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Page 123 text:
Gillie — Remember when we first met in the revolving door at the bank? Billie — But that wasn’t the first time we met. Gillie — Well, that was when we began going around to- gether. First student to second — Oh, shut up, you are the biggest fool I ever saw. Prof. — Boys, boys, don’t forget I’m still in the room. Miss Finks — Tom, name the seasons. Tom — Pepper, salt, vinegar and mustard. New boy — I h’ave been introduced to Mabel Brinkley. Bud Crockett — What did she say? New boy — Nothing. Bud — Well, it wasn’t Mabel. Advice to students taking history: Eat tomatoes and ketchup. Mr. Eckman — Class, is there really fire in the body? Smart boy — Why, yes, you can see the smoke on a cold day. John Crowder — What makes the leaves turn red in the fall? Mont. Chumbley — They are blushing to think how green they have been all summer. Teacher — Why is a well-ordered school room like a Ford? Freshie — Easy; the crank’s in front. Teacher — And all the nuts are in their proper places. Sam Pillsbury — How long can a man live without brains? Gillie Groseclose — You ought to know. Bobby Harris (on seeing Judson march in with the gradu- ating class) — Oh, look, mamma! Judson’s got a gown like grandma’s! [ 119 ]
Page 122 text:
Kathryn Snapp — Stop that man, he wanted to kiss me! Cop — That’s all right miss, there’ll be another one along in a minute. Bill Thomas — Anybody in here got any glue? Carson Dalton (brightly) — 1 got a safety pin. Bill — I’m afraid you need that. Tim Cecil — 1 have absolutely nothing to wear. Kat Dudley — Well put it on and let’s go. Margaret Dyer — I think the Charleston is awful. Frances Mullins — I can’t learn it either. Rachella Scott — Let’s do something odd, something ec- centric. Virginia Duncan — All right, let’s go down to Seagle’s and hunt for gum under the tables. Bill Thomas — Say, did you know that you can get a good ch ' cken dinner for ten cents down town. Bud Crockett — Where? Bill — -At the feed store. Jack Shuff — I paid my fourth visit to the beauty shop today. Julian Groseclose — Strange you can’t get waited on. Dr. Draper — Duane, why is it that you are always at the bottom of the class? Duane — It doesn’t make any difference, daddy; they teach the same things at both ends. Wilbur — -What would you say if I were to throw you a kiss? Sadie 1 — I’d say you were the laziest boy I ever met. “Mabel, you grow more beautiful every day.” “Oh, Jack, you do exaggerate.” “Well, then every other day.” [ 118 ]
Page 124 text:
TRUE ODDITIES, EH WHAT? Americans cannot sing with their mouths closed. People are now Avearing shoes for the purpose of covering their feet. There are lots of birds that can’t fly but continuously chirp. Packards, Fords, etc., do not give out of gas until the tank becomes empty. The French do not eat sliced oranges with vinegar and salt. Few people snore except when rendered unconscious by sleep or otherwise. It takes the same amount of time to look at your watch at six o’clock as seven. Australians do not eat spaghetti while attending the opera. Statistics sho r that for the last five years most people go through their front doors for the purpose of getting in or out of doors. While walking down a crowded thoroughfare the Londoners do not loudly proclaim their name, age and address. Few persons having attained the age of ninety are seen cheAving gum and eating lollypops. As a rule Congressmen do not play hopscotch on ice skates. Russians are iioav going up stairs for the purpose of reach- ing an upper floor. Very polite young gentlemen do not wash their faces AA ' hile out driving with a young lady. Few persons enjoy walking while riding in their automobiles. People everyAvhere use the same method for breathing — in- haling and exhaling. Eskimos do not wear ear rings on their fingers or toes. All species of fish sAvim, especially in Avater. Bricklayers do not wind their clocks while in swimming. Demerits are not eagerly sought after by the inmates of P. H. S. between the ages of thirteen and thirty teen. This nonsense Avill not continue on through another mil- lenium of pages but will cease henceforth and immediately. M. E. D. P. S. — “Craziness” does not spell “funny” nor does “ab- surdity” spell “laugh.” [ 120 ]
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