South Side High School - Totem Yearbook (Fort Wayne, IN)

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We Point with Pride to This Year Book UR past history has proven that our highly trained, thoroughly ex- perienced personnel and modernly equipped printing plant, working in close co-operation with the Staff of any Col- lege or High School, will produce Year Books as artistic and perfect as it is humanly possible to produce. i l Fort Wayne Paper Box Co- Printers and Binders FORT WAYNE, INDIANA

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THE TOTEM the following day, to the amazement of the school, the leg of the culprit was discovered fast in the jaws of the trap. But that was the last word that has ever been revealed about the case. The authorities were silent and for a good reason. However, what nearly everyone failed to observe, and this is the vital clew to the whole thing, was that just shortly after Miss Ley obtained exhibit number one in the form of an ap- pendage of the fiend, Mr. R. Nelson Snider returned from a short absence. My dear readers, I shudder to repeat it, the man-Mr. Snider-had only one leg. For almost a week, nobody noticed this loss because Mr. Snider, with diabolical cleverness tucked the end of his empty pant leg in his pocket thus concealing the awkward appearance which would come from the leg flapping about. One day, in a violent bit of anger, Mr. Snider tried to kick one of the pupils, and thus removing his only means of support, he fell to the floor. Then the observant student saw that he had but one leg, and the news spread like the measles. It would be a waste of time for me to tell how Mr. Snider eluded all efforts to find him by shaving off his mustache and how thus disguised, he posed for several weeks as his own brother from Yoder. You are all familiar with these facts. What you do not know is the story of those exciting Clays during the time when Mr. Snider was being tried by the faculty. Several times Mr. Snider was lynched by outraged faculty members and once was found hanging by his necktie from the rafters in the gym. Having been left there several days as a glaring example of some- thing or other, Mr. Snider was highly indignant and demanded a trial by jury. By this time public indigna- tion had reached such a point that the parents re- fused to let their children come to school, so the fac- ulty decided that a speedy trial would be the best thing. After much heated discussion, they decided to choose their judge and jury by lot. Mr. Wilson was unanimously elected judge, but when it was discovered that he had pulled a little gerrymandering and assort- ed graft, he was deposed and conscripted for jury duty. After a recount Mr. Gilbert was chosen to fill the bench. The jury consisted of Mr. Heine, Miss Perkins, Miss Demaree, Miss Schmidt, Mr. Murphy, Mr. Voorhees, Miss Shoup, bliss Chapin, Miss Ley, Miss Oppelt, and Mr. Wilson. For our valuable information of the trial and par- ticularly of that famous jury session, we are indebted to Bob Stone, who hid himself in one of the file draw- ers, as all reporters were excluded. The trial was held in the library on March 21, and the following account is taken from Bob Stone's article which appeared in The Times that week: The courtroom Qlibraryj was opened to the gen- eral public at five o'c1ock on the morning of the trial. Even at that hour the line of people extended clear 117 around the school. When the bailiff, Mr. Murch, opened the doors, the mob closed in. Mr. Murch was never found. At eight, the judge and jury marched in and took their places, the jury occupying tables one and two. The beauty of the opening ceremony was marred when Mr. Makey and Mr. Wilson attempted to stage a communist demonstration. Mr. Wilson fired a bomb at the judge while Mr. Makey harangued the audience. And you, fellow citizens of these United States, are youse mugs gonna set here and tell me that youse kin permit the cancerous growth of capitalism eat into the heart of this fair country. It's appalling, disgust- ing, the way these lousy- Mr. Makey was floored by a volume of Toasts for Every Occasion, thrown with paralyzing accuracy by Mr. Gilbert, who recalls his baseball tactics from time to time. Miss Oppelt had brought her white rat, Caesar, :ind was showing it to the crowd when Mr. Heine came in. The rat must have smelled formaldehyde because he promptly made tracks for the judge's desk. Mr. Gilbert saw him, screamed, and then assumed an odd position on top of one of the book cases. The crowd held their ears while Wardo bellowed NaOH, KOH, CaOH,', and other caustic remarks. After these and other minor interruptions, the trial was officially opened. Miss Shoup undertook to defend Mr. Snider by attempting to show that this was just another of his insanity attacks. However, the sentiment of the crowd was against him as could be detected by the barrage of elderly vegetables and omelet fodder which cluttered up the fair countenance of the judge. Nlr. Murphy then took the floor and tried a new technique upon the unruly audience. He told several humorous anecdotes about his early life in Posey County, Illinois, but when he recounted the one about the panic of 1837 and about whiskey selling for ten cents a gallon, the crowd broke into cheers at the sound of the word whiskey. Mr. Heine began making a speech on the evils of drinking on an empty stom- ach while Mr. Voorhees interrupted him to explain the action of the yeast bacteria upon one's esophagus. After some effort, Mr. Gilbert succeeded in stopping an enthusiastic parade around the room. In Churmanyf, began Miss Schmidt, when the riot had subsided, mven a man vould do vot dat man did, ve used to by a wall stick him at and gif him de vorks. He vouldn't durst dare to do wot dat man do, I betcha. I ban tank ve-H Aw, so is your uncle Heine, came a cheerful chorus from the audience. Friends, Romans, and countrymenf' began Miss Oppelt, waving her arms after the manner of M. T. Cicero, All Gaul is quartered into three halves and I don't feel so well myself. Veni, Vidi, Viki, Bolshi- vicki, salve, skookum, how--1 Raspberriesl', bel- lowed Miss Chapin and Miss Demaree in unison.

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The Totem Staff has been happy to worl-1 with The fejirson Studio which furnished all the individual and group pictures for this yearbook. Excellent portraiture, good service, and the most courteous of treatment have been outstand- ing characteristics of their work this year. When other big events fand little events, come in your life that you wish recorded, The Totem staff hopes you will again have recourse to the Jefferson Studio. If, when looking through this book in future days, you feel the old urge to l-:eep in touch with what your school is doing, just subscribe for The South SZ'C17Q Yimes As a special inducement for alumni to renew old bonds with South Side, The Times mal-:es them a special offer of 51.00 a year for mail subscriptions. Just send one dollar and your name and address to room 18.