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Page 108 text:
Miss Hawkins: " How many days in the month. Richard? " R. Sellers: " Thirty days hath September, All the rest I can ' t remember; There ' s a calendar on the wall— Why bother me with this at all? " H. Knox: " Has the second bell rung, yet? " R. Wray: " No, the first one rang twice. " Ba, Ba. Blacksheep. Have you any wool? Yes sir! Yes sir! Three bags full, One for my master. One for my dame. And one for 36.921,326 high school students to pull over the eyes of their teachers. C. Phipps: " What will kill cooties? " M. Conway: " Cover yourself with sand, then rub down with alcohol. The cooties will get drunk and kill each other throwing rocks. " Mrs. Manley: " I saw Auroea Borealis all lit up last night. " G. McMurry: " Well, you can ' t tell what these foreigners will do. " SHORT SCENARIOS: I. Elevating the Stage— In Four Parts- Part I— Mated; Part II— Aggravated; Part III— Renovated; Part IV— Celebrated. II. The People ' s Choice — In Pour Parts — Part I— Projected; Part II— Elected; Part III— Detected; Part IV— Ejected. III. His Last Joy Ride — In Four Parts — Part I— Speeding; Part II— Pleading; Part III— Unheeding; Part IV— Bleeding. IV. Back to the Bush League or the Pitcher ' s Downfall— In Four Parts- Part I— Curved Balls; Part II— High Balls; Part III— Four BaUs; Part IV— Moth Balls. Miss Northcutt: " What ' s the matter— have you gone cuckoo? " M. Shamberger: " No. I was laughing at one of the jokes my English teacher told last semester. " D. Smith (over phone): " Guess who it is. " D. Mutz: " Make a noise like a kiss. " G. Jantz: " This book puts the silliest ideas in a girl ' s head. " Miss Hawkins: " Why? " G. Jantz: " Nothing practical. Listen to this: ' Then Lady Eleanor walked alone in the garden ' . " Buck Wiles, it is said, is so dumb he thinks the United States Constitution is Old Iron- sides.
Page 107 text:
Jokes And they said, " O good Iagoo, Tell us now a tale of wonder. Tell us of some strange adventure, That the feast may be more joyous. That the time may pass more gayly, And our guests be more contented! '
Page 109 text:
UNANSWERED QUESTIONS How deep is down? How high is up? What did Delaware? Was it a New Jersey? How much did Idaho? Where did Maryland? On a chimney-sweep? What fruit does the light plant bear? What language does a chalk-talk? Can a board walk? Can a horse fly? What did Tennessee? How many scenes in the Stamp Act? Never let a fool kiss you and never let a kiss fool you. A fresh air fiend undoubtedly invented doughnuts. R Dell Chick (at the zoo): " I just saw a man-eating tiger. " G. Geist: " Some men will eat anything. " Croy: " When two bodies come together is heat generated? " J. Chick: " No. sir. I hit a guy yesterday and he knocked me cold. " Miss Messick was testing the general knowledge of the Freshman class. Slapping a half dollar on the desk she said: " What ' s that? " Prom the back row: " Tails. " A Brewer: " What was the ' name of that selection he just played? " M. Knox: " That was Silk Stockings. " A. Brewer: " I thought so. It did have a lot of runs in it. " First Joke Editor: " That chiropractor joke is pretty good. " Second Joke Editor: " Yes, it has a new twist. " F. Bradley: " I think I ' ll wait till Christmas and hang my stockings up. " J. Jackson: " By that time you won ' t need to, they ' ll stand alone. " Ed Clary: Old man, how did you guess Byron wrote his first poem in high school? " J. Heath: " Easy. He entitled it " Hours of Idleness. " Croy (at first football practice): " Any experience? " B. Bennett: " Yeah, I was hit by a truck two years ago. " R. Butler: " Do you know what Henry Ford is figuring on now? " V. G. Miller: " No, what? " R. Butler: " Paper. " W. Hoblitzell: " Could you suggest something for a girl friend ' s birthday? " Clerk: " How about book ends? " W. Hoblitzell: " Just the thing! She always reads the ends before she does the beginnings. " J. Cockayne: " Ought one be punished for something he didn ' t do? " Mrs. O ' Grady: " Indeed not. " J. Cockayne: " Well, I didn ' t do my ' math ' . " V. Smith (dramatically): " My kingdom for a horse! " L. Warner: " Not interested in one-horse kingdoms. " Miss Hope: " Now a pentameter has five feet, a hexameter six feet. " D. Stults: " How many feet in a diameter? " B. New: " What ' s become of the India rubber man? " L. Smith: " Oh, he ' s gone up to Sing Sing for a stretch. " D. Warner: " C ' mon, gimme a kiss. " M. Lett: " No. " D. Warner: " What you don ' t " No " won ' t hurt you. "
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