Oakwood Collegiate Institute - Oracle Yearbook (Toronto Ontario, Canada)

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Paladine beheld his old companion, Jimmy Greig, sitting peacefully on a hard bench, saying over and over Yes, I realize it was my own fault, yes, you're entirely correct, yes sir, I'll try to do better, sir! Approaching closer, Paladine endeavoured to see the speakers companion: closer, closerg it can't be! Surely not! Never! But yes, it was, . . . Sweeny Davis, tpresi- dent of the Referees union, 999 Queen Street, blow the whistle at the doorl saying over and over to himself the motto of his society. Never put off next period, the one you can put off now. Suddenly a gong rang and solemn as judges and Deuter- onomy, the two captives solemnly arose, and with tender looks em- braced each other with all the af- fection for which they were famous on earth. Marvelling at thc strangeness of the scene. Paladine passed on to the next cell. Here he beheld another, a young lawyer often called to the Bar, and the best halfback that ever punched a nose, John Dargavel. Safely en- sconced on his high pedestal, and perfectly comfortable in his tux and rugby helmet, John was mut- tering feverishly, Mr, Dunkley. I hadda go downtown with my brother. Paladine was frankly puzzled. How can this creatuie keep warm in this cold cavern in an outfit like that? THE OAK WOOD OR ACLE Oh, he's aping the monks tvery deepl and then he's so wrapped up in his studies. Say, Charon, l thought you had a place here for punsters, where in an opun room they are suitably punished '? We have such a place, Sir Pala- dine. One of our romances started on puns. A shabbily clothed inmate fell in love with a beautiful maid- eng he pressed his suit, he suited her and they were married tout de suite. Come on in, here they are, and to his delighted ears came words like these: Save money in the household by the buy-no-meal theorem. May 1 find sanctuary here? Sanctuary much. That Chinese girl suits me to a tea. My girl friend is named Meedy. I took her out on two dollars, im- mediate three dollars' worth. Well, Paladine, what do you think of them? Well, welll Well'? That's a deep 'un.' SirY In fact it's a deep pun Sir Paladinelu In fact it's a d-pun. Sir Paladine, you have betray- ed us. Infamous scoundrel, go! Paladine went. Jonarold. 0 pt t mmf. X' I K gr .QU -'x' .Tiff 1 . I I Lt ' ll' ill Page Fl.'fvff'!'ll

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A177 3' YT 'f'N . , c X ' ? ogifgivi .I v Q1 isnigh Awake! Arise, Sir Paladine! To-day you must visit the lower world, and cross with me the sac- red styxf' Fiddle Styx! drawled Sir llaladine sleepily. Who are you, anyway? Oh! my head! What a nightf That last case nearly finish- ed me. Say, with sudden horror, l didn't marry you last night, did I? my wife gets terribly angry when l come home drunk and find l've married someone. I am Charon, guardian ot' the open spaces, where men are men and women are many. As a mar- ried man, you must once in your life descend to purgatory, anil thence realize, by contrast, the blessedness of wedlock. flwan, returned the knight. war is hell, as Mr. Sherman said, and ask any married man if mars riage isn't war. What happens in your old llades place. anyway 7 Every human soul is given his just reward. Aw, your justicef What, Sir l'aladine'? very sternly. ' Hr - - - as I was about to say, your justice welcome as can lie. Then ri-covering his sum: frif-fl he continued, who are you to order mc, a knight, around 7 I,ll!jI,' l on1'lr'6n I in Ziaahrs 'tYes, indeed. A peer who ap- pears to peer into everyone else's business. Sir Paladine, come! Paladine went. Heavens, a three-headed dog, and he doesn't like me with any of thein. What does he do besides guarding' the entrance, Charon, old horse? He punishes the writers of bad verses, hurlers of biting satire, and of course those writers of his particular aversion. XVhich is? Doggerel, of course. He dogs their steps with dogged determina- tion, but his dog-like devotion to me is astounding. He is so playful. Now, Cerberus, make friends with this nice man. He's only playing. Paladineg don't worry, be calm and collected. Yes, I'd better collect those . . . er ...articles of apparel he's snatched off. Oh well. they're easily patched. lsn't he friendly! as he carefully removed the crea- ture's loving mandibles from his left ear, I think there's something tricky about this dog, he's worse than two-faced. By the way. Char- on, who is yonder giant in that se- cluded cave '? Ah, one of our best spectacles! Enter! and to his astonishment, H

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THE OAKWOOD ORACLE Rouble lines Birmingham School was by no means an extraordinary school, but it boasted of two very extra- ordinary students. They were the twin children of Mr. and Mrs. John Pym. When John Pym was married one of his ambitions was to have a son whom he would train, himself, to be a star repor- ter as he was. But God had given him a boy and girl who resembled each other to such a degree that excepting differences of clothing even the mother would have been unable to decide which one she was looking at. That was eighteen years ago and John Pym Sr., editor of The Daily News no longer had any desire to make his son a reporter, for the simple reason that his son was un- adapted for that type of work. These children of Pym's were Jack and Jill but more than one believed that there must have been some juggling of names at birth. The girl, Jill, seemed to have all the masculine qualities which her brother so noticeably lacked. She possessed a slim masculine figure, a boyish bob, da1'k tanned skin, muscular arms and shoulders, for she was the athlete of the family. Jill was the best swimmer, the fin- est rider, the fastest runner, in all she was the foremost sport of the school. As for her brother, Jack, it was vcry different. He had never swam a yard in his life, he could not run to the cigar corner without palpi- tation of his heart, he was afraid ol' horses and loathed all sports. llc thought them rough and com- mon. Jack was an emotional, sen- suous boy. effeminate, paler than his sister but of the same height. The routine of practical life wearied him. Ile disliked listening to his faths-r's newspaper talk. What he loved most was his brush and easel to paint things as he Prryr Si.rfr1'n believed them. He was a worship- per of beauty with the soul of an artist. Ratlieragainst his own feelings he studied side by side with his popular, vivacious twin-sister. He did not care particularly for school but being quite young he had no right to choose. Two nights before the Commen- cement Dance, Jack, in a moment of weakness, had invited a young freshette to the dance. The day after he was sor1'y. The night of the dance he was in a state of ex- asperation. He did not want to go. He would despise himself for re- fusing the girl but he would do it rather than suffer through an evening of impossible dancing ac- companied by terrible clanging music. He could not go through with it. Jill, his saviour so many times surely would not fail him now. Let her dress in his tuxedo and take the girl to the confounded dance. Jill was able to dance to any music and she was such a good head. At first Jill refused. The danger was too great but shortly her love of advanture overcame all and she began preparations for the mas- querading. With the aid of stacomb, a newly pressed tuxedo, shiny pat- ent leather shoes and a well prac- tised walk, Jill viewed herself in the mirror and smiled approval. A half-hour later she stepped upon a certain young girl's veran- dah and rang the doorbell. The freshette was waiting, beaming. Jill remarked upon her exquisite beauty that evening and assisted her into the family omnibus. The girl appeared thrilled and brim- ing with happiness. Jill remained cool and tried to remember to low- er her voice.