St Johns College - Yearbook (Annapolis, MD)

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1 l he called his lrermitage. His face wore a trouhled look, and he felt indeed a sell-condernrred outcast. I believe I can love God and his creations-all-all except men- lrunranity in general. XXIIIII the exception of a few nror- tals, I cannot help hut hate them: perhaps in this I am justified-perlraps not. Ile sauntered on, thinking Ire knew not what, gazing listlessly in lrorrt of lrim, until Ire reached his secluded cottage. Ile murmured, I am glad I shall soon he away from this place. I carnrot stand such tormenting' monotony. Ilave I made much progress in my ideas :rrrd opinions on love? I do not know. l'erlraps I have. XVhen Ire reached his destina- tion he sat down near a window in his room and read from Dante. Ile was engaged thus for ahout two In urs, when he jumped up suddenly, closed the volrrrne with a resounding hang, and said: Il' I ever lind the In-ing I can love, I will love her, perhaps, hut I Irave never thought almout Inv side ol, the rprestion. XVIII tori' woman love me? Ah, that is another' thine. And yet can I lrlanre the world il' it despises rrre as I have and ilu. ltlere Ire paused. Ilo I still despise it? I don't know. O yes, I srrppose I do-ssl must. llere the secretary entered. Sir, you look fatigued Ilid your walk agree witlr you ? he inquired. XXI-ll no, ere stlrat is to say, yes. I don't know, I suppose so. l didn't enjoy it, hut lnray derive lmenelit lironr it. Ilere he changed the sulr- ject alnruptly and said : Cecil, have you an ideal. or to go a step fartlrer, do you consider the woman you love an ideal woman ? That question is easily answered. I I . . . , have an ideal, and Iworslnp rt. lllre woman I would l rrrake my Wllie has hut tew ideal traits.lnrt. rrotwitlrstanr ing. I love Irer, and she loves ure. Ito you think your love would increase prirportionately as her ideal traits increased in rrumlrer or perteetion F Bly dear master you must or slrorrld know that love does not vary. it rs constant. It is not measured. 'l'rue love is true love. You may he right. Cecil Ieannot think so. Rudolph ' ' I x rose and paced the lloor tor a lew rrrorrrerrts. lhen In I said, Cecil, we leave today. Ilavr- you elratl-d rrndir this solitude? I suppose not. Your disposition. rrnlikr I mine. is 'r contented one. I denrarrd novelty. and this hh I is very dull and commonplace here See ln it that every thing' is made ready lor our departure at rroorri' It r well, replied Cecil. I shall order irrrnrediate pri-para fi tlrrrls to lie IllAltlL'.-l .Xs ltr' lcl-t, lfllflttlllll szrirl to llllllN ll :I 'I'hat rrran is indeed a man. Ile appf,-.rrs to he perleetlx happy. Ile does not complain or question. Init sulunits hurnhly tu cireurnstanees. Nothing :rlleers hinr, llr loves :rrrd is loved V-as he thinks, and in th.rt Ire is eon tent. l'eI'll:rps it is well to love. Xly year' ol l'L'lll't'lll4'lll is now over, and I slr rll go into the world :reain to lou or not to love. Rudolph Il.rrton was nrrrlile to conceal the author . . . ., ,, . . . ship ot Ileart Vs Nlrnrl. I Ire nrzrrorrtv ol the pf-oplr who knew him suspected lrinr nl! it. and Ire alrarrdoned the

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he leaned anxiously toward the secretary. Trust nie? Sir, you can, and with your life. I believe you, Cecil. Wliat I have to ask is this. You must never betray that I am the author of that book. The world must never know that Rudolph Arnold Cfor that is my new namel is the author of opinions considered so extra- ordinary. Wlieii convenient to me, I will reveal it. But why, master, do you not wish to claim the credit or discredit of the work?l' inquired the secretary. I will explain, replied Rudolph, you see, I am devoting my life to one great experiment and if I fail in its trial my life's work counts for naught. As you know, I would prove or disprove the existence of true love. We1'e the secret of the authorship of Heart vs. Mind to become known, it would not be as easy for me to pro- ceed in my undertaking. I must be fair in my trial and just in my decision. So far, I am of the opinion that there is no true love. VVhen I am with men again, I do not want them to know my convictions and opinions. I must be one of them in every way. I may inadvertently betray myself, but I shall guard against it. Therefore, I wish you to help me conceal the fact that I am the author of the bookf, As you say, sir, I will do it, replied Cecil. Very good, and now. Cecil, I wish to be awakened at an early hour to-morrow morning. I intend to walk, for I am sadly in need of exercise, and, he con- tinued, as he lighted a lamp and by its pale rays surveyed himself in a mirror, I feel my confinement is beginning 122 to tell on me. I am not the same Rudolph Barton of a year ago. However, I almost feel that I would sacri- fice myself to solve the problem which has been absorb- ing my attention during my life. Well, Cecil, I will not detain you longer. It is late and you may wish to write a long letter to your sweetheart before you retire. 'Well, the best of luck to you and your afjfazbfe de mmf. Good night-good night, old friend. Cecil took the lamp with him and left the room, leaving his master with no light save that given out by the cheerful log-fire. Rudolph sat still and mused for a few moments, then removed his coat and vest, and reclined at full length on a lounge. His wearied mind demanded rest, and like a tired, fretful child he fell asleep, and knew no more until roused by the voice of his secretary the following morn- ing at daybreak. Rudolph Barton gazed abroad upon nature resplend- ent in her verdant loveliness. Spring had come upon the earth. The budding flowers, the balmy, zephrons air, the green fields, and the sweet songs of gayiy colored birds were the evidences of the visit. As Rudolph wan- dered out over this expanse of rich, glorious beauty, he questioned himself as to his cynicism and misanthropy. O why is it that I am thus apart and separate from other men? Why am I out ofsympathy with nature and nature's God? Why can I not appreciate the beauties and blessings of creation? A vague, unsatisfied long- ing came over him. He sighed and wandered on to what

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idea of changing his surname. Contrary to his anticipa- tions, it made him an idol among intellectual people, and he was feted in the gay society of the metropolis. But for l1is good, common sense, he would have no doubt become intoxicated by worldly applause. tHis light, airy surroundings made pleasant contrast to his monkish life of the year previous, and he thoroughly enjoyed the diversions of a society as corrupt as it was insincere. He met individuals of all tastes and temperaments, men of note and intellect, women of beauty and grace. He endeavored to choose from among these a wife. He was true to his principles inasmuch as he was discriminating. At first he was sanguine enough to suppose that he could find an ideal woman, but finally became convinced that ideality is to be found in neither man nor woman. I shall search out the woman in whom is most nearly approximated perfection, he said, if I could but find a combination of the good traits and qualities I have observed separately in a dozen or more different women, perhaps I could love her-perhaps not. Having satisfied myself that I must take the best I can find, and not expect perfection, I will do it. Having found her, I will state my conditions. I shall not require her to say that she loves me, for I would not compel a lie from anyone. I think, in this matter, my task is a difficult one, but despite existing drawbacks and obstacles, I will-I must -succeedf, Here he took up a copy of his book, and read the following which he had scribbled on the fly-leaf 12 l l 5 I 4 a few months previously: In lhe jmfsail W' my !zfe's olyeez' I will spare no eyjforts. I will exfzaasi all means in z'z's aeIzz'ez'e11ze1z!. il: if if if M azf Zfze ena' yfozcr years, I am eofzvivzeea' fha! I do vw! love my ww fray and zwzseQishIV, I will ffegaire, in fQLIf!!77Z6lLf q' ihe e07za'z'z'z'0n, fha! she leave me-ueffeff io vfelzwffz. fifjf oailz Z0 fhis efjfeel, I ea!! upon Almzlgfhiy Goa! io zvz'Z1Less.,' As he closed the door, he said : f' My friends-such they call themselves-tell me that I am condemned to perpetual misery in life. Unless I solve thisproblem one way or the other, in the allotted time, I shall be indeed miserable. I am hxed in my deter- mination-I will succeed 1 Rudolph Barton sat with Christine Blair. Their acquaintance extended over a period of one year. In her, Rudolph found several qualities that commanded his admiration, but the idea of love for her he did not entertain. If I have a heart, O Christine, I am sure it would be touched by you. Your charms and personality have touched-aye, chained the hearts of more worthy men than I. Is it that I iam different from them P But withal, Christine, I admire you. And he riveted his cold, penetrating gray eyes upon hers, and they regarded each other interestedly for several moments. I-Ier thoughtful look changed to one of mingled vexation and reproach. This was 11ot the way she would have him woo her. She loved him-she knew it, and the thought that he could never love her seemed to rend her very