collection of fine film to
I, Anna Larson, do now will my height to Dick Crane for use as an
aerial for his radio.
We, Myrtle Larson, Francis Leedom, Anna Trieveiler, and Ebba Hult-
man, the pulchra quartet, will our ability to indulge in non-harmonious
melodies, ideas, etc., to the faculty.
We, Merrill Swenson and Newell Service will our now exhausted
medula oblongatas, which we have used unsparingly in our voluntary help
in concocting this will to our unfortunate successors.
To execute and receive complains of this will, we, the Senior Class of
1923, appoint Leroy Nichols.
M. C. COLLINS '23.
cess of1923 p
AVING had so many strange adventures in foreign lands, I had
resolved to spend the rest of my days in peaceful enjoyment of the
quiet domesticity of my home. But when I received so excellent an
opportunity of accompanying Captain Stanwood on a trip to Africa and
the Antarctic I accepted despite the pleadings of 1ny wife.
We left England September 21, 1940, flying above water rather than
the land, because of the greater uniformity of the air currents. The
Captain and I relieved each other in controlling the plane, and we sailed
along at a good rate, the monotony of the hours varied only by the three
times that we partook of the concentrated foods brought with us.
At dawn of the following day We perceived ourselves to be flying above
land, but near the shore. Our speedometer registered eleven thousand
two hundred thirty-four miles. We were a bit uncertain of our where-
abouts. 'Looking around we suddenly noticed a small speck in the dis-
tance gradually growing larger. Focusing the glasses on it revealed a
high speed plane apparently pursuing us. Connecting up the radio we
soon got the message. "Alightg you are under arrest!"
Too astonished to do anything but comply, we were soon resting on
the quiet water of the little harbor, together with our pursuer. ,The man
from the other plane was no less surprised than we, when he learned that
we were from England. However, he decided we would have to "tell it to
So we were conducted ashore and into court. The officer, Fred
Carlson, by name, explained that we had exceeded the 2500 feet eleva-
tion speed limit by fifty-eight miles, our speed having been three hundred
miles per hour. He also stated that we were foreigners, so the court
exacted no penalty. Having dismissed our case the judge dropped his
dignified mien and became very affable, inviting us to visit him in his
home. The card he gave us bore the name H. Zipser.
That evening we visited his home and accepted his invitation to remain
as his guests during the remainder of ourcstay in the community.
From our discussion l learned that we had happened into a most
extraordinary community. Allowing for his natural pride, I was never-
theless most favorably impressed by his account of his country's history.
The colony had been organized and settled under the leadership of Roger
Quigley, Merrill Swenson and Hovvren Roach, some fifteen years ago.
The judge was of the firm conviction that the germ of inspiraiton for
such a venture had been implanted in their minds when they were but
carefree youths in school. Under the conscientious instruction of Mrs.
Pulcifer and Mr. Nichols their study of United States History, Civics,
Economics and Sociology had awakened in them a realization of the evils
of the economic and political systems, in which they lived. Their conse-
quent discontent, and the realization that to attempt reform was futile,
they had gathered their followers and departed. This flourishing, inde-
pendent, remote little nation was the result. In general the government
was patterned after the United States, but with, to quote the judge, "the
elimination of all of its disadvantages." As proof of its prosperity, there
existed no multi-millionaires, nor were there any charitable institutions,
since there was no need for them. The government owned and operated
all public utilities at a sufficient profit to exempt the people from all but a
very slight tax.
Their present executive, who was one of the aforementioned leaders,
Merrill Swenson, was serving a second term. One of the other two,
Howren Roach had been speaker in the Senate for many years, resigning
recently to pursue the less fatiguing profession of auctioneer.
The next day we went with him to the courts. In the Superior Court
I was much interested in the proceedings of a trial of a criminal case.
The accused was one Leonard Wejmar, dairyman, and rather a rough
looking individual, accused of wilfully employing the obsolete method of
sterilizing all milk containers by steam instead of the vacuum system,
legally recognized as the only sanitary method. The lawyer for the
defense was Miss Dorothy Hoover, and the prosecuting attorney Mr.
Lilyquist. Being curious about the classes that the jurors might repre-
sent, I inquired and found them to be Antone Coelho, musiciang Clark
Allison, mechanic, Herman Triewieler, farmerg Terry Laird, chauffeurg
Mrs. Waunita Edmonston Ui, teacher of aesthetic dancingg Ruby Post,
nurseg John Claes, electrical engineer, Esther Eklund, stenographerg Orvil
Crowell, pugilistg Enoch Ornberg. retired coal dealer, Viola Swanson,
telephone operator, and Leone McBrayer, an authoress. The witnesses
for the defense were Elston Ahlberg and Carl Bergstedt, assistants at the
dairy. The witnesses for the plaintiff were Edward Larson, an official
inspector, and Miss Frances Leedom, a chemist in the milk department of
the city laboratories. The presiding judge was Miss Irma Williams.
The intricate detail of the case soon caused my interest to lag. Next
I visited the court of domestic relations. I took occasion to inquire of
a pale, solemn little lady at the desk concerning the divorce rate in this
singular country. Having learned to expect the unusual I was not sur-
prised to learn that it was approximately two and one-half percent. She
explained that while the divorce laws were very lenient, it was difficult
to get married, and impossible to do so in secret. One had to pass certain
compatability examinations to get the necessary license. She fl later
learned from Judge Zipser that her name was Miss Anna Houstonj
allowed me to look at the various records. Among the divorces the most
recent one had been granted to a Mrs. Gladys Radantke Percivale, on the
grounds of incompatability. Miss Houston volunteered the information
that "he was one of these lounge-lizards with a bit of black down on his
upper lip, fancy cigarette holders and manicured finger nails." Appar-
ently she sympathized with the lady.
Among the marriage records, there had been five entries that morning.
The last was that of Jeanette Johnson t.o A. Gameguy. Miss Houston told
me that the lady was a leader among women's clubs.
Leaving the courts I walked aimlessly along the city street wondering
how Captain Stanwood was enjoying the trial of the dairyman. Coming
to a cafe I realized that I was hungry, so entered and enjoyed a delicious
lunch. There were no waiters in evidence but instead the food was or-
dered from the kitchen by means of a speaking tube comprising a small
telephone system, each table being connected with the kitchen. The food
was then dropped down a sort of dumb waiter shaft which suddenly
appeared above the table and having deposited the edibles, quickly dis-
appeared. When I had eaten and paid my bill, which latter was done by
means of a contrivance much like a pay telephone, I made note of the
location and name of the place feeling that I should like to come again.
Its exceedingly appropriate name was Calorie Cafe and its proprietors
were Lillian Gaylord and Melvin Sjogren. I decided in favor of some
light entertainment. So down the street I went till I encountered a
motion picture. As it seemed to be showing a good program I went in.
The picture was "The Athletic Mind," taken from the book by the same
name whose author was Marion Collins. He, I afterwards learned, was
a writer of most extraordinary novels. Starring in the film was Myrtle
Lindberg supported by Roy Oyer. The pictures were in colors, of course,
and the most delicate tints were brought out perfectly. Needless to state
the pictures were not silent, but "speaking," and in this respect were
distinct and most excellent in expression of the voice. The acting was
good, due largely no doubt to the skill of the famous director Helen
Lundgren. Lighter entertainment followed but the only number worthy
of note was a hexagon dance, a most fantastic and exhilarating expres-
sion of art. The premier danseuse, according to the programme, was
Eleanor Tracy and her partner was Forest Fiorini.
When the judge arrived home that evening he brought us what proved
to be invitations to a ball to be given by Mr. Clifford Harrington, a cele-
brated author and artist. The judge informed us that this Mr. Harrington
held such a function annually and that it was really a gathering of the
intellectuals of the state.
I spent the next day in the quiet of the judge's home and gardens.
looking forward with keen anticipation to the evening. Anticipation,
however, did not wholly occupy my mind, for the judge's garden proved
to be most interesting. Observing a gardener at Work among some
plants, I inquired if he were the designer of the gardens. "Oh, no," he
replied, "I am Joe Vierra, the gardener. Miss Pimlott is the designer."
He then proceeded with much pride to point out many interesting features
of the garden.
Eventually the evening arrived and we departed for the home of
Mr. Harrington. The green and gold ball room where the guests were
assembled impressed me with the cultured taste of the owner. He proved
to be a man of interesting personality, given to few Words, but an excellent
listener. The first of the guests whom I met was Mr. Vaughn Earp, a
professor at the local university. I learned that he had proven the prac-
tical application of the theory of the fourth. dimension and was success-
fully teaching its principle. Another man, a most lengthy gentleman, was
Mr. Alfred Alstrom, famous in journalistic circles, and as author of "The
Ethics of the Question."
I had an interesting discussion with a little lady who had written a
history of the World War of 1914-1918 in twelve volumes, name was
Miss Agnee Zimmerman, and I resolved to read her history if it were only
half so interesting as she. With her was a Miss Ruth Logan, who was
head of the Educational Department of the state. I met many more
interesting individuals. For instance, there was Albert Johnson, the
famous cartoonist, and Vernon Jaeger, the electrical engineer, noted for
his radio improvement which made possible the broadcasting of more
than one message at a time, without conflict.
Soon the dancing began, and when I deplored the fact that their
dances differed sufficiently from ours to cause me lack of confidence,
Miss Bevans, whom I met earlier in the evening, offered to help me. She
informed me that she was the State Superintendent of the Kindergarten
Department of Education. She introduced me to a Miss Helen Gallison,
who was a daily commuter to an insignificant town on the coast of Africa,
where she superintended a native gang of pearl divers.
During an interval in the dancing our host introduced Mlle. Woolcock,
prima donna, who sang most divinely several selections from the opera in
which she was to lead during the coming season. She was accompanied
on the piano by the noted musician and composer, Miss Colburn. The
charm of Miss Woolcock's personality expressed itself perfectly in her
voice, and facial expression as she sang. Incidentally, I saw Capt. Stan-
wood dancing with her later in the evening and there was on his counte-
nance a rapt expression, the like of which I had not deemed possible.
Captain Stanwood is a handsome man, not in the fashionable, precise
way, but in a hearty, wholesome manner that is appealing at all times.
But to resume-eventually we went in to supper. My partner was a
vivacious young lady by the name of Mrs. Audrey Humble Dick. She
informed me that she was from an outlying district where she and her
husband owned a fruit ranch. They raised seedless pomegranates, which
Mr. Dick had perfected. She also stated that it was a nuisance living out
so far. Why, this very evening, while enroute to the ball, she had been
arrested for parking over five minutes in an air pocket!
The supper consisted of many courses. The food itself was a mystery
to me, but very edible. For instance, one dish which appeared to be baked
trout in some fancy sauce, proved to be a gelatin and fruit cocktail, and
what I was sure was a baked apple surrounded by mushrooms fan extra-
ordinary combinationl turned out to be an apple stuffed with meat
encircled by little pasties.
Mrs. Dick informed me that the chef who had constructed these
dishes was none other than Miss Francies Grubbe, who commanded a
stupendous salary for her art in pastry. The meal was served by small
girls dressed like fairies, who flitted about almost as quickly as those
ethereal beings. I soon perceived, however, that they were greatly assist-
ed in their flitting by roller skates on their feet. The noiselessness and
dexterity with which they got about was a.1nazing.
Observing my keen interest in the demure little 1niss who served me,
Mrs. Dick remarked, "Isn't she sweet? She is the daughter of Erle Hen-
rikson. Of course, you have heard of him-the famous bacteriologist
who has recently written a book on "The Breath of the Bacillef' The
little girl filling the glass of the bewhiskered gentleman at the next table
is a twin sister to this one." Then I asked who the bewhiskered gentleman
might be. "Oh," she replied, "he is the uncle of Miss Bessie Paxson, a
noted architect, who, I believe constructed the plans of this very build-
ing." It was certainly a credit to her.
When we had finished the last course, our host rose and introduced
the first speaker of the evening, Mr. Eugene Raney, an eminent astron-
omer. Mr. Raney spoke briefly on the recent advance of science in the
various branches, mentioning among other things the discovery and isola-
tion of the last of the chemical elements by the noted chemist, Miss Alice
Hendrickson. Miss Bertha Simms, famous as a writer of tragedies and
as a critic of art and literature, followed with an interesting talk on the
latest phases in those arts. Among others she mentioned briefly the fren-
zied free-verse of a newly discovered poet, Lauren Sunderland, and the
satirical masterpieces of the playwright, Mabel Beauchamp.
While we were returning home I casually 'remarked to Captain Stan-
wood, "Beautiful voice--Miss Woolcockf'
"Yes, indeed," was his quick response, "charming lady." "Who was
the lady at your left, during supper?" I asked wondering if he had even
been aware of any one other than the lady to his right.
"Oh, that was Miss Dorothy Smith, she is private secretary to Mr.
Newell Service, State Commissioner of Agriculture. She chattered an
awful lot-witty as the deuce, though."
"You seem to have made quite a 'hit' with the ladies this evening," I
laughingly remarkedg "who was the willowy brunette dressed in plantom
blue, with whom I saw you dancing earlier in the evening?"
"Why, that was Miss Lund," he repliedg "rather demureg told me she
was a model for the great costume designer, Madame Christine Kraft."
S0 comfortably seated, each in the depths of an arm chair and pulling
peacefully at our pipes we listened to a broadcasted sermon by the
Rev. Engine Rowley. There were also several choir selections and a solo
sung by Miss Marvel Gran. 'The service concluded with a prayer by
Deacon Abner Crowell.
That afternoon I went for a stroll with the judge, with whom Sunday
afternoon walks were a habit. His occupation being of such a sedentary
nature, he deemed the exercise beneficial. He said he had been quite an
athlete in his younger days, but now he had grown quite heavy. We had
walked a short distance when we reached the property adjoining that of
the judge. A spacious, well built home, set far back among trees and
surrounded by lawns and gardens, met my gaze. Observing my interest
the judge remarked, "That is the home of Mr. Roy Vann, and over there-
he indicated an equally beautiful home on the opposite side of the street-
is where Mrs. Glen Goddard Dozemwell Many-orfu-Continuslie, prominent
Walking on we came to a small park. The judge wished to enter and
rest a bit. I noticed that he was puffing from the exertion of the walk,
so I readily agreed. While he rested I wandered aimlessly about. Unex-
pectedly, I came upon a statue of a young man in the uniform of ali
aviator. A bronze tablet informed me that it was erected to Earl Richards,
who had perfected a fuel-less oxide plane. Wandering on, I next came to
a series of large cages in which were many strange birds. A caretaker
was feeding them grain. As I watched the proceedings the judge joined
me. "Good afternoon, McKenzie," he called to the caretaker, "How are
"How do you do," responded the niang "they are fine, sirg the Sparrow
that was ill is quite well again."
One evening ga few days later I accompanied the judge to a meeting
of the local Welfare Committee to discuss plans of forcing the attention
of the Legislature to the need of better traffic rules. Accidents had
increased from an average of one-half to two-thirds persons per day.
The chairman of the evening was an ex-senator, Mr. Dee Kimsey, a
jovial and rather pompous fellow. Opening the meeting he called for the
reading of the minutes by Secretary I-Ijelm. But Mr. Hjelm was evidently
not there. As they were about to proceed without him the door opened
and in walked a gentleman, very composed in manner, every detail of his
clothes correct and each hair of his wavy red head in perfect order. .
"Earlier than usual, Senator," remarked the chairman. tHe was not
yet a senator, but was a candidate in the coming election.J
Immediately there poured forth from Mr. I-Ijelm's lips such a flow of
words constituting explanations for his tardiness, that altho I missed
part of their import, I felt somewhat awestricken at his volubility. He
then read the minutes and the meeting proceeded.
A certain Dr. Eldon Carlson presented a brief of what he considered
suitable points in framing their petition. In the discussion, a man named
Ratzell, a prominent detective, asked numerous questions, but at length
he approved it, pointing with good logic to its merits. It was further
supported by Mr. Francis Bergstrom, a prominent banker in the city, and
Miss Lois Wilcox, a local attorney.
But their views were opposed by no less a person than Mr. Quigley,
the chief commissioner of Water and Power, who offered an amendment.
The task of getting signatures to this petition to be presented to the legis-
lature, yet remained, and I offered my assistance in this.
So the next morning I set out in an optimistic 'mood to explore the
district that had been assigned to me for canvassing.
A little lady in a blue dress answered my summons at the first house.
When I had explained my mission she readily signed putting down the
name, Mrs. Florence Green-Anderson. ln the space following which was
labeled "Occupation," she wrote, "Housewife"
At the next house a tall, sad lady signed the name, Ebba Hultman,
It was proving very interesting work, and the variety of occupations
was amazing. A few of the more interesting ones were:
Elvira Kullander chiropractic doctor.
Della Brown, private secretary to Eldon Thompson, whom she in-
formed me was a manufacturer of children's toys.
Inez Swanson, a saleslady in a battery Works.
Elizabeth Bailey, a postmistress.
Mildred Bodin, stenographer.
Edith Crampton, social servcie worker in Turlock, California, U. S. A.,
to which place she commuted daily.
Florence Holmgren, gymnastics instructor.
Anna Ahlberg, matron in the only orphanage of the state.
Emma Hollgren, assistant matron.
Mrs. Anna Treiweiler-Jones, housewife.
Lennard Larson, editor of "The Modern Woman's Magazine."
Evelyn Kane, kindergarten teacher.
Austin Morrison, wholesale grocer.
Helen Sheld, head buyer in a department store.
Ethel Soderstrom, lecturer on psychology.
Robert Stelle, optometrist and oculist.
Mildred Booth, editor of fashion and etiquette page of "The Modern
Ralph Hawk, fish merchant.
Clifford Swanson, official State Surveyor.
Dorothy R. Peterson, Commissioner of Garbage Collection. I was
much interested in the means of disposal et., all of which she explained
to me. Collected in containers lined with waxed paper, it was scientific-
ally dehydrated and finally sold as fertilizer.
Myrtle Larson, head of a private institution for aged and infirm cats.
At the end of that week Ca.ptain Stanwood suddenly developed a great
desire to quit this place and in spite of my almost tearful remonstrances
he firmly insisted upon our departure. I was in his room at the time of
my remonstrating and while there, I noticed a very small box lying on his
dressing table. On the cover was printed the name, Guy Chappell,
Jeweler-and I wondered-
On October 8th, amid enthusiastic cheers of the throng gathered to
bid us farewell, we departed. We had a pleasant and uneventful trip
arriving in England the following evening.
I have not seen Captain Stanwood since but this morning's radio news
informed me that Captain Stanwood and his bride, who was Miss Wool-
cock of Atlantis, are leaving for this modern Utopia, where they intend
to make their home.
Still Remember Me
QAS spoken by Turlock Hij
EPART from out my portals,
But till thou art immortal,
Oh, still remember me.
When the love thou seekest
To thine heart is sweetest,
Oh, then remember me.
Other rooms will hold thee,
Lovelier scenes enfold thee 5
All the scenes that bless thee,
Sweeter far may be.
But no matter where you roam,
Be it near or far from home,
Oh, still remember me.
Calendar of Events
September 18, 1922-School opens. The wandering tribes again
assemble for nine months of ha.rdf'?J study. We all feel like Freshmen
again trying to find our way from one new coop to another.
September 20-New teachers-welcome! The Misses Hestwood, Dins-
dale, Hohenthal, White and Ferguson and Mr. G. P. Senter.
September 22--New Commissioners take charge of assembly.
October 2-First football game. Sacramento defeats Turlock Hi-
School with a score of 18-0. Cheer up! Our eleven are just getting
October 4-The Cafeteria promises good eats-"Yum-yum."
October 13-School holds Freshman Reception at the old site campus.
The Frosh were quite fussed, but behaved nicely.
October 16-Advanced Spanish Class organizes Social Club.
October 20-Paul Swager is taking care of his voice-for he was
elected yell leader of the Seniors.
October 26-"Helen Keast, a Sophomore, moves to Santa Rosa."
October 28-"A swell Affair"-Lancaster lost a tooth. Beware!
Leave him alone until he recovers!
October 30-Miss Spencer organizes a Dramatic Club.
November 7-Miss Helen Halliday is honored by a dinner party on her
birthday-'fSweet Sixteen" 1? '? ? '?J
November 11-Modesto defeats Turlock in football at Modesto.
November 13-Girl Reserves give Mother and Daughter banquet.
November 16-Vigilance committee is organized and work begins.
November 30-Thanksgiving day-Madera and Turlock football game.
Turlock scores 33 to Madera's-"O", We notice that Heimer has
undoubtedly caught new "Jane"
December 4-Football hero eats too much turkey at the Madera
banquet. Ask Paul Swager about his dreamf?J
December 11-Victim of cigarettes demonstrates and lectures on the
evil of the "coffin nail."
up those who
20-Prof. declares that detention is a- good place to wake
can't wake up in time in the morning to report to roll call.
21-Science Club is organized. Miss Hyde takes charge.
22-All girls are worrying-"ah, dear, Christmas almost
here and not a single gift started."
December 23-School Closes for Christmas vacation.
December 25-"Silence!" Not a sound stirs the lifeless schoolhouse.
29-Sophomore History contest results in the entertain-
ment of the 7th period class by the unlucky losers-3rd-8th period classes.
January 3-Back again, standing on good resolutions and reaching
for the highest marks we can get on those mid-term report cards.
January 5-First basket ball game. Turlock defeats Patterson.
January 12-Turlock's hidden talent. The "Shriek"-fAlonzoJ-is
by one basket.
down the hall-
-McPherren tips the score off fine. We win from Modesto
Good work "Mac."
-Miss Barker visits Turlock Hi.
-Bow-Wow! From now on we'll hear them all up and
Mr. G. P. Senter included.
-Even the faculty swings a wicked racket. We all have
the tennis fever.
-Local Quintet loses to San Jose Hi.
February 4-Report cards. Did you flunk?
February 5-Mid-term Freshmen learn what "Blue Monday" means.
Hurrah for H2
-G. P. Senter teaches graphical formulas in Chemistry.
February 8-Girls defeat Los Banos in basketball.
February 11-"Eddy" and "Dick"-cheer up! Thirteen miles isn't so
very far away.
February 16-Our basket ball sharks play Modesto.-Sad, but trueg
defeat for Turlock is the outcome.
-Freshman manner books are in circulation.
February 21-Series of banquets are given to Mothers by Domestic
February 2-Senior play--"Come out of the Kitchen."
February 28-Horseshoe is the latest rage among the younger genera-
March 1-Louisa Conner quits school. Not enough excitement in this
studious life for her.
March 5-Domestic Science girls give the Trustees a banquet.
March 6-Girl Reserves give "Japanese Tea."
March 17-Everyone looking green! Junior Class St. Patrick's party.
Also Frosh Class party.
March 22-Inter class track meet. The new bleachers initiated.
March 23-Miss Graham exhibits the Latin students' ability by featur-
ing a farce.
March 23-April 2-VACATION!
April 4-What makes it rain so much?
April 6-Senior party.
April 9-Senior "Bum Day." A good time and a picnic lunch enjoyed
by Senior members.
April 19-Track meet in Modesto. Turlock takes part.
April 13-Junior Class Play, "Daddy Long Legs."
April 20-Lamar Jackson and Roy Oyer go to Sacramento to debate.
May 4-May festival.
May 4-Sophomore picnic at Del Puerto Canyon.
May 18-Hi-School Operetta. "The Feast of the Red Corn."
May 20-Baseball-the rage.
June 14-Commencement! Do We feel diferent? Oh no! Only a
little more dignified.
OMA LAWSON '24,
The Charge of the Light Brigade
ALF a mile, half a mile,
Half a mile eastward,
All along canal drive,
Drove the Six Hundred.
As a daring driver led,
"Open mufflers wide," he said.
To the grounds of Turlock Hi,
Drove the Six Hundred.
Then came the Ford Brigade:
All those that Henry made,
Despite the fact the roughness
Onward they thunderedg
Their's not to miss a bump,
Their's not to stop a thump,
Their's but to sit and jump.
Into the grounds of Turlock Hi,
Drove the Six Hundred.
Ratzell to right of them,
Nichols to left of them,
Lucille in front of them
Volleved and thundered.
Splashed up with 1n11d and
Yet came they not on time.
For their admittance slips
Came the Six Hundred.
Why soon their Fords decayed,
As this wild charge they made,
No one did wonder.
What was the gain they made?
Look at the price they paid,
Foolish Six Hundred.
JOHN CLAES '23.
"Hitch Your Wagon t.o a Star"
6 6 LL ABOARDV' Wayne Johnson, first driver, shouted to the passen-
. gers. The Star of Knowledge, to which the wagon of '24 was
hitched, started slowly at first so that its passengers might become accus-
tomed to riding in the Sky of Education.
Someone had to keep the wheels greased and help select the officers,
so Miss Badgely and Mr. McCready were chosen as guardians of the
wagon. With their advice, Theodore Hohenthal was made second driver.
Agnes Zinnnerman kept the log and also the roll to see that no one fell
overboard. Kellis Grigsby safeguarded the passengers' surplus money.
Harold Elsen taught them how to yell the "Mess Call? John Peterson
kept the "High School Tribune" filled with tales of the voyage. And
Franklin Carlson sat at the wireless to hear the wishes of the Executive
Board. I V
On March 17 the Star stopped at Amusement Park and held a party.
The influence of this party made learning impossible and again the
passengers wished to rest. Instead they came to the biggest task of the
trip-the .lunior Play. After hard efforts, an all-star cast, trained by
Miss Spencer, gave the play, "Daddy Long Legs," April 23.
One day before landing Agnes Zimmerman sent an S. 0. S. to the
Seniors. The result was the annual Junior-Senior Banquet.
Back to the waiting Star, and back to the studies and duties, they
reluctantly went. Not for long, though. Play time so soon? Yes, weary,
knowledge-torn C?l brains demanded a change. This time it was in the
form of a picnic. Early in the morning of that summer day, the merry
crowd crowded into still more crowded trucks for a glorious day of fun.
On June 15, the passengers and crew bade their faithful Star farewell
for three months, assuring their beautiful guide that they would be back
again to soon complete the last lap of the course.
IONE RAPP 224.
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Sophomore "AH Report
N THE lovely moon of September gathered the mighty tribe of '25. The
first council fires were lighted in the Great Wigwam, otherwise the
Turlock Union High School.
Since a person of keen judgment and venerable knowledge was needed
to guide the tribe, Leroy Holbrook was chosen, and Gladys Swanson was
made assistant to the chief, or vice president, in the words of the white
man. For their scribe and recorder of all meetings, they named Gladys
Coveney. Louis Sweet guarded well the tribe's treasures. Clifford Wolfe
was elected to fill the position of representative at the High Councils when
all the tribes assembled to discuss many weighty matters. Then the tribe
decided to elect Ross Meade to relate for the Great Wigwam's paper the
acts worthy of note. Occasionally, the tribe of '25 was aroused by great
emotions such as joy or anger, and at such times they were led in a war
dance by Herbert Ferguson.
In the spring when all was greene1'y and blossoms, the four tribes met
in a great festival and celebration. On the' grounds surrounding the
Great Wigwam were held various sports in which the young braves were
spurred on by the fair maidens to greater exploits of valor and courage.
Many praiseworthy feats were performed by '25's gallant warriors, and
they received due Commendation. Later in the spring, one big powwow
was held at Del Porto Canyon.
The sturdy braves and fair maidens of this tribe are thoroughly appre-
ciative of the work they have accomplished and are eagerly looking for-
ward to the further greater works that they will undoubtedly perform in
the future, GLADYS COVENEY '25.
Sophomore "BH Report '
EY! Just a minute! We Sophomores have something we'd like to
have you know.
Last September We moved from the Methodist church to the High
School. We immediately stuck our noses in the mysteries of Latin and
Algebra, hoping to escape the hungry eye of the Sophomores. But we
had no such luck, for we were initiated with the incoming Freshmen.
We felt rather timid at first, but we soon got enough courage to have
a class meeting at which we elected our officers as follows:
Melba Goodin, presiclentg Dick Crane, vice presidentg Selma Lundell,
secretaryg Rudolph Linquist, treasurer.
Later Melba Goodin moved away and George Tyhurst was elected to
fill her place.
On February 5th we progressed from Freshmen to Sophomores, a step
of which we were very proud. We elected new officers as follows:
Thomas Donnelly, presidentg Melvin Thompson, vice president 3 Alice
Dimberg, secretaryg Melba Coveney, treasurer 3 Robley Libby, yell leader.
We entertained ourselves with a Valentine party to which we invited
the Freshmen that just entered High School.
Though there are but a handful of us we partake in all the events of
the High School in a snappy manner.
GERTRUDE SMITH ,26.
Freshman "B" Report
HE B Freshmen entered the Turlock Union High School on February
5, 1923, hoping to be a credit to the institution. We are not a very
large class in number, being about thirty in all. Miss Ferguson helped us
organize the class. We elected Louis Williams as president, Natalie
Vartanian, vice president, Johnnie Williams, secretary, Billy Williams,
treasurer, Virgil Olson, class representative, Norval Knutsen, class
reporter and Ralph Knutsen, yell leader.
A few weeks after entering school, we were given a welcoming recep-
tion by the B Sophomores. The evening was spent in games and refresh-
ments. The 'most thrilling event was the jiggingof Mr. Ratzell.
The members of our class are very active both in school and outside.
Some of the boys are going in for track and the girls also. Baseball is
coming on and it is expected that some boys will enter.
Even though we are a small class, we hope to 'show the rest of the
students before we graduate, that quality makes up for quantity.
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Freshman "AH Report
66 H. J. Los Angeles broadcasting," that's not interesting.
. 011, here we are, HT. L. K. Turlock broadcasting."
The program this evening from T. L. K. will be a report from the
Freshman class, entitled. Freshmen of Turlock High School surpass all
other classes in brilliancy, industry and love of books.--Everybody listen!
In September the year of 1922, one hundred a.nd forty-five of the most
intelligent looking students entered Turlock High School. '
For a while they wandered around like sheep having no shepherd.
Miss Smith, Miss Halliday and Miss White took pity on these lost
children and suggested that we elect a shepherd to gather in the sheep.
David Zipser was elected. He asked for some help so Lyle Jackson
was asked to help him.
This class finally became so business like that they gave Mary Strese
the job of keeping track of all that occurred at their meetings.
They also had a large amount of money lying around and Marjorie
Sward was put in charge of it.
Of course, this class had to take part in the school affairs so they
sent James Miraglio up to represent them on the school's executive
Out of this Wonderful class Jack Kimzey was asked to put all Fresh-
man affairs in the High School paper.
That is all for tonight from "T. L. K." This station will close down
for the time and will send on a higher wave length next year.
Good-night, everyone, "Just one minute, please, here comes our yell
leader, Merrill Hedmanf'
"Freshmen A. 9 Rah's." MARY Y. STRESE.
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Just a Collar Button
By M. C. Collins
COLLAR button is a small object, too small in fact, possessing a
stubborn and a very playful disposition. At very critical moments it
often has a humorous streak and plays hide-and-seek with its exasperated
This is just what happened when a certain young gentleman was
dolling up to take his new girl to the theatre. He had on his best clothes,
silk shirt, etc. His tie and collar, a hard one at that, were lying on the
bureau. Picking up the fateful collar button, he made ready to insert it
in its proper place.
Then, remembering that he had left his tickets the had purchased
box seats for the occasionl in his other clothes, he tossed the button
toward the dresser. The button then felt one of those peculiar humorous
attacks coming on. When it lit on the dresser it bounced off onto the
floor. Then, quite naturally, the gentleman in question picked it up and
again tossed it toward the bureau. When he got into the other room,
however, he quite forgot what he had come for, so he returned.
Upon reaching the bureau, the button was nowhere to be found.
Where could it be? After a frantic search, he stopped to think. He
remembered distinctly. He had placed the button on the bureau. He did
want to wear that hard collar. Again he indulged in a futile hunt for
the missing button. It certainly was peculiar how things could disappear
around this house. Didn't he pick that button up and put it on the
dresser? When he came back it wasn't there, was it? Where could it be?
The more he looked at that nice, shiny, hard collar reposing on the
dresser the more he wanted to wear it. He didn't feel dressed up without
it. Then, after a period of standing on his tip-toes to look on the mantel
where the button might possibly be, and of crawling on his hands and
knees to peer under the bed, the dresser, and the couch, he condescended
to wear hi-s soft collar. Just because he wanted to look his best some-
thing had to happen. He had never seen it fail.
After pinning the soft collar on to his shirt with a safety pin to the
best of his ability, but by no means to his satisfaction, he happened to
glance at the clock. What, five minutes of eight! He hurriedly brushed
his trousers, which had gathered quite a bit of dust and had lost their
fine crease during the recent half hour of fruitless search, donned his hat
and coat, and hastened to the meeting place without a thought of the
little collar button.
Arriving at last, all out of breath, he found her looking at her wrist
watch, wondering what had happened to her escort. It was too dark for
him to catch the meaning glance she gave him that spoke as clearly as
words. She thought him to be a fine fellow, keeping her waiting there
all that time. Well, what had he to say for himself?
"Oh," exclaimed the belated young man as soon as he had recovered
his breath. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. Really it was quite unavoid-
able for I los-," he checked himself just in time. He couldn't tell her
that he had lost his collar button. That would have been absurd.
"You what?" inquired the person at his elbow.
"Oh, why, the fact is, she-it was just as I was going to say-er-X'
"Yes," she replied.
"Taxi drivers are a. very undependable lot," began he of the safety pin
in desperation. "lt seems as though every bum who can't find a job
becomes a taxi driver. I started out in time to get here two or tfhree
times, but that driver got lost and couldn't find himself. He kept driving
round and round until finally I had to tell him the way and then point
"Why, you weren't in a taxi. You were walking when you met me."
"Oh, I was. Wasn't I? Yes, yes, certainly. I forgot to tell you that
that driver kept getting more reckless every moment. He seemed to take
great delight in seeing how close he could shave the corner posts without
taking off any paint. I came to the unanimous conclusion that the only
sure way of getting here was to get out and walk, which I immediately
did. Now you see that I was not at all to blame."
"That's perfectly all right. I only arrived a few moments before you
came up," gallantly ventured the girl.
They went on in silence until they arrived at the theatre. "One of the
girls told me that there is going to be an excellent act on tonight. Cobb
85 Dilb are supposed to have a host of good jokes and Misermy is reputed
to be one of the best woman impersonators there is."
"Glad to hear that," rejoined her latest victim. "I have the best se-,"
the word died a natural death in his throat. He had reached into his
pocket and discovered that he did not have his tickets, that he had left
them in his other clothes. They were at the theatre now, and due to his
previous delay, he would not have time to return for them. What did he
do? Not knowing anything else to do he fell in line.
After a long wait he arrived at the ticket office. He dug down into his
jeans and found-one lonely dollar. He had left his money in his other
Putting on a bold front he asked, "Will you accept a check?"
"Yes, but only for the amount of the tickets." A
Here was his chance. He again reached into his pocket and-where
was his check book? In hi-s other clot.hes. "Have you a check book on
the First National?"
This tifme the answer was negative.
"Give me two," he said, producing the dollar. She handed him two
tickets and twenty cents. He didn't look at them. He didn 't dare. Where
were the seats? ' A
He showed them to the usher down stairs, thinking that she might
make a mistake. She smiled sweetly and said, "Third balcony."
He glanced at his newly acquired sweety to see how she took it.
She was taken back. The idea of him taking her way up there. The
elevator was out of order and so they took the stairs. Those certainly
were three long flights of stairways. Quite the longest he had ever seen.
"Do you think that we can hear anything way up there?" asked his
companion. She had no idea of his predicament.
"Well, you see it's like this,', started the escort. "I wanted to see how
the stage looked and what its effect would be from a distance. This
theatre is supposed to have the best coo sticks in town. That's what you
call them, isn't it, coo sticks? I wanted to see if it was true. Besides we
can be practically alone up there." He caught the full significance of the
glance that might have been interpreted as follows: "I wish you would
do your experimenting alone. As for the alone part, I'd just as soon be
where I could see and hear what was going on."
When they were ushered to their seats, they found them to be situated
directly in front of two old ladies. Judging from what followed during
the show he decided that one of them must be slightly hard of hearing,
for the other took great delight in telling what she had caught of a
previous witticism. They would both then indulge in laughter after the
joke had been told several minutes before. Then, too, if they did not
quite catch the meaning which lay behind one they spent several minutes
discussing it in rather loud whispers which drowned the faint sounds
which came from the far away stage.
The actors looked like pigmies, squat and short. As for the efficiency
of the coo sticks, that was never fathomed.
From time to time the dismantled young man glanced furtively at his
companion who sat throughout the performance without a word or com-
ment of any kind. He didn't say anything, either, as there was nothing
to say. He knew that she wanted to see the impersonator clearly and
catch the witticisms of Cobb and Dilb, but neither was possible. His
collar wilted, as much as soft collars do, and the pressure of that safety
pin on the back of his neck was becoming unbearable.
Near the close of the performance he ventured a remark. "Pretty
warm up here, isn't it"?
"Yes, quite," she replied in the coolest manner possible. He said
nothing more until the end of the show.
When they got out into the fresh night air, he quite forgot about his
financial embarrassment, his only thought being to neutrralize the effect
of him taking her up into the third balcony.
"Let's get something coldj' he said.
"All right. That will be just the thing. Ice cream after the show."
This last remark was added and he thought it tainted with sarcasm.
They entered an ice cream parlor and seated themselves in one of the
many booths. She pushed the button and he settled back, thrusting his
hands into his pockets, prepared to order something big. As he did so his
hand came in contact with the twenty cents, all that he had with him.
Just then the waitress arrived. The person across the table ordered
something that called for exactly twenty cents. "And what will you
have?" innocently inquired the waitress. "I, I don't believe I'll take any-
thing. I don't feel very well all of a sudden."
Quite naturally his companion registered sympathy and asked him
what seemed to be the matter. He checked himself in the act of placing
his hand on his pocket where the pocket book ought to be, and said that
all of a sudden he felt kind of faint.
She hastily ate her frozen dainty and they again eme1'ged into the
fresh night air. "Now, we'll get a taxi and you can get home as soon as
possible." The sympathetic girl took the thing in hand. She wasn't
going to let. him suffer on her account.
He stopped her in the act of haling a t.axi. "Don't bother about
getting a taxi. I feel better already. Besides, a walk in this fresh, night
air will do us both good." Again he had felt nothing in his pocket.
"Just as you say, just as you say," acquiesced the puzzled girl. She
couldn't quite make this young man out. He had taken her up to a third
balcony where she couldn't hear or see anything. Then he had taken her
to an ice cream parlor and then said that he wouldn't take anything for
he felt rather queer inside and had better not eat anything. When she
ventured to hail a taxi to get him home he had said that he felt better
already. He had looked and seemed such a nice fellow at first, but what
an oil can he had turned out to be. He must be a little off.
After a long and all but silent walk in which both were taken up with
their thoughts and reflections, they arrived at her door step. She sweetly
told him that she had spent a wonderful evening, with all due sarcasm,
of course, and he retraced that long sidewalk for want of a nickel to ride
on the street car.
VVhat he called himself and thought of himself that night as he
prepared for bed would not be well to print. He was a fine fellow, he was.
Never saw a fellow quite like him, nor anybody else to his knowledge.
What would she think of him? She was a pretty nice girl, too. What
could have caused him to forget his money, his tickets, and even his check
He went over and switched off the light. On his return trip to the bed
he stepped on something and hurt his foot.
He reached down in the dark and picked it up.
It felt like a collar button.
Say, it was a collar button.
66 HE poor fool, leaving his wife and children again to take up that
damned prospecting," remarked a critical character standing with
two companions in the doorway of a saloon in a small mountain town of
"That guy's sacrificing his standing in the community, his friends, and
even his wife and kids," joined a second person. "Ed's a good scout, but
that prospecting idea of his has injured his mentality."
"If Ed would have sense to stick to that job of his he would be making
a good living all the year around," said the third man while puffing at his
pipe. "That poor critter leaves his job just when he gets good and
started and goes out to live all by himself without getting anything for it."
Ed Berber passed on unheedful of these remarks. He was bound for
the mountains again to spend the summer months prospecting in the
Wolf Creek mining district. On the back of a burro beside which he was
walking he had strapped the provisions and prospecting tools necessary
for a three-months' stay in the hills. His outfit consisted partly of pick,
shovel, skillet, blankets, gun and food. The little animal tottered along
bravely under the burden to which she was subjected, the load swaying
slightly from side to side as she started up the rocky path that led on to
the depth of the vast stretch of mountains. Ed Berber himself was bur-
dened with a heavy knapsack strapped to his back.
This was Ed's sixth annual trip into the mountains in search of gold.
Each fall he returned from these trips discouraged having received noth-
ing for his labor in the hills except an apparent inspiration to return the
following summer. He would return to his home town only to be sub-
jected to the hatred of his family and the ridicule of his townspeople.
His critics were still discussing the folly of Ed's search for gold when
Ed disappeared with his burro around the bend in the trail which led to
the Wolf Creek mining district. "Wonder what his wife will do about it
this time?" queried the first man. "She darn near picked up and left last
summer and she'll be sure to leave him this time."
"As I said,'i rejoined the other, "Ed's a good scout and in the winter
time he works hard to keep his family going. He's got two good-for-
nothing sons to keep agoing beside his wife. It sure gets me why he
wants to fool away three months of the year up in that wilderness. When
experts declare the country up there to be all mined out, how the deuce
can an ignorant prospector expect to find any gold there?"
Ed would have been fortunate had his critics been as reasonable as
these, but the majority of his neighbors and associates considered him
extremely eccentric and even went so far as to sever social relationship
with him. Had there been some encouragement for his efforts he might
have been partly justified in his ideas, but as it was he was regarded with
as much ridicule as if he were in search of the traditional pot of gold at
the foot of the rainbow. Even had he had the support of his own family
l1is difficulty would no doubt have been partly alleviated, but here he
received less encouragement than from any other source.
After the lapse of two months Ed seemed to be no nearer than before
to the fabulous fortunes which some miners had years before encountered
in the Wolf Creek district. The last bit of gold was long since considered
to have been taken from that part of the country. The large companies
who had operated the numerous mines in that district had been disbanded
and the mines and claims abandoned. Ed had years before worked in one
of the mines when the yield of gold in that district totaled millions of
dollars yearly. No one seemed to know, however, what there was in that
long abandoned territory that attracted the efforts of Berber.
At the end of a day of patient but futile efforts at his labor Ed was
sitting before the hearth of his little cabin, which he occupied when in
the mountains, when he heard a knock at the door. Visits in that part of
the country were few and far between. Many miles intervened between
the nearest settlement. Startled by this unusual occurrence Ed hastily
advanced toward the door.
"Hope l didn't scare ye," sounded a familiar voice as the door opened.
It was Ed's old friend, Ben, the stage driver. "I thought I'd ought to drop
i11 and see you," continued Ben. "I just took a party of tourists up to
Douglas Flats. My horses need a rest anyhow. It sure is rough driving
down the rocky creek bed."
"I was just wishin' someone would come along," greeted Ed somewhat
sullenly. "A fellow darn near forgets what a white man looks like up
here in the wilderness. What's goin' on at home?"
Ben's face assumed a more serious aspect.
"I guess your wife's gone and left ye. Said she was bound for Salt
This was evidently a surprise to Ed. Although he had many times
been conscious of the threat, he had not expected it to actually happen.
Without regarding the supper which he had started to prepare for his
visitor, he sat down before the fire in silence. It was fully five minutes
before any conversation was exchanged between the two.
"If she would have stayed with it for another year," spoke Ed, "she
wouldn't have left."
"How come?" questioned Ben.
"Well, I can't feature a woman leaving a man if he's worth a cold
"You're speaking of Mrs. Rockyfeller, I suppose," laughed Ben.
"You're not in the habit of seeing me pull a joke on anyone, are you?"
answered Ed. "ln another year the Wolf Creek district will nearly be
worth its weight in gold?
Ben spoke gravely. "Ed, you've fooled away six years of your life on
this foolish prospecting idea of yours. Experts proclaim this country to
be a failure. Companies with piles of capital have gone bust on this very
spot. How the deuce do you expect a fellow to believe in the silly notion
"Keep your opinion to yourself," answered Ed. "Prepare to stay over
night. I've got something I want to show you in the morning."
The following 'morning found the two men standing at the edge of
which was apparently an abandoned mine. Rusted cables, a couple wind-
lasses, the remains of an old steam engine and several wheelbarrows were
among the debris which lay on the rock piles at the edge of the shaft.
Appearances seemed to indicate that the place had been one of activity
"Look here, old top!" said Ed after several moments of silence, 'Tm
going to take you into confidence about this prospecting idea of minef'
A skeptical frown was Ben's only response.
"Nineteen years ago," began Ed, "I operated the elevator in this
mine for a salary of a dollar and twenty cents a day. It was a new mine
and had attained as yet a depth of only five hundred feet without any
sign of a discovery. The capital of the company was fast running out for
lack of financial backing and the manager began to talk about closing
the mine. They decided to run her to the end, however. One day they
had a cave-in at the bottom of the mine which killed over a dozen men.
Lucky for me I had just gone up with a bucket of ore and was among the
few who escaped the disaster. V
"Six years ago it occurred to me to take a trip up to the place of these
memories and as I gazed down into the fatal shaft I noticed that last
bucket of ore which I had raised years ago, lying at the side of the tunnel.
It had lain there undisturbed ever since the accident. As I recalled those
memories I desired to bring with me a piece of the ore as a souvenir. I did
so and had been nearly a day on the journey home when I stopped to
examine the specimen.
"Now listen, Ben! Here's the secret of my prospecting. In that piece
of ore was lodged a nugget the size of a marble!"
"Do you mean then that there is gold at the bottom of the shaft?"
"Yes, sirg down at the very bottom of that shaft there is a vein of
gold at the very place where that bucket of ore came from. For six sum-
mers now I've been digging away to clear away the mess of that cave-in
so that I might reach the place. Last week I came as far as I think I'1l
ever get unless I get some help. The roof of the tunnel caves in as fast
as I dig, so the only way to get any further is to detour into the solid rock
for about thirty feet."
"Why don't you blow away the rock with a couple sticks of dynamite?"
"Nothin' doing," answered Ed. "A stunt like that would cave in the
whole mine and then I'd be further away than ever. What I want you
to do is to stay and help me for a few days. I figure it's only about forty
feet to the end of the tunnel and we can make that in a week easy. I'll
give you one-third interest in the mine when we get it started. We can
pan enough gold by hand to raise the necessary money to get the mine
into regular running shape."
Despite Ed's enthusiastic proposition Ben remained more skeptical
than ever. "This idea of yours has gone to your head," replied Ben. "I'll
stay and dig with you a few days just to be a good sport, but as to the
interest in the mine, thatfs a joke."
Progress through the solid rock at the bottom of the tunnel was slow.
At the end of the third day, however, the men had gained nearly twenty
feet. Ed was jubilant at the progress. Ben, however, was thoroughly
disgusted. "I've had enough of this," he said to Berber as they came up
to have lunch on the fourth day. "This is my last day at this."
"Listen, Ben," pleaded Berber, "stay just two more days. I'11-I'll give
you half interest in the mine."
"The hell with the interest in the mine," replied Ben hotly. "What I
want is five bucks a day for my work."
"All right," urged Edg "I'l1 give you ten dollars a day for your work
and fifteen for the next two days. As security take this watch. It's worth
over a hundred dollars."
After much coercion Ben was intruded upon to stay on the condition
that he could keep the watch, but he refused to consider the interest in
the mine. A suggestion toward this brought forth only a scoff from the
old stage driver.
Three more days of work brought the diggers to the goal. "I guess
this is as far as we need to go," spoke Ed. "Thanks for the help. Sorry
you won't consider a third interest in the mine. ln a couple of days I
expect to trace that vein of gold."
"You'll trace nothing," said Ben as he made ready to leave.
Ben left much as a prisoner who has just been liberated from his
prison cell. No doubt he secretly pitied the eccentricity of Ed Berber.
He was now fully convinced that the hypothesis ofthe townspeople in
regard to Ed's mentality was correct. Even Ben's horses, invigorated by
the Week's rest, eagerly galloped down the trail with the coach, nearly
threatening to upset the vehicle as it encountered rocks and bumps over
the rough path.
Berber did not return to the small town in the Rockies that fall. His
absence did not arouse any alarm, however. The general supposition was
that he had died in the hills and that his body had fallen prey to the
numerous Cougars that roamed that part of the Rockies.
In the doorway of a saloon one spring afternoon stood three men
indulged in conversation. A keen observer would have noticed that they
were the same trio who the previous summer had discussed the folly of
a prospector's search for gold as he passed that corner with his burro.
"What's all this machinery that's being shipped in lately?" asked the
"Nobody seems to know," responded the second man. "It may be for
the smelter down by the river."
"I heard," interrupted the other, "that it's mining machinery which is
to be transportetd up to the Wolf Creek mining district. One of the mines
up there, they say, has been found to contain rich deposits of gold."
"I guess that's the reason, then, that these engineers Went up there
last week," joined the first speaker.
As the three men were thus discussing the mystery of sudden activity
in the Wolf Creek mining district, a coach drove up in front of the hotel
across the street from the saloon. Beside the coachman sat a valet who
descended and opened the carriage door and escorted the occupant, who
was a well dressed elderly man, into the hotel.
Having tied his horses to the rail by the Walk, the coachman crossed
the street toward the trio, who had now advanced toward the edge of the
"Well, if it isn't old Ben, the stage driver!" ejaculated one of the men.
"How come that you're the coachman for a high toned bird like that?"
"It's me," greeted Ben. "How's everything in the old town?"
"But," interrupted one of the three, "who the devil is that swell guy
who rode in the coach?"
"That swell guy in the coach," answered Ben, "is Mr. Edwin Berber,
Esquire. He's living in Denver on a clean fifty million which he got in
return for his claim on the Independence mine."
ALFRED ALSTROM '23.
Hpopn Crockett Retiree
G6 OYS, this is my last fire," said "Pop" Crockett. 'Tm going to
"Pop" was removing the grime from his hands and face after a hard
two hours' battle with a blaze on Fillmore street.
The "boys" immediately protested.
"Now, Pop, you know you couldn't retire," said one.
"Who would run Engine 23? The last time you were laid up, Bill tried
to run it and just about wrecked it," said another.
"Well, you couldn't do any better yourself," returned Bill and to Pop
he said, "Pop, you're not tired of fire fighting, are you?"
Pop chuckled. "Me tired of fighting fires? Well, you've got another
guess coming. But it's about time I took some time off. I've had brick
walls fall on me, and I've been smashed up in wrecks between street cars
and fire engines until I'm like patchwork.
"lf you young 'sprouts' had been through the biggest fire in the
United States you wouldn't feel so gay. You'd want to retire, too! The
night of Sunday, April 17, 1906, the gang was called out at eleven o'clock
and didn't get back until Tuesday morning. We had just got cleaned up
and had turned in when we were called down town to the biggest blaze I
ever want to see. We never got through until the next Saturday.
"Yes, I've had a bit of work in 1ny time. I've done my share and I"m
going to retire."
"Aw, Pop, youlre kiddin' us," Bill said pathetically.
'Tm not kidding," returned Pop. "When the remaining five hours of
this year are over, I'm going to retire and collect pictures."
The "boys" roared and when Bill had calmed himself he exclaimed,
"Oh, this is rich! Imagine Pop collecting pictures."
"Well, laugh if you want to," said Pop. "But I'm going to retire and
collect and catalogue pictures for a photographic history of San Fran-
cisco. And some night as Engine 23 goes screaming by my home I'l1
heave another chunk of coal in the stove and say to myself, 'Pretty soft,
Pop, pretty soft-I wonder where I can get a print of the first Cliff
"Gee, fellows, I guess he means it," Bill said dejectedly.
"Of course I mean it," Pop replied. "Let's turn in. I want to get a
little sleep before I resign," and he led the way to the sleeping quarters
above the engine room, unaware of how "little sleep" he was to get before
he retired from activity.
Four hours later, while the night watch dozed at his desk the gong
above the desk struck four-two-one. "Turn out," yelled the watch.
Pop was already down, followed by the others. "Filbert and McKinley,"
yelled the watch and Engine 23 roared as it rushed into the night.
Smoke poured from the windows of the four-story tenement house.
A man appeared at a window of the top floor. He staggered and fell limp
across the sill.
While the firemen subdued the blaze below the men, Pop, gasping
and choking, went up through the smoke. The room behind the man
was a mass of flame. Pop hacked his way into the adjoining apartment
and went out on the window sill. He abandoned his axe and grasped the
shutter with both hands. It creaked dangerously and some in the crowd
"For God's sake, don't try it! It will come down with you."
Against a background of flame, the crowd saw Pop swing out on the
sagging, rusty-hinged shutter and leap. A cloud of smoke shut him from
view. Then he appeared on the sill with the man in his arms. A great
cheer rent the air. A fireman ran up a ladder and assisted Pop to the
ground with his burden.
The man regained consciousness.
"My wife," he gasped. "In the hall."
Pop went again into the blazing building. Where in all that mass of
flame was he to find this man's wife? The heat was more than any man
could bear for long. Yet the woman was in there and it was his duty to
rescue her or die in the attempt.
Part of the stairway on the lower floor was gone, but he swung him-
self up on the remainder. It fell as he reached the second floor. In the
hall a wotman was lying. The end of the hall by the fire escape was in
flames. I-Ie opened a door into a room and the fire leaped out in his
face. Escape by the roof was his only chance. He lifted the woman and
carried her up the narrow stair onto the roof. The roof was ah'eady in
flames. But toward an adjoining building, from which firemen were
directing a stream of water from a window several stories above the roof,
a seemingly safe passage lay.
As he staggered across with his burden the crowd saw the building
sway. "He's going down!" and a woman fainted. But he reached the
side of the building and one of the firemen in the Window threw him a
As he fastened the rope around the W'01Il3,11,S waist and waved to the
firemen the wall on which he was standing toppled over into the roaring
"Pop" had retired. CLIFFORD HARRINGTON.
66 S H, GEE, when's school goin' to start? I wonder what time it is?
8:44 s'pect. Guess I'l1 get another bag of peanuts. AW, the1'e
goes that bell. Shoot the luck," one Senior yawned as he sauntered
towards a group of students assembled just outside room 3, where the
faculty met every morning for fifteen minutes.
"Wonder what them teachers think they are doin'?" one Frosh drawled
as he also joined the crowd gathered in front of the door of the room where
the school's mightiest sat.
"Say, it's near deportment card time, ain't it? Do you suppose they
talk about our marks in there?" another timidly asked.
"Oh, do they tell about you in there?" a midyear Freshie wanted to
know all of a sudden.
"If I had only handed in my Latin yesterday, perhaps Miss Graham
would give me a rec' for this quarter. Jimminy Christmas, what'll the
folks say when I"-
"Aw, dry up, what about my Spanish? Mrs. Roach's got it in for me.
I know she'll get up and say, 'John hasn't had his Spanish for a week, a
whole week, mind you! I move we expel him!
"There is a motion before the house that we expel Johnny. If there
is no discussion? Are you ready for the question?' Mr. Ratzell says.
" 'All those in favor say aye !-'
"Johnny is expelled!"
"How tragicalj' mocked a Senior Us Senior spelled with a capital or
not? Note: This Senior had three lfs and a I plus on his card. It is
always best to consider the source.J
"Well, I see my end. They're probably talking about the Seniors now.
Hang it all, I'd graduate if it weren't for auto shop. Why did I take it
anyway? Mac makes us work so dog-gone hard and when I rebelled
what did I get? Hark, I had to repair 'Napoleon' and you know that thing
is a wreck. Might as well have given me a bar of soap and said, 'Make a
sewing machine? " a tall Senior gulped. He evidently had been working
hard, for he was very thin, weighing ONLY a little less than 200 pounds.
"Oh," one awe stricken Soph murmured, "there goes Miss Halliday.
'O, death, where is thy sting?' We had to write a comp yesterday on
'Cosmetics' I wrote, 'All the faculty use cosmetics, why can't we?'
That'll make their noses shine."
"Well, tl1ey're readin' some one's paper. Ya-aw, look at the teachers
grin. I hope it isn't mine," a smartaleck announced after peeping into
the room. At the same time she calmly slapped a Frosh, kicked a Soph-
omore, made a face at a Junior, and insulted a Senior! To all Freshmen
-never molest a Senior." .
"Say, Bill, how did you come out.-HEY, I say, how did you come out
in the History Ex yesterday? Pleasant one, Wasn't it?"
"Oh, I suppose I flunked as per usual."
"Huh, History's easy. Why, I got. a hundred one time last year,"
another one quickly spoke up quite elated with himself.
"Well, I'm speaking of Mrs. Pulcifer's Exsf'
"Oh-h, I see!"
Just then the door opened and the faculty marched out in stately
groups. Their chins were tilted at 90 degree angles. Their lips were set
in grim, hard lines. They glanced neither to the right nor to the left of
them, "glorious four hundred." If they had had gingham pinafores and
corduroys they would have looked like a convent out for an airing.
Classes began with a bang. Teachers were more silent than hereto-
fore, and the students seemed to have lost all control over their voices.
As the day wore on teachers became flabbergasted with their classes and
their faces grew grimmer. Mrs. Sinclair signed so many tardy excuses,
she feared she would be stricken with the writer's cramp. Mr. Ratzell
ran from room to room and he seemed as nervous as a witch.
Students gathered i11 the corridors, and nary above a whisper. What
made the teachers act so queer? What did they do in faculty meeting this
morning? They seemed to have hawk eyes, so sharp and piercing were
'Tm scared to death," one girl confided to another, "aren't you? Miss
Sprague said only once, 'Dispense with your talkingj and the kids minded,
"Did ja hear their's goin' to be a Student Body seventh period? I get
out of"- I
"Good man, that's my only study period. If it had been the eighth
period, I'd got out of History."
"That Student Body . . . will it ever be forgotten? At the end of it,
Mr. Ratzell rushed in and said in a husky tone, 'There is a short faculty
meeting in room 33 all teachers please be thereg important blusinessf
"What does he mean by important business? What on earth has come
up to disturb the equilibrium of our sane and wise professor?" a Senior
demanded rather of his seat-mate.
"Hey, stop the pinching. I'm no bean bag. How in the sam-hill do I
know? l'm no mind reader, honorable bed-mate," was the reply.
"I heard they caught some one stealing hairpins from Miss Badgely
again. She's sure having bad luck. Yesterday she lost a flatiron and a
rolling pin from her hope chest," a voice in the rear spoke up.
"Why, Miss Hyde was saying some one dislocatetd her pet frog. They
can't find it anywhere and I thought maybe the faculty"-
"Nic wants to start a boys' lame duck class to compete against the
girls'. He said he wanted the faculty to help him choose a competent
leader. Of course, this is confidential . Nic told me not to tell, but I
thought tl1at's why the faculty are meeting."
Mr. Ratzell came hurrying in, followed by the faculty.
"Do you suppose he's got the snake in his pocket?"
"Oh-h, I hope not," one timid girl gasped.
"Just one moment," Mr. Ratzell began, putting his hand in his pocket.
Several girls shrieked and one dark-eyed blonde fainted: ..e-,.
He pulled out his handkerchief, mopped his b1'ow,g,Qf,straighte11ed his
collar, adjusted his hair, smoothed his coat and continued: "We-er have
decided. ln fact, I instructed the teachers to watch your actions closely
today and we have unanimously co-me to the decision to omit detention
after June 15th!!"
OH MIN! IONE RAPP.
Dreams and Reality
66 H," I SIGHED to 1ny fellow guest as I sank into an easy chair on
the sunny porch of a secluded summer resort, "this is what I've
always been looking for. It is an ideal place for writing novels. Why,
that little nook over there fairly breathes of mystery and romance. Even
the proprietor is quaint and old-fashioned. The whole place is delightful.
They say it belonged to the monks long ago, and I suppose it did. Have
you noticed the stained glass windows in the chapel, and the bells in the
tower? I can just imagine those old priests chanting their vesper prayers
in that tiny chapel over yonder."
We exchanged a few ideas, and then my companion murmured some-
thing about tea time and went into the house, leaving me alone with my
thoughts and my pipe. I began to dream of the past and eventually I
commenced to think, as I often did, of my adventure in India fifteen years
before. The old-fashioned garden with its winding gravel paths, the
beautiful lawns and trees and the grey stone chapel faded from my view,
and I was once again in the wild jungles of India.
Again I was lying on the damp mosses looking in fear about me as I
realized that night was coming on and that I was alone in a jungle with
a broken ankle. Already the creatures who inhabit the jungles at night
were beginning to stir. Dark forms went slinking past me, and cold chills
ran down my spine as I heard the shrill cry of a cougar far in the distance.
I began to think of death by beasts and all kinds of horrible scenes passed
before my eyes. I fancied I saw a tiger crouching in the shadows ready
to pounce upon me at any moment. I could actually feel his claws tearing
at me. I even felt a boa constrictor crushing me in his deadly coils. Hark
-what was that? Footsteps and voices! My heart leaped up into my
throat as my tortured brain began to see savages and death by burning.
Could anything be more horrible? I felt I preferred even death by wild
beasts, for that at least would be instantaneous. But the slow torture of
-I shuddered and groaned aloud. The footsteps grew nearer and I broke
out into a cold sweat, and trembled from head to foot. I strained my ears.
My heart nearly stopped beating. Could it be possible? I listened again.
Yes, my ears did not deceive me. Those voices were speaking English.
The next moment two men burst through the bushes. One of them
was a tall dark man. He was well built, and by his garb and gun I saw
that he had evidently been hunting. The other was a Hindu, who had
gained some education at a Christian mission I suppose. They stopped
short when they saw me. The tall stranger knew at a glance what was
my trouble, and as he signed to the Hindu to take my feet he lifted my
shoulders in a strong clasp. As he lifted me, weary as I was, I could not
help but notice that he had the bluest eyes I had ever seen.
I don't know how we ever got back to civilization, for the pain in my
ankle made me unconscious most of the time. The next thing I sensed
was a cool hand on my forehead, and when I opened my eyes I looked into
the face of a doctor. My eyes must have asked a question for he said:
"You've had a tough time, old man, but you are going to pull through
all right. The dampness of the jungle and your ankle did their dangerous
When I was able to be around my first questions were about my
rescuer, but no one seemed to know anything about him. It grieved
me very much that I was not able to thank him for his service to me.
Since then I have dreamed of meeting him, and the manner in which I
would show him my gratitude.
My imagination next led me into the home of one of the best families
in England. A great dinner was being prepared to be given in my honor.
The table was beautifully decorated, and everywhere there was the
appearance of splendor and festivity. Soon this dinner was over and as
we were going into the library my host came up to me and said:
"Oh, Kenneth, come with 1119 a moment. I want you to meet my old
friend, Bruce Ward. He has just come back from one of his long trips
to India." At the mention of India my interest was aroused and I followed
eagerly after my host. I noticed that we were going toward a tall dark
man who had his back toward us. He seemed to be deeply absorbed in
conve1'sation with the famous composer, Donald Bell.
As we came up, Bell was making his adieux, and the stranger turned
around and faced us. I gasped, for his eyes were deepest blue, my myste-
rious rescuer from far off India.
"My dear sir," I cried. And a light of recognition came into his deep
I l1eld his eyes with mine.
"I have searched many years for you, wishing in some way to show
you my gratitude for the great service you rendered me fifteen years ago
in the dense jungles of India. Words cannot express, honored sir, the
deep sense of gratitude and respect I hold for you in my heart, and I fear
I can never repay you." Gratitude radiated from my speaking coun-
"My dear Mr. Wilson," he answered in a deep musical voice, "I am
only too glad if I can help a fellow mortal at any time. You have no
need to feel indebted to me in the least, for I believe I did the whole world
a favor when I was able to save such an accomplished writer as yourself
from the ravages of the beasts of the jungle."
Again the scene changed. This time I was on the rocky coast of
Scotland. It was about five o'clock in the morning. The air was cold
and the breeze that blew over the rocks had a bitter sting in it. I was
swimming with all my strength to try to keep warm when I was startled
by a faint cry, "Help!" It stunned me for a moment, for I had thought I
was the only one at the large hotel who had dared to come out for his
usual dip on such a morning. I looked around me. About two hundred
yards away I discerned a dark head struggling to keep above the Waves.
"Take heart!" I shouted, "I am coming." I swam to him as fast as I
could. The man must have been an expert swimmer to be able to stay up
so long with a cramped limb. And he certainly was level headed, for he
did not struggle or grab at me, and although he was a large man I did not
have much trouble in getting him to shore. I laid my burden on the sand
and he soon revived under my efforts. He opened his eyes and I looked
into the same blue depths I had looked into when I was rescued in the
"Sir," he said in a shaky voice, "how can I ever thank you for what
you have done for me?"
"There is no need for thanks," I answered. "I have only reciprocated
the good turn you did for me in India." He smiled faintly then, and I
knew that he recognized me. We shook hands, and that was the begin-
ning of a strong mutual friendship.
A bell rang, and I came back from the land of fancy. The bell rang
again, and I pulled out 1ny watch. Goodness! I had passed the whole
afternoon dreaming. It was time to dress for dinner.
I was one of the first to take my place at the long table. Gradually the
guests drifted in, and by the time the waitresses began serving the soup,
all the places were filled but the chair opposite mine. I had nearly finished
my soup before I heard the chair being drawn back, and someone sat
down in it. I glanced up and I saw a tall dark man who had not been at
the resort at luncheon time. At least he had not been at the table. I gave
him a second glance, and as I did so he looked up, and I noticed that he
had very blue eyes. My heart turned over. Could this really be the man
about whom I had been dreaming all afternoon? He must have thought
me very rude, for I could not keep my eyes from his face.
After dinner I went out onto the porch and lit my pipe, thinking that in
a quiet after dinner smoke I might be able to find out whether my fellow
diner was my real rescuer or just the reincarnation of 1ny fancy. I had
not been sitting there long when someone came and sat down in the chair
next to mine. We sat, the tall dark stranger and I, in silence for a long
time. Then he turned to me and said:
"I beg your pardon, but haven't I met you somewhere before? Your
face seems very familiar to me, but I cannot seem to place it."
"Yes," I answered, "I think you have. I believe I am the man whose
life you saved fifteen years ago in India." He looked at me for a long
time and then said:
"Yes, you are, I remember it all now. You were lying on the moss
with a broken ankle when my guide and I happened upon you."
"I never shall forget the horrors of that night, and I want to thank you
for what you did for me," I murmured, faintly, my eloquent, prepared
speech scattering like a cloud in the Wind.
"It was nothing," he smiled. "You ought to have known better than
to go out into the jungles without a guide."
"I know that now,', I smiled, too, "a rescuer like you might not happen
along every time. But you see, I decided to go out and get atmosphere
for my new novel, and instead I received a broken ankle."
We sat and chatted a long time, becoming better friends every minute.
Finally he excused himself saying that he had traveled far that day and
that he was very tired. '
Again l was left alone on the moonlit porch, and I could not help but
chuckle to myself. Where was my flowery speech of gratitude? I had
not even saved him from drowning, and in that way paid him my debt of
"Oh, well," I said to myself as Bobby Burns would say, 'The best laid
schemes o' mice an' men, Gang aft a-gleyi' This old world certainly
stops us from carrying out romantic dreams by just making things
happen." CHRISSIE WOOLCOCK.
Senior Lament, or To the Seniors
Parody on Lincolu's Gettysburg Address
HREE years and nine months ago we entered the Turlock Union High
School, determined to do our best, believing that all students are
Now we are leaving this school after finding that belief cannot endure.
As Freshmen we lived in awe of the upper-classmen and looked forward
to the day we would be Seniors. As Sophomores we impressed upon the
Freshmen their insignificance and thought we had learned all there was
to learn. As Junior we worked whole-heartedly under the leadership of
the Seniors. As Seniors we have assumed leadership of the school, doing
what we thought best for the good of all. It is altogether fitting and
proper that we should do this.
But in a larger sense, although we have learned much, we find that
we still have much to learn. The learned men, living and dead, have left
much for us to learn and do. Some of us will go on to college and strive
to find a place among the noted, and some of us will number among the
workersg each with his place to fill, each with new things to learn, and
each with his troubles and his blessings, his failures and successes.
The school will little note nor long remember what we do here, but
we can never forget what we have done here. It is for us who are passing
on to unfinished work, to remember our school days and our inspirations
received there from our instructors. It is for us to be here dedicated to
the great task remaining before us-that from these honored ones we
take increased interest in that cause for which they gave their time and
effortsg that we here highly resolve that their teaching will not be in vaing
that this school shall continue to set high ideals that shall not perish from
the earth. CLIFFORD HARRINGTON '23.
OROTHY JEAN was late for school. She paused a moment on the
steps of the little country school house to catch her breath. Her
cheeks were flushed pink from running and from theuwarmth of a late
spring morning. Her hair hung in damp ringlets about her face. Her
heart pounded partly from running and partly from fright. She had run
very fast and was tired, but she paused only for a moment. Then opening
the door she slipped quietly in.
Going directly to the ante-room she put away her hat and lunch, and
tiptoed fearfully into her class-room. She hoped she would reach her
seat before Miss Ransome noticed her. But no-
"Dorothy Jean !"
The cold sharp tones of the teacher's voice rang through the room,
bringing everyone to attention.
Jimmy Crane, red-haired and freckled, who sat behind Dorothy Jean,
snickered audibly and whispered.
"Dorothy J ean's goin' to catch it now."
He was instantly quieted by a frown from the teacher.
"Yes, ma'am," came the frightened answer from Dorothy Jean, who
had by this time reached her seat.
"Why are you late this morning?"
"I d-don't know, Miss Ransomef'
"You don't knowg Dorothy J ean, please tell the truth. Did you stop on
Dorothy Jean became more frightened than ever.
"Y-yes ma'am," she stammered.
"Where did you stop, Dorothy Jean? At some place to do an errand
for your mother?"
"No, ma'am. I stopped at the brook."
"And Why did you stop at the brook? Did you forget you were on
your way to school?"
Dorothy Jean's lips trembled.
"It was so nice there, and the water seemed so happy as it ran along
over the rocks. And oh!", here her voice became eager-"there were the
prettiest little fish, and"- .
"That Will do," interrupted the teacher, "bring your books and take
She indicated a seat and desk that stood upon the platform near
Dorothy J ean's cheeks burned a still deeper pink and hot tears flooded
her eyes. . To sit in that seat! lt was worse than any other form of
punishment. To sit up there on the platform beside the teacher where
everyone could stare and laugh at her. She looked up to see'Jimmy
gazing at her and as her eyes met his, he grinned and winked at her
cheerfully. Well, he didn't have to sit up there.
Somehow she reached the seat, sat down, opened her book and began
to study diligently. She was conscious only of the snickerings of the
boys who made faces at her, trying hard to make her laugh. As if she
ever wanted to laugh again. She saw the sympathy on the faces of the
girls who were her friends. She saw looks of triumphant scorn on the
face of those who hated her. Another flood of shamed red dyed her
cheeks. Never before had she, Dorothy Jean, been punished in this Way.
The morning of lessons dragged slowly on. To Dorothy Jean, who
kept her eyes fastened upon her book, it was unending.
The only break was the recess.
After the noon-hour Dorothy Jean was allowed to take her own seat.
The afternoon was long and warm. Dorothy Jean became drowsy. Her
head drooped, like a flower withered by the heat of the sun. A passage
in her reader caught her lagging attention-A
"He followed the narrow stream far into the dark, cool forest."
How nice it would be, she thought, to be far away from the school in a
great forest. Her imagination became active.
She found herself walking in a "dark, cool forest". The green moss
made a thick, soft carpet beneath her feet. The cold, sparkling waters of
the stream laughed and gurgled as they rushed happily along over the
rocky bed. Birds sang in the trees as they worked busily making their
nests. And flowers-all the flowers Dorothy Jean had ever seen and
loved grew and blossomed in this magic woods. Shy violets peeped timidly
at her from their thick foliage. Bluebells nodded gaily in the wind and-
Her name spoken by the teacher brought her back to the schoolroom
and her lesson.
"You may continue to read, Dorothy Jean."
Dorothy Jean stared blanklyg first at the teacher and then at the
book. Then in a low voice she began to read, the first paragraph that
caught her eye.
"That will do," interrupted the teacher. "You have not the correct
place. Jimmy, you may read."
Again shame colored Dorothy J ean's cheeks and tears blinded her eyes.
As Jimmy began to read she silently turned the pages of her book and
found the right place. A large tear rolled slowly down either cheek.
Miserably she looked up at the teacher, but when she saw Miss
Ransome looking at her she dropped her eyes back to her book.
How she hated Miss Ransome! How she hated teachers and school
anyway. Every day she must come to school when she would much
rather stay home and play. And Miss Ransome was so cross. Always
scolding someone. One couldn't even smile without being scolded.
Dorothy J ean's thoughts ran on rebelliously.
The end of the school day drew near. Everyone was preparing to
leave. Just before the bell rang Miss Ransome said:
"Dorothy Jean, you will please remain a few minutes after the others
Forlornly Dorothy Jean watched them file silently out. She could hear
them whooping and hollering and calling to one another after they got
in the yard. She heard the noise grow fainter and fainter until she knew
they had all left the yard. Her spirits fell still lower. She would have to
walk home alone. i
"Come here, Dorothy Jean." The teacher's voice seemed kinder.
Dorothy Jean walked silently up to the teacher's desk. She was very
frightened. Her heart beat so loudly she wondered if the teacher could
hear it. She stood before the desk with her eyes downcast, waiting for
the teacher to speak. She waited a long time, it seemed to her hours.
Then she raised her eyes to the teacher's face. Miss Ransome was
Dorothy Jean's eyes grew round in astonishment. Why! she thought
breathlessly, why, Miss Ransome looked really nice when she smiled.
"Tell me why you didn't know the place this afternoon, Dorothy Jean."
"I was thinking," answered Dorothy Jean.
"And what were you thinking of?" asked Miss Ransome kindly.
Dorothy Jean told her. The words fairly tumbled over themselves as
she told about the forest, the stream, the flowers and the birds. She
forgot she was talking to cross Miss Ransome.
Into Miss Ransome's eyes came a faraway look as if she too were in
that magic woods Dorothy .lean described instead of here in the warm,
ugly schoolroom. A deep sigh escaped her and Dorothy Jean stopped.
What had she said? Was she to be scolded again? Her eyes became
frightened and the ready tears came again. No, the teacher's voice was
kind and soft.
"That will be all," she said, "you may go now. And Dorothy Jean"-
she hesitated a momentg "come here, dear, I have something to show
Her hand reached for the quite large, square gold locket she always
Wore. As she opened it Dorothy Jean approached and looked wonderingly
and saw-she gave a cry of astonishment and joy. In the locket was a
tiny picture of a white house surrounded by flowers and trees.
Miss Ransome spoke softly:
"That is where I used to live, Dorothy Jean," she said sadly.
Then she closed the locket and dismissed Dorothy Jean with a smile.
"You may go now, and try and be on time tomorrow."
Dorothy Jean gathered her books and started out. When she reached
the door she turned and said with a smile:
"Good-night, Miss Ransomef'
"Good-night, Dorothy Jean," answered Miss Ransome pleasantly.
Dorothy Jean went out into the yard. It was forsaken. As she turned
into the road that led to her home she saw Jimmy Crane playing marbles
in the sand. She wondered why he did not go home. Perhaps he Was
waiting for the teacher. As she approached he looked up and seemed to
see her for the first time.
"Hello, Dorothy Jean," he said.
"Hello, Jimmy," answered Dorothy Jean. A
Jimmy paused a moment and a dark flush dyed his freckled cheeks.
He seemed about to say something, hesitated then--
"Say Dorothy Jean, I know where there's some vi'lets b100lI1il1,. Want
me to show you where?"
Dorothy Jean gasped. This from Jimmy Crane! Jimmy, who had
pulled her curls a hundred times! Jimmy, who had made faces at her,
hit her with spitballs and taunted her. Jimmy, who had put the end of
her prettiest curl down his ink well. Jimmy who could think up one way
after another to torment her. Jimmy wanted'to make peace and be
She smiled at him happily.
"Oh, yes!" she cried.
Miss Ransome looking out of the window saw two happy little figures
walking down the road. She watched them with a smile. Life is very
good when one is ten.
Don,t Cry! '
HERE, little Frosh, don't cry!
You are timid and young, I knowg
But the babyish ways
Of your Freshman days,
Are things of the long ago.
Sophomore days will soon come by,
There, little Frosh, don't cry!
There, little Soph, don't cry!
You are as yet untried, I knowg
But the carefree ways
Of your Sophomore days,
Are things of the long ago.
You'll be a Junior by and by,
There, little Soph, don't cry!
There, Junior child, don't cry!
You are not quite grown up, I know!
But the childlike ways
Of your Junior days,
Are things of the long ago.
Tis the mien of a Senior for which you sigh
There, Junior child, don't cry!
There, Senior one, don't cry!
You are sad at the parting, I know,
But those happy Ways
Of your high school days,
Are things of the long ago.
Real life, with pleasure and pain, is
There, Senior one, don't cry!
There, Teachers mine, don't cry!
We are leaving you all, I know.
But our studious ways
You observed thru the days,
Are things of the long ago.
'Tis newer fields for which you sigh,
There, Teacher mine, don't cry!
FLORENCE GREEN 23
GROUP of Sophs were gathered
Out by the study hallg
And what they planned to do and did,
I'll try to tell you all.
That noon at just twelve-thirty,
A sight to see there wasg
For all the Sophs in one big group
Were looking for a fuss.
The Sophs upon each Frosh did come,
His shoes they removed with careg
The socks they took from off his foot,
They kept as victor's share.
Now with these socks the Sophs did make,
By tying them together,
A vari-colored much-soiled rope
Which was as tough as leather.
This string ot' socks now decorates
The pole which holds the flagg
The Frosh unshod to class did gog
The Sophs remained to brag.
LEONARD LARSON '23.
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HOUSANDS of years ago China was the most highly civilized nation
in the world, but because of isolation from all human intercourse
she has deteriorated to the present standards.
The civilization of our most intelligent people is mostly borrowed.
A few things they invent themselves, but the majority of them they imi-
tate from their neighbors.
Even in publishing our high school annuals we realize our inability to
thrive on our ideas alone. So a medium has been created where we may
give and receive these necessary new ideas.
Those who have aided in improving our "Alert" this year are:
"The Porcupine," Reedley-The arrangement of this magazine is good.
The departments are well handled. The literary department is very inter-
"Sea Urchin," Pacific Grove-An attractive cover. The jingles about
each Senior are clever. An interesting little annual.
"Magnet," Selma-The art work is especially commendable. The
arrangement is excellent. On the whole a very attractive magazine.
"The Tokay," Lodi-The Faculty Horoscope is clever and original as
well as the Alumni Notes. The large literary department is very inter-
esting. One of our best exchanges.
"La Copa De Ora," King City-The art work is fine. They have omit-
ted an exchange department. The poems are especially good.
"Cap and Seal," San Francisco-This magazine is published by the
women attending the San Francisco Hospital Training School for Nurses.
A real snappy annual. The originality shows great care in preparation.
An excellent publication.
"The Oracle," Oakdale-A neat and attractive cover. The prophecy is
original. They have no table of contents. .
"The Wasconianj' Wasco-A very good little magazine for its second
publication. We have great expectations for it.
"The Item," Pasadena-This is a quarterly. Every department is well
worked out. The jokes are especially good. We appreciated "Newspaper
Ravings When Taken at Random." A snappy publication.
DOROTHY HOOVER '23.
Persons who have averaged not less than 1- in at least four
subjects for the year:
Myrtle Larson Evangeline Carlson
Ruby Post lone Rapp
Chrissie Woolcock-every year Franklin Carlson
Agnes Zimmerman-every year
F r e s h m e n
S 0 P h 0 m O T e S Caroline Knutsen
Mary Crane Frances Watts
Vivian Thompson Tion Lovegren
HE organization of the "Alert" staff last year proved to be very effi-
cient, so this year's staff has been modeled in the same manner. It
is as follows:
Assistant Editor .
Assistant Business Manager .
II Departments CEclitorJ .
. Vernon Jaeger
Draniatics . . . ..... Mabel Beauchamp
Debates . Franklin Carlson
Music . . . Helen Sheld
Calendar . . Oma Lawson
Mechanics . . . Earl Richards
Senior Will . . . . Marion Collins
Senior Prophecy . Alice Henrickson
Spanish Club . Leone McBrayer
French Club . . Mildred Booth
Senior Class . . . Ruby Post
Junior Class . . . . lone Rapp
A-Sophomore Class Gladys Coveney
B-Sophomore Class Gertrude Smith
A-Freshman Class . Mary Strese
B-Freshman Class Norval Knutsen
Literary Editor . . . Bertha Simms
Assistant Editor . . . Mary Crane
Boys' Athletics . . . Howren Roach
Girls' Athletics . . . Vera Grieve
Snapshots . . . . . Ethel Gilliland
Cartoons ...N . . Thomas 0'Brien
Alumni and Student Body . . Ruth Bevans
Art ......... . Clifford Harrington
Exchanges -. . . . . . . . . Dorothy Hoover
Jokes ................. Carmen Olson
We have tried to make this year's "Alert" one of the best that has ever
been published. But there are many little touches which would have
made the book more attractive which could not be added because of the
lack of funds.
We wish to thank the staff for their hearty cooperation, and also those
outside the staff who have done so much to try to make this Annual a
success. CHRISSIE WOOLCOCK, Editor.
' Student Body
HE Student Body has had a very successful year, considering the con-
ditions under which it has worked. Our main difficulty has been the
lack of a room large enough for assemblies. Our meetings, though few
this year, have been good.
There has been created a Vigilance Committee, which is composed of
a Supreme Judge appointed by the faculty, four associate judges and
twelve secret members appointed by the Supreme Judge. It is their duty
to report and try anyone destroying school property or scattering paper,
lunches, etc. around the yard.
The Student Body had a drive to raise money for the Near East Relief.
They raised 3210, which was immediately sent to headquarters.
This year the Dramatic, Debating, Science and French Clubs were
organized. There is also a Spanish Club which had its beginning last year.
Five tennis courts have been made, more than T. H. S. has ever had
in previous years.
The Student Body voted to use one one-hundred dollar liberty bond to
make bleachers to accommodate about four hundred people. They were
constructed at once. .
Some of the boys of the school banded together and formed the "Royal
Order of the Bow-wows."
The May Day program was given this year with the Grammar schools.
The High School Tribune was published this year under the same
conditions as last year, being published as a supplement to the Turlock
Tribune in return for two-thirds of the subscription price, one dollar a
year, the remaining one-third going into the Student Body treasury.
The Executive Committee, which is the most important committee in
the school, audits all reports of officers of the Student Body, confirms
appointments, and authorizes the president and secretary to draw war-
rants for the payment of all bills contracted by the Student Body. The
members this year are: Erle Henriksen, Lauren Sunderland, Ruth Bevans,
Howard Hjelm, Marion Collins, Gladys Coveney, James Miraglio, Clifford
Wolfe, Chrissie Woolcock, Dorris Johnson, De Kimzey, Franklin Carlson
and Dick Crane. RUTH BEVANS '23.
French Club Report
LE CERCLE FRANCAIS
E FRANCAIS fut introduit dans le course de notre e'cole en 1921, et le
premier cercle francais fut organise' en octobre, 1922. Le but du
cercle est d'etudier les coutumes des Francais et de nous perfectionner
dans la langue courante. Nous avons les reunions a' 1' e'cole toutes les
deux semaines, ou nous faisons des voyages en France Cen imagination
bien entendul, et nous visitons les restaurants, les magasins, et les edifices
publics de Paris. De temps en temps nous passons la soiree chez un
membre du cercle et nous nous amusons en parlant francais et en
chantant les chansons francaises. Maintenant nous preparons une petite
comedie qui sera representee a' une soiree a' laquelle seront invites les
autres eleves de francais.
Le bureau se compose d'une presidente-Chrissie Woolcockg d'une vice
presidente-Esther Ecklundg et d'une secretaire-Ruby Post.
Le comite' des programmes se compose de Helen Lundgren et Eldon
Carlson. MILDRED BOOTH '23.
Spanish Club Report
EL CIRCULO ESPANOL
L "SPANISH CLUB" del ano 1922-23 era formado en el mes de
octubre con un calidad de miembros mucho mayor de aquel del ano
pasado. Los miembros de la organacion escogieron para el nombre del
club, "El Circulo Espanolf' '
Los mienbros decidieron que el periodo de funcion estaria por solo
A la junta primera del club, los officiales siguientes fueran elegidos:
El presidente, Dee Kimseyg E1 vicepresidente, Vaughn Earpg El secre-
tario, Elvera Kulanderg El relator, Leone McBrayerg El critico, Helen
La comision de programa cuya obligacion era trazar las programas
de las juntas, era formada de Forest Fiorini, Helen Sheld, y Donald Ratzell.
Los officiales elegido para el semestre segundo eran:
E1 presidente, Joseph Vierrag El vicepresidente, Lauren Sunderlandg
El secretario, Merrill Swensong El relator, Helen Sheldg El critico, Eliza-
La. comision de programa era Irma Williams, Florence Rodman, y
Los juntas, convenido dos veces en el mes durante de la sesion de la
clase eran muy interesante y instructivo. Varios miembros dieron come-
dians cortas en espanol y de cuando en cuando articulos de periodicos
espanoles eran leido y traducido.
Una junta especial convenio el catorce defebrero. Un administrador
de correos era escogio y como cada uno se presento al corres con la
IPage 821 H
pregunta-"Hay una Carta para mi?"--le era dado una misiva allomina.
Estas misivas anominas, cuando leido, producieron mucho alegria.
E1 club traze tener pronto una romeria de luz de la luna.
Los miembros deben a la senora. Roach mucho, para su ayuda. benig-
namente en haciendo el club un buen exito. LEONE MCBRAYER '23,
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The football season this year was not the most successful of its kind.
The team was laboring along with a "Jinx" very close behind, and in the
final reckoning we placed last. Of course, the schedule this year was a
more difficult one than the season previous, and we had practically a new
team to break in. The withdrawal of Ceres and Sonora from the league
was also rather unfortunate. We had to defeat both Modesto and Oakdale
to retain the championship. We beat Oakdale.
On September 30th we played our first defeat. Sacramento sent down
her gridders, and they proceeded to teach our eleven some of the finer
points of the game. The final census was 18-0 in favor of the Governors.
October 13 we met our ancient rivals, the mighty "Tarzans." Turlock
was defeated, but not as badly as she might have been. Our men were
too nervous to do anything in the first half, but in the second half-!
Stockton did not score at all in the second half. The final score was 27-14.
Madera sent us a challenge and away our team went. October 20th
gave our lusty defenders a jolt, for we were defeatedg 14-12 was the news
received late Saturday night. Too much nervousness again!
October 27th looked bright for Turlock. This day our varsity met
the Almond City lads and defeated them. This was the first league game
of the season and Turlock's hopes were high for the championship. Our
eleven swept down the field to a 14-6 victory. Now for Modesto and the
November 3rd found our team miles from home and an awful defeat
hanging over their heads like the proverbial sword. It was on this day
that Turlock gave Bakersfield little or no competition. The Oil City team
was the most efficient team the Turlock boys had ever struck. Good
practise for our men. Fine for future track men. However, Coach
Lancaster was playing safe and saving the team for the Modesto out-
break. Incidentally the score was 93-0.
November 10th Turlock was jubilant. Confident of victory everyone
slept peacefully. November 12th Blue and Gold warriors were asking
each other how it happened. The unforeseen had happened. Modesto
had defeated Turlock. Old George W. Gloom had nothing on Turlock
The details are too painful. Let suffice tl1at the score was .13-0 in
favor of the Black and Red warriors. The Jinx was on the job!
The game between Turlock High and Modesto Junior College was one
of the best games ever played on the local gridiron. The Modesto team
was overconfident, that's all. Turlock drew first blood by scoring the
first touchdown. However, the try-for-point was unsuccessful. In the
last quarter Modesto scored on a fluke and tied the score, 12-12. This
was quite a setup for Turlock, for the J. C. team had quite a reputation
The final game of the season was played, as usual, with Madera, here.
The Jinx was away for the Thanksgiving holiday, so Turlock won to the
tune of 33-0. The visiting eleven had only one chance to score and they
failed. After that Turlock had everything her own way.
As was customary the visiting team was entertained at a banquet,
and a good time was had by all. John Peterson '24, was elected skipper
for the next season. The first string men consisted of the following:
H. Zipser, T. O'Brien, endsg L. Mead, J. Peterson, tacklesg B. Busano,
W. Mayer, A. Hoobyar, guardsg P. Swager, centerg D. Ratzell, V. Earp,
R. Bartman, halfbacksg L. Sunderland, fullbackg and M. McPherren,
Although we lost the county championship in basketball we fared
better in this sport than we did in football. Out of 14 games played we
won 9, losing 5. The new double schedule system was inaugurated for
the first time in Turlock. The new schedule consisted of a game on our
court on Friday night and a game away on Saturday night.
January 5th Patterson came to Turlock and was defeated 32-10. Not
so bad for the first real game.
January 12th we met our most formidable opponent, Oakdale. Pain-
ful to say, we were beaten 40-21. Oakdale's court always was unlucky
for our quintet. .
On January 17th we played a practice game with Hilmar and won,
27-21. Our boys were showing improvement all the time.
January 19th was a red letter day. That was the day We beat Modesto
on her own court. Although it took an extra five minutes to do it we
On January 20th we played the first game of the double schedule. We
went to Los Banos, but, alas, we were defeatedg 18-27 was the death toll.
BASKET BALL TEAM
San Jose sent over some men to give our boys a treat and on January
26th we spectators saw a thriller. Although Turlock was defeated badly,
the game was interesting throughout. The final score was 19-39.
Gustine jogged over to our fair town and just as stolidly jogged back,
defeated. The day was January 27th, and the score was 19-25.
Aha! Revenge is sweet and to the defeated belongs the "razz."
February 2nd Oakdale entered our portals and we willingly defeated
them, 46-30. This left us sitting pretty, and in a fair line for the title.
Newman proceeded to trounce our melon tossers on February 3rd to
the tune of 14-18. The boys went to Newman, and the floor was quite
different to the one here. The "Jinx" was in the background anyway.
February 9th we played Manteca. Manteca, being a newcomer in this
section of the league, gave our men a good battle the first half, but in the
second half our team got started and the score ended 35-9 in our favor.
On the same night our second team and first team played the Los
Banos quintet. Although the first team played only half of the game,
Turlock won by only one point. The score was 30-31.
February 19th we again defeated Patterson. This time the score was
22-20. Evidently Patterson had improved.
Miracles still do happen! Modesto beat us on our own court! Febru-
ary 16th was the day. It's too sad to tell anything but the score which
February 17th we won the last game of the season. As was fit, we
played Madera and successfully closed our season. The score of this
engagement was 18-28.
Although we were certainly eligible for the county championship, the
defeat we suffered at Modesto's hands put a crimp in our hopes. It seems
that everything this year has gone against us.
The men on the squad this year were Sunderland, Swanson, centersg
McPherren Qcaptainj, Crowell, Zipser, guards, and Critser, Purden, Claes,
Our track teams this year had a very successful season. We won the
county championship with ease, we defeated Oakdale in a dual meet, took
fourth place in the big C. I. F. meet at Modesto and sent men to the Dixon
meet. Generally speaking we had a most successful season. '
TURLOCK vs. OAKDALE-Score 145 to 114
We won this dual meet ill fine form. The weight team lost by two
points but fortunately the unlimited team had a large lead which gave us
the final victory. The score: 120-pounders, 66 to 643 unlimited team,
81 to 54 in favor of the Blue and Gold.
COUNTY MEET-Turlock 134, Oakdale 105, Modesto 80.5
The county meet this year was a fulfillment of hopes for Turlock, a
double blow to Modesto and a surprise to Oakdale. We knew we would
win but not by so large a scoreg Modesto was defeated by us and also by
Oakdale, trailing in a. very bad third.
Nine records were broken, three by Captain Sunderland, two by L.
Critser, one each by J ewett, Westbrook, and Andrews of Oakdale and one
by Alway of Modesto. "Pomp" won the hurdles in 16:0, breaking the
record one-fifth second, the discus throw by a heave of 121 ft. 6 in., the
former record being 119 ft. 41,43 in., and the broad jump with a leap of
20 ft. 7M in. The former record for this was 19 ft. 6 in.
Lack of space prevents a detailed account. The men who went to
Modesto and who successfully made the team are:
120-pound team-Critser, Arollo, Service, Winkie, Ferguson, J. Smith,
Randolph, Gaston, Roberts, Crane, C. Yule, Anderson.
Unlimited team-Sunderland, captaing Ratzell, Oyer, Busano, Hol-
brook, Rowley, Harrington, M. Yule, E. Smith, Lilyquist, Zipser.
The baseball season, upto the time this book went to press, was about
a fifty-fifty split. We won three League games and lost two. We also
lost a practice game to Hilmar but that does not count.
It was practically a new team that started out bravely at the first of
the season. Five men of last year's team remained in school and these
were the stars of the team this year. Swanson, captaing Smith, Crowell,
Zipser, and McPherren were the veterans. On. account of injuries in the
feet McPherren was forced to give up playing early in the season. Heinrich
took his place and played a good game. The team felt the need of "Mac's"
hits at times but we came out pretty well anyhow.
APRIL 20-OAKDALE vs. TURLOCK
The first game of the season was with the Oakdale nine on the home
diamond. The game was Turlock's after the fifth inning when we scored
three runs. In the fourth Oakdale scored two but Turlock scored two
more in her half of the sixth. The final score was 8 to 3 in favor of
APRIL 27-MANTECA vs. TURLOCK
This game was a calamity for Turlock. The boys seemed to go to
pieces and were unable to stemthe flow of runs once Manteca got started.
In this game Manteca took the lead in the second inning and we never
got a lookin. In the sixth we scored our one run but after that we got
nothing for the work done. The score was 12 to 1.
MAY 4-TURLOCK vs. MODESTO
On May 4 we took Modesto for nine rounds of windy playing and when
the final count was taken Turlock had five runs and Modesto four.
Modesto took the lead from us when she scored two runs in the fourth
inning. We had scored one in the second and in our half of the fourth
we also scored two runs. Modesto never took the lead again. There were
a good many errors committed by Turlock which could have been avoided.
However, we won, so why count the mistakes.
MAY 11-OAKDALE vs. TURLOCK
We count this game a win for Oakdale forfeited to us.
MAY 18-MANTECA vs. TURLOCK
On this date Manteca again handed us the lemon. This time the
score was 9 to 1 in favor of the men from the north. This team is an
exceptionally strong one having defeated eery team it has played. The
Mantecans play straight baseball and we were defeated fairly and
We regret that we cannot give an accounting of the last game of the
season for the book went to press before the game was played.
Those who played the national game for Turlock were: Swanson,
captaing McPherren, Smith, Zipser, Carlquist, Larson, Crowell, Claes,
Ferguson, Heinrich, Bonander and Williams.
GIRLS' BASKET BALL TEAM
GIRLS' BASEBALL TEAM
HIS year brought forth some new events along the line of athletics
for the girls. Track was added to the list and baseball games with
other schools. In the gym classes the work was varied. There were
folk dances, volley ball, baseball, hikes, and lectures fwith an occasional
examination which "pleased" the girlsj. In all the work the girls were
under the able supervision of Miss Halliday. In the Physical Education
classes the spirit of good fellowship always prevailed.
This game appeals strongly to the girls and the games arouse a good
deal of enthusiasm. Only three games were scheduled in the fall but
there are to be several games with other schools this spring.
Of the three games played with Denair, Turlock won one. The second
game was lost by a large score, but the last was lost by only one point.
This record shows that the girls had improved and they hope to have
better luck in the coming games.
There are many girls interested in this sport and consequently there
were a number out for it. The girls did not win as many games as the
team last year, but this may be due to the "tough opposition." Several
interscholastic games were scheduled by Miss Halliday and Doris Johnson,
the girls' athletic manager. The girls who composed the team are:
Forwards, Eleanor Tracy, Betty Olivas and Myrtle Lindbergg center, Doris
Johnson, side centers, Anna Ahlberg and Helen Wideberg, guards, Ebba
Hultman, Sylvia Brier, and Minnie Halverson captain.
The following are the games and the results: V
The first game of the season was played with Hilmar on our court.
Our team was victorious. Score 43-5.
On December 22nd a return game was played with Hilmar at Hilmar.
Score 54-7 in favor of Turlock.
On January 4th, 1923, Hughson came to Turlock and we suffered the
first defeat of the season. It was a very close and hard fought game.
On January 3rd, 1923, Patterson came to Turlock with the deter-
mination to win. They had suffered defeat at our hands by only one
point the preceding year. The game ended with a score of 12-7 in our
January 17th, in a return game with Hughson at Hughson, the team
was again defeated. Score 14-8 in favor of Hughson.
Ja11uary 19th, the girls motored to Gustine and had a hard fought
battle with that team who are now the champions of the west side. Score
14-7 in favor of Gustine.
January 20th. Again the girls journeyed from home, this time to
Los Banos. It was a very exciting game, for the score was tied for some
time before the end of the game. Final score 13-12 in favor of Turlock.
January 27th. Gustine came to Turlock to play a retur11 game. Our
girls played a fast game and tried to redeem themselves, but again were
defeated by one point. Score 14-13.
February 3rd. The girls again journeyed from town. They met
Newman on their court and beat them to the tune of 42-7 .
February 9th, Los Banos came to Turlock. After the game friendly
relations were restored at a feed given by the girls. The boys were also
present. The score of the game was 14-7 in Turlock's favor.
The boys and girls both motored to Patterson and the girls again
defeated that team. Score 19-12.
February 17th. The girls met Madera on Madera's court. The Madera
team was swift and had good team work and as our team had played the
night before they were tired and consequently were defeated. Score 16-9.
This year an interclass track meet was held for the girls on March 23.
The meets should continue for they encourage class competition and
since basket ball and baseball are usually played with other schools there
is need of something to encourage this competition. The Sophomore
team defeated the teams of the other classes by a count of 37 Mg. The
Freshmen ranked next with 2914 points, the Juniors third with 214 points,
and the Seniors fourth with 1914 points.
The results of the meet are as follows:
50-yard dash-First, V. Tracy, Freshmang time, 7 seconds.
100-yard dash-First, E. Hultman, Senior, time, 13 2-5 seconds.
200 yard run-First, Clayton, Sophomoreg time, 33 1-5 seconds.
60-yard hurdles-First, McAuliffe, Sophomore, time, 10 seconds.
500-yard relay-First, Freshmen, time, 1 minute 16 3-5 seconds.
Basket ball throw-First, S. Clark, Sophomore, distance, 84 ft. 8 in.
8-lb. shot put-First, E. Hultman, Senior, distance, 29 ft. 713 in.
Broad jump-First, D. Johnson, Juniorg distance 15 ft.
High jump-First, E. Ecklund, Seniorg McAuliffe, Sophomoreg D. John-
son, Juniorg E. Bloomquist, Freshman, tie, height, 3 ft. 11 in.
Hop, step and jump-First, D. Johnson, J uniorg distance, 21 ft.
VERAJ GREIVE '2.4
BOYS' GLEE CLUB
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A great deal of interest was manifested in the Girls' Glee this term.
Eighty-four girls signed up for Glee Club. Mrs. Roach did not deem it
advisable to have so large a club, consequently she decided to have the
ones desiring Glee to try out. A few did not fancy the idea of trying out,
and among those who tried out a number were eliminated, leaving the
club with an enrollment of sixty-four.
Besides giving their customary annual concert with the Boys' Glee,
some special work was carried on by the Girls' Glee Club. A trio was
formed composed of Chrissie Woolcock, Clesta Conner and Helen Sheld.
They appeared several times, singing some very pleasing trios. A mixed
quartet was also formed with Chrissie Woolcock and Gertrude Smith
from the Girls' Glee, and Richard Steele and Franklin Carlson from the
Boys' Glee. They ably assisted at a number of school functions and their
clever songs were greatly appreciated.
On the evening of May 18th, the Girls' Glee Club directed by Mrs.
Frances Roach, with the capable assistance of Mrs. Pulcifer and Miss
Halliday, presented "The Feast of the Red Corn." It was in every way an
immense success. The bright Indian color scheme succeeded in making
the operetta one of the most colorful and picturesque ever given by Tur-
lock High School.
Chrissie Woolcock as Weeda Wanta, queen of the Wanta tribe, who is
exceedingly anxious to know the welfare of her king, took her part very
pleasingly. Impee Light, the younger sister of the queen and mischief
maker of the tribe, was played with surprising ability by Gertrude Smith.
The three children of the queen, Fudgee, Pudgee and Wudgee, represented
by Florence Vartanian, Irma Brock, and Mildred Booth, were ever subject
to the misdemeanors of Impee Light. The wrinkled old squaw, the
sorceress of the Wanta tribe, who showed the queen the vision of her
king, was well played by Oma Lawson. Those who represented the
spirits of happiness and joy were Clesta Conner, Helen Lundgren, Ethel
Brock, Vesta Chivington, Lillian Weddle, and Marie Clayton. The spirits
of sorrow and woe were Dorothy Smith, Frances Norvell, Catherina Law-
son, Vivian Thompson, Melba Coveney, and Helen Sheld. The vision of
the king of the Wanta tribe was portrayed by Opal Merman. Eleanor
Tracy, with ten girls, Jean Clayton, Ina Olson, Helen Gallison, Esther
Ecklund, Avanelle Hubbard, Ethes Gilliland, Evelyn Rosen, Ruth Bevans,
Alice Dimberg, Esther Beauchamp, very gracefully danced the "Ghost
Dance" and also the "Dance of the Flaming Arrow."
The Boys' Glee Club, composed of twenty members, has had a most
active year. It has been very popular and in great demand to sing at
various local and out-of-town functions. They gave programs in several
The Boys' Glee together with the Girls' Glee were featured when they
gave their annual program, April 27. They rendered an exceptionally fine
program consisting of eighteen choice selections as follows:
1. Girls' Glee-
2. Boys' Glee-
3. Boys' Glee-
4. Girls' Glee-
5. Boys' Glee-
tal "Cermena" H. Lane Wilson
t-bl "Serenade to Summer" L. Denza
tal "Oh, Boys, We'll Sing Tonight" Ella Probst
tbl "Call John" Jerome
tal "Over the Ocean Blue" Petrie
tbl "Go to Father" Lester Jenks
tal "Night Bells" C. Vincent
tbl "Northern Love Song" H. Hofmann
tcl "The Dew ls On the Clover" XV. C. Coombs
tal "Love's Old Sweet Song" Molloy
tbl "When You and I Were Young, Maggie" Butterfield
tcl "Old Black Joe" Foster-Jerome
6. Solo, Chrissie VVoolcock--
7. Boys' Glee-
tal "Legends" Arranged by J. A. Parks
tbl "Gypsy Love Song" Victor Herbert
S. "The Professor at Home" tco-mic quartetl Bliss
9. Boys' Glee-
tal "Bells of St. Mary's" Adams
tbl "Levee Song" Ella Probst
The orchestra has been very faithful in giving its services whenever
needed. They appeared at the Senior and Junior plays giving several
good numbers. A
' Lygia Erdman acted as accompanist for the Girls' Glee Club and
Orchestra throughout the term, with Barbare Davis as assistant accom-
panist for the Girls' Glee Club. Miss Ruth Hestwood, one of the teachers,
was accompanist for the Boys' Glee Club. i
EIIYIO 51310 .SFIHIS
N the days when the history of Turlock High first began, dramatic clubs
were probably formed, but this is the first year that Drama has ever
appeared in the curriculum of T. U. H. S. Under the able leadership of
Miss Ruth Spencer, a great deal has been accomplished in one short year.
The club was organized at the beginning of the school term and the
following officers were elected and standing committees appointed:
Roy Oyer, president, Edith Crampton, secretary, Addie Barricklow,
Poster Committee-Nadine Pimlot, Christine Kraft, Mabel Beauchamp.
Play Committee--Ethel Soderstrom, Waunita Edmonston, Ethel Gilli-
Only the members of the Junior and Senior classes have been eligible
to club membership.
On November 17th the new members were initiated into the mysteries
of the club. Electrical illusions and queer sensations of horror and fear
were experienced by the wouldbe members during the transitional period.
Just before the Christmas holidays, the club gave a masquerade party
at the Service home. Here quaint colonial ladies, merry Christmas elves,
paper ladies, a staid old grandfather, a lively minister, an Egyptian vamp,
and even two little "nigger" children mingled in joyous equality.
Not less enjoyable was the Valentine party given at the Conner home,
where everything was in keeping with the spirit of the occasion.
Though enjoying the social side, the club has not been neglecting other
matters of more material benefit. The one-act plays given in connection
with the debates, contributed their bit to the evening's entertainment,
and the two class plays, the result of hard work as well as natural talent,
were certainly successful.
"Come Out of the Kitchen" was the play presented by the Senior class.
SENIOR PLAY CAST
JUNIOR PLAY CAST
Chrissie W0olcock's portrayal of the older sister Olivia, and Merrill
Swenson's representation of the intruder from the North, Burton Crane,
are especially worthy of mention, for these parts called for truly clever
acting. The whole cast have won for themselvees recognition as persons
of talent and ability. '
Not less deserving of mention is the Junior class play, "Daddy Long
Legs." Though an old story, the snap and pep with which it was given
made it new to all who saw it. Judy, the pretty little drudge in a New
England orphanage, was cleverly portrayed by Carmen Olson, and the
part of Daddy Long Legs was taken by Francis Tyke, whose representa-
tion was unusually good. Those who supplemented these two characters
carried their parts with genuineness and naturalness.
Only really worth while plays have been considered by the club. To
study and recognize a good play has been the aim of this organization as
well as to prove the ability of students along lines of acting and inter-
To the enthusiasm of the club members, and the unceasing efforts of
Miss Spencer, who has never failed to be an inspiration and a guide to
higher ambitions, is due the credit for the success of this year's dramatics.
Below are listed the plays given by the club:
"The Turtle Dove," by Margaret Scott Oliver, October 13th.
"The Head of Romulus," by Sidney Grundy, October 13th. "
"Two Crooks and a Lady," by Eugene Billot, October 3rd,
"Out Aunt from California," by Madeline Demarest Barnum, Novem-
ber 10th .
"The Maker of Dreams," by Dan W. Totheroh, December Sth.
"Let There Be Light," by Faith Van Volkenburgh Vilas, December 22d.
"Thursday Evening," by Christopher Morley, January 26th.
Senior Class Play, "Come Out of the Kitchen," by A. E. Thomas, Feb-
Junior Class Play, "Daddy Long Legs," by Jean Webster, April 13th.
"The Knave of Hearts," by Louise Saunders, May 4th.
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HIS year has been a successful one for debating. While the number
of victories was small, results are not to be gauged entirely by the
number of battles won. The knowledge of the principles underlying
debating, and the ability to present thoughts clearly and forcibly are of
far greater value than any number of victories. This is the unanimous
opinion of Turlock High School's debaters. Turlock has used the extem-
poraneous method of speaking altogether. Most of the schools with
which we have competed have used the memorized speech. This has
given them an advantage in delivery, but we feel that our gain in being
able to arrange our argument to meet the debate more than offsets this
Turlock High School is a member of the Central California Oratorical
and Debating League and the Stanislaus County Debating League. We
have had three debates in each league. Our first debates in the Central
California League was on November 3 on the question, "Resolved, that
the proposed Water and Power Act should be passed." Merrill Swenson
and Lamar Jackson uhpeld the affirmative against Fresno, losing by a
unanimous vote. Our negative team, composed of Theodore Hohenthal
and Franklin Carlson, crossed swords with Oakdale, winning by a vote of
two to one. Our next debate in this league was on the question, "Resolved,
that the use of the injunction in the recent strike was for the best inter-
ests of the American people," was held on February 16. Richard Steele
and Harold Elson, our affirmative team, were victorious over Sonora by
a vote of two to one. Our negative team, Agnes Zimmerman and Roy
Oyer were not so fortunate, losing to San Jose by a unanimous vote. Our
last debate in this league was on April 20 on the question, "Resolved, that
the invasion of the Ruhr Valley by France was justified." Our affirmative
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DEBATING CLUB-Central California Debating League
DEBATING CLUB-Stanislaus County Debating League
team was composed of Agnes Zinnnerinan and Leone McBrayer and
In the County League our first debate was held on the Sth of Decem-
ber. The question for discussion was, "Resolved, that the inter-allied
debts should be cancelled." Roy Oyer and Barthol Pearce upheld the
affirmative side of the issue against Hughson, while Richard Steele and
Clifford Lilyquist defended the negative side against Modesto. Both
teams lost by a vote of two to one. "Resolved, that Congress should
grant a bonus to its Great War veterans," was the subject for debate on
January 26. Carmen Olson and Lamar Jackson composed the affirmative
team against Oakdale, while Merrill Swenson and Winona Johnson were
the debaters of the negative against Patterson. This debate was lost by
both teams. On March 23 our affirmative team, composed of Richard
Steele and Dorothy Hoover, debated Ceres on the question, "Resolved,
that Congress should adopt the proposed plan of a ship-subsidy." The
following night Theodore Hohenthal and Lois Wilcox, our debators on
the negative, met Denair. Both teams were successful in this debate.
Besides the regular debates Turlock was entered in the extempo-
raneous speaking contest held at Stockton, January 12. Franklin Carlson
represented Turlock High and received third place. Merrill Swenson was
Turlock's representative at the County Oratorical contest held at Modesto
A debating and extemporaneous speaking club was formed early in the
season. This organization was open to all students who wished to avail
themselves of the opportunity of improving their speaking abilities. Many
of the students took advantage of this privilege and the Thursday evening
meetings of this club were very successful.
i On the 16th of March the members of this club took part in a mock
trial which was presented to the public at the school. They received their
coaching from Attorneys Cook and Nichols. This was very creditably
given and abounded with wit and humor. '
These were the main activities of the public speaking division. All
those who have supported them feel that they have been greatly bene-
fited by their participation.
Our Auto Shop
66 VERY day in every way I am getting better and better." So sings
the Freshman as he plies his elbow grease on a bum valve. "Expe-
rience makes perfect," says the big Senior as he times an old Ford so that
it runs like a worn-out Packard. These things are not heard in the
Dramatics Class but actually and really happen out in the "old tin shed,"
alias the auto shop. Q
The auto shop this year underwent some startling changes. First of
all it was moved from town out on The Farm. It had to be trisected and
hauled over in parts. When it first landed we lost all hopes of ever having
another auto shop, but after the carpenter had patched it up it looked
as presentable as any building on the ranch. A cement floor was laid, a
part squared off and used for the stock room, and pits were made "colder"
by having cement sides and bottom.
A new assistant was added to the shop crew this year, namely
Mrs. Sward. Her duties, besides taking care of the shop correspondence,
making out bills and reports, are to give out the tools to the students.
This is done in this manner: Each student is given a set of tags and
when he asks for a tool he must give a tag in exchange. If he doesn't
redeem the tag with the tool he is held responsible for the tool. Thi-s
eliminates the old system of the student buying the tool at a considerable
Each year the shop has turned in a good dividend at the end of the
year. It is the only self-supporting vocational institution in the school.
The money which is taken in from the jobs is used to pay the expenses
of the shop and to buy new machinery. There is a half equipped lathe
set, poorly equipped radiator and vulcanizing set. The other branches
are well equipped, the welding is very complete, t.he shop work material
is also very well covered. This year a "boring-in machine" was added to
the place. This is the best improvement made in many a day because
it saves many a poor Frosh the job of scraping bearings. The principal
parts of this machine is a "Ford" motor Qwhich is the principal part of
most machinesj, that runs in a stand and turns a shaft that is connected
to the block that is to be bored in. This makes a better job and assures
a better fit after the car has left the shop. A good time4saving device
was added when the block and tackle was put on a track, making it easier
to pull motors.
Another clean cut improvement was the installation of a big wash
stand. In previous years about fifteen boys had to wash at one sink, now
all can be accommodated at one time.
On dull days a blackboard talk is given by "Mac," "Theory," he says,
"strengthens the thing learned in practice. Every year the cars come
thicker and thicker so I suggest a bigger and better shop be built to
handle the increased trade." EARLE RICHARDS '23.
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The Only Good Ford Joke We Ever Had
A man rushed madly into the lobby of a hotel and up to the clerk's
"Is Mr. Ford in here?" he asked in great excitementg "page him quick!"
"Mr. Ford! Henry Ford!" But no reply.
"Why did you think he was here?" asked the clerk.
"Oh, well," and the joker strolled away, "I saw his car outside."
The Main Bearing
"Are you sure you have shown me all the principal parts of this car?"
asked the fair prospective purchaser.
"Yes, madamg all the main ones," replied the dealer.
"Well, then, where is the depreciation? TO11l told me that was one of
the biggest things about a car."
Customer at drug store in a great hurry-"One box of powder, please."
Lauren Sunderland in a great hurry--"Face, gun or bug?"
"Is there anything you would like to do before I press the button?"
said the warden of Sing Sing to the murderer in the electric chair.
t'Yes, your honor," said the latterg "I would like to get up and give my
seat to a lady." '
The man who wins is the one whose head is a parking place for ideas
and not a mere rendezvous for hair.
Vesta Chivington says it's better to have loved
have never loved a tall.
a short man than to
Voice-"Hello, is this the weather bureau?"
Voice-"How about a. shower this afternoon?"
"I dunnog if you need one take it."
Lord Babbington was instructing a new colored servant in his duties,
adding, "Now, Zeke, when I ring for you, you must answer me by saying,
'My lord, what would you have?' "
A few hours afterward, having occasion to summon the servant, his
lordship was astonished with the following: "My Gawd, what does you
g Can You Imagine-
Edith Turner getting up a High School dance?
Eleanor Tracy as Mrs. Samson Nelson?
Oma Lawson as Miss Evans' twin?
Viola Swanson with her hair curled?
Lamar Jackson and Teddy Hohenthal tongue-tied when to-gether?
Olga Swanson oratorical choice from T. H. S.?
Francis Tyck married to Alice Ahlberg?
Mary Strese and Alfred Alstrom eloping?
Sylvia Brier and Miss Halliday room-mates?
Sixth period girls gym class always quiet?
. Not Consistent
"Then you don't think I practice what I preach," queried the minister,
in talking with one of the deacons at the meeting.
"No, sir, I don't," replied the deacon, "you've been preaching on the
subject of resignation for two years an' ye haven't resigned yet."
Miss Spencer in English III-"John, conjugate 'love' ffollowing the
outline of 'sing,' which is on the boardlf'
John Fredericks-"I sing, I sang-"
Miss Spencer-"No, I want love!"
John-"But I can't give you that."
They sat on the porch at midnight,
And their lips were tightly pressed:
The old man gave the signal,
And the bulldog did the rest.
A teacher received the following note from the mother of one of her
"Dear Teacher-Please excuse tommy for not being to schule yester-
day. He got wet in the A. M. and I dried him in the P. M."
Prosy Orator-"l want educational reform, I want economic reform,
Voice from Gallery-"Chloroform."
A tramp stood at a farm house one evening and asked for a job in
return for a night's lodging and meals. The farmer put him to milking
the cows, but a few moments later the tramp reported that the flies were
so bad that the cow would not stand still long enough to be milked.
The farmer looked at his Watch and replied: "Wait about half an
hou1', 'til supper time. The flies will all be in the dining room then and
you can milk in peace."
Peter McCau, of the English army, was in the trenches and stood
peacefully smoking his cherished pipe that he had thus far managed to
save. A comrade came up to McCau asking permission to use his pipe a
bit. Just then a big shell went overhead with crash. A moment later the
comrade took a peep over the trench just as a shell popped his head off
and it rolled down the hill. Up goes McCau and came running back with
the comrade's head in his arms.
A captain coming up to McCau said: "You old fool, what good is that
man's head to you?" '
"His head be durnedg me pipe was in it." '
Forest Fiorini--"How do you like the hoola dancer?"
Zip-"She shakes a mean bundle of alfalfa."
Francis R.-"Oh, my lips are so chappedf'
Linnea T.-'iKeep the chaps away from your lips."
Mother-Don't you love Xmas Bobby?"
Bobby-"Sure! Xmas is fine. But this being good for a week before-
hand is the limit."
Alice flooking up from bookj-"Mother, was Robinson Crusoe an
Mother-"I don't know, my dearg why?"
Alice-"Well, it says here that after he had finished his day's work he
sat down on his chest."-Boston Transcript.
"Say, Dad, man to man, did you always wash back of your ears?"
Miss Hestwood's biology class was discussing the Praccium, and she
told the class that the Praccium took in food through the gullet hyosmosis.
Herbert Ferguson-"Why don't we take food in through our gullet
When a doctor makes a mistake he buries it.
When the plumber makes a mistake he charges twice for it.
When a lawyer makes a mistake it is just what he wanted, because he
has a chance to try the case all over again. '
When a carpenter makes a mistake it's just what he expected.
When a judge makes a mistake it becomes a law of the land.
When a preacher makes a mistake nobody knows the difference.
But when an editor makes a mistake-Good night !-Exchange.
The Russian name for "cootie" is "Ivanitch."
Black-"Hello, where have you been?"
White-"To see my people."
Black-"Ah! And how did you find them?"
White-"Quite easily-you see, I knew where they lived."
Miss Halliday-"What is pastuerized milk?"
Bright Freshie-"It is milk that comes from a cow who is kept in a
Mrs. Pulcifer to Tommie O'Brien, who is busily sucking an all-day
sucker-"Tommie, you had better put that in your pocket."
Tommie-"I would, but I'm afraid I couldn't get it out again."
Donald R.-"Why do girls kiss each other and men do not?"
Vaughn E.-"Because girls have nothing better to kiss and men have."
Mr. Senter-"What is a molecule?"
Dick Steele--"A molecule is something that is so small it cannot be
seen through a microbef'
Erle H.-"What is the difference between a pill and a hill?"
Helen S.-"I don't know."
Erle H.-"One is hard to get down, and the other is hard to get up."
Newell S.-"Who made this fancy ink Well?"
Jimmie Roach-"Search meg I didn't even know it was sick?"
Clifford S. to Terry Laird-"Do they call you chubby for short?"
Terry-"No, for Width."
Soph. fto postmanj-"Have you any mail for me?"
Postman-"What's your name?"
Soph.-"You'll find it on the envelope."
Carmen 0.-"Opal, why don't you take gym any more?"
Opal M.-"Trouble with my heart."
Carmen O.-"Oh, your breath comes in short pants, eh?"
In talking about the starfish having two stomachs, Miss Hestwood
asked Louis Sweet to tell about the cow.
Louis S.-"The cow eats and then he goes over and sits down."
Miss Halliday fexplaining to gym class that she had several pairs of
their bloomersl-"Girls," she said, "you haven't your own bloomersg I
Sydney Olson treading in Spanishl-"Dona Maria arrived at the
country home the day of Christmas night."
Bite off more than you can chew-then chew it.
Plan for more than you can do-then do it.
Hitch your wagon to a star-Keep your seat, and there you are.
L. Sweet-"Why is Gladys Swanson like an Eskimo pie?"
E. Beauchamp-"Sweet, but rather cold."
Peggy was examining her engagement ring minutely.
"What is the translation of the motto on the inside of this ring,
Harry?" she asked her fiance.
"Faithful to the last!" he inurmured, trying to express the same with
"How horrid," she said, "and youv'e always told me before that I was
"Do you think they approved of my sermon?" asked the newly
appointed rector, hopeful that he had made a good impression.
"Yes, I think so," replied his wife, "they were all nodding."
Jazzing It Up
"Eldon, what are you doing, shimmying around like that? Now stand
still while Minnie pours out your medicine. Stand still!"
"I mustn't stand still, mag it says on the bottle, shake well before
Miss Spencer-"Herbert, are A1ice's 'feet' all right?"
Herbert-"How do I know?"
What animal has the most lives and why? A frog, because he croaks
What ship carries the most passengers? Courtship.
Why does a miller wear a white cap? To cover his head.
What soap is the hardest? Cast steel fcastilej.
What do lawyers do when they die? Lie still.
What Word can be pronounced quicker by adding a syllable to it?
Why was the first day of Adam's life the longest? Because he had
Who always enjoys poor health? Doctor.
Where should you prefer to have a boil? In the kettle.
What is the latest thing in dresses? Night-dresses.
"Pa, what is your birthday stone?" "I don't know, a grindstone, I
Money talks, but if Henry Ford could carry out his ideas it would rattle.
"Why did you stick that knife in that man?"
- "Well, I saw the police coming and I had to put it somewhere."
Beggar-"Gimme a dime, sirg I'm a poor cripple."
Passerby-"How are you crippled?"
Miss Halliday fto girls in gyml-"Some girls use dumbbells to get
color in their cheeks."
Evelyn Lund-"And some girls use color on their cheeks to get dumb-
Bill-"Let's all raise a moustache."
Paul-"Yesg it will take all of us to do it."
Mr. Senter-"What does the symbol 'A' stand for?"
Oma Lawson-"Oh, shucks, I've forgotteng I just had it on the end of
Mr. Senter-"Hurry up, spit it outg it's Arsenic."
Miss Hyde fto Ed. Bernardj-"Were you in sheets last night at the
Bacelio B.-"I was, too."
Miss Hyde-"Oh, were you in the play, too?"
Bacilio-"Nog but I was in sheets last night?"
Mrs. Pulcifer fin history to lllette Clarky--"You missed the Civil War,
Miss Spencer-"How do you express the past perfect of the verb
Art Williams-"Gloriously intoxicated."
A Word for Father
"Dear God," prayed golden-haired little Willie, "please watch over my
mama," and then he added, as an after-thought, "and I dunno as it would
do any harm to keep an eye on the old man, too."
A small boy who was sitting next to a very haughty lady in a crowded
car, kept on sniffling in a most annoying manner. At last the lady could
bear it no longer, and turned to the lad:
"Boy, have you got a handkerchief?" she demanded.
The small boy looked at her for a few seconds, and then in a dignified
tone, came the answer:
"Yes, I haveg but I don't lend it to strangers."
The Retort Courteous!
"I want a black suit," said the solenm customer, "something of a
strong, heavy material that will keep its shape and last for a number of
"You don't want a suit, sir," the modern clerk assured him, "what you
want is a coffin."
Cars for Everybody
Mrs. Crawford-"We're getting up a club to study auto-suggestion.
You must join."
Mrs. Crabshaw-''Auto-suggestion? If it's a new scheme to get your
husband to buy a car, you can count me in."
Visitor-"You must have been visited by a bad hurricane from the
appearance of your buildings."
Farmer-"No, I rented my farm last month to a movie concern to
make a five-reel comedy."
Get It Tuned '
Marion Collins-"That cat of yours kept me awake all night with its
Neighbor--"Sorry, but you don't want us to kill it?"
Marion-"No, but why not get it tuned?"
' LPage 1171
. i A Grave Mistake!
"He1lo! I want to order a box for tomorrow."
There Will be six of us in the party."
But they only come in single sizes-we'll have to have it made
"Is this the theater?"
"No, this is the undertakerf'
Gentleman Crook4-Pardon me, sir, but haVen't I held you up before?"
Weary Victim-"Well, the gun looks familiarg but I've forgotten the
Jimmie R.--"I hear Pomp was kicked off the squad."
Tommie O'B.-"How come?" .
Jimmie-"He was told to tackle the dummy and he tackled the coach."
Answering the Question
"When is a woman old?"
"The conceited never, the unhappy too soon, and the Wise at the right
The Way of a Maid
He-"Would you accept a pet monkey?"
She-"Oh, I would have to ask fatherg this is so sudden."
An Echo Answers "Who"
Breathes there a man with soul so dead,
Who never to some one hath said:
"By golly, this little old bus of mine is some carg you know that awful
deep sand at Delhi? Well, sirg you just oughta seen me"- etc., etc.
Miss Evans-"How far have you studied, John?"
Freshman-"Just as far as the book is dirty, ma'am."
Mother-"Did that man kiss you last night?"
Daughter-"You don't suppose he drove 90 miles to hear me sing?"
Dick fcalling Jackj-"Can't you come over tonight?"
Jack fanswering Dickl-"Oh, I can'tg I'm washing by B. V. D.'s"
Just here the operator accommodatingly remarked: 'Tm ringing
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High School Tribune Report
WING to the success of Volume I of the High School Tribune, the
student body voted unanimously last term to continue the publication
of our school paper. During its second year as the official weekly organ
of the Turlock High School the paper has continued to rank with some of
the best school papers in the state. ,
The High School Tribune has noticeably differed from the average
school paper in that it has throughout its pages maintained a conservative
newspaper style in its makeup. This has bee11 made possible through the
generosity of a Turlock newspaper in printing the paper as a page in the
Turlock Tribune. As a medium of students' opinions the paper has been
of interest to its readers since its columns have always been open to com-
ments from the students. In short, the paper has proved itself a perma-
nent institution in the school and with the proper support it should some
day lead the school papers of the state as a clean journalistic production.
The editorial staff has remained the same throughout the term: Alfred
Alstrom, editorg Merrill Swenson, associate editorg Howren Roach, Earle
Richards and Helen Sheld, sportsg Irma Williams, exchanges g lone Rapp,
society. The reportorial staff has been composed of the journalism class
of which Miss Sprague has been the instructor. Richard Steele has
shouldered the responsibilities of business manager and Abner Crowell
that of the circulation department.
ALFRED ALSTROM '23.
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HE ALUMNI, more than any other association, shows how the High
School has grown. The graduates in any one class of T. H. S. have
increased from one in 1908 to 105 in 1923, giving a total of 569 alumni
including this year's class. Out of this number many are teachers, me-
chanics, electricians, doctors, musicians, bookkeepers, stenographers,
dentists, lawyers and nurses. A large number are still attending colleges,
and we are glad to hear of the wonderful work they are doing there.
The last few years the Alumni have held an annual banquet. .. Last
year the banquet took place at Fee's Cafeteria. At this gathering a short
business meeting was held and the following officers were elected:
After the meeting everyone had an enjoyable. time renewing old
acquaintances, and shaking hands with old classmates. ,The present
Senior class hopes that in the future the Alumni will have as successful
gatherings as this last one was. RUTH BEVANS '23.
Business Manager's Report
S BUSINESS manager of The Alert, I have endeavored to publish The
Alert as cheaply as possible without sacrificing in any way the quality,
which, in calling for bids, was given first consideration, Bids were received
from the three printing houses in Turlock only. Mr. Edwin Ullberg was
awarded the contract. I cannot foretell at this writing what the exact
cost of The Alert will be as changes are constantly being made, but it will
be approximately 31000.
All the cuts used in The Alert this year were made by the Commercial
Art Company, of San Francisco, to whose representative, Mr. E. C. War-
burton, I wish to express my thanks and appreciation for the advice and
help which he so willingly gave me. I also wish to express my thanks to
Mr. Ratzell, our principal, and Mr. Ullberg, for their help and advice. For
the splendid designing of the Senior panels and other art work I wish to
thank Miss Beeman and the art department of the school. Last but not
least, I :must also thank Mr. T. Shoob, who took all the pictures in The
Alert, for his splendid work and his most generous terms. '
FRANCIS BERGSTROM '23,
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