Portland High School - Cardinal Yearbook (Portland, MI)

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THE SENIOR PROPHECY Station PHS, June 10, 1969. COMMENTATOR: Good evening, my friends. There’s good news tonight in Washington. Lawrence Adgate and Lyle Wheeler defeated Tom Pung and Bill Shattuck by a vote of 5 to 1 for the Presidency and Vice-presidency of the United States. The Kremlin has announced its acceptance of Bill Reed as the American Ambassador to Russia. Ambas- sador Reed’s reaction to this news was quoted to be favorable. The newly created cabinet post, The Department of Female Intuition, has as its head, Jackie Sandborn. Secretary of Female Intuition, Sandborn has announced a launching of a nation-wide campaign to rid the country of redheads. THE NEWS OF TODAY! Those lovable spinsters, Eleanor Gensterblum, Bernie Thoma, and Ruth May, are starting their own little orphanage soon. Famous dietition in charge of all delectable morsels at the institution will be Ruth Almy. The United States Forestry Department reported its success with the innovation of rubber plantations in Michigan. Chief Forester Bill Hesse, the instigator of this plan, has announced another similar idea, the graft- ing of banana plants with sugar cane. Larry Fineout was appointed by Forester Hesse to carry out this plan. Professor Allen Alexander has founded a new government that provides for vegetarianism. Backing his campaign is carrot eating Dick Arnold, who is now scaling mountain peaks to prove that carrots supply energy. The current toast of Broadway, Jennie Eddy, recently opened in “If You Want Me, Just Whistle,” with Jim Leik as her leading man. Jeanette Cotten and Eleanor Dutcher stop the show with a sparkling rendition of “Kiss the Boys Goodby.” Mr. and Mrs. Fred Nelson (formerly Betty Fryover), Mr. and Mrs. Don Deuel (Formerly Beverly Urie), Mr. and Mrs. Berle Barrus, (the former Irene Hartwick) and Mr. and Mrs. Alger Daggett, (the former Barbara Smith) are having their annual reunion tomorrow night at Carnegie Hall. The participants are expected to number some two hundred. Owner of the Detroit Tigers, Neil Van Houten, announces a new pitching find. Hal, “Dizzy” Merrill. “With this addition to our pitching staff,” says Mr. Van Houten, “we have an excellent chance of winning the pennant again this year.” The renowned and beloved bubble d ancer, Marilyn Richards, has just divorced her fifth husband. When asked the cause of the separation, the veteran replied, ‘Gee, I’m bored.” In the sports lineup. Sally Shafer vs. Geraldine Gates tonight at Madison Square Garden for the Women’s Wrestling Championship. The referee will be Mary Lanz. Dick Smith is scheduled to meet Jersey Joe Walcott in July. The “Mighty Mite’s’’ manager, Ray Hendee, is optimistic as to the outcome. The great auto racing four, Tim Vandevenne, Cap Shafer, Charlie Martin, and Leon Platte is now starting on its twentieth million. They have thrilled thousands with their daring stunts on the speedway. Producer Bernie Goodwin has just purchased Virginia Spohn’s latest best seller, “Alfred, the Great,” for his studio. ‘Miss Spohn’s novel is one of her best,’ Goodwin stated, “It is an excellent character study written from profound experience.” To play the lead, Dick ’Lover-Boy” Hunt has been signed. This fabulous role may be the Academy Award picture for Dick. Continued on Page 12

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CLASS WHEE Lyle Wheeler who has read the book, “Lose Ten Pounds in Ten Ways” Is lending it to Barbara Cross for a few days. Neil Van Houten who radiates joy, Leaves it to Graydon Slowins, a very sober boy. Tom Vandevenne, who drives a mean car, Leaves it to somebody who “‘ain‘t” going far. Warren Taylor, who stole his hair from Nature Boy, Now wills it back with greatest joy. Bob Smith wills his phone calls at the YM.C.A To Bob Howard, who has a lot to say. Dick Smith, “The Mighty Mite”, Leaves Marvin Kelly the ability to fight. Bill Shattuck, who has the trick of skipping, Leaves it to Johnny Alberta, who seems to be slipping. Cap Shafer leaves his size and height, To Harold Carpenter who is very light. Norman Rottman who plays a trumpet you know, Leaves it to our Reggie who likes to blow. Eleanor Gensterblum leaves her eyes of brown, To Laura Meyers, who always wears a frown. Eleanor Dutcher leaves her ability to flirt, To Pat Lawless, the little squirt! Joan Haley wills her long curls, To Ann Lakin who wants some swirls! Virginia Spohn wills her high marks, To Nancy Edgar, a breaker of hearts. Bernadine Thoma leaves her Westphalia nights, To Annette Lay who plays the game right. Ruthie May wills her smile, To Speed Norwood for awhile. Bernie Goodwin wills his devilish eyes, To Barbara Braley to get some sighs. Jenny Eddy wills her ability to draw, To Joan Hunt, who wouldn’t mind at all. Barbara Smith wills her marriage plan, To Pat Howard, who has her man. Ruth Almy leaves her curly hair, To G Hollenbeck who only thinks it’s fair, Arlene Pranger, who is quite a hit, Wills her secret to anyone who can keep it. 10 Jeanette Cotten wills her cud of gum, To Janet Poh! who never has some. Rosie Vroman wills her pierced ears, To Betty Lou Buckley who would have been in tears. Irene Barrus wills her married life, To Maggie Wooden who thinks it would be nice. Allen Alexander wills his corny jokes, To anyone who will not choke. Dick Arnold wills his football fame To Curly Willems who also plays the game. Larry Fineout who can carry a tune, Wills it to Lola Harper, who always swoons. Bevie Deuel wills her mistakes in typing To Janet Sandborn, who we never hear griping. Jim Leik leaves his art of acting, To the Junior Class who needs backing. Bill Hesse leaves his roller skates, To Mary Lou Smith, to appreciate. Tom Pung leaves his quiet voice, To Carl Noren, who takes his choice. Larry Iler leaves being the class President, To Bill Willemin, who may be hesitant. Ray Hendee leaves hi s Annual Staff, To Tom Buck, who thinks it’s a laugh. Fred Hart leaves his position as Senior Treasurer, To Gordon Seal who thinks it would be a pleasure. Harold Fisher leaves his driving ambition, To David Lantz who'd like his disposition. Andy Feldpausch leaves his ability to duplicate, To Carleen Pennington, who'd like to be his mate. Leon Platte leaves his shyness, To Anita Spurgeon, her Royal Highness. Charlie Martin leaves his unusual excuses, To Miss Wilcox, whom it amuses. Hall Merrill wills his quaint Chevrolet, To his brother, Ralph, who'd take it anyday, Lawrence Adgate leaves his tallness, To David Ogg, who doesn’t like his smallness. Continued on Page 12

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Continued from Page 11 Complete with her captivating charm, Rosie “Hildegarde’’ Vroman is opening at the Starlight Roof tonight for a twelve weeks engagement. Bob Smith will accompany her on the piano. Governor Larry Iler of New York State has announced Presidential aims for the ‘52 election. “All they have to do is ask me,” states Governor Iler. Norm Rottman and his Wacky Wacketeers have taken the Bronx by storm. -Archie’s was filled completely for their opening. The Three Fiz Kids, Meredith Balderson, Doris Van Amburg, and Henrietta Howe were ap- plauded vigorously after singing “Chiquita Banana.” Norm’s hot trumpet and Andy Feldpausch’s crooning were the highlights of the evening. We interrupt this program with an important warning to all citizens! Be on the lookout for Harold Fisher, escaped convict from Sing Sing, notoriously known as ‘’The Joker!” Pauline Schuller and Lizzie Sullivan, known from coast to coast as the Blonde Bombshells, have just left the States to entertain our troops in Little America. Marilyn Mellstead and Julaine Webert have formed a new dance team called “The Tempters”. Ready and waiting to defend them in case of a lawsuit is Arlie-Portia Faces Life-Pranger. The other day we had a collision with a long, black limousine as it was turning out of a side street on fashionable Park Avenue. Much to our surprise, the driver turned out to be Carl Graft who is the chauffeur for wealthy socialite Mrs. Faunderoy VanderSnoot (the former Joan Haley). Yes, all the news is good news. So, until tomcrrow night at the same time, the same station, | remain your commentator LAST MINUTE FLASH! Warren Taylor and Fred Hart have tied in the “Mr. America Contest”. They both have been signed to movie contracts. Their first picture will be “Mutt and Jeff”. Continued from Page 10 Sally Shafer leaves for Muir. Geraldine Gates wills her nursing ambition, To Lorraine Mellstead who'd like to be in her position. Mary Lanz wills her golden locks, To Shirley Stump to replace her perox (ide, that is) Carl Graft leaves Betty Fryover will not will her Grand Ledge man. Henrietta Howe wills the hot lunch, To next year’s hot lunch bunch. li | ttage parties : UIE Meret ts coves NERC PGE R Jacqueline Sandborn wills the Smith brothers, To any Junior girls who think theyre smarties. Marilyn Mellstead wills her majorette mob To Carl Schalow who'd like the job. Liz Sullivan wills her sweetness, To Gloria Leach, who’s known for her neatness. Meredith Balderson wills her Pewamo friends, To Barbara Pohl who they really send. 12 Back to the Company in trade for some others. Doris Van Amberg wills her hair bow, To Carolyn Sullenger who’s in the know. Pauline Schuller wills her appetite, To Percy Estep whose weight is light. Marilyn Richards leaves her type of dance, To Nelson Gage who needs the chance.