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Page 48 text:
Jokes Rebecca H. — Jean Hall tried to drown herself three times because of a man. May T. — What kind of man? Rebecca H. — A life guard (Bill Tate). Joe Aylor — How long have you been shaving? Charles M. — Four years now. Joe — G’wan. Charles — Yes, sir. Cut my self both times. Wife — W ' hat’s the idea of poking the broom in the baby’s face this morning? Hubby — I just wanted to get him used to kissing his grandfather. Edward T. — Where yuh goin’ with that clock? Maurice B. — Up to the top of the hill. Edward — What for? Maurice — To watch it run down. Walter H. — Darn it! Everybody puts his nose into my business. Bradley H. — Can’t you do something? Walter — Why should I? I manufacture handkerchiefs. Windy Taylor — Listen, officer! I’ve got a date with two swell blondes, and I was speeding to hunt up another fellow. Cop — Say! You’d better tell that to the judge. Windy — What, you mean you want me to take it to court? Cop — No, I mean the judge would like one of the blondes. Mary Currin — I’d like to see the captain of this ship. Sailor — He’s forward, miss. Mary Currin — That’s all right. This is a pleasure trip. Mother — Well, son, what have you been doing this afternoon? Bill Dent— Shooting craps, mother. Mother — That must stop. Those little things have just as much right to live as you. } Captain If you don’t salute properly I’ll give you five demerits. Norman — How much is that in Ameri- can money? Miss Pugh — You know what a senator is? Ralph R. — There’s a matador, a picador and a senator. Miss Pugh — No, stupid. Matadors and picadors fight the bull. Ralph R. — I see .... Senators just throw the bull. Tommy C. — You ' re dancing with me tonight and I suppose tomorrow you ' ll be making a date with some other man. Mary Carson — Yes, my chiropodist. Iris S. — Don’t you ever look at a man and wish you were single again. Dawn L. — Yes. Iris S. — Who? Dawn L. — My husband. Jean M. — I’ll die if you don’t kiss me. Rosewell S. — This is terible. I’m being torn between love and duty. Jean M. — What do you mean, dear? Rosewell — I’m in the undertaking busi- ness. Wilbur K. — I hear you were fined for beating up that magician. Frank H. — That’s right. He made my mother-in-law disappear. Wilbur K. — And you beat him up for that? Frank H. — No, for bringing her back. Mary W. — Isn’t this a wonderful car? Katherine B. — Yes, one of the boys gave it to me to remember him by. Mary W. — Which boy? Katherine — Oh, I’ve forgotten. Bill Tate — What’s the big idea, wearing my raincoat? Ben — It’s raining. You wouldn’t want me to get your suit wet, would you?
Page 49 text:
Judge — You admit you drove over this man with a loaded truck? Joyce — Yes, your honor. Judge — What have you to say in your defense? Joyce — I didn’t know it was loaded. Roy Windle — When you and your boy friend neck who gets the most excited? Lida M. — My father. Reporter — I’ve got a perfect news story. Editor — How come? Man bit dog? Reporter — No, a bull threw Mr. Billips. Virginia A.- Does your lipstick come off easily? Jean M. — No, I usually put up a pretty good fight. MEN ONLY READ THIS Out of ninety thousand women there will be eighty-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-four who will read this. The other six will be blind. King H. — Darling, I ' m hungry for love. Bessie Lee — Then let me put my arms around you. King H— Why? Bessie Lee — Well, if you’re hungry you want something that’ll stick to your ribs. Tommy C. — I know a man who abso- lutely refuses to wear riding breeches when he mounts a horse. Jack P. — Cowboy? Tommy C. — Naw, taxidermist. Betty J. — Handsome, do you want to hear something that is positively a scream? Tom M. — Sure. Betty J. — Try and kiss me. Valencia V I sent that producer my play about the princess and the beggar. Miss Bondurant — Really? Where was the play laid? Valencia — In the waste basket. Mr. Rice — I will not begin today’s lec- ture until the room settles down. (Voice from the rear) — Go home and sleep it off, Prof. Virginia R. — Good gracious! I feel a draft in here. Blanche C. — No wonder; Tommy Com- biths has his mouth open. Melvin W. — Gee, maw, I would like to be an aviator. Mrs. Whitaker — No, Melvin dear, 1 believe you would make a good doctor. Melvin (very innocently) — Naw, maw, I never was good at working with figures. Mrs. Leffew- Frances, did you come right out and tell Bob that you loved him? Frances — Why, no, mother, he simply had to squeeze it out of me. Peggy Q. — But, Henry, have you seen my mother? Henry P. — Yes, many times, but I love you just the same. E. C. Kidd — Where did you get all that money? Junior H. Borrowed it from Jack Lugar. E. C.— But I thought he was pretty tight. Jr. H. He was. Mrs. Seagle — What! Your son is an undertaker? I thought you said he was a doctor. Mrs. Crabtree — No, I said he followed the medical profession. Toots Brown (before Watts) — I’m going to wear my most daring gown. And how would you like my hair? Watts Steger- Right on my shoulder. Mrs. Purvis (looking over report card)- Why, Dawn, what do you mean by failing your algebra? Dawn — Who cares; I’m not going to feed my husband any x-Fx=23 Tommy C. — Do you object to being kissed, Mary? Mary C. — That’s something I ' ve never done, Tommy. Tommy — Kissed, Mary? Mary — Objected, Tommy.
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