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Page 111 text:
WANTED: A pair of suspenders for the breeches of promise; a barber to shave the face of the earth; a mosquito bar for the bed of the ocean, another for the cradle of the deep; a dentist to work on the jaws of death; sea horses to feed from this through of the sea; afew seeds from the flower of speech; and a belt for the waist of time. Miss Stoner: (reading play): " There is a great climax in the last act: Just as two burg- lars climb in the window the clock strikes one, then — Junior Curnutt: " Wait! Be more explicit. Which one did the clock strike? " Salesman: " I ' d like to see your mother, son, is she engaged? " Billy G.: " Engaged! Say, what are you trying to pull here? She ' s married. " Real,Estate Agent: " Could I interest you in Belle Air Heights? " Coach Croy: " You could interest me almost anywhere. " Miss Hope: " What is the one thing we know for sure about death? " Junior Gray: " It always is fatal. " When asked what they did with all their fruit from the farm Marian New replied: " We eat all we can, and can all we can ' t. " Grandmother: " Well, dear, have you dons your good deed today? " Scout Eagle: " Yes, I ' ve taught Cousin Lucy not to poke her tongue out at Boy Scouts! " Wayne Dorman had just reported to Mrs. O ' Grady that he had just two problems out of !?n correct. Mrs. O ' Grady: " What ' s the matter, Wayne? Don ' t you understand the problems? " Wayne Dorman: " Yes, I do. I got the problems right but 1 missed the answers. " Miss Messick: (pointing to the blackboard, in Math.) " Watch closely, while I go through it now. " Miss Marr: " What do we have now that we didn ' t have 50 years ago? " Buster King: " Me. " Doris Logan: " Boys are just like roosters, always lazy. " Harold Schmidt: " Well, girls are just like hens, always cackling. " Bob said to his wife, " Tell me what you think this is. " " That ' s what I thought, but Bridget declares it is rat poison. Taste it again to make sure. " Mr Allen: " Did you learn anything in school today, son? " Calvin Allen: " Yep! Jimmie Conway taught me how to wiggle my ears. Mr. Gcdbey: " Be sure and wash your hands before you go to school. " Hubert Godbey: " Oh, I don ' t need to do that. I never raise them- when the teacher asks a question. " Miss Messick: " Do you understand the difference between liking and loving? " Junior Curnutt: " Yes, Ma ' am; I like my father and mother, but I love pie. " Miss Hope: " Can you give the definition of a watt? " Richard Fields: " A watt is an inquisitive pronoun. " Warren Crow while visiting Vernon Taylor one cold win- ter ' s night was sent to the barn to harness the mule so that he could get back to town but he got the cow by mistake. Pretty soon he yelled to Vernon. " Say, I can ' t get this collar over this here mule ' s head. The darned thing ' s ears are froze. " CTHE END
Page 110 text:
A certain lad in high school had ears so large when he was bom his parents had to wait ten years before they knew whether he was going to walk or fly. " Ma! Lookit the pretty collar on that lady ' s dress! " " Hush, child, that ' s the lady ' s skirt. " It ' s a sure sign of summer when a Scotchman throws his Christmas tree away. Viola H.: " What always comes in pairs? " Shirley B.: " Scissors. " Viola H.: " No. pear seeds. " Bob Wray: " I just bought a new ' Abernathy ' . " Warren Crow: " What are you trying to do. put over a fast one? Those animals have been extinct a million years. " Early to bed; early to rise; Your girl goes out With other guys. — Aesop. Mrs. Manley: (in Science) — " Give me the name of an important star with a tail. " Eob Bennett: " Rin-Tin-Tin. " Editor ' s note: The following cartoon is a dark mystery as to the identity of the gentle- man in the picture. Some have gone as far as to say it is " Cec " Mayes after the Trenton football game. However, we give the photographer ' s explanation and let it pass. Yours. Pesky and Ed, Joke Editors. Photographer ' s explanation: This is the picture of a dark complexioned gentleman walking down a dark street on a dark night. A Chicago policeman shot a robber the ' other day. but he was just a new policeman and didn ' t know any better. People who live in glass houses should not take baths. As the surgeon sez. " The way to a man ' s heart is through his stomach. Mr. Dietz: " Son, go down in the cellar and get me some ammonia, but be careful and don ' t get pneumonia. " Pete: " But how will I tell the new from the old? " Harry T: " Where will you be at dinner time? " Roland R: " At dinner. " Grace G: " Why is the water below the falls green? " Marjorie B.: " I ' ll bite. " Grace G.: " It just came over. " BOY WANTED: In general store. Must be of good character, morally upright, and am- bitious High school and college education required. Must be able to sell mer- chandise, wash windows, scrub floors, cook, feed hogs, keep books and do other minor jobs about the store. Slight favor will be shown those who have a small knowledge of medicine and can butcher. Short. 60 minute hours from 3 a. in- to 12 p m. The hard worker can expect a salary of $7.00 per month. Saxaphone players need not apply. Address. Snipes Store, Smallville, Mo. To apply in per- son, get off Grapevine R. R.. at end of line, ride horse ten miles due south then walk over big hill to the city. WANTED: Two boys on wheels to deliver packages. B-1928. Gir ls, to sew buttons on third floor of the Terminal Bldg., B-671. Miss Hawkins: " Harold. I take great pleasure in giving you 90 in English. Harold G.: " Aw, make it 100 and really enjoy yourself. " My bonnie flies over the ocean. My bonnie flies over the sea, My bonnie flies over the ocean And flies off the handle at me.
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