New London High School - Whaler Yearbook (New London, CT)

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18 BULKELEY NEWS spanking being done alternately bv them. McInnis at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter—“What do you think you have done to merit everlasting peace?” McInnis—“Well, I have never put any buttons in collections; never have I refused to escort a lady to her domicile. When beggars have asked me for aid, I have given it,—sometimes. Although occasionally I have ‘cleaned up’ naughty ‘Sophs’, I have apologized for it afterwards and----” St. Peter—“It is no use, Mortal, you do not belong here.” McInnis—“But, Pete, I played on a team that beat Norwich Free Academy.” St. Peter—“Why didn’t you say so at first? Here are the keys, pick out any room in the place.” Round—“I’m the flower of my family all right.” Whiton—“I wonder if that’s what your brother meant yesterday when he said you were a blooming idiot?” The gods invented sleep—then some fool conjured np the alarm clock. Berger—“I asked my French teacher for a higher mark but she refused it.” Ryan—“Too bad. Perhaps you didn’t approach her at the zoological moment.” She told me she had ne’er deen kissed, Such a shameful thing aroused my ire, She will not tell the tale again, Because I know she’s not a liar ! A boy wrote a composition on the subject of the Quakers, whom he described as a sect who never quarreled, never got into a fight, never clawed each other, and never jawed back. The production contained a postcript in these words : “Pa’s a Quak- er, but ma isn’t.” threw a cake at me. One that I made myself, too!” Mother—“The monster ! He might have killed you.” Is there a word in the English language that contains all the vowels ? Yes, unquestionably. “Here’s something queer,” said the dentist. “You say this tooth has never been worked on before, but I find small flakes of gold on my instrument.” “I think you have struck my back collar button,” replied the victim. P. Farrell entered a grocery store and said to the clerk: “Take this order, io lbs. sugar at 6 cents, u lbs. coffee at 25 cents. 8 lbs. tea at 30 cents. Add that up. How much is it ?” Clerk—“Five dollars.” P. Farrell—“Are you sure?” Clerk—“Of course I’m sure.” P. Farrel—“Thanks. That’s my arithmetic lesson for to-morrow.” “It’s only natural, isn’t it?” “What?” “That a fellow who sits on a tack should make a few pointed remarks.” How may book-keeping be taught in a lesson of three words ? Never lend them. A girl went into a store to buy garters. “What kind?” “Rubber.” “I’d lose my job if I did.” “Mandy, fo’ de Lawd’s sake, don’t let dem chickens outer dis yard. Shut dat gate.” “What fur, Aleck; dey’ll come home, won’t dey ?” “Deed dey won’t. Dey’ll go home.” Mrs. Newbride—“Boo, hoo! H e r y

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BULKELEY NEWS 17 I want to know how much your salary is.” Prof. Harrison—“What makes you think the human race has reached the height of its progress?” pitch—“Because no new dance steps have been invented for a deuce of a time.” “Pop’s goin’ to give me a watch,” said Cherkasky. “That will be uice,” replied his aunt, ‘and it will help you getting to school in the morning.” “Yes, that’s so, ’cause when I get to school I can look at the watch and see just how late I am.” Bright Boy in Laboratory. Bright one—“Oh, boy, I saw a garter snake most a yard and a half long.” Prof. Lawrence—“You’re some hunter. Don’t you know that garter snakes don’t grow that long ?” Bright one—“Well, I thought it was a garter snake, ’cause it was wrapped ’round the limb of a tree.” French Teacher—“From now on anyone caught whispering will be severely de-merited.” Nelson to Jiinal—“Horrors! We shall be forced to talk out loud.” Proud Father—“My boy, Chic, certainly loves animals.” Skeptical Listener—“How’s that ?” Proud Father—“Why, only last night I heard my son talking in his sleep and guess what he was saying.” Skeptical Listener—“What was he saying?” Proud Father—“Feed the kitty — feed the kitty.” Teacher—“I’m getting pretty well disgusted with your horse laugh.” Gannon—“Well, you see I’ve a slight cold,—I’m a little hoarse (horse).” Fourteen Domestic Peace Points (San Diego Labor Leader) 1. Disarmament: Flatirons, rolling- pins and other instruments of warfare shall be junked, and all married couples shall live according to the league to enforce domestic peace. 2. Relatives shall not be invited except by mutual consent of both powers. 3. Possessions of both parties shall be put in a common pool, to be used only by a unanimous vote. The old man shall not hold out ten cents of salary on Saturday and claim he lost it. 4. The husband shall notify the wife at once of all increases in salary and not keep her on the old salary basis of figuring. This has been one of the great evils of international exchange. 5. Ports of entry shall be free. The wife shall not lock the front door and back door and all the windows when the husband is out late Maybe once in ten years there may be a valid reason for it. 6. The right of self-determination shall be observed rigidly. Husbands shall pick out their own clothes, and no man shall be obliged to wear a pink necktie when he prefers heliotrope. 7. All questions of domestic state shall be settled by vote. If the vote results in a tie the matter shall go the wife’s way. 8. Any husband who gets theatre passes and makes the wife think he paid $2.00 apiece for tickets shall be fined by the League of Matrons. 9. The League of Matrons shall meet once each year to help make the world safe for matrimony. 10. No husband shall have any foreign possessions unknown to the other half of his sketch. 11. Taps shall be sounded at 9 p. m. 12. No wife shall give her husband’s old clothes to the Salvation Army without having submitted the matter to a plebiscite. 13. There shall be no conversation whatever at the breakfast table. Thousands of domestic wars will thus be avoided. 14. If there are any small nations in the domestic league their upbringing shall be governed jointly by husband and wife, all

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BULKELEY NEWS 19 It was the dinner-hour, and the prison inspectors were hurrying over their official round. They asked several questions quickly. “I am here, gentlemen,” explained the pick-pocket, when the warden turned his back, ‘‘as the result of a moment of abstraction.” ‘‘And I,” observed the incendiary, ‘‘because of an unfortunate habit of making light of things.” ‘‘The reason I am here,” chimed in the forger, ‘‘is simply on account of a natural desire to make a name for myself.” ‘‘And I,” added the burglar, ‘‘through nothing but taking advantage of an opening which was offered in a large mercantile establishment.” Heard at W. M. I. Emmy—‘‘I’ve got an invite to the Bul-keley Dance, but not the least idea what I am to go in. What would you wear if you had my complexion?” Fanny—“A thick veil.” Marion—‘‘When you refused him my hand, papa, did he get down on his knees?” Dad—‘‘Well, I didn’t notice just where he lit.” “How do you stand in your class, Willie?” “All right; I’m going into the middleweight soon.” “How can you expect to drive that nail with the heel of a shoe?” inquired Newlywed of his spouse. “Use your head !” Then he wondered why she wouldn’t speak to him the rest of the day. Willis—“Does Bump come of a distinguished lineage ?” Gillis—“You bet. His family were buccaneers in the 18th century, privateers in the 19th, and profiteers in the 20th. Principal—“How much do you expect a week for teaching ?” Prof.—“Well, I should not consider anything under $50.” Principal—“Ye Gods ! Do you think you’re the janitor ?” Editor—“Your reports should be written so as the most ignorant could read them.” Reporter—“What part is it you don’t understand ?” Rensselaer Established 1824 Troy N. Y. Polytechnic Institute Engineering and Science Courses in Civil Engineering (C. E.), Mechanical Engineering (M. E.), Electrical Engineering (E. E.), Chemical Engineering (Ch. E.), and General Science (B. S.). Also Graduate and Special Courses. Unsurpassed new Chemical Physical, Electrical, Mechanical and Materials Testing Laboratories. For catalogue and illustrated pamphlets showing work of graduates and students and views of buildings and campus, apply to JOIIIS' W. NUGENT, Registrar. Mathematics. “They say those Spanish Hidalgos used to go two thousand miles on a gallon.” “Well, I never believe half I hear about foreign cars.”