Oakwood Collegiate Institute - Oracle Yearbook (Toronto Ontario, Canada)

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into oblivion. In the year following our marriage the war broke out. For the first time in this century, our boys marched off with a grin and a song to the War to end all Wars. Your father was one of the first to enlist. He never saw you; you were born a month after he left. It was said of him that there was not a finer general in all the British forces. He commanded well and never sent his men into any fight he did not lead himself. . nd then it happened. It was a crude farm lad of some fourteen summers. This Child of the Kaiser was captured and brought before your father. Jeff wrote me and spoke of the son he ' d never see. While he thought of you, he thought of the boy - loved him. The boy escaped. You ' ve heard all the charges, my son, from Treason to Cowardice; you have believed them true; and you, like all the others, had a hand in the murder of a man as guilty by man ' s standards as ever any man was. Oh yes! he was guilty and like the gentleman he was he paid the supreme price honestly. When asked by the Crown from whom he took his orders, he replied, From the High Command. When asked why he did not obey these orders, he answered, I do, gentlemen, I do. He was shot. The boy? You feast tonight victorious in his death. He was a great man, my son, before the war. But when his time of decision came, he too chose to be respectable rather than respected. You will be remembered by succeeding gener- ations as a great man; never cease to reason what makes a great man great. You will be re- membered by this family as the one who saved their honour; never cease to question what is honour. Where they sav your father failed, they say you have succeeded; but what is failure? It is Christmas now, this time when the Fatherhood of God was established on earth. But there is also a Brotherhood of Man. Though there be men of war above vou, fight ultimately for the Prince of Peace. Do nothing in the name of Man. you could not do in the name of God. My blessings upon you. In love I remain Your mother. Gaellan Mcllmovle How much will it cost to send a telegram to Winnipeg? a pretty young girl asked the clerk. That will be seventy-five cents, miss. ' Isn ' t that awfully expensive for just one word? Yes, but you can send ten words for the same price. She thought for a moment. No, 1 don t think I 11 do that. Nine more yesses will sound as if I m too anxious, she said. TEACHER SURVEY One day after school we decided to talk to the teachers and instead of asking them about the usual things (their backgrounds, families, etc..) we tried to find out about their personal likes and dislike s. Luckily for us. most of them were in good moods and responded readily to our queries. Others were unavailable for comment, and one just would not talk. From those who did talk, however, we re- ceived some interesting information, most of which is printed below. Do you prefer teaching boys, girls, or both? About 95% of the teachers prefer mixed classes. However, we are inclined to agree with Mr. Snell, who says that every man has his preference. ' Mr. Snell didn ' t say what his preference was.) What did you want to be when you were a little boy (or girl)? Probing so far back in their memories was too much for some teachers. Here are some who man- aged to remember. Mr. McDonald: A cannibal. (I was always a little boy.) Mrs. Donaldson: A buyer for Eaton s. Mrs. Wilson: A librarian. Mr. Brooks: A railway engineer. Miss Havey: I wanted to marry a milkman. Mr. Snell: A firechief. ' Mr. McKinney: Mr. Cooper: A mountie. Mr. Wright: Prime Minister. Mr. Lobb: Footloose and fancy-free. (Truthfully, a surgeon.) Why did you become a teacher? Mr. Smith: When the depression came, it was the only job I could get. ' Mme. de Cirv: At the time. I didn ' t know what it was like. Mrs. Donaldson: My father thought I would be good at it. Mrs. Shime: I like the power! Mr. McKinney: It runs in the family. Mr. Snell: I couldn ' t avoid my life ' s destiny. Mr. Oke: I was too stupid to do anything else. Mr. McDonald: I had to earn a living. Miss Dun lop: I enjoy being in front of an audience. Mr. Gilbert: ! like telling bad jokes about maths. What is your hobby? Mr. Gilbert: Reading bad jokes about maths. Mrs. Donaldson: Gemology. Mr. Re nolds: Fencing, skiing, etc. Miss Havey: Correcting essavs. Mr. Oke: Pinochle. Mr. Dunlevie: Squash. Mr. Wright: Do-it-myself. Mr. Hepburn: Travel. Miss Dunlop: Theatre, theatre, and dramatics. Mr. Snell: ' orrying about school. Mr. Stein: Raising a famiU. ' Mr. Hobbs: International affairs, writing, etc. Mrs. Shime: Men! (Her husband has been dulv informed.) Trying to find out why some teachers alwavs seem groucln . we asked this next question: 91

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THE CYCLE If all goes well this evening, this will be my final entry. Our tiny rocket is almost ready to be loaded with the material which we have compiled about the comet. I know that I will not be one of the very select few who will be saved from the comet; I can feel that I am dying. From my window, I can see the launching pad quite clearly in the evening glow; I can see some of the men working feverishly to fuel and load the rocket; I can see the look of fear on their faces. I can see the faint glimmer of the comet s tail far in the distance, out in space, spreading its deadly gas to other worlds, killing as it speeds through space. It has done its work on this planet and now it returns to wherever it has come from. In fifty thousand years, it will return as it has in the, past to wipe out this planet s population. Before his death this morning, the professor completed his charts of the comet ' s course. He had worked ceaselessley since the comet s sight- ing two years ago to compile this information. He died as the others did, slowly but not painfully. My only regret now is that we are not far enough advanced to prepare a larger rocket or perhaps a fleet of rockets to send into space with at least a part of the world ' s population. But now it is too late. Even if we could send a larger rocket into space, there is hardly anyone left to send and there is nowhere to go. I have just been informed that the rocket is ready and that conditions will very shortly be perfect for the launching. They are waiting for this log-book, so I must hurry to place it in the rocket ' s hold. I will be dead before this book and the rocket which will bear it make one complete revolution around the planet. My last wish can only be that if this is ever recovered by an intel- ligent race on this planet, that they will be able to understand it and be able to use the knowledge which we have assembled to save their own civi- lization from ultimate destruction by the comet s deadly gas. Pilot to base, come in base. Base to pilot, over. I have sighted an unknown object falling to- wards Earth. Request assistance to recover it. We have the object on radar. Will send as- sistance immediately, over and out. And so this object was recovered and brought secretly to a specially provided laboratory for in- spection. No information was given to the press as the object was kept under military security and only a few men were allowed to see and examine it. Some mention of it did, however, appear in the newspapers, but only slight attention was paid by the general public to the news item. Several of the Earth ' s greatest scientists were called together to discuss this unknown object. Gentlemen, as far as I can tell, this is a time capsule of some type sent into orbit around the Earth fifty thousand years ago. This capsule, therefore, substantiates the validity of the recent finding of an early intelligent civilization which was destroyed at approximately the same time that the capsule was sent into orbit. Each of you is a specialist in his own field and each of you has been assigned to work on a specific part of this project. I suggest that we adjourn this meeting and begin our work immedi- ately. You will all be notified of our next meeting. Several days went by without any further de- velopments. Then the head of the committee work- ing on the project asked the scientists to turn in reports on their work up to that point. After hav- ing studied them, he informed the men that there would be a meeting the following day. It seems to me gentlemen, that we all agree that this information about this comet is intended as a warning to us, but as we have no knowledge of such a comet, we must assume Excuse me, sir, but the teletype operator thought you should get this message immediately. He took the piece of paper from the messenger, read it, and then turned to speak to his- fellow scientists. Gentlemen, this message has just arrived from the observatory. It reads as follows: ' Comet sighted, will pass Earth in about two years ' . ' Brian Stein High Command, London, England, December 23, 1943. My Dearest Boy, I have been reading just this night of your many victories. There is a picture of you in the HERALD leading your men across the Tinges River. It ' s so hard to think that these hardened veterans are the same lads you used to bring home from Eton for a feast of Old Elie ' s cookies. I am so proud when people, mothers and old bent fathers, stop me in the street and tell me that their sons served under you and ask me if I don t feel very, very special being your mother. I know how it displeases you when I speak of your father. I know you would rather I forgot him or even felt the distaste you do for his memory, but I was his wife and it ' s most difficult to break faith with one you loved. You know him only by the reports of others, but I know him. It all began in a little town in Devonshire some time before the last war. I was not a roman- tic young thing, but I was in love with him from the first. Whenever I think of Jeff, I see him as he was that day and the years between fade 90

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What ' s your beef? Ir. Snell: Neurotic nervous running in the halls. Miss Dunlop: Inaudible students ! Mrs. Wilson: Marking long essays. Mrs. Donaldson: Nothing I could report. Mr. Gilbert: Interviewers who come in at two minutes to nine. Miss Warren: Pupils looking at the clock while I ' m teaching. ' Miss Havey: Mornings! Mr. Hobbs: Nothing. I ' m too easy to please. Mr. Gordon: The failure of students to try out for school teams. What was your biggest mistake in teaching? Mr. Hobbs: I put a boy to sleep in one of my classes and left him there. He woke up in the middle of an all-girl class. Mme de Cirv: I ve made lots of them. Miss Dunlop: Can ' t think of anything risque. Mr. Smith: The time I got so angry that I hit a pupil over the head with the bible. Mr. Oke: Nothing humorous happens in my class. Mr. Snell: Trusting my first grade 13 study. Mr. Reynolds: One day I held up an historical picture for the class to see, and everyone started laughing. It turned out that I was showing them the wrong side — a picture from Esquire of a very beautiful girl. What do you think of the students generally? All of the teachers spoken to consider the students of Oakwood the finest, but some only agreed with qualifications Mr. Dunlevie: Entertaining. Mr. Gordon: Hopeful. Mr. Stein: Generally Mr. Hepburn: Students haven ' t changed in a hun- dred years. What do you like about Oakwood? AH of the teachers like the staff in Oakwood (won- der why?), but some have other reasons for liking the school. Mr. Gilbert: It ' s close to home. Mr. Snell: The sense of anticipation one gets on approaching each class. Mrs. Shime: The weekends. Mr. Stein: The cosmopolitan atmosphere and he- terogeneous student life. What would you suggest to improve the school? This was a dangerous question to ask (Big Bro- ther is watching!) but most of the answers were printable. Mr. McKinney: More young women teachers- Mr. Brooks: More people should take grade thir- teen Latin. Mr. Snell: Less neurotic nervous running in the halls. Miss Dunlop: Escalators. ' Mr. Lobb: There should be no School Spirit Week —every week should be it. Miss Warren: Can Oakwood be improved? As you see by these answers, the teachers are human after all. Editor ' s note: — All material censored from this article may be had by sending 25 j: in coin or money order (no stamps, please) to Scandal, in care of the Oracle. All teachers wishing to re- trieve their incriminating comments can do so by sending a S25 money order (no coins, please) to Blackmail in care of the Oracle. Read that chart said the draft-board doctor. What chart? asked the draftee. Right snapped the doctor. There isn ' t any. 1-A. Man to family, climbing out of car: Well, we finally found a parking space. Does anyone re- member why we re here? Tourist at Museum of Modern Art: Why on earth do you suppose they hung that picture? Companion: Probably because they couldn t locate the artist. HE: Girls are better looking than men. SHE: Naturally. HE: No, artificially. Teenager to doctor listening at her heart: Does it sound broken? Be it ever so homely, there ' s no face like your own. Love: A game not postponedbecause of darkness. Man: Did someone lose a roll of bills with a rubber band around it? ' Everyone within hearing distance: Yes! Man: Well, I just found the rubber band. : c + + + + + + + + ++ + Harried wife working at desk, to husband and children: Well, I worked out a budget. But one of us will have to go. HE: We certainly had a good time last night for only 10( , didn ' t we? SHE: Yes, I wonder how my little brother spent it? Student: I worked out the quest ion six times, sir. Teacher: Fine. Student: Here are the six answers. ' 92