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Page 150 text:
“Biz” Cox (to Xeil Fine) — Do you come from Boston? Neil Fine — Certainly not! Fm talking this way beacuse I cut my mouth on a bottle. Miss Blair (to Jessie X’aughan) — Did the English shoot Joan of Arc? Jessie aughan — Naw, burned her at the stake. Miss Blair — WAdl, I thought so, too, but it says here she was canonized. Helen Banc — Oh, look at the poor old man all bent over with rheumatism. Azalea Berry — Rheumatism my eye! It’s Jack Coleman coming back from a ride in a rumble seat. Ralph Martin (to Foy Aust) — Why did you cut the sleeves out of your overcoat? Foy Aust — So 1 could put it on without taking my books out of my hands. Adolph Covey was reading to his English class a real western story he had written himself, and was doing quite nicely until he came to the part that read, “Crack! went Adolph’s rifle and six red men fell dead.” “But, Adolph,” interrupted Mrs. Hall, “how can anyone kill six men with a single rille shot?” Adolph — Aw, sure he could ; this cowboy was from Chicago. M rs. Hall — Helen Bane, this essay on “Our Dog” is word for word the same as Virginia Kersey’s. Helen — Ves, ma’am; it’s the same dog. Mr. Shufflebarger — Fred Kinzer, if I tear a piece of paper into four parts what do I have? F red — Quarters. Mr. Shufflebarger — And if I divide it into eight parts? Fred — Eighths. Mr. Shufflebarger- — And if I divide it into eight thousand parts? Fred — Confetti, sir. Blake Wright’s Mother — Where is the cow, Blake? Blake — 1 can’t get her home, mother; she’s down by the rail- road track flirting with the tobacco sign. Salvation Army Man (meeting Foy Aust in the hall) — -Pardon me, but are you the principal? Foy — No! (pointing to the office) I’m just assistant. ■4 144
Page 149 text:
Ollie Ingles — A millionaire once owned this pearl necklace. Frances ( ' ash — What was his name? Ollie Ingles — Woolworth. (icorge Sprinkle — Please pass the cake. Mrs. Sprinkle — Son, you’ll burst if you eat another piece, (leorgc ' — W ' ell, p iss the cake then and everybody get out of the way. Roy Duncan — Hello, J. C., how’s yo hawgs? J. C. Lyons — Deys all right. How’s yo folks? Mr. Shufflebarger — Do you serve lobsters here at this resturant? W’aiter — Yes, sir, we serve everybody. Sit down. Fred Kinzer — Oh, Miss Croswhite, I’d like to squeeze you as hard as I love you. Miss Croswhite — Oh, I’d be afraid. Fred Kinzer — Never mind, I wouldn’t hurt you. In the grades Miss Rider asked the (piestion, “How did you come out on your English test?’’ Mary Cox — I knowed ’em all. Robert Reamer — Do you know my brother is in the adolescent stage already? irginia Kersey — Why I didn’t even know he was sick. M rs. Wheeler (dictating to the geography class) — Iceland, is about as large as Siam (1 am). “Iceland,’’ wrote Ollie Ingles afterward, “is about as large as teacher.’’ Miss Croswhite (to Margaret Manuel) — Margaret, how do they figure the population of a Swiss village? Margaret Manuel — Oh, I guess they count the number of echoes and divide by the mountains. Miss Kinder — Anna Snider, kindly decline the noun “feniure.” Anna Snider — I decline with pleasure. Wyona Hall (to Margaret Worley) — Bad day for the race, isn’t it? Margaret Worley — What race? Wyona Hall — The white race. •4 143
Page 151 text:
Kate Kanode (a stenographer) was asked I y lier l)oss, “What are you doing on Sunday e ening, Miss Kanode?” Kate (hopefully) — Why nothing, sir! Boss — Well, then will you try to be at the office on time on Mon- day morning. Rastus — Sam, do you know the difference between politeness and tact? Sam — Sho’ 1 does. Rastus — Well? Sam — Well, the other day I was helping a phmd)er at a certain house, when 1 happened to go into the bathroom and a lady was in the tub, and 1 says, “Excuse me, suh.” Rastus — I don’t see nothin’ in that. Sam — W ' ell, de “excuse me” was politeness and de “suh” was tact. Lewis Jackson — WMnt a drink of cider. Dot? 1 )ot— Sure. Lewis — Well, press on your Adam’s apple, then. Herbert HalL-Mother, I’m going to work this Algebra or see why. Mrs. Hall (thirty minutes later) — Herbert, did you get your Algebra? Herbert — No. Mrs. Hall — I thought you said you’d get it or see the reason why. Herbert — 1 seen why. Ship Ahoy — Man the Pumps — Scuttle the Decks Climb the Rigging GOOD LUCK, EVERYBODY Flat Top R Snooks S Heinie D Beef Stew M Freddie C ■4 145
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