Taft High School - Eagle Yearbook (Chicago, IL)

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Page 26 Forgetiquette Is Sure to Net You Pointers Forward All around the world people prac- tlce etiquette, while here at Taft we practice forgetiquette. Here are a few examples of Taft's form. ' Chapter One On a Date Always remember to whistle in front of your girl's house, never knock or ring. Blowing your horn is also permissible. When your boy friend calls, tell him to sit out on the front steps for a while because you're not dressed. When getting off a street car al- ways push the girl off first. If there are any cars going by, she'll get hurt and you'1l be saved. When you go to the theater try to get the girl in for half price. At a dance girls, don't wait for the boys to ask: just grab. Girls, insist on a taxi, don't ever ride on the street car or bus. Chapter Two In School Stand and talk to your friends until the last minute and then run to your class, very unmindful of the people and things that you knock down on your way. When you see your locker part- ner coming down the hall lock the locker quick so that he has to spend a few minutes of his precious time opening it. When you go home before your locker partner does, always turn the lock upside down. Chew gum in all your classes- it's the thing When your gum has lost its fla- vor after some chewing, be sure to put it into the drinking fountain. In the assembly hall, talk all you want, the speaker dldn't want to be heard anyway. Knit in classes, because who wants to learn history. Comb your hair Qboys included! and paint your face in classes. Carve up all your desks. It will amuse those who come after you. Borrow everything in sight. It's much cheaper. Chapter Three Miscellaneous When you talk to a lady, use Maam. It's 'sure to stamp you as a upunkin-head or a mental and social inferior. At a dinner party take any seat and let the girl find her own. Eat with your knife. They did it in the cave-man age. Please talk with your mouth full. It's so becoming. Grab food. So what if the others are hungry. If your soup's hot, blow on lt. That will cool it and all your Taft Tribune Engineers Plan School Moveg Valuable Minerals Discovered The United States Government officially announced today that a huge deposit of tin, an invaluable wartime metal, had been discov- ered dlrectly beneath Taft High school, and that it had contracted the Make It Break It, Take It Construction- Wrecking and Haul- ing Company to move the school that this metal might be mined. This project will start in May. Taft's new location will be at Camp Parrish, a Girl Scout camp, which will soon have to live up to its name-and perish. The camp, as most of the boys know, is near Higgins and River roads. How will Taft be moved? The explanation of this is simple. Engineers will first hack away all bricks at the base of the walls, disconnecting the rest of the school from its foundation. A plastic, air-tight bottom will be added. The air will then be pumped out of the school tstudents will not be in at- tendance on this dayl and at the same time hydrogen, the lightest known element, will be forced ln. Taft will then be attached to three huge balloons and since it will be almost as light as air, it will now float about sixty feet above the ground. Taft will then be towed by cables attached to a fleet of powerful caterpillar tractors to Camp Parrish, three miles away. A new foundation shall in the mean- time, have been built for the school. How was this tin deposit dis- covered? Long, long ago, before the white meddlers had taken over this country, Chieftan Steward Rabbit, of the Bagofwindos for was it Winnebagosl, rescued the Great Spirit's daughter, Minnie Gay Spirit, from the jaws of death, a bears trap. Gitche, Qlndian lin- go for Great Spiritj, gave Stewed Rabbit, as a reward, a map to a huge tin deposit. The rest of the story is simple. Engineers, surveyors, geologists, and metallurgists flocked to Taft under which, the map indicated, was the tin deposit, and found that there really was tin here, and now plan to move the school. Math. Prof. Reveals Retirement Plans Mr. K. B. Seyller, famous math. professor, is retiring from active teaching after many years of showing the difference between A and B, planes and solids, etc., to recline in his spacious Edison Park mansion. Every evening after a few hours of pleasant conversation with his family, he retires Cas most of us del to his coy bed chambers. Upon being asked what he in- tends doing while in retirement, he replied, Sleep. Our beloved Mr. Seyller, will be reverred by all for his successful work as junior counselor and learned mathematic instructor. friendships. With hot coffee or cocoa, just pour it into a saucer and drink it. Don't let the gravy waste. Sop it up with a piece of bread. Crunch toast and munch all your food nolsilyg in a pig's pen it's all the vogue. If you have seen a. movie always tell the ending right at the begin- ning. Always wear big hats in the the- ater. Throw banana peels on the floor. Lots of people break their necks that way. When chewing gum, make it sound as good as it tastes. Always wlsecrack: the teachers love it. For further information see the Taft Trib, April 1, 1952. To Solve Whizzer Follow Directions, Arrive at Surprise The Stanley Steamer Auto com- pany presents this week's steamie: What makes a sunclock tick and how do you wind it? A time alter- dripnate would be what makes a water clock drool and who is the drip. If a water clock and a sand hour glass were both used at the same time would that make a beach where you could float the time away? Take the answer and include 15 Messerschmitt wings and 10 cents to cover mailing and handling. The grand prize will be a. genuine, real, direct from war torn Switzerland, rubber baud. The decision of the judges will be unfair because their wives' families are also entering. If you want a duplicate of Little Morson Tanny's motor club map and tourist guide of the lost city of Atlantis, send a motor out of a glider or the insulation off the roof of a convertible. ,ii..l..l- Identify Charred Remains As Son Thomas A. Fogli, chief engineer at Taft, shocked Taftites when he literally threw his sun into the furnace at his home. Reasons are not known but it is believed that there was something about the sun that Mr. Fogli didn't like. Char- red remains were found, which were thought to be parts of the Chicago Sun. April 1, 1942 Nominate New Candidates For Senior Oflice Yes Kids! The Senior Election will be reheld. New candidates for offices will again be nominated. Cheating will be allowed and stuffing the ballot boxes will also be O. K. Passing of cigars will not be legal, but cigarettes or any other reasonable facsimile will be con- sidered legal. Two presidents will be elected so that if one decides to cut the day the other president can take over. The treasurer and his closest friends will be the only ones to know the combination to the school safe. The election will be held at the Field Museum, 12:00 Midnight so that every voter will be wide awake and have a clear mind so that he can elect worthy officers. Yes Kids! The Senior Election will be reheld--NEXT SEMESTER. How Not to Act When a Hostess When the guests arrive, don't greet themg don't pay any atten- tion to them: they'll hate you for it. Just tell them to throw their coats anywhere. Be sure to make a lot of noise and talk all the time, about yourself. This ought to bore them terribly. When they want to play some game, disagree and say you want to do something else. After all you're the host. When the guests get hungry either don't serve re- freshments or serve something like spinach or eggs. When you get tired hand the guests their coats and tell them to go home. They will always appre- ciate that especially if they are in the middle of doing something. You can always explain that that is the Chinese custom. . Objection Sustained ' Milady objects to the use of gas masks when her coiffure's waves might be in danger of being mussed. Besides, Milady objects, they're not at all flattering to us. New bonnets would be very scarce, and no place to wear them. If the gas masks were perhaps decorated, a flower or two, or an ornament, Milady would cease the objections. Meetings in a blackout are nice, Milady admits, but how will we know what the people look like? But the men add, We're taking the same chances, some girls are a knockout in a blackout, but a fright in the light. However, Milady objects how she shall cease to rave, and be the first to put her mask on in a raid. n

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SEYLER T0 RETIR aft Tribune liliifig VOI.. VI. NO. 4 TAFT HIGH SCHOOL. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS APRIL 1. 1942 ooney Receives Encores The tl'l'l'0l' ul' the wlinle thing is slmwn 1111 the fave of Mr. Arthur Mooney. lllllIlIlllSIl'1tIlXC g11iclv. as his llllllil l'0lIl'lll'S ont to IlI0t't, that of Ruth Mm111ey's, MIA, and 2111 tuni- nons slip nl' p11pe1', better known ut Till'I as llll i'OllC0l'E'-.H It, sos-ins that our friennl was s11e:1lai11g down the hull without :1 pass when spied by the nannc sake. XVI1111 I'llllll1lR1lltl9d tn hnlt and l'0llll' f0l'Vl'fI,l'll, our friend, like :1 tngitiw. run. and thus began the lllEl'l'X chase which led to the almxe disus- ter. Upstairs and down t ll'l'llllll'S they ran, heedless of the spm-t:11'lf1 they were Illlllilllg. Finally the t'11g.:itiw ran for the exit a ll11'1111gl1 it went the lJlll'Sll9l', also. Now the 1-liaso was helrl arm the cnilside of tln- lmnildinu. ll11'1111gl1 the lvurk. and 2lf'l'llSS neiuh- l11n'l111-ld lawns. lfilmlly an arniis ' ' wu-1 1-:1ll1-fl. and :1 most IIIHISIIZI sveiut took plzlve. when Ruth ninth Mr. Mnoney llill'li into the svlimll. ploppecl l1i1n i11 ll A'll1lll'y und waitnw 1111' hls l'01lllllLl to and the ar1'i1':1 ut' the 111n111e11t, when for tl1e firs tinn- i11 the liistory of Taft, MO11111-y would get UBllC0l'6S.H lfinzllly tl1e INUIIIQIII pivtnrei almxe 2ll'l'lXf'fI. when Mr. RIUWIIOY Tok o Fall to llied 1'II1 chool to Be Moved Because of Tin Find Engineer Caught Starting SPECIAL NOTICE There are only 250 days left until Christmas so do your shoppxng now cmd crvo1d the rush Apr1l Fool crgcxml You neednt hurry because there are 269 days e -eu-hed ont to tr1111'l1 Rutl 's 'llltl 1l1tc,stt'11l encore. ies. de'11' students it does not ay to trifle wit a Mmmey. In 1 Iltllllld ont, and Can now be seen ,ie 1 l1 and elew-ntli periods. serv' gg 'Ee' use , , , ff X O l , Fire in Taft s Basement ntl lllfl ' U ,- tire ' I ' ' ' L. A X 'ff' 1 Jf wif 1- fl ln. K X441 Fw f 'X X l X X ll , l 1 X. 1 . thc , JF X K , , .- 1, , L y ' KA 111 h I ltl N 1 tl pt ' t111t III awnlav t'l'0III his stnpor and his hand OIICOVPS. SENIOR ELECTIO TO BE REHELD For Stories See Inside Page

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pril 1, 1942 ,right Eyes of opate Match lew Clothes f you see a vision in brilliant nge ambling down the halls, ,nces are it will be Taft's illus- nus history teacher, Miss Cleo nate. me day Miss Lopate, having hing to do but practice making cy red D's and curlY'cue S's , the urge to dump all her cloth- ln the dye-pot. Well, practical- tll! l've always had a secret love bright orange, she confessed, d 1 decided there's no sense in ig the thing half way. Witness eye-startling garb. 1 concluding Miss Lopate re- 'kedz l just thought I'd dye. re You Too Fat? ie Rules Below ill Reduce You 11 people whether they are cor- ,t or not should know the cor- procedure in the art of reduc- When you hear the birdies gp!-Oviding you're conscious? .ediately jump 0'-lt Of bed and toward the ice cold shower- r standing under it for five utes turn the water on, and tin under this for 10 seconds. :fore eating your breakfast, your track suit and Dmceed 'ot about 10 or 15 miles. After you will be allowed to eat a ntic breakfast consisting of entire raisin. ter this more than satisfying kfast you will go to a swim- 5 pool and swi mconstantly for hours. Then it is about time lunch, but wait, YOU are not red any lunch because of your ning. Then you go to the out- of a busy restaurant and ob- A the other people devouring led potatoes, sirloin steak, and L la mode. This will increase dislike for food. the afternoon you will attend m and work out on the dif- t apparatus. First YOU will yourself 99 times: I10t 100. use this might tend to tire After this two 500 D0I1Hd yells tno relationsl will be by you with the greatest of After a few more such tri- apparatus works. you will be n time for a steam bath. After hours of relaxation in this xrtable position, you may re- home and walk on your lawn, eded by a large roller. ore dinner you can run an- 10 or 15 miles, which might the tendency to make YOU just 2 bit hungry. When you re- iome the big meal of the day. ved to you. Taft Tribune Nazism Slips Up on Soap, Bathtub Claims Axis Defeat People in America don't realize the importance of the lowly bath- tub in the united war effort of the Allies. With the help of soap, the grown up wash basin will someday free the world of the filthy scourge of the Axis. Far away in the land of the dictators there are few bathtubs. All the marble quarries had to stop making that article of cleanliness because of war priorities. tMarble slabs in morgues.l As Allied bombers come over and lay their eggs of destruction, they are bound to destroy some of the innocent blessings of man- kind. Because of the impossibil- ity of replacements, the bath-tak- ing habit is forced to give up part of its hard won territory to the combined armies of dirty ears and B. O. The Bathtub has a. soul! It will be but a matter of time before its better nature revolts and becomes nasty. Think of having the bath- tub a fifth columnist. It would be first to get the dirt from all the Axis high leaders. Then, with tl1e help of its allies, soap and water, things will hap- pen overnight. The world will change into a place of peace, quiet and cleanliness. The plan of ac- tion is bold and daring but it will succeed if aid reaches the battle field in time. They ask not planes nor cannon: All that is wanted is hot water and bubble bath. On the first Saturday of the month, when Hitler, Goering, Goeb- bles, and the smaller fry take an- nual excursions to the realm of fumigation - ab aqua - the com- bined attack will occur. The habit of aping der Fuehrer will be played to good advantage. They all step in the tub at the same exact time because one will not be outdone by the others. Thus, the doom ought to take but five minutes. As the boys put their torsos into the hot water, they don't see the soap lurking in the deep tPlaying the allied fleetsl because of a smoke screen put up by the air force fbubble bathej. The Fascists step on the soap, slip, fall, and conk their noggins on the bathtub fwhich is tl1e army in this forcel. It needn't be said that the fall caused them no end of grief. Nazism falls - in the bathtub, breaks its neck and drowns in ad- dition, being cleansed in the water that Brittanica still rules. Viva la bathtub! Fogli A Firebug? Suspicions Arise As Fires Leap Higher Early Wednesday morning, April 1, a suspicious character was seen entering one of Taft's side doors with a key he had secured some time before. He was a short man with a bald head. His intentions were apparently to start the school on fire. After entering our dear school where one of his accom- plices had previously started a small fire, he took some small black particles from a container and threw them joyously on the fire where they began to blaze very fiercely. A broad smile spread over his face when he saw it steadily be- come larger. His mission was com- pleted. He had succeeded in start- ing a fire i11 Taft. Was it serious? Oh. no. That suspicious man was just Mr. Thomas Fogli a11d those black particles were pieces of coal used in the engine room to keep the school heated. You will not have to go hungry: you shall have the biggest meal you ever had. Your mother tells you that the feast will be on the table. If you listen you can hear your mother's footsteps approach- ingg first slowly and then faster, faster, faster. Oh my, she has Husband Hungery? Serve A Skunk Stew Are you one of those gourmets who start droolling every time you scent the aroma of some cooking stew? If so, you will undoubtedly be interested in our recipe. Com- plete direction for stew are here submitted. Ingredients: ' Q17 One white striped black cat ground up. 121 Fresh tender poison ivy leaves. 137 Sponges, filled with ground glass. t4l Analin and Arsenic for col- oring and seasoning. Equipment: C19 Gas mask and rubber gloves. Q27 Fire, pot, and water. Procedure: tip Affix mask and gloves. 123 Grind skunk and boil three lfturs. 135 Itemove gloves and add poi- s n ivy-you may add gloves too you wish. C-il Wait 15 minutes, then add remaining ingredients. C55 Open windows, evacuate - but quick. itil Return in an hour-eat. t7l Call undertaker and morgue. t8l Arrange funeral. il' tripped and spilled your colossal supper-your two raisins have fal- len to the floor. ' Page 27 Eh! Eh! Don't 'I'ouchThatLoan, Shark Attached This sad, sad story had to do with the trials and tirbulations of a man, shall we say Joe Drip, in procuring a loan. After failing in his attempt to put the B on his friend, Joe spots an ad from the Lambchop Loan Inc. It seems that Lamb-chop, Inc. dealt in large, substantial, meaty loans. Joe immediately ran down to his car, brushed out the inside, picked up tl1e dead vultures and zipped over to Lambies, Inc. Entering the office, Joe was greeted by the sight of a fair female whom he took to be a. secretary, or something. He said, Hello, Babe, picked himself up, brushed off the burlap suit that he blamed on the Japs, and decided to try another approach. As he sat down his men- tal black-out was interrupted by a scream, some sounds of scuffing, and cries of But I can't pay youse this week. This might have frightened some people way, but not Joe. He needed the money. Just when he was beginning to doubt the company's assurances of fast prompt service, a big black darkness suddenly enveloped him and dragged him into an inner of- fice marked Worthington Van Smythe, Vice President in charge of suckers. Our hero awoke to find a creature with green hair, purple skin, and a creamy peach nose looking at him. The creature, whom Joe took to be Van Smythe, came to the point by saying, Wat'll it be, sucker? Ig- noring the slur, Joe made a request fo rthe paltry sum of S64,000,000,- 000. It seemed, he explained, that in a. weak moment he had promised to help Morgenthau out. Van Smythe assured Joe that he could have had that amount only he did- n't have change for a SS65,000,000,- 000 bill, and so it couldn't be done. Di-ippy then requested S25 for incidentals and that'new blonde. The Vice-President was only too haDDy to take charge of the deal himself, personally, as a favor to Joe. But there was a small matter of collateral. Joe was given the choice of leaving his mother, his right arm, his gold-plated yo-yo, or two pounds of sugar. He naturally chose the yo-yo because his mother was deceased, the blonde wouldn't be much good without the right arm, and of course you understand about the sugar. Drippy was permitted to leave then, and the Vice-President of Lamb-Chops Loans, Inc. rubbed his hands joyfully as he let out the chain attached to the leg of his latest customer.