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Page 178 text:
Matriculation Incarceration Probation Hibernation Conversation Vegetation Relaxation Perturbation Examination Graduation.
Donna Jane: "Isn’t the sky glorious? Oh! for the wings of a dove!"
Virginia Milstead: "Can't say that's my taste, exactly. A large plate of cold ham would be more appreciated."
Guff: "Goodbye. I'm indebted to you for all I know." The Dean: "Don't mention such a trifle."
This space is reserved for one of Dick Armstrong's jokes, but by request of nine-tenths of the student body it was omitted.
Book Agent (to Mr. Collins): "You ought to buy an encyclopedia, now that Tom is going to school."
Mr. Collins: "Not on your life. Let him walk the same as I did."
Dean Grass: "I don’t like these pictures. They don't do me justice." Photographer: "Justice? What you want is mercy."
Gas Man: "Juice? ”
Motorist: "Veil, vat if ve are?"
I have used LINDSTROM HAIR TONIC for four years. My hair has lengthened three-fourths of an inch. Who could ask for more?
Page 177 text:
(Dr. Brown edges up)
Sf. Peter: "So you are the teacher of social science? What excuse can you offer for such a course as you teach in citizenship? What subjects does it embrace?"
Brown: "We start with the first man and trace him up through his tribal affiliations. I hen we move him into towns, and then we take a day off and have the Industrial Revolution. Usually we can dispense with the Hundred Years War in half an hour and devote the rest of the period to the popular e’ection of United States senators. Occasionally. I hold the class after the hour is up for a minute or two to devote to such minor matters as the discovery of America and a consideration of the life of Martin Luther Recently in one class period we fought the Civil War and the Spanish-American War, dealt rather thoroughly with the Congress of Vienna, followed Stanley up through Africa, discussed the reforms of Alexander and devoted the last three minutes of the period to a consideration of the shape of skulls and their influence on woman's suffrage."
St. Peter: You are now dismissed."
(Dr. Maxwell hurries up)
St. Peter: "You are a Professor of Philosophy are you not7’
Maxwell: "Yes sir.”
St. Peter: "I suppose you can reason out anything?"
Maxwell: "Well, no question is too hard for a philosopher."
St. Peter: "All right, answer this one. Is there anything in this world that you can cut at both ends and still make it longer?"
Maxwell: "Now. now. you are tricking me into saying something platitudinous.'
St. Peter: "I insist upon an answer."
Maxwell: "Why. of course, there's nothing that you can cut at both ends and still make it longer. That's foolishness.”
St. Peter: "Mow about a ditch? I fear you have missed your calling you should have run for Congress."
Maxwell: "Why. your honor?"
St. Peter: "Because you can talk so long without saying anything. Gentlemen. I find it impossible to admit any of you up here. I find that none of you can possibly qualify as angels. So I'll have to put you on the elevator and send you down. But before you go you had better sing a little song for Gabriel here. The poor fellow gets so little amusement out of life.
(The five line up and sing the fo lowing to the tune of "Alice Blue Gown.")
In our cute little gowns and our caps
We will wait for St. Pete to blow taps
Then we ll all go below
Where the red-hot fires glow
Where there’s never a winter and never a snow.
There we ll start out and have a new school And the Devil will make every rule.
We ll abolish all lectures: quit all debate And wait there for President Pate.
(Curtain and slow music)
Your mouth looks common!" Just imagine, just fancy, my Rexie saying that. But it
was only too true. Get wise to yourself. Acquire a rosebud mouth. Start the evening right. Apply LLOYD'S LIPPROOE LIPSTICK now.
Our Little Nellie Zape.
Page 179 text:
HOW THE MENU LOOKS THE DAY YOU BEGIN TO DIET—
Stuffed olives Tomato soup with croutons Oysters fried in Fat
Giant beets '[
Mr. Clayburn (having run over a lady’s dog): "Madam. I will replace the dog."
Indignant Owner: "Sir. you flatter yourself."
Wassy: "If I’m studying when you come in. wake me up."
"Go ahead. Slim. I ts your move."
"What’s the rush? I haven’t got rested from moving that other checker
Mable Jones: "We have a newspaper in Verdon now.” Kilpatrick: "How come?
Mable: "Oh. a traveling man left it there."
Andy: "Did you ever take chloroform? Cook: "No. who teaches it?"
Bill Warman: "Have you an opening for a bright, energetic college student?" Employer: "Yes. and don’t slam it as you leave.
Maxine S: What makes the tower of Pisa lean?"
Frankie: "I don’t know or I d take some myself.
You look sweet enough to eat.
He whispered soft and low. I do. the fair one answered. Where do you want to go?
waves. It’s the nerts.
I am no longer self-conscious in a crowd. My hair became frizzed over night. How? You ask me how? Easy. Just use Madam Jeanne’s JOVIAL JELLY to set your
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