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Page 169 text:
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One Hundred Fifty-three
Page 168 text:
There arc numerous athletic organizations for girls in Peru, hut perhaps the best known is the Olympic Club. In order to become a member one must be able to: stand on the head
for 20 seconds, look bravely at a mouse without screaming or trembling, and walk clear around the gym without pausing to rest. After these endurance tests have been successfully passed the applicant fills out a membership blank. The following blank already filled out, will be of assistance to those desiring membership.
NAME HAVE YOU HAD PHYS. EXAM? SPECIFY SPORT IN WHICH YOU ARE MOST INTERESTED
II. MAXCY YES PLAYING IN TIIE DARK CORNERS OF THE LIBRARY
V. HANSEN YES EATING
F. BELL YES MANAGING A DATE BUREAU
IRIS TOBLER HALF DANCING
DON WIEMER 75 PER CENT . CRIBBING
C. OR ANDY ALMOST BLACK JACK
.1. POOL NEARLY SHAVING
YE OLD CAMEL CLUB
Of the Men’s. Athletic Organizations, Ye OJet Camel Club is the most select on the campus. This is tine to the extremely high qualifications required for membership. These qualifications hitherto kept secret, arc for the first time herein revealed. They arc: patent leather hair, a rare line, a keen woman, at least
three stained finger-tips, having been kicked out of at least one school—preferably the University—before coming to Peru, the ability to drive a ear at sixty per with one hand, and the ability to smoke either Camels, Chesterfields, or Fatimas continuously.
Meetings arc held regularly once a year in the Auditorium. At these meetings topics of importance in the athletic world are discussed, such as: women—their complexion and dress, bluffing the landlady, what to do with a Dorm girl after 12:30 I’. M. and how to get by the Profs. Circat interest is evidenced at these meetings which usually break up at an early hour because of engagements with the weaker sex.
An athletic organization open to both men and women is the 1'ussers’ Club, sometimes known as the Strollers’ Club due to the fact that the chief sport of this group is strolling. Each member ("Member" in this ease means two—a representative of each sex) is required to take 10 strolls each week, no matter what the weather. Three of these strolls must be from the campus to the Cemetery Seat and four must be from the Crystal Theater to the Athletic Field. Aside from the time spent strolling 2 hours a day must lie spent in the library and dorm corners practicing osculation. The membership of this Club steadily increases, partly because no faculty advisers arc needed for a club of such an innocent nature, and partly because in the spring a young man’s fancy—well, anyway, it docs.
One Hundred Fifty-ttvo
Page 170 text:
PHARAOH STEVE OR FIRST ROYAL LOUNGE LIZARD
When exhumed this efigy was so badly mutilated as to be scarcely recognizable, but the remnants were finally identified as those of Pharaoh Steve who met his death in a domestic fray. With the body were found one pocket flask, two Whiz Bangs, and three dozen life size photographs of himself.
PHARAOH GOOPUM OR EXALTED RETAINER OF THE WIND BAG
After unwinding yards of red tape, King Goofuin was instantly recognized by his funny face. Examination revealed that he met his death through undue exposure of his inwards on the side lines of the athletic field. Around his anatomy were found two megaphones, one clown suit, a deck of sewing cards, one jazz whistle, six rotten eggs, and several lessons on the latest slang phrases, including Tadpole’s Teddies, Robin’s Raincoats, and Kat’s Kimono.
PHARAOH ZENIA OR THE FLOWER OF ROYALTY
The petrified state of this ancient fossil was a pitiful sight to behold. It even brought tears to the eyes of the hardened old diggers to see the ravages which time had wrought upon the white neck tie which once glistened so brightly. It is said that on his death bed he grunted these immortal words, “All great men arc dead and dying, and I don't feel well myself." The interior of his tomb revealed 1 tennis racquet, 53 sonnets written by himself about himself, 1 dozen assorted pink toothpicks, two pairs of ruffled sleeve holders, and 500 1924 Peruvians, which were beginning to become readable.
PHARAOH DAVID OR FIRST HIGH JAZZ HOUND
History has dwelt in such detail upon the wicked dissipations of this slink-eyed cadaverous old villain that there was little left to be revealed by the discovery of his tomb. However, it might be of interest to note that besides his remains the tomb also contained a pair of shell-rimmed spectacles, 3 unfinished Chemistry experiments, I bottle of Bay Rum, 3 pairs of dice, a broken fiddle, and 3 copies of Jazz Music: "When You and I Were Young Maggie”, “When You Wore a Tulip and 1 Wore a Big Red Rose", and "The Midnight Fire Alarm”, (grande gallop dc coupe).
PHARAOH GEORGE OR IMPERIAL LARD CAN
Though ample provisions had been made in the supply of air and water coolers for the long journey of his soul, it must have been a sad day when King Tiny kicked off of the old tcrrcstial ball for he had just started to reform the earth and had not even gotten to himself yet.
Time had dealt kindly with the remnants of this old monarch for in the sepulcher were found a book on after dinner speaking which had never been opened; a song of his own composition entitled. "1 laughed and the world laughed with me. I brayed and I brayed alone"; also a badly charred little ditty—"Chickens may come and chickens may go, but I shall crow-forever.”
One Hundred Fifty fom
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