Marshall University - Chief Justice Yearbook (Huntington, WV)

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fztolfyhassle you, plan ahead. Get some .false LIE NNE T E E FIEHLIE HEY As our new president, jimmy Carter, said . . . We ahr guin to cut thru the red tape and compounded bureaucracy tha' cuhhently chokes this great nayshun of ahrs. Now, the question comes to mind: What does that mean? How should I know? I voted for Ford. But now one phrase you can pick out of that grinning, mumbling state- ment is 'red tape'. If you live in this world and are not an Aborigine or something, you battle red tape everyday, and more often than not, you lose the battle. Even here on campus, you are almost choked by the crimson tapers. Any- body who has ever gone to add-drop knows what I mean. Now this little ditty is not to con- demn or commend 'red tape. It's just an effort to show youidifferent ways to get around these problems. il. The old Pretend-you're-some- body-important trick. When dealing withfsome big shot in the adminis- tratioitj -and you know he's going credentials, wear a disguise if-noses and glasses are out year, make sure your disguises A accordance with Mr. Black- 'bf' Best:'Disguished Peoplej 'office like you're ,very popular dis- e you don't vdq you Shot's office. you're trying your composure when really some great personal tragedy is putting you through the wringer. Start off with your voice just quavering a little bit as you begin to make your plea to Mr. Shot. Then as your speech continues, make sure your cool starts to break . . . preferably around the part of your pitch where you tell him about your mother's incurable disease or your brother's airplane- glue habit. Finally end the scene, winding up with tears streaming down your cheeks, your fingers tugging at your dishevelled hair and your fingernails cutting gouges into your palms from making such tight fists. Even if you don't get what you want from him, you've still got a great shot at an academy award. 3. Bribery 4. Threats of violence falways a bissyl- 5. The old Ask-for-the complete- opposite-of-what-you-want trick. The name more or less tells the tale. When you go into Mr. Big Shot's office, ask for the one thing you don't want, then, Mr. Big Shot being a crea- ture of habit, will give you just what you do want. See? 6. I've saved the best for last lfor you brave souls who didn't skip ahead to the pictures of the cheer- leaders or the kooky, crazy, cut-up candid pics.l This is known as the Larry Purdy Ploy. When I lived in Hodges Hall, iand I use the word 'lived' looselyj we created 'Larry Purdy' quite by accident. One of us got into trouble during a class in which a substitute teacher was filling in. Well, this sub called the Hodges resident down and demanded his name. The resident responded with the name Larry Purdy, when his real name was something like Gobz Grabdzbdawadz. We never heard another thing about the incident. occurred to us that Larry would a pretty convenient guy to have around, so we pooled our money and enrolled Larry in school with just enough hours to make him full for him, and Larry was doing alright. lNow if you think what I just de- scribed is impossible, check it out, Ace. You will be surprisedj We used Larry whenever one of us would get in trouble KWe each had an I.D. with Larry's name and Our own pic- tures on them . . . we just kept going back and saying we had lost the old one and needed a new one made.j Due to this, Larry began to get a lot to speed letters and other such evil zlocuments. Not only that, but Larry's attendance was pitiful. As a matter of fact, it seemed he only showed up on test days. he got A's on the exams, but if he wanted anything more than a one-point average, he would have to get his act together. As if that weren't bad enough, we began expanding Larry's horizons. In the space of about three weeks, he joined the science club, the chess club, three fraternities and two sororities fdon't askjp he joined the soccer club, the fencing club, signed up for all intramurals, glee club, Sigma Delta Chi, the Lambda Society, the Dromedary Club and Alcoholics Anonymous. He never went to any meeting or paid his dues but he was in. Well, as all things must, Larry's time came. I-Ie was valiant up to the very end, talking back to teachers and security agents, laying incredibly outrageous lines on pretty girls, pulling unbelievable stunts Qlike ty- ing a Volkswagen to the shower ceilingj . . . yes, Larry really knew how to live but he was spreading himself too thin. To this day we still miss him and we still wonder what happened to him . . for you see, one day Larry just disappeared. I told him to stay away from the Talahachee Bridge. l 25 Bureaucracy

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MU's 'growing pains' create community problems MU has sought and received the approval from the Board of Regents QBORJ to construct a new athletic complex which will extend Mar- shall's domain far beyond its present boundaries. The complex, which should be completed by 1980, at a cost of 525 million, will include a multi-purpose facility with an 11,000-seat basket- ball arena, a baseball field located on Fifth Avenue facross from Twin Towers dormitoryj, 1,150 additional parking spaces and six tennis courts. The arena will contain an inter- collegiate-size swimming pool and a competition diving pool with seating for 800 spectators. The facility will also contain archery and golf ranges, 12 handball courts, offices, labora- No more vacancies. This apartment is part of the demolition plan on Third Avenue to destroy housing facilities to make room for parking lots. The demolition derby strikes at another building on Third Avenue to provide the needed space for the athletic facility. 26 Eminent Domain tories, classrooms, locker rooms and the old Gullickson gymnasium. Although almost everyone seems to hope Marshall gets the complex, no one seems to want to pay for it. About 87 building will have to be destroyed to make room for Mar- shall's growth, many of them businesses. To no one's surprise, many of the owners have protested the forthcoming attempt to dislodge them. The Save Our Stores committee has taken the matter to the BOR and to Huntington City Council, which initially back the effort but later withdrew its support. Governor Jay Rockefeller asked for a one-year moratorium on capital improvement projects financed through state government. Another proposal was to pay off the facility in a bonding package that would require raising tuition fees of students at MU. Almost un- animous disapproval followed from the students, who complained that the fees were too high already. Apparently the payment of the bonds will come out of the pockets of Marshall students, in the form of a S25 per semester raise in tuition. It seems the payment for the athletic arena has fallen, as usual, onto the one group who has no voice in the matter-the students. But any healthy organism wanting to stay healthy must grow. And Marshall is no exception. I