Mechanic Arts High School - M Yearbook (St Paul, MN)

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P,gFlgiM.A.H.S.-THQFE A GROUP OF PARODIES Hamlet In Modern Dress By Billy Thomas Act I In courtyard. Enter Hamlet and Ophelia. Hamlet-So, they've went and killed the old man, huh? Well, just watch me pull a Scotland Yard and track down the baby who did it. Believe me I'll find out if I have to go nuts to do it. Ophelia-Listen, Boy-friend, I think you're all wet. But I still love you. Hamlet-Never mind, sweet one, that father of yours is out for no good. He and my stepfather are too thick. I says look out. Enter Horatio. Hamlet-Well, well, my old pal, Horsie. Say, old kid, I need assistance and how. Can I depend on you? Horatio-You know me Hamy, old thing, I never fail. CExit all three.J Act II Claudius and Gertrude at luncheon. Claudius-Gertie dear, I see by the Denmark Gossiper' that Hamlet is out scouting for his father's assassin. Gertrude-Well, the boy has finally found something to occupy his spare moments. He's been walking around like a crepe hanger lately. Of course, e's T CEnter Poloniusj Polonius-Ah, dear king and queen how are ya been? I myself feel like a severe case of halitosis this morning. Too much party last night. Say, King, what do you think about Hamlet and Ophie? It looks pretty serious to me. It appears that a little spying might add light to the matter. Gertrude-You don't think they're in love do you? Polonius-If they're not I'll eat my gaiters. King Claudius-Oh, Well, youth will have its fling. CEnter Hamletj Hamlet-Ha! So this is Paris? You know, folks, I've been waiting for just such a chance as this. I wish to make it known that Ophie and I are about to be hitched, just as soon as I locate the hand that killed father, of course. Claudius-You'll have a long search, my lad. Ahem! Hamlet Casidej-CAh something seems to be mildew'd in my native land.J fAloudD-Oh well, I need practice as a sleuth. Gertrude-Now, Hamlet, I do wish you'd think a bit before marrying. Hamlet-You'd better not talk, ma: poor pa wasn't under the sod two hours before you hooked up with Claudius. Claudius-That'll do! Hamlet-Stall right, governor, no of- fense. CAsideJ-COh how I'd like to put arsenic in his javalj Well olive oil people, see you soon. Skip the gutter, Polonius. You'll make a great father- in-law. Act III Two weeks later. Scene is in the Courtyard. Hamlet, Ophelia, Horatio. Hamlet-Is it or isn't it? 1 Ophelia-What are you saying, Ham- Ct. Hamlet-Don't bother me, I'm goofy. Ophelia-I guess you are, and I don't mean if . Horatio-Ophelia, I'd like to shove the fat with Hamy for a while. Would you mind telling your good-looking brother Laertes I would like a word with him? CExit Ophelia.J Horatio-Say Pal, this jane of yours is carrying all our plans to her old man. I got this from reliable authority. Hamlet-I don't believe you. Horatio-What! you believe a skirt in preference to me? Consider our friendship at an end. Hamlet-Sorry old man, go ahead with the story. Horatio-I heard that the king is hep to the big deal tonight so how've ya been? Hamlet-I've been acting like a bug- house inmate so they all think I've for- gotten my little detective game. I know Claudius thinks Iim harmless but -- CEnter a servant.J Servant-Oh, Hamlet! come quick: Ophelia has fallen into the lily pond and drowned. Hamlet-Well, that's just too bad! I-Ioratio-Now you're talking sense, pa . Hamlet-Never liked her anyway. Horatio-Everything all set. Tonight we do it regardless of anything. Hamlet-Thou has said it, dear one. Act IV Midnight in Castle. Enter Hamlet and Horatio from bed- rooms. Hamlet-Well, that's olf my mind now. Page Seventeen

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FI:-'FEiM.A.H.S.--:-FI:'Fl1' Horatio-There were no hitches were there? Hamlet--No, but Laertes put up a h-1 of a fightg he looked all over for the new sword that was given to him for Christmas, but I was too fast. I socked him over his bean with my sap and right then and there Laertes was no more. How did you manage yours? Horatio-Very simple, my boy, I tore Polonius limb from limb and brought the remnants to the queen. And would you believe it Gertie died from fright. So that's that. Then And Now By Time-Then. Place--Eden. Adam: Well, rib of mine, have you prepared the venison? Eve: Just a moment, my lord. Adam: Hurry about it. Don't you know you still have the south garden to weed? Eve: Your will is mine, most glori- ous master, and I, your humble servant, do beg your deepest pardon. Adam: And this is my helpmate, the companion sent to me! Such sloth! If only I could spare another rib! Act II, Scene I. Time-Now. Place-Anywhere. Eve: Hello, Adam, I hope you have reserved the table for dinner tonight, Hamlet-Good work, Horsie. Horatio-How now, Hamy, in what manner did you dispose of dear Claud- ius? Hamlet-Oh, dear Claudius? I tickled him to death. Horatio-Now that all your shirt-tail relation are gone, what say we go down and shoot a game of pool? Hamlet-O. K. with me, Horsie. It's a great life if you don't weaken. Exit both. C Curtain. Q Dorothy Turner and don't forget the tickets for the theater, and hurry right home from the office. Adam: Yes, dear. Anything else? Eve: Oh, I suppose you might get me a few orchids, and, oh, yes, please stop at Madam Marie's and buy me two or three pairs of gloves. Adam: All right, dear. Scene II. Time-That Evening. Place-The Apartment. Eve: Well, hand over the goods. Adam: Here they are, Eveg I had to get roses-the orchids were all gone. Eve: O, gee, Adam, you're beautiful -but so dumb. Whatever made me tie up with you! CCurtainj All Over An Apple By Billy Thvmas Act I Scene laid in the garden of Eden. Adam and Eve resting beneath an apple tree. Adam-Well, Eva, looks like every- thing is going to be rosy from now on. Eve-Yes, Addie, I'm afraid every- thing is going to be all right. Say, Adam, why do you suppose we are for- bidden to eat the apples hanging on that tree over there? My, but they look good. Adam-You women are never satis- tied. With all the other apples in this world of ours. you pick on the one you can't have. Oh, well, it's just like a woman anyhow. Eve-Why, Adam. I think you're just horrid. The idea of talking that way to me. Adam-G'wan! that's no argument. Eve-just wait, you'll be sorry. Adam-Yes, I suppose I will. Act II Scene same as Act I. Eve sitting alone under forbidden tree sewing a new fig leaf dress. Page Eighteen Eve Cto herself!-Now I wonder how this will look on me? No, I think they are not going to wear quite as many leaves this season, so I guess I'll discard these. Well, well, well, if here isn't the cutest little snake! My, but I love them! Snake-Hello there, Queen of the May! How's things today? Eve-Oh! not so hot, Snakieg Adam and me have been been quarreling again. Snake-What! has that big bozo been picking on you again? Eve-Well, you see, it's like this- Snake-Never mind. I can see through him. He just doesn't understand you, does he? What you need is a good, kind, sympathetic little friend to help voug and listen, sister, that little friend is going to be nobody else but me. Be- lieve me, he'll not neglect you again. Eve-Thanks heaps, old thing, I sure appreciate them kind words. Snake-Now, all you have to do is take one bite of this apple, and you can twist him around your little Finger.