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Page 148 text:
it- Doctor Farley — Put out your tongue — more than that — all of Sid Steger — But, Doctor, I can’t. It’s fastened at the other end. Pat Bocock — What will it cost to have my car fixed? Garage Man — What is wrong with it? Pat Bocock — I don’t know. Garage Man — Fifty-two dollars and sixty cents. Miss Blair (in Atlantic and Pacific Grocery Store) — What is butter today? Sid Steger — Butter is butter, mam. Miss Blair — Glad to hear it. I got some here the other day and it was axle grease. Miss Anderson’s Beau — Are you a college girl? Miss Anderson — Oh no ' Riding horseback makes me walk like this. Blanche — Nellie, how many times do you suppose Reginald has kissed you ? Nellie — Well so far, Blanche, I haven’t had to suppose at all. Ralph Martin — You know I have the worst luck. Last Satur- day my brother Flenry went walking down the street and fell into a coal hole, and sued the company for a thousand dollars. And yester- day I went walking down the street and fell into the same hole and got arrested for stealing coal. Mr. Shufflebarger — Why do you always hold my hands when I start to tell you how much I think of you? Miss Blair — To make sure you haven’t got your fingers crossed. Bessie G. — And he has the cutest little roadster he runs around with. Roy D. — Which arm does he carry it under? Frank H. — Has your gardening taught you anything? Frances S. — Yes; I’ll nev er again believe you reap what you sow. Teacher (explaining a financial phrase, said to the small girl in the class) — Do you retire alone? Nellie Carrico — No, I sleep with mamma. Billy Vier (hearing a purring cat) — Just listen, he has fallen asleep and left his engine running. •4 142 Ik-
Page 147 text:
Mrs. Hall — DuX ' al, what are the two genders? l)u al Seagle — Maseuline and feminine, d ' he masculines are divided into temperate and intemperate, and the feminines arc di id- ed into the frigid and torrid. Miss I)u ' al — Robert, you ha e entered the debit item under credit. Robert Reamer — Yes, mam, I’m left handed. On a certain Wednesday morning in chai)cl a debate was gi en. One of the speakers on the negative side was Foy Aust. Foy Aust — If we take up this creek where will we put it? Student — Well! 1 suppose we’ll ha ’e to stand there and hold it till you decide. Mrs. Hall — Your job of wall-papering looks hne, Harry, but what are those funny lumps? Mr. Hall — Good heavens! 1 forgot to take the pictures down. Alfred Porter — Ouch! 1 just bumi)ed my crazy bone. Kate Robinson — Well, it ought not to hurt much because your hair is pretty thick. Rob Crabtree (calling on June Gulliford) — Do you mind if 1 im- print a kiss upon your lips? “Raloney,” said little brother; “you can run off a whole edition and sister won’t mind.’’ Jack Rones — My uncle has addressed all of the peoi)le in the United States. Ruth Johnson — He must l)e a wonderful orator. Jack Rones- — No, he mails catalogues for Sears-Roebuck. Henry Dewey — I didn’t know you could send animals through the mail. Hazel Morehead — Why, of course you can’t. Henry Dewey — -That’s funny, this morning 1 got a letter with a seal on it. Miss DuVal says she is afraid to go to bed since she learned that ninety per cent of the people die in bed. Miss Pugh — What was George Washington noted for? Ollie Ingles — His memory. Miss Pugh — What makes you think his memor ’ was so great? Ollie Ingles — Why, you know they erected a monument for it. •4 141 P-
Page 149 text:
Ollie Ingles — A millionaire once owned this pearl necklace. Frances ( ' ash — What was his name? Ollie Ingles — Woolworth. (icorge Sprinkle — Please pass the cake. Mrs. Sprinkle — Son, you’ll burst if you eat another piece, (leorgc ' — W ' ell, p iss the cake then and everybody get out of the way. Roy Duncan — Hello, J. C., how’s yo hawgs? J. C. Lyons — Deys all right. How’s yo folks? Mr. Shufflebarger — Do you serve lobsters here at this resturant? W’aiter — Yes, sir, we serve everybody. Sit down. Fred Kinzer — Oh, Miss Croswhite, I’d like to squeeze you as hard as I love you. Miss Croswhite — Oh, I’d be afraid. Fred Kinzer — Never mind, I wouldn’t hurt you. In the grades Miss Rider asked the (piestion, “How did you come out on your English test?’’ Mary Cox — I knowed ’em all. Robert Reamer — Do you know my brother is in the adolescent stage already? irginia Kersey — Why I didn’t even know he was sick. M rs. Wheeler (dictating to the geography class) — Iceland, is about as large as Siam (1 am). “Iceland,’’ wrote Ollie Ingles afterward, “is about as large as teacher.’’ Miss Croswhite (to Margaret Manuel) — Margaret, how do they figure the population of a Swiss village? Margaret Manuel — Oh, I guess they count the number of echoes and divide by the mountains. Miss Kinder — Anna Snider, kindly decline the noun “feniure.” Anna Snider — I decline with pleasure. Wyona Hall (to Margaret Worley) — Bad day for the race, isn’t it? Margaret Worley — What race? Wyona Hall — The white race. •4 143
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