Saratoga Springs High School - Recorder Yearbook (Saratoga Springs, NY)

Page 9 text:

THE HIGH SCHOOL RECORDER ' 7 because they had been arrested for speeding by Nathan Feldman, upon whom bribes and pleading had proved fruitless. Following the banquet, Dick Remillardewho had graduated magna cum laude with a degree of S. O. S. from the Ballstonian Institute, and was now President of the Boston and Main Railroade- acting as toastmaster, called upon various members of the class to narrate how they had managed to keep their heads above water. In the hour that followed we found that our class had a few representa- tives Who had done their bit for humanity as proved by Helen Stilest speech on the pleasures she had derived from philanthrophy. Wasntt that just like Helen to help others with the fortune she had inherited from a rich uncle! John Shay told us how his famous track team of Toonerville High School had won the world series of potato races, Harry Settle and Art Maxfield related their experiences as mission- aries in the Canary Islands, and Marion Peacock explained how she had made a success of her ttSchool for Lisping Linguists? At this point, Eleanor Ostrander, the same old cut-upfi jumped up and insisted on delivering an oration on how her ambition of a lifetime to be a lady undertaker was soon to be realized and begged that we give her and her assistant Ruth Wolcott all our trade. She was, however, interrupted by a loud, ttGot anything to eat? from none other than Jiggs Toomey, Who came shuffling into the room, dragging an ice cream pail. When greeted with a chorus of ttWell, what ever became of you ?il J iggs lamented at great length that his boss, Howard Smith, the leading druggist, had refused to give him the night off because he himself had to work. We suddenly broke off in the midst of his complaints against the tyranttt and began to dig into the eats? Thereupon, we turned our attention to a musical pro- gram furnished by Agnes Duvalts orchestra The Flapper Five? in Which we discovered Gertrude Burdo hidden behind an immense bass horn, Helen Hays at the traps, Margaret Matrazzo playing the saxo- phone, and Fanny Goldsmith strumming the banjo. When they struck up long forgotten tunes, we prevailed upon Dolores Seymour to do the Charleston ttfor old times sake. Then, Mary Middlebrook and Ida Brogan were loudly called upon to do their vaudeville sketch, then playing at the Congress. After they hurriedly dispatched J ohn Smith, their private stage hand, to improvise a stage, they surprised us by coming out in costumes of our old class c'olors-crimson and silver. Just at this moment Ida Goldsmith, special messenger for the Western Union, rushed in With a special delivery telegram from our representatives in Congress, Amos Peck and Elbert Perry. The mes-

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THE HIGH SCHOOL RECORDER . It was not long before the ballroom was thronged with joyful people recalling old times, relating past experiences, and exchanging the choicest bits of the latest scandal. From fragments of the conversation, I gathered that Elizabeth Cammarro had won recent fame for her book on ttEtiquette, that Larry Burke had filed a petition for bankruptcy, and that Ralph Lanzara, who, as a divorce lawyer, was doing a thriving business at Greenfield Center, had eloped with his stenographer, J o Cortese. Just then I caught Dot Saunders up to her old tricks of trying to pass off tickets for a church strawberry festival on Bernice Cole and Harriet Mead, proprietors of the Smart Nite Club on Cottage Street. I came to their aid by inquiring for Paul, who, it developed, was not among those present because he was representing Ketchums Corners in a tennis match at Middle Grove. Evidently, he had profited by his experience in the play. A little later I came upon Stanley Smith ...... his Boysi Week experience as truant officer had determined his career for him ...... demanding that Irving Helprin and Lillian Fahrer tell him why young Irving was not in school. He probably would not have taken the lack of a pair of shoes as an excuse had not the attention of all been diverted at that moment by the entrance of Jack Saroif, who came hobbling up to us .with the aid of a pair of crutches. It was soon an open secret that while trying out his invention of moving cellar stairs. the mechanism gave way and the ttinventori, went crash- ing through the structure with a scuttle of Coal tumbling after him., Oh well, we always said that J ack worked terribly hard trying to get out nf work! Occupying seats of honor at the banquet table were some of the foremost citizens of the old home town. J ohn Freebern with Esther Baker, a maid who had been recommended by the Simmons, attended incessantly upon the wishes of his wife, nee Marion Winney, our first woman mayor. Next to them, I was surprised to see the Rev. Shef- field Fuller, with Mrs. Fuller, once Ruth Salisbury, who was very fond of telling how she had chosen, between being a Folliesi girl and a ministeris wife. Upon questioning Betty Andrus, now a famous opera star, as to why her husband, Alfred Buckley, was not present, she stated that he was otherwise occupied as their governess, Jean, Winney, had chosen to give up a perfectly good position rather than miss the reunion. J ilst then we were informed by a telephone call from police head- quarters that Doug E'ighmey and Al Baker were unavoidably detained.

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8 THE HIGH SCHOOL RECORDER sage read-JtJust put through bill prohibiting the sale of ginger ale to children under twelve years of age. With you in spirit. Amos and A1. Rushing around almost as frantically as Ida had, was A1 Ritchie, known over the country for his persistent wooing of Julia Novak, famous Hollywood star. Poor Al was having a tough time of it, too, to keep at J ulia,s heels, as it was a well known fact that she had already deserted six suitors at the altar. The party was just about to break up When a great rumpus was heard in the hall and judging from the sounds, Bob Hinman, who had offered his services: as butler, was having a hard time to hold his own. Clark Sheehan, our private detective, was just going to investigate the disturbance when we heard someone screech, iiHow dare you tell me I can't go in there dressed like this? iS an outrage ! Could I believe my ears? Surely I could not mistake that voice. Yes, unbelievable but true-there was Elizabeth McConnell striding indignantly into the room clad in cowpunchersi regalia from spurs to Stetson, and pouring forth a volley of satirical remarks over her shoulder at that butler? So this was the fulfillment of Tags ambi- tions! Well, she always said she would own a ranch in Texas some day. Quite a sensation was created when she announced that she wanted things done in style, and sure enough, there soon appeared on the scene Kate Swartwout, editor of the society page as well as the Poets Corner of the Wilton Weekly, accompanied by a photogra- pher, who proved to be none other than Luella Sturdevan. Well, their promise of a classy write-up and photographs served more than one purpose, since it persuaded some of our notable guests that these souvenirs would serve to perpetuate the memory of that memorable occasion as well as the silverware and sundry porta- ble objects. Leave-takings closely followed and soon I was waving farewell to the last bus-load of l26ers. As they disappeared through the park, I breathed a sigh of relief that I had succeeded in covering my tracks and baffling my pursuers. But alas, even as I congratulated myself on my get-away I felt a tap on my shoulder, and heard the too familiar voice of the guard-- Come on, Scotty. Youive had your fun. Now back to the asylum for you? And so, dear diary, Within the confines of my padded cell, I con- sole myself with the thought that my classmates little suspected that I was driven here by seeking in vain throughout the world for more powers for the Student Council.