Oakwood Collegiate Institute - Oracle Yearbook (Toronto Ontario, Canada)

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away from the hunger of youth to know what can appease it. Beetie: I must be wily. My na- tion is at stake. I will send faith- ful William to his Bishop's aid. Auntie: What is my suffering to hers 'F My heart is not empty. It cannot be, once I have been happy. But the hunger of youth, who has not experienced? The starvation of one who is ready to live and has not yet lived. I'm starving her. The Black Empire was desperate. Her castles were shattered, her soldiers slain. She stared at the board, made a fatal move. Then she hurried back to her dark thoughts: I must be practical. I can send her away to school, to board. I can give her up to her friends. I can step out of her way. Her Queen had fallen. Beet- ie, elated: 'tCheck! Auntie looked up, terrified. Slowly the warmth drained out of her face. She was going to suggest it now. She must paint it bright. lleetie must not suspect, or she would not consent. Then her flow- er would be but a weed, if revealed. It was a sad flower. Auntie moved a pawn. That would delay the Kings death. His death was inevi- table. She looked at Beetie. How slend- er, how alive were her hands, as they hovered over the ancient pieces! How the soft light in the room slept in her smooth hair! What an infinitude of varying emo- tions swept ac1'oss her mouth! Auntie began: Beetie- But Beetie's thoughts had been interwoven in the game also. She startled, one piece in her hand. Auntie-I have been thinking- I want to say something- She looked at Auntie's face, rich with the years, at her eyes with the sur- prise of selflessness and interest in them, at her chin, lifted with the reassurance and power of what she had been given and what she had done without, in the past. As THE OAKWOOD ORACLE Beetie spoke her mouth was worthy of her thoughts. 1 noticed to-day, at noon in school how difficult things are go- ing to be. People seem so c1'uel, sometimes, girls, I mean. I do not understand. It hurts me. And yet -I want some of them terribly, for friends, -stiffening of her mouth - And you, Auntie. I love you best. I can show you my actual self. I can see you as you are. We are real. Those others are real, but not to me because they do not care. I am bewildered with them. She put down the piece on the board, bent her dark head. I don't want to shrink here with you. I want to dare things. But, I just wanted to explain how I need you. How you are always putting a meaning into things. Even when I am unhappiest, I am not lost. I have you. She passed her strong hands over the outline of the Queen. I trust you. I live with you. Beetie's eyes were full of what she was thinking. Her voice dropped. Auntie, you do not de- spise me when I admit I am afraid of living. I have not lived yet. I do not know. How can I trust what I do not know '? Sometimes I feel things cannot be worth while. Then I want to know. I must know. You have lived. She was speaking very quickly, strong with her conviction. I can see that you are happy. I know that life must have been goody I am sure of it, when I look at you. Her look was a long drink to her young thirst. I'm afraid I'm getting all mixed up, and involved, but I would not have tried to tell you all this had I not noticed that you looked wor- ried over something and I felt you had given me so much. I had to try to help you too. She gulped, It's awfully hard to try and ex- press what I mean. Auntie was leaning back in her chair. She was very, very tired. The music had Page Twenty-Three

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PHE OAKWOOD ORACLE stepped far from her. She was lonely. The cold tap dripped thinly. There was a glaze of butter and jam on the unwashed breakfast plates. She was tired. She was in the way. Beetie would be much happier without her. She saw all the little things she had done which had made her and Beetie happy. They were like the blossoming of flowers. Now, they seemed selfish, seeined subtle sna1'es to bind Beetie to her. They were rank. Hot shame filled her. Already she had tried to atone. She had laid the something which was on her mind on the table, when she had asked Beetie to have lunch at school. It was unobstrusive. Beetie had not noticed it. Five o'clock! Beetie: Which hand do you want? Auntie flutter- ed: The right one. Pop! Out comes a bag of Chelsea buns. I bought them for supper with the money I did not spend at lunch. Auntie looked at them blindly. Beetie was so good to her, selfish old woman. Beetie sat by the window, her school-books sprawled about her. The green lamp threw a circle around her. Auntie moved without the circle's influence, wiping dish- es, sadly, muttering came from the window, the whisper of pape1's, the complaint of a pen. Beetie leaned against the lamps, watched Auntie. Someone had jarred. to-day, at school. Ileetie had been hurt by their meaningless and cruel talk. Girl's talk. She moved her hand quietly up and down the table's smooth surface. She watched Auntie's movements. What would she do without her '? People were difficult. You must withdraw yourself-be on your guard with them. liut Auntie could come to your lieart's house. She knew the door. She knew the rooms. Her step was gentle. The kettle cloud- ed the room with its light plumes. live-ning had grown tall and looked in the pale windows. Pfffjf' Twenty-Two game of chess? My home- work is all done, Beetie, from the den. Auntie came in, her apron on. Beetie was concerned. Aunt- ie, you have worn your apron into the den.. It was the custom never to to that, never to mix aprons with dens. Is it the Dragon who worries you? Is he on edge to- night? No, dear, furtively. Auntie sat down quickly. Her head spun. How they loved chess! Kings, Queens, Knights, Castles of two Empires in swift conflict. Moving through this, the pawns. The Castle was an ogre's castle from the fairy-book. The White Knight was the Alice in Wonderland White Knight. The pawns had names. One was Clarence. The board was laid. It was the map. Empires unfolded. Beetie curled in her chair, eager. Draw, Auntie, Black or White. She drew Black. Youth against Age. The love you have against the love you may get. It is White's privilege to move first-youth. Beetie: tKing's pawn to king's fourthb Clarence, the page, fared along the highway on an errand for his Queen. Auntie: tQueen's Knight to Queen's Bishop's thirdi And Clar- ence falls in with a Black Knight. Intrigued Heetie ponders the des- tinies of her people. Three pawns, a bishop slain. Auntie's eyes are on lleetie. They seem to be learning her face by heart. Her thoughts converse- I must decide I must do something. I am old. I have been happy. What does it matter to me if the soul of this house I love, leaves it? lleetie: Ha, quoth the Bishop: I will attack yon gloomy castle. Auntie's bird-like hand makes one swift move. I cannot satisfy he1'. I am not her peer. Only the young can meet her mind. They, too, have the same thoughts, the same desires as she. Only they can give her what she needs. I am too far

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