Marshall University - Chief Justice Yearbook (Huntington, WV)

Page 14 text:

student No. (Do NOT Write Your Name) Student Analysis 101 Final Exam Instructions: Mark your answers on the test card provided. Do NOT write on this test sheet. Each answer has an established point value. You should not find the full 15 minutes allotted for this test necessary for completion. 1. What is a joint? a. A business establishment where you can get a beer. b. The area between your calf and thigh. c. The section of pipe under the sink that always leaks. d. A homemade cigarette that smells like burning rope. 2. What is culture? a. The stuff the doctor scrapes off your throat. b. The beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a civilization. c. Realizing the accepted tastes in fine arts and humanities. d. Drinking beer out of a glass. 3. What is the house that Marshall filled? a. Twin Towers. b. The unemployment office. c. The Health Center. d. WVU ' s coliseum. 4. A good instructor: a. Called off class for the MU-WVU basketball game. b. Enjoys a good party. c. Misses class occasionally. d. Cares about the student. 5. Happiness is: a. A working Smith Hall escalator. b. Being able to remember the night before. c. A full keg. d. A sad song. 6. Depression is: a. A dry keg. b. Thinking the rabbit died. c. Finals week. d. The era between 1929 and 1941. 7. College is: a. The all-too-brief period between high school graduation and real life. b. Living high on the hog. c. Stomping grounds for the ever-elusive prey - a mate. d. The educational institution wherein an individual may obtain the necessary skills for a productive, happy, and (hopefully) profitable career. 8. What would you rather do on a sunny day? a. Go to Ritter Park and drink beer. b. Drink beer and go to Ritter Park. c. Drink beer, go to Ritter Park, and drink beer. d. Drink beer, drink beer, and drink beer. e. None of the above. 9. What does Security mean to you? a. A warm blanket. b. Big guys in funny clothes who take your booze at football games. c. A locked door at night. d. Not owning anything worth stealing. 10. Who is Joe McMullen? a. The boxing instructor for Louisville. b. The public relations director for WVU. c. The start of something big for Syracuse. d. Who cares. 10

Page 13 text:

mm,-

Page 15 text:

Answer Key 1. a. c. d. 2. a. c. 3. a. d. 4. a. c. d. 5. a. c. d. Your mind is a little abstract, but you ' re headed in the right direction. (3 points) You ' re obviously one of the 24 med students. (2 points) What are you, a plumber? (1 point) You know who you are. (4 points) There are worse places he could have scraped. (4 points) Sounds like some kind of religion, doesn ' t it? (1 point) And once you realize those tastes, you know what to avoid. (2 points) That ' s not culture so much as trying to impress someone. (3 points) By force. No vacancies in that hotel. (4 points) Yes, but other colleges and high schools help out there. (3 points) Blame that on conditions at Marshall. (2 points) Don ' t believe everything you read on T-shirts. ML) filled only the tiny space it was allotted, and those seats were placed somewhere near the ozone layer. (1 point) Up with professors who believe academics can exist alongside athletics. (3 points) Professors, it is written, were once students. Some habits die hard. (2 points) Partying should not affect attendance. Students handle that. (1 point) True, but he must be careful not to show it. Otherwise, you ' ll want to call him by his first name. (4 points) Obviously you ' re a student; otherwise, you ' d have an elevator key. (2 points) If you ' ve ever had anyone tell you about the night before, you know you ' re better off not knowing. (1 point) So, you ' re here for the beer. (3 points) Yes, yes, yes. And if all the world loves a lover, does it romance a romantic? (4 points) 6. a. There ' s nothing wrong with a dry keg that some money won ' t solve. (1 point) b. That ' s closer to doomsville than depression. (2 points) c. Believe it. (4 points) d. You ' ve spent too much time studying for finals. (3 points) 7. a. You ' d better believe - and appreciate - it. (4 points) b. Your parents obviously have money to throw around. (3 points) c. If that ' s what you ' re after, try the roller skating rink - it ' s cheaper. (1 point) d. If you believe that, there ' s this swampland for sale ... (2 points) 8. a. Your patience and willpower are to be admired. (3 points) b. Just can ' t wait, can you? (2 points) c. A well-chosen combination of drinking and nature. (4 points) d. What, a beautiful day and you ' re going to waste it inside? (1 point) e. You ' re very perceptive since beer has been outlawed in Ritter Park. (5 points) 9. a. You need psychological help. (1 point) b. That ' s Security, but what are they securing? (4 points) c. Hopelessly paranoid. If someone wants in, a lock is little protection. (2 points) d. So, go out and get a job, you lazy bum. (3 points) 10. a. Wrong. Louisville already knew how to give sucker punches. (2 points) b. WV-Who? (3 points) c. Especially since they didn ' t hire him. (1 point) d. Joe McMullen. (4 points) 41-34 33-26 25-19 18-10 Grading Scale Obviously you cheated and looked at the answers. A true student til death or p overty do you part. You ' re too smart to be wasting your time here. Obviously you didn ' t understand the questions; try again. II