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Page 147 text:
Mrs. Hall — DuX ' al, what are the two genders? l)u al Seagle — Maseuline and feminine, d ' he masculines are divided into temperate and intemperate, and the feminines arc di id- ed into the frigid and torrid. Miss I)u ' al — Robert, you ha e entered the debit item under credit. Robert Reamer — Yes, mam, I’m left handed. On a certain Wednesday morning in chai)cl a debate was gi en. One of the speakers on the negative side was Foy Aust. Foy Aust — If we take up this creek where will we put it? Student — Well! 1 suppose we’ll ha ’e to stand there and hold it till you decide. Mrs. Hall — Your job of wall-papering looks hne, Harry, but what are those funny lumps? Mr. Hall — Good heavens! 1 forgot to take the pictures down. Alfred Porter — Ouch! 1 just bumi)ed my crazy bone. Kate Robinson — Well, it ought not to hurt much because your hair is pretty thick. Rob Crabtree (calling on June Gulliford) — Do you mind if 1 im- print a kiss upon your lips? “Raloney,” said little brother; “you can run off a whole edition and sister won’t mind.’’ Jack Rones — My uncle has addressed all of the peoi)le in the United States. Ruth Johnson — He must l)e a wonderful orator. Jack Rones- — No, he mails catalogues for Sears-Roebuck. Henry Dewey — I didn’t know you could send animals through the mail. Hazel Morehead — Why, of course you can’t. Henry Dewey — -That’s funny, this morning 1 got a letter with a seal on it. Miss DuVal says she is afraid to go to bed since she learned that ninety per cent of the people die in bed. Miss Pugh — What was George Washington noted for? Ollie Ingles — His memory. Miss Pugh — What makes you think his memor ’ was so great? Ollie Ingles — Why, you know they erected a monument for it. •4 141 P-
Page 146 text:
Dorothy Neighbors was spending the afternoon on the Bopp farm. Young Carl was showing her around the farm, through the barns, etc., when suddenly she noticed some sheep grazing on the hillside. Dorothy — How many sheep ha e you got in this held? C ' arl — Now, how many would you say? Dorothy — Two hundred and hfty. C ' arl — Well you are perfectly correct, but I’ll be derned if I know how you counted them so quickly. Dorothy — Kasy enough! 1 just counted all the legs and divided by four. d ' om Jackson’s little son was sitting in the hall of Pulask High School and was scratching his head. Foy Aust just happened thru the hall at that time and asked, “Son, what’s the matter with your head?’’ ' I ' om Jackson’s Son I’se got ’rithmetic bugs. Foy Aust — Why do you call them ’rithmetic bugs? T. J. S. — Cause they add to my misery, subtract from my pleas- ures, divide my attention, and multiply like the dickens. On his tour of the district Mr. Darst was inspecting the High School Building and came before a class of girls. He wrote upon the blackboard, “LNXX.” Then, peering over the rims of his spectacles at a good looking girl in the first row, he asked: “Young lady, what is your name?’’ E ' elyn Tucker — My name is Miss hA elyn d ' ucker. Mr. Darst — Well, Miss Tucker, I’d like you to tell me what that mea ns. F ’elyn Tucker — Lcn e and kisses. Miss Croswhite — Xeil, what is the difference between a ilea and an elephant? Neil I ' ine--1 don’t know. Miss Croswhite — what? Miss Croswhite — Why, an elephant can have fleas but a flea can’t have elephants. Miss Croswhite addressed the class thus: “I i ropose to show you a very fine specimen of a dissected frog, which I have in this par- cel.” Undoing the parcel she disclosed some sandwiches, a hard- boiled egg and some fruit. “But — but surely I ate my lunch,” she said. Mr. ’ier — I have a two-legged calf up at my house. Mr. Runion — I know it. He was up to see Emma Jane last night. •4 140 Ih "
Page 148 text:
it- Doctor Farley — Put out your tongue — more than that — all of Sid Steger — But, Doctor, I can’t. It’s fastened at the other end. Pat Bocock — What will it cost to have my car fixed? Garage Man — What is wrong with it? Pat Bocock — I don’t know. Garage Man — Fifty-two dollars and sixty cents. Miss Blair (in Atlantic and Pacific Grocery Store) — What is butter today? Sid Steger — Butter is butter, mam. Miss Blair — Glad to hear it. I got some here the other day and it was axle grease. Miss Anderson’s Beau — Are you a college girl? Miss Anderson — Oh no ' Riding horseback makes me walk like this. Blanche — Nellie, how many times do you suppose Reginald has kissed you ? Nellie — Well so far, Blanche, I haven’t had to suppose at all. Ralph Martin — You know I have the worst luck. Last Satur- day my brother Flenry went walking down the street and fell into a coal hole, and sued the company for a thousand dollars. And yester- day I went walking down the street and fell into the same hole and got arrested for stealing coal. Mr. Shufflebarger — Why do you always hold my hands when I start to tell you how much I think of you? Miss Blair — To make sure you haven’t got your fingers crossed. Bessie G. — And he has the cutest little roadster he runs around with. Roy D. — Which arm does he carry it under? Frank H. — Has your gardening taught you anything? Frances S. — Yes; I’ll nev er again believe you reap what you sow. Teacher (explaining a financial phrase, said to the small girl in the class) — Do you retire alone? Nellie Carrico — No, I sleep with mamma. Billy Vier (hearing a purring cat) — Just listen, he has fallen asleep and left his engine running. •4 142 Ik-
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