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Page 50 text:
Doris — Don’t you think there’s some- thing cheap about necking? Rosewell — O h, yes, it very often cheapens the electric light bill. Stranger — Could you tell me where I could find theSecond Presbyterian Church? Joyce (leaning on a tree on the day after) — Brother, 1 could not even tell you where the first one is. Mae Tench — What kind of dress did Jean H. wear to the party last night? Bill — 1 don’t know, but 1 think it was checked. Mae — Boy, that must have been some party. Mary C. — I hear that when it comes to kissing, Iris is an experienced hand. Alouise — Huh! I’ll bet she slaps every man that tries to kiss her. Mary C. — Sure, that’s why her hand is so experienced. Mr. Steger (intense with excitement) — Well, Watts, what happened when you asked your boss for a raise? Watt — Why, he was like a lamb. Mr. Steger — What did he say? Watts — Baa! A Pulaski teacher found it necessary to send a note home with Johnny requesting that he be given a bath occasionally. The following day she received this indignant answer: “Dear Teacher: Johnny ain’t no rose. Don’t smell him; learn him.” Little Nancy W., who is rather slender, called to see Joe Aylor’s new dog the other day. The pup took an instant liking to her and followed her around the barn. Nancy W. — “Your dog likes me better than he does you.” “Don’t you know why?” said Joe A. “He thinks you are a bone.” As Clinton C. drove his old broken down Ford on the toll bridge the bridge keeper took one look at it and said, “50c for that one.” “Sold,” replied Clinton in a hurry. Little Hubert G. at the zoo. “Oh, mama, that monkey looks just like my uncle Ned.” Mother — Why, Hubert, the idea; you should not say such things. Hubert — Aw, mama, the monkey can’t understand. Dietitian — Yes, a few lettuce leaves with olive oil, and a glass of orange juice. There, that completes your daily diet. Molly Jones — Thank you so much, but do you take this before or after meals. Teacher — Now, Jazz, how many seasons are there? Jazz — Two. Teacher — Only two? Name them. Jazz — Baseball and football. Miss Bondurant — Surely, you know what the word “mirror” means, Roy. After you have washed what do you look at to see if your face is clean? Roy — The towel. Mary Sue — I can see that I am just a little pebble in your life. Jordan That ' s all, but 1 do wish you were a little bolder. As Doctor Tyler was standing in the doorway of his store Douglas W. came running at top gait and butted his head squarely into him. “Hey, kid,” demanded Dr. Tyler. “What’s the matter?” “I am trying to keep two kids from getting in a fight,” panted Douglas. “Who are the boys?” asked Dr. Tyler. “I’m one of them.” Miss Kinder — Judy, name three collec- tive nouns. Judy — Flypaper, dustpan and waste- basket. Miss Bondurant — Watts, do you like Shakespeare? Watts — Yes, ma’m. Miss Bondurant — Why do you like him? Watts — Because he died about 400 years ago.
Page 49 text:
Judge — You admit you drove over this man with a loaded truck? Joyce — Yes, your honor. Judge — What have you to say in your defense? Joyce — I didn’t know it was loaded. Roy Windle — When you and your boy friend neck who gets the most excited? Lida M. — My father. Reporter — I’ve got a perfect news story. Editor — How come? Man bit dog? Reporter — No, a bull threw Mr. Billips. Virginia A.- Does your lipstick come off easily? Jean M. — No, I usually put up a pretty good fight. MEN ONLY READ THIS Out of ninety thousand women there will be eighty-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-four who will read this. The other six will be blind. King H. — Darling, I ' m hungry for love. Bessie Lee — Then let me put my arms around you. King H— Why? Bessie Lee — Well, if you’re hungry you want something that’ll stick to your ribs. Tommy C. — I know a man who abso- lutely refuses to wear riding breeches when he mounts a horse. Jack P. — Cowboy? Tommy C. — Naw, taxidermist. Betty J. — Handsome, do you want to hear something that is positively a scream? Tom M. — Sure. Betty J. — Try and kiss me. Valencia V I sent that producer my play about the princess and the beggar. Miss Bondurant — Really? Where was the play laid? Valencia — In the waste basket. Mr. Rice — I will not begin today’s lec- ture until the room settles down. (Voice from the rear) — Go home and sleep it off, Prof. Virginia R. — Good gracious! I feel a draft in here. Blanche C. — No wonder; Tommy Com- biths has his mouth open. Melvin W. — Gee, maw, I would like to be an aviator. Mrs. Whitaker — No, Melvin dear, 1 believe you would make a good doctor. Melvin (very innocently) — Naw, maw, I never was good at working with figures. Mrs. Leffew- Frances, did you come right out and tell Bob that you loved him? Frances — Why, no, mother, he simply had to squeeze it out of me. Peggy Q. — But, Henry, have you seen my mother? Henry P. — Yes, many times, but I love you just the same. E. C. Kidd — Where did you get all that money? Junior H. Borrowed it from Jack Lugar. E. C.— But I thought he was pretty tight. Jr. H. He was. Mrs. Seagle — What! Your son is an undertaker? I thought you said he was a doctor. Mrs. Crabtree — No, I said he followed the medical profession. Toots Brown (before Watts) — I’m going to wear my most daring gown. And how would you like my hair? Watts Steger- Right on my shoulder. Mrs. Purvis (looking over report card)- Why, Dawn, what do you mean by failing your algebra? Dawn — Who cares; I’m not going to feed my husband any x-Fx=23 Tommy C. — Do you object to being kissed, Mary? Mary C. — That’s something I ' ve never done, Tommy. Tommy — Kissed, Mary? Mary — Objected, Tommy.
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