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Page 35 text:
“We have a very interesting group for our consideration today —the Pulaski group. This group, with a few exceptions, started their wonderful careers at P. H. S. A notable fact indeed, as it was one of the best schools of its day, being classed along with Dublin Institute, Wurno Academy, and other noted seats of learning.” Two of the most noted were Minnie Cannaday and Mamie Russell, noted musicians of their time. They traveled together making many tours of the world and Mars, winning fame every- where. Others of special note were the nurses Lillian Pack, Dorothy Jameson, and Minnie Peirce. They are especially noted for the old reliable pill recommended for heartburn sickness and other ailments of that nature. But they, in my opinion, were the biggest pills. Now a personage of extraordinary mention was Mr. Billy Bones, the most hard-headed man in the world until Gertrude Jennings married him and reformed him somewhat. Another of great importance was “Doughface” Matheney, the noted cook who could bake bread, “burnt on the bottom, raw in the middle, and cracked open on top.” Here the teacher dropped the book with a resounding thump saying, “I’m always doing all the talking and you would go on and let me — Johnnie, tell me about the teachers of this group.” A small red-headed, freckled face boy answered, “They were Nannette Livingston, founder of the Tate Latin Lhiiversity, and Daisy Nelson, a teacher of dumb animals. But the most noteworthy service to humanity during her career was teaching Henry Foglesong how to be a good husband. “That’s good — now, Mary, tell me about the actor of this group.” “Oh, that was Beveridge Roberts. She became famous as a female Charlie Chaplin and Rodolph Valentino combined. She entered the New York Tribune ' s funny pictures, making a name for herself at the early age of ninety-eight.” “Good, now, Katherine — the lawyers.” “Were they Gerard Southern and Ernest Lewey?” “Yes. But I am asking you.” “Well, they practiced law for a while at Macadam and were then elected to the town council on ‘No work — all play’ plat- form. Their greatest bill was the ‘Curly-Spain Bill.’ “Correct. Now, Harold, tell me about Alice Lowman.” “I don’t think I know that.” “Stay in for an hour this afternoon.” “Oh, yes, she was the teacher of expression at the Stuart School for girls established by Aline Stuart in New York in 31
Page 34 text:
intact — the same as it was when I was placed in my last intend- ed resting place. This surprised me and I reached up to scratch my head as was my custom during life, but to my utter astonish- ment and even greater surprise my hand came in contact with a perfectly bald head — entirely devoid ot hair in any shape, form or size. My head was perfectly slick and shiny. Upon exam- ining closer I found the carcasses of a multitude of little under- ground beetles, bugs, etc. Oh, what a horrible death was theirs! I was indirectly a murderer — they had to traverse my slippery cranium and had slipped, fallen, and crushed against the bare rocks, thereby breaking their necks and crushing their bodies into a nearly indistinguishable mass. 1 began to examine myself and my surroundings more closely to see if any more such calamities had taken place. I found the rest of myself intact; yes, I could even trace the luminous trails of the snails, slugs and other crawling beings over my body. Ugh, I shudder now at the thought of those cold-blooded, crawling, miniature monsters. Then Death, that cold and creepy thing, that comes when no one knows when, that parter of a miser and his hoard, that ex- tinguisher of brilliant careers, that unmerciful demon, which takes father, mother, brother or sister away from those who love them so well, that cure for all hurts and diseases, that welcome guest of the oppressed, reached out her long clam-like talons and began to entangle me! — enshroud me, yea, to en- fold me! Though I despairingly struggled to escape those clammy, snaky coils, she only laughed at a mere helpless mortal fighting a losing fight against her invincible charms, Soft, but horrible music, seemed to get more distinct as I sank down — down — down into those fathomless depths of unconsciousness On regaining consciousness I was more terrified and palsied with fear and fright than ever before! Oh, why did not Death retain me in her blood-stained jaws, why did she, with that derisive mockery, cast me into this place — this place of torment? Oh, God! I was in — a school room. As time and space do not permit I will not attempt to describe this place of torture in detail, nor its many improvements and inventions of torment. A history class was in session, a red-headed teacher of small stature strangely bringing back remembrances of my own school days, was perched on the desk expatiating at length on history in general, and asking questions right and left. Interested in the date, I looked for a calendar. There were many of these — big, little, great and small — arranged in no partic- ular manner on the wall. The date was 2056. The teacher was talking rapidly and impressively. “Now, boys and girls, sit up straight, put away your playthings, and give me every bit of your attention.”
Page 36 text:
memory of her multitude of past lovers, as she remained an old maid until her death at the age of ninety-seven.” ‘‘Yes, that’s right, I thought you knew it all along.” “Now who will volunteer to tell me of the noted inventor or the ‘later Edison.’ A small hand arose hesitatingly in the rear of the room. “Well, Marshall, you must like to tell about people for whom you were named.” “Yes’m. His most noted invention was a pair of bow-leg- ged crutches for knock-kneed men.” “Well, that’s not all by a long ways, but I suppose that will do.” “Now, who wants to tell me about the modern Helen ofTroy and Cleopatra? All right, Thracine.” “Oh, they were the most beautiful ladies of their time. They vamped everything going and coming. Many hearts were broken and many wars fought between the different planets on their account. They were Sena Thompson and Anna Allison.” Hitherto I had remained unnoticed, but suddenly the teacher turned to me and asked — “Can you tell me about Robert Bunts, young man?” It was then that I awoke. Robert Bunts, ’23. 32
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