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Page 267 text:
Nebraska City’s Leading Clothing Store
Nebraska City, Neb.
The Cash Store
Has two rooms full of select Dry Goods, Sl oes, Ladies' and Gent's Furnishings and Groceries, Make our store your resting place while in town. You are always welcome. JVe sell for spot cash, hence the low prices.
Yours for business,
M. E. GOOD
Two hundred fifty-five
Page 266 text:
The doctor comes when I am sick; says, “Mm! your tongue is coated thick, your heart is weak, your liver bum; you have an abscess on one lung; your eyes are sore; your tonsils red; pull off your clothes and get to bed or in an
hour or so," says he, “you'll be in great eternity ’ So then he writes me ten prescrips, those funny hieroglyphic slips, and leaves me sundry dopes and pills to cure me of my deadly ills. I stay in bed a day or two until at last 1 say, “Adieu, dear doctor, to your methods slow. Just watch my smoke,” say I. and so to mother's cabinet I waltz, and take a pint of epsom salts, crawl under quilts and sweat it out; and in an hour I am about the streets again and feel as good as any human being could. So then I go and sec M. D.; pull out my roll and pay the fee; and thus I lecture to the doc, “You scare to death the whole blamed flock of patients whom you should cheer up and help to sweeten sorrow's cup. Oh, throw your drugs and knives, do what you can to gladden lives. It beats the quinine you may give and the sick will then more likclv live.
PERCY DAGG GONNITT.
Colglazicr, in Farm Man.—"Mow long wotdd the average hog live if he didn't die?”
No answer. All was silence.
Coach Johnson’s scheme of detecting bow-legged people: He has the candidate lie down and rock himself to sleep.
Janda in Bot. Lab. looking for nodules on diatoma—“Aw, 1 can’t find any of them there noodles!”
Frieda Schultz in Pri. Geog.—The discussion was on rice-growing in China and evidently a new method had been discovered, for Frieda observed that a certain man "got on to the idea and brot it over to this country.”
Phoebe made an angel cake For her darling Arnold’s sake—
Arnold ate it, every crumb,
Then he heard the angel’s drum,
Calling softly, "Arnold, come!”
(And he went.)
Freshie—“Let’s go down to the river and have a swim.”
Soph—"Aw, gwan; you talk like a fish!”
“Smilax” Nelson—“Is Miss Illedik going to be the “Mrs.” of Oak Glen next year?"
Burrell—“Well, I don’t know. She has her application in.”
Miss Kite and Miss Hope Mutz were strolling down a shadowy lane last fall when suddenly Miss Mutz made this startling statement: “I always did like black hair and blue eyes!”
Tiro hundred fi flu-four
Page 268 text:
What was the matter with a couple of post-graduates who got left at Falls City on the day of the Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra Concert?
FALSITY (In memory of a lost illusion.)
I fell in love one summer’s eve With an elfin maid named Genevieve;
I vowed that I’d be true.
(For how should such a fellow as I Know that the dear had one glass eye,
And her hips were far from true?
That her hair was bought and her pearly teeth Were false—'twas far beyond belief!)
So I stuck to her like glue.
But I called upon her unawares;
And found the bulk of her on two chairs.
The rest—it had skidooed.
I looked on the wreck and shook my head,
Examined each piece and sadly said,
“Gcnny, you arc tabooed;
Many a time you’ve cooed to me,
And promised ever true to be;
Rut you’re false as ever I’ve wooed.”
PERCY DAC,G GONNIT.
Stoddard—“Hey, Olcy. how did those moth balls work?"
Virgil—“Oh, I tried for an hour and I couldn’t hit a bloomin' bug."
Editor—“Arc you supporting the Peruvian?”
Frcshie—“No. I heard it had a staff.”
Ernest Overton—“There is one thii.j that I hope to he able to do and that is to take my A. B. from Peru State Normal.”
‘Got water in my ear.”
“No; eatin’ watermelon.”
Prof. Smith—"1 had a hair cut this morning.”
Pres. Hayes—“Which one was it?’
BANTY’S NEW YEAR SONG We stood beneath the mistletoe. I knew not what to do!
Alas! 1 was only five feet tall and she was six feet two!
A pair in a hammock attempted to kiss.
And in less than a jiffy Jip A ioo pp |i |0 iipsj
Tico hundred fifty-six
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