Taft High School - Eagle Yearbook (Chicago, IL)

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April 1, 1942 1. an anuuuc Disappointed in Love? This May Solve Problem Don't pull your hair out fellows it your girl friend has left you. She would probably like you bel-tel' with hair anyway. Write and tell me your troubles and when I an- swer you will know that you have wasted a stamp. To answer some of my readers who have asked for my advice, I am publishing their letters and answering them. all Sli Ili Dear Voice of Inexperience: I have a choice of two girls to marry. One is good-looking but can't cook. The other can cook but is a sight. Which should I marry? I. M. Puzled. Dear I. M. Puzzled: It makes no difference which you marry. Send me the teleDh0!1e number of the other. vlf all 44 Dear Voice of Inexperience: I am fat and ugly but have a nice personality. No fellow ever takes me out. Life looks hopeless to me. What am I to do? Ugly Puss. Dear Ugly Pussr Your problem is indeed a diffi- cult one. To you I suggest, rob a bank so that some gold digger will marry you and try to outlive you for your dough. FFF Dear Voice of Inexperience: All the girls love me and want to marry me. I have to fight them off with a gun. I want to marry one, which shall I marry? Olie the Swede. Dear Olie: Why marry one girl and make her sad when you can make mil- lions happy by staying single? il lk Ik Dear Voice of Inexperlence: I'm 92 years old and spry as a young'un, but no one will take me out. Maybe my wig does come off and my glass eye wiggles a. bit, but still I think someone should take me out. I. M. Spry. Dear I. M. Spry: You need to learn how to rhum- ba and jlve so that when someone says, Come on worm, let's wrig- gle, you can do a shag. Now with 25,000 wrappers from Carly's ciga- rettes I will send you my free book, Twenty Thousand Ways to Become the Life of the Morgue. If you have any other problems that need settling, just drop a line to the Voice of Inexperience, 1313 Goofsborough Road, Dunning, Il- linois. I will be glad to render any service I can to help you in your hour of need. Barney 0'Toole, The Biggest Fool Barney O'Toole turned over on his back and took a one-eyed glance at the clock. Seven o'clock. Ellen, me love, the little red- faced Irishman shouted, what day is today? April the first, and it's a fool ye are if ye don't get up and enjoy this lovely day, his loving mate responded. 'I'hat's what I thought. With this, Barney turned over on his back and slept again, but not for long. After a moment the words, get up you lazy Irishman came ringing in his ear. Barney O'Toole crept farther under the blankets. For how could he tell his wife what awful things were in store for him on April first. Why, just last year he nearly had heart failure because someone had sent him a telegram saying that he had won a thousand dollars in a contest. No sirree. Barney O'Toole told his wife he would not budge from his bed all day or touch a bite of food. I'm taking no chances, Ellen, me sweet. O. K. O'Toole, stay in bed. But I warn ye, if ye should win a con- test or inherit some money I won't get ye up at all. O'Toole slept on. Outside the voices of children playing April Fool jokes and laugh- ing came drifting in to Barney. The sound of Mrs. Murphy and Ellen discussing washing soaps and cuts of meat over the back fence bored him. So he slept on. His aunt from New Jersey, pass- ing through town, came to visit him. The aunt had lots of money, and was very insulted by Barney's conduct. But he slept on. After the sun began to set and the breeze died down, Ellen O'Toole was sitting in the kitchen peeling potatoes for her supper when there came a loud knock at the door. Ellen slowly opened lt and peeked out. We don't want none. Lady, I'm not selling anything. I just wanted to tell you that your husband - the gentleman at the door started excitedly. I don't believe lt. Mrs. O'Toole, please listen. Your husband just -. Good bye, young man. Ellen pushed at the door, but the man persisted. Finally he shouted. Mrs, O'Toole, your husband for- got to attend the pollcemen's an- nual picnic today and he just won 51,000.00 on that lottery ticket he bought last week. Young man, are you trying to make a fool out of me? Ellen started at the man with the frying pan. No, mam, but I sure made one out of your husband. He was sup- Gather Round, Lookie Here, Something Queer! by Kralik and Singer Have you heard the latest news? No encores will be given, No D's to give the blues, No homework, brainless livin'? Mooney lets you run through halls Whistling is permitted, When it snows, make some balls And be sure your target's hitted. Teacher passes out the gum For chewing is the rage, Everyone is smart, not dumb, No isolation cage 115 Being tardy is the fad, Cutting is encouraged, Be sure to make your teachers mad Bad marks will be discouraged. Is everybody happy now With our new type of school? We hate to disappoint you, but Gosh! It's April Fool! C19 Editor's note-Directed study. Superman Loyolan Surprises Faculty Superman who is now residing at Loyola Universiyt, showed his displeasure of a. ruling stating all must take gym to build up muscles, by pulling the iron supporting rods from the bannister and wrapping them around the railing. It is interesting to speculate upon the home life of this delicate child. His bedroom offers possibilities. With commendable foresight most of the furniture is bolted to the floor. Walled around with lreln- forced concrete and tastefully de- corated with teakwood, it is a room in which anything up to three-inch artillery is wholly en regle. The Dean, who deplores any manifestation of student avenging angel instincts extended a care- fully worded invitatlon to the male- factor to drop in for a quiet chat at his convenience. The dean undoubtedly has in mind a job at a government ar- senal, where his talents would be afforded added scope. There, he might have fun boring sixteen-inch rifles with his finger-nails, or in an emergency, a. pinch-hit for a punch press or a gear-cutting machine. The Loyola News. posed to claim that money before 6:00-it's two minutes after six now-and I'm the next winner. Goodbye. And O'Toole, the biggest fool, slept on. Henry Red? Betty Bold? Watifs Tell Watif : Christie were a whlpper instead of a Lascher? Lois were a paw instead of a Mau? Henry were red instead of Green? Marion were a cucumber instead of a Gercken? Beverly were a crooner instead of a Singer? Tom were a setter instead of a Parker? Jeanette were Shinola instead of Griffin? Donald were iron instead of Zlnk? Catherine were Louis instead of Dempsey? Betty were bold instead of Meek? Rita were jumpy instead of Hop- pe? Walter were creeks instead of Brooks? James were hate instead oi Love? Doris were John's son instead ol Peterson? Jeanette were a wolf instead of a Fox? James could see less instead ol Semar? Jeanne had hydrophobia instead of Rabbetsl? , Betty were slapped instead ol Beaton? Cleo were an upper plate lnsteat of a Lopate? Joan were poorle instead oi Richey? John were a teacher instead o a Pulppo? Donald were a dope instead of 1 Jirkfaj? Richard were ugly instead 0 Hansen? Don were a washer instead of 1 Ringer? Annette were asparagus lnstean of Kahle? Max were a beer barrel in teal of a Weinstein? Jack were pinely instead o Oakley? Ruth were a weekly instead ot Daly? Jean were ale instead of Beers? Lorraine were part wool lnstea of Allfeldt? George were a playman lnstea of a Workman? Jack were a knocker instead of Rapper? .ii...l...... ..1- Irving were Rachel instead 1 Ruben? Margaret were a runner lnstea of a Walker? Clarence were a coat instead of Vestfall? Miss Capron were a June hor instead of a Maybelle?

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Page 28 Dr. Pathic Gives Famous Method Of Q otj Living By Dr. Syck 0. Pathic, N.U.T. Are you suffering from the lack of an alphabet of vitamins? If so, the following rules may help you. They are guaranteed to make you a total wreck. If you suddenly sprout into a picture of perfect health after reading the advice given, read it again. You may have missed the best points. If you grow pale and puny, you have in all probabilities carefully followed instructions. If you land up in a hospital, forcing down a bottle of tonic, or trying your hardest to swallow a capsule, I shall feel that my career has not been in vain. These rules are primarily intended for that less fortunate group of humanity who must attend high school. Healthless Livin' 1. Do not eat fruit daily. An apple, an orange, or a banana tun- less he trips on the peelj won't keep the doctor away. Onions are a more effective means, for if an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what will an onion do? That would be using scents. 2. Vegetables are definitely out. Don't let this older generation kid you into thinking you'll have mus- cles like Popeye, if you do. That's just propaganda. Spinach died with Sampson. That's just another thing of the past. Coffee Aids Students 3. Cut out a quart of milk each day. That's kid stuff. Cokes tif you can get 'em, let me know wherej are better. Coffee, too, is quite all right. It works as a stim- ulant to keep you awake at school. 4. The only good way to get fresh air is to speed down Bryn Mawr avenue or some similar street in a snappy convertible. tWarning: Don't let the cops catch you.J 5. This rule applies to the girls. Don't carry an umbrella when it's raining out. A composer once wrote a song because he saw a girl with the wind and the rain in her hair. Advice CD to Ailing And now, let's look at today's mail. F. A. T. writes: I am suffering from a bad case of piabetes. What 1-an you recommend for a cure? Dear F. A. T.: Your case sounds very serious. However, I recom- mend that you stop eating pie, and tell your wife to send me the rec- ipe. H. O. P. writes: I am suffering Taft Tribune Student Pines for Delectable Flavor Of Favorite Sauce Dear Editor: Once I was a gallant figure, a handsome man with muscles rip- pling to and fro over my elegant torse. Today, I am a sorry sight. My head is bald, my fingernails grow no more, my eyes have failed, and all because of a lack of catsup in my diet. Dear Editor, I love catsup, I thrive on catsup. It kept my body and soul together. Its color was soothing to my eye and nerves. I also love hamburgers. The two belong together, like Romeo and Julietg like Amos and Andy. Every day I buy a hamburger, then look for my favorite, palat- able, savory, tarty, and mouth wa- tering piquante sauce in vain. I twist my neck and strain my eyes and nothing do I see but mus- tard which irritates my tender senses. Dear editor, if I don't find my catsup soon, I shall grow frailer yet and then I shall go mad. Yours truly, Catsup Lover. ,,-i.. lVIcCuaig Takes To Bicycling - Aids in Defense Mr. Malcolm McCualg, Taft's great accountant and hall guard superintendent, is quite patriotic. He has purchased a pair of bi- cycles for himself and his wife, to save on automobile tires and gaso- line. The fact that his car was stolen last December may have been an incentive for buying the bicycles, but he solemnly denies this. I am now accomplishing un- believable speed on the apparatus, he confided. He hopes to become fast enough to ride to his defense meetings on time, and to be able to 1'ide away from his last two payments on the bike. from St. Vitus Prance. What shall 1 do? Dear H. O. P.: Tell your school to cut out some of its jam sessions. It's the jive in your hive, yeah man! D. U. M. writes: I am at my wit's end. Boomatism, day fever, and guritis have all gotten me down. What can you suggest? Dear D. U. M.: May I suggest more exercise. Dig in the garden at least three hours a day. If that doesn't help, dig until you have dug a hole six feet deep. Then you'll he ready to crawl into it, anyway. Your Horoscope For This Month By Madam Horror Scope Today is an unfavorably excel- lent day for all those who have had the misfortune to be born. De- layed action done as soon as pos- sible for all those who assume in- itiative will turn out excellently unfavorable. All social contacts should be made at or before 10 A. M. If today is your birthday, this is your big chance to do all you want. 1. Ask your boss for a raise-if you want to retire without pay. 2. Act sassy to your teacher and you will have an extra period to think of your heart-throb -by getting an encore. 3. You don't have to do your homework and you will be reward- ed by pretty red marks in your course book. Your year backward-opportunr ties will present themselves - so make the least of them. Don't for- get opportunity will knock only 13 times for luck. Try to make the least social contact-be sure to act rude-most people will like you. If you were born during this month, this is under the sign of Dopes. If you are a Dope, slow thinking and acting dumb will help you make a very favorable impres- sion on all. I leave you with this thought for the day - If you came into this world during this month or at any other time, that was your greatest mistake-being born. Crew Hats Inspire Spring Styles There are all kinds of excitement around Taft now with graduatitn rings, pictures, etc., but that doesn't affect fashions any. Female Taftites are going in strong for hats this year. Crew hats head the list, and displaying them you will find Shirley Meltzer, Mari- lyn Ehmann, Betty Meek, Ann Mc- Taggert, Annette Kruto, Elsie Georges, Mary Bollman, and Babe Moran. Well, tan my hide! Have you all seen those new derby hats that have just popped out from around the fashion corner? Well, just ask Beverly Borg, Lucia Lucenko, or Constance Donegan if you can see theirs. Did your doctor prescribe one of those pill-box hats for you? Well, if you're ailing and feel you want a new hat, get a pill-box. Pat Dolan, Jeanette Kane, Annette Avery, and Marge Wieland will tell you how much they cost, how they wear, and just where to get one. Of course the good old reliable babushkas are still in style and will be for a long time to come. April 1,194 A Line 'U ype or Two Portrait : Does he give encores? Yes! Doc he scold? And l1ow! Who is he One of the best loved teachers z Taft. He's not the sweet type wh treats his students lovingly. N1 He's the guy who gets rough an makes them like it. He's the or who talks about joining the nav, Will they take him? Why no isn't he a perfect specimen of mai hood? Is he friendly? He sure i always ready to help a pal in nee' Say who is this wonder? It's M Addison Purcell. fSurprised.l Pome: Roses are red, violets are blu sugar is sweet . . . but there's priority on sugar so let's skip tl whole thing. A word from the wize : Where there's a. will there's relative. People who live in glass hous shouldn't! A penny earned is a penny! A ring on the hand is worth tv 1555 in the pawn shop. If the red bus comes, can tl nickel bus be far behind? J abberwackies : The birds do it, the bees do the bats do it, Mama can I take fl ing lessons too? The other night at the theater man fell out of the balcony a' every body laughed but me. Why didn't you laugh? I was the man. Bulleton g Mr. Arthur Mooney has announc that during the week of April to May 1 no encores will be giv Gum chewing and candy eati will be tolerated and tardines will be completely overlooks Why all this kindness you ask. l cleaning week, dummy. Dumbell Poem About Cupid- He shot an arrow into the ali It fell to earth I know where! I. M. N. Love Ioe Blowski today was run ov by a train. dragged down tl tracks five miles until he droppr into the Mississippi river from bridge. Three hours later he w dragged to the shore. He died old age. A new addition to the morg' is General Von Richt. Hitler's 4 right hand rncm. He recently 1 tired to spend the rest of his I I in America. However he died influenza while leaving Berlin

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A sunl- v EEK! A FREAK Donlt hide behind that bed. There is nothing to be afraid of. That horrible apparition coming towards you is not a result of last night's celebrating: it's just a new Easter bonnet. Of course, you knew that Easter was coming this Sunday, but perhaps you had hoped that due to world conditions, those new head gears would be omitted entirely, rr at least modified. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but, after all, the poor women have to do something towards building up the morale of the armed forces of our country. How, you ask, do those ridiculous, fool-hearty, bits of ribbon, lace, flowers, fruit, and what have you, have anything to do with army morale. Perhaps you have never stopped to think that the majority of the men feel as you do about women's hats. Poor civilians are forced to come in contact with women and their much detested hats constantly, while soldiers. sailors, marines, etc., are spared all this grief by being safely preserved in a training camp. This is one season of the year in which enlistment offices are filled to overflowing with men endeavoring to escape women and their Easter bonnets by joining the numerous draftees in the security of an army camp. Thus women, in their own small way are aiding their country by providing more men for the armed forces. Army officials are seriously considering transforming the head gear of the armed forces to these terrifying objects, for if they serve to frighten the brave American, what will they do to the yellow Japs? Consequently, it will be the women who will finally win the war. - ' leaner- U ppers, Z4 nswer this' Quzkf Are you a division cleaner-upper ? Have you been chosen to .act as your division room delegate to the Clean-up Council? You may be o11e of those fortunate students who can answer yes, -but are you doing all that is in your power to do to help make this movement a success? You should be cooperating to the best of your ability, by attending the meet- ings regularly. This is of the very utmost importance. To be a success at your job, you must be aware of everythnig that is happening in the Clean-up Campaign. The meetings are where you, as a delegate. get the information to pass on to the members of your own division. You are the only news agency through which they can learn everything they deserve to know concerning the campaign. Are you gathering data on rats? The rat elimination drive is still being continued. Rats are a. menace to our communities. Are you doing your part by aiding in this drive and by encouraging members of your division to do the same? You should be.. Have you asked your division to suggest ways in which to beautify the school? Remember, it's your school, and it's up to you to help keep it a school which you and every Taftite can be proud. Is your division entered in the Clean-up Snapshot Contest? It's a contest which theyill enjoy taking part in. Remind them of it. See that your division room submits some pictures. If you, as division room delegate, can answer yes to every one of the preceding questions, you are rendering your country as well as your school a very important service. Clean-up is civilian defense. Taft Tribune Published Bl-weekly by tln Journalism Students of the WILIAIAM I-IOWVARD 'l'AF'I' I-IIGI-I SCHOOL 5025 North Nntomn Ave.. Chicago. Ill. APRI 1, 1042 PRICE TEN CENTS First Cln s Honor Rating, Nutlonnl Scholastic Press Association Editor-in-chief: Lorraine Risavy. Assistant Editor: Pat tEdisonJ Dolan. 'Feature Department: Lois Meltzer, Shirley Meltzer. Betty Mugnai. Copy Department: Pat tNorwoodJ Dolan, Eleanor Kralik, Ruth Kieselbach, Jeanne Lutz. Editorial Department: Norman Esserman, Bruce Kelso, Robert Vanderpoel. Sport Department: Walter Lahey, editor: Richard Parlgini. News Department: Jeanne Beaton, head: Helen Cardis, Doris Erickson, Josephine Gendielle, Dolores Gerken, Marion Gerkin, Henry Green, Marion Holden, Annette Kruto, Lucia Lucenko, Marjorie Mann, Lois Redden, Beverly Singer, Robert Smith, Floyetta NVheeler, Jack Zettor- berg, Annette Avery. Art Department: Don Sinnen. Exchange Department: Winnie Pufunt Photography: Stanley Logan, Al Whitney. Circulation Adviser: Mr. Paul Bigler. Editorial Adviser: Evelyn L. Perry. LAULIAIU Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Everyone Has Heard These Choice Tidbits Here and there under the roof of Taft various comments, re- marks, and cute sayings are heard every day of the week. After the 4A election: Famous last words. I know Harry Alt- hamar, well. I had a -date once . . . Anony- mous 4A. Starting tomorrow, I'm going on a diet -Lucia Lucenko, 4A. Let's practice blackouts -Most Boys. Don't worry, I'm in good with Mr. Mooney -Encore Jack. Get dressed for gym! -All gym teachers. I hope I get a better program this semester?-Dolly Rix, 4A. Has anyone seen a man around? -Marinella De Roeck, 3A. You forgot to pay your dues - Class treasurer. I had tires once, -Rationing Joe. I can hardly wait until surn- mer -Mary Boarini, 4A. Can you get the car tonight - Jack Oakley, 4A. I didn't have time to finish my outline list night. -Jean Teagar- den, 4A. The only one I can dance with is my sister -Wally Lahey, 4A. What are you drooling for? - Ester Kritickson, 3B. I haven't taken my gym suit home since last September. -Von Ehren, 4A. 20,000 guys charged me -Fizz Janis, 4A. Oh, you're queer -Betty Meek, 4A. On her it looks good -Doris Zonsius, 4A. What kind of graduation ring did you get? -Pesty. Be careful from now on about what yo11 say in school. You can never tell when you'll see it in print. Social Season Begins at Taft Marg Mann, who is making her debut in June, is planning to attend the Taft Senior Prom in the com- pany of some yet unknown man. Others attending the prom after their coming out parties are: Mara- lyn Ehnian, Elsie Georges, Marie Schmidt, and June Anderson, all 4A's. One of our younger sub-debs, Dorothy Ettinger, 2B, is going places with her singing. She is now taking her lessons from the noted singing teacher Madame Ruth B. Lino. Soon to appear on the Taft con- cert stage is Carmelita Larocco, BA. Miss Larocco, after a few years of April 1, 19 Is Not Spring z Funny Thing E Spring is a wonderful seas You know the sort of thing. Bir and bees, and flowering trees. N everybody writes about the sm of the warm brown earth and 1 night breeze scented with ros iTo tell the truth I always thoug earth was black, but I guess tl: sawy brown to make you feel li rushing out to plant tulips.J All all, Spring is a marvelous time the year with long, lazy days summer just ahead. It is a seas of muddy walks, and hats wi flowers, roller skates and kites, a lightning and thunder and East lilies: of head colds, and so throats, but you'1l like it. Love in Bloom There is one other thing th should be mentioned in connectil with Spring and that is somethi: which usually accompanies it. It love. fAh, me!J It is a seed plant' by Spring that usually blossoms full flower by summer. Now, you've never felt the pangs of lo in your young lives, here in brim is a description. Love makes tl world rosy. Even though it's ral ing a man in love can see butte cups and daisies, and his currei cutie tripping through the goldt fields. Love makes your heart 1 Ping, fSometimes even pong It makes your ears turn red ar your eyes sparkle. It leaves you ht and cold and breathless. It leavr you speechless at exactly the pri per moment. It makes you wm to sing, act giddy, laugh, and, ouy are the bird-type, fly. It stil you out of the rut of conventio: and puts you in the groove. Here is a prescription to be fille any sunny day in April or Maj First-Find a sunny spot. tThis 3 obviously quite simple if it is sunny day.J Second-Take a. deep breath 1 the atmosphere, flavored with you favorite flowers fperfume might d the trickl. Third-Fasten your eye on handsome individual Qany Taftit will dot?l And behold! Spring has come. study abroad and many here, wii display her talents on the pian with the Girls Chorus. Jeannette Domes, 3A, one of nex year's debutantes, after corresponc ing with a Marine for severa months will get a, chance to mee him, as he is coming to this par of Chicago, Friday. She hopes i won't turn out to be an April Fool' joke. With all this national tire ra tioning. we have a few good one left on the cars of Ken Davis, Bil Hedges, 3A's: Mary Jane Beers 1A and Mr. Addison Purcell, Chem istry teacher.