Mercer Island High School - ISLA Yearbook (Mercer Island, WA)

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VL I X 'P My M1733 1 X 1 5 TI-IE UNDERGROUND MAGAZINE TO FEAR. NOW H I7 5. 5- ,. .Q .Ig ,. gf ' , J, ' . y,-ldxc, THE MESSENGERS TOE THE NEW FULLY ILL UMINA TED DEATH, KEN, BART, BENTLEK AND ODYSSEUS WRATH. T

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C, Fear Hhhg Fear Abby: I've been really depressed lately because when I tried out for the cheerleading squad they told me to get lost and called me mean names. Then I decided to try out for drill team, but when I started my routine, everyone started laughing and told me I was flag corps material. I felt pretty bad, but I figured I would make flag corps, So when I tried out for flags I got up all my confidence and twirled my flag really good. But can you believe it, Abby, even the flag corps rejected me. I feel so awful I could just die. What should I do? -Flag-fodder on Mercer Island Fodder: You whining wretch. You ingrateful scum. Hundreds of girls would sell their shirts for a chance to be rejected by the flag corps. You could just die, huh? You would shirk responsibility like the Queen of bloody England, would you? You reeking hag, think of the time the cheerleaders, drill team, and flag corps wasted on you and your repulsive auditions. And you just sit there like some smug floozy, upset that your classmates aren't at your constant beck and call. O deplorable harlot! Death, like everything else, is much too good for rancid maggots like you. It is high time you apologize to the cheerleaders, drill team, and flag corps for your unthinkable insolence, you repulsive witch. -Thanks for writing CLERGYMEN OF THE NEW, FULLY ILLUMINATED DEATH .SIICDLILID UFPILS 1VIfIPJ'lLEf19LfTV 'TID IIELQUFPJ? Hello, this is Gary Bridgeman, Assistant Vice-Prin- cipal of Mercer Island High School. One or more of your students was absent from school yesterday. It is no longer safe to play hookey on Mercer Island. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, a new computerized telephoning system now calls parents of truant students and, using the prerecorded Voice of Gary Bridgeman, alerts them of their childrens' of- fences. Of course, this sudden tightening of security was instated partially to get everyone into the spirit of the year. As Administrator Eric Blair explained, 4'Truancy is Slavery. Yet the Voice of Big Bridgeman is just the beginning. Plans for mandatory Pledge of Allegiance regurgitation may go into effect as of next September. Administrators are also considering having a Shadle Park Two Minute Hate every school day between sec- ond and third period. We don't quite know what we're going to do, but you can be sure it will be for the good of the school. Not everyone is so pleased by these reforms, howev- er. Full-time AJV. student Dave N. Syme explained, Like, we just wanna party, man. That's where it's at. You gotta live for The Party. It is likely that the Voice of Big Bridgeman will put a cramp in Syme's style. Furthermore, the Administry of Spirit may attempt to do away with underground newspapers and other highly subversive entities. Wrath feels it is time to take action - before it is too late. You decide: Should the Voice of Gary Bridgeman be Unpersoned? 1 Dawn onwg CANNOT BE RHI? STOPPED. is .ini CE? 'cm D cnc: C-'JC3 N, cnc: U AD a UM. 107