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Page 227 text:
It is our purpose in this short sketch to give our readers a history, profusely and authentically illustrated, of the college career of Guiliclnius Granby, an only son and the pride of his parents. Having finished the High School in Poscyville, he emerged from his mothers wing. and. polishing up his rubber collar, lie packed his suitcase, and after an uneventful ride of a few hours duration, landed in Peru. The Y. M. C. A. committee, dear old hustlers, were there to meet him and in a few hours he was safely lodged in the Cannon House. Here he met the boys. When he said anything lie was careful that it was apropos, and when he had nothing to say the silence of ignorance was mistaken for wisdom. And so lie soon gained pals, even among the big letter men.
Boy friends were easy to get, but how to make the acquaintance of the three hundred girls, or even know them by sight, that was the proposition. Soon, however, he was self-elected to the receiving line on the rod fence near the fountain and his inquisitive “Who's she?” soon got him acquainted with the ladies, heroine and amazon, of the school. Later, at the “get-acquainted” reception. he was very much in evidence, and thereafter tipped his hat to every lady he met, acting on the supposition that he had met her at the reception. True, he did greet a laundry woman and the portly wife of a farmer, mistaking them for dowager-looking Specials, but in a society as democratic as ours what boots it?
Two hundred fifteen
Page 226 text:
I used to think that I was wise,
But now I must admit
That I have found to my surprise That I lack common wit.
I used to think my mind was broad, That my ideas were grand—
Alas! I ought to bear a hod,
Pitch hay, or shovel sand.
I used to laugh at Jones, who worked In the village store with me;
For while my tasks I always shirked, He labored busily.
I used to tog up like an earl,
But Jones cared naught for that;
He often walked beside his girl With a stove in his derby hat.
In former days I loved to talk,
And speeches often made;
But now the chalk-line I must walk— To whisper, I’m afraid.
I used to tend for other men,
Ten businesses alone;
But now I find I’ve plenty, when I strictly tend my own.
But time past on; old Jones arose 'I'ill now he owns the store.
From these poor shoes protrude my toes;
I’m where I was before.
I hold that same two-dollar job;
Boss Jones is hale and fat—
The man whom I oft called a slob,
With a stove-in derby hat.
The mumps, one of the first and most dependable harbingers of the joyous springtime, is a peculiar affection of the parotid and other salivary glands, which gives to the facial contour of the victim the appearance of an over-inflated toy baloon.
When a mump epidemic gets loose in a community the soup-bone and the boullion cube vie with each other as article of popular diet, and the merchant orders crackers by the car-load lot. The efficacy of the sour pickle as a tester makes this ordinarily rejected dainty very much in demand.
The peculiar feature of the mumps is, that while other diseases beget the sympathy of one’s neighbors, this malady appeals only to his sense of humor; and the victim, isolated like the leper of olden days, is given his own time in which to recover. In this state of solitude his only solace consists in applying heated towels to the area of high pressure.
Then again, the contagion of this disease is rather mysterious. Hypochondriac people have been known to wilfully absent themselves from the weekly meeting of the Commercial Club, or from the Sunday evening services thru fear of the disease germs, only to catch the ailment from the sneeze of a kind passerby—with no charges.
The disease was at first christened “Cvnanchc parotitis,” but the pronunciation of the name invariably proved fatal to the patient. Thereupon, the medical men out of respect to the sweet nature and benign aspect of the victim, shortened the name to the good, old, vernacular “mumps.”
E. E. ERICSON.
Two hundred fourteen
Page 228 text:
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Guilly had never seen a real football game. In Poseyville they had no athletics worthy of the name, and altho he was proficient as could be in pull-a-way, red-line, and crack-the-whip, his knowledge of good scientific athletics was very meager indeed. But Guiliehnus had beef and bone in his favor and it did not require a great deal of coaxing on the part of his newly-found friends to get him to register as one of the football recruits. The first night the coach pointed to the half-back-on the opposite line and said, ‘That's your man— now when the rush conies you down him.” Poor Guilly was used to taking people at their word, so in the charge he secured a half nelson and a scissors hold and downed his man.
In this and other ways Guillv's ignorance often came to the surface, but when the laugh was on him he took it good-naturedly and thus became a favorite of the whole squad.
Ilis interest in football did not stop with practice on the athletic field, but he even insisted on lining up his pals at the boarding house and learning new tricks from the lettered men. Then, oh, joy! On the sixteenth he substituted for a man in the Kearney game and made a gain of twenty yards. And this, with Popper and Monuner Granby in the grandstand! After that he played regular and was a man who could always be depended upon.
Tico hint (I red sixteen
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