Madera Union High School - Blue and White Yearbook (Madera, CA)

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Saint Peter: Wretched sinner, you have at least told the truth. T will take you under consideration. Next. Maxine: The worst thing I ever did was to slap my youngest child for not getting to Sunday school on time. (white light). Saint Peter: Hush, my good woman. That will do. What has the other lady to say? Kathryn: Chemistry was my long suit. I discovered the formula for changing all metals into gold. (Red light) (Her friends see that she is be- trayed and try to warn her but she raves on). Marion: (interrupting) You see, Saint Peter, she spent most of her days at Stockton. (Saint Peter nodg understandingly). Saint Peter: Here are your white tickets. (The three enter happily. The elevator arrives with more passengers. They are Geneva Gibbs, Dan Shel- don and Alice Liechti.) Saint Peter: Which of you wishes to speak first? Alice: One can speak for the three for our entire lives were involved in a triangle of which each played an equal part. Saint Peter: Very well. Suppose you act as spokesman. Alice: It was always a contest between Geneva and me over Dan’s affec- tions. Neither of us was completely successful. Saint Peter: It’s an old story. Here are your white tickets, (he chuckles to himself but is interrupted by the arrival of William Berrier, Ora Moore, James Dickey and Lawrence Macon, who look about them astonished. ) Bill: Well, I guess I win the marbles. Didn’t T tell you old Pete had never seen the inside of a barbershop? (Saint Peter is astonished but Bill goes on unmindful of him) At least this is a darn sight closer than J ever ex- pected to get to heaven. (white light) James: SH! Hold your tongue. Saint Peter: (hotly) Ill stand for no nonsense, V’ll listen to the three of your stories while that hoodlum rings for the elevator. Lawrence: Well, Saint Peter, T never did care much about work. T spent. my time on the street, pretending to be blind. I left a fine home T had pur- chased with the money. (white light) James: Twas just the opposite. I worked on my farm. It kept me scrambling to support my wife and family. Poor dears! I don’t know what they will do now that I’m gone. (sobs) Saint Peter: Never mind! T’ll look out for them. Bill: Ah, Saint Peter, I was a stage comedian of the Berrier-Moore Com- pany. Ora was my right-hand man. Oh, yes, we had a few quarrels but we made a success of life by entertaining others. Ora: Yep! I helped out by singing grand operas. I think every one was pleased with us. (Saint Peter hands them three white tickets and one red one. ) (Having disposed of those, Saint Peter looked forward to a much needed rest, but no sooner has he shut his eyes, than the elevator reappears bringing Edith and Harvey, smiling sweetly at each other. ) Saint Peter: State your cases briefly. The white light in yonder globe permits me to know if the truth is spoken and the red if it is not. Harvey and Edith: (together Oh. Saint Peter, we have tried so hard to live a good happy life. (white light) Really, we think we have suc- ceeded. There are four boys and three girls left on earth to profit by the example we have set and— Edith: To keep the ranch we left them in good order. 20

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The Day of Judgment, or Peter's Magic Lamp A ONE ACT FARCH. Scene I. Inside the gates of heaven. On the left stands a large desk wpon which lies a huge book. On the right, an express elevator making direct trips to Mother Barth and Hades. A gigantic thermometer indicates whether the ele- vator is near Heaven or Hell by the rise and fall of the liquid. Overhead, in the center of the arch, which overhangs the gates, a magnificent globe or lamp is located. Saint Peter is seated at the desk in deep thought. So intensely inter- ested is he in the contents of the book that he fails to notice the arrival of the elevator with a new passenger. Maurice Thede steps boldly out and walks over to the desk. Saint Peter is still unaware of his presence. Maurice: Hello, Pete. Saint Peter: (sharply) State briefly your reasons why you should be al- lowed to enter. Mind you speak the truth. Yonder lamp will betray you if you are false. If you utter a single falsehood the glob overhead will turn red and re- main red until put out by the white light of truth. Relate your story. Maurice: Well, Pete, that being the case, 1 guess I had better make ¢ clean breast of it. Anyway, I never did tell a lie (red light) to a—to a—my wife Bertha. (white light) (Maurice shows signs of great relief and goes on hurriedly) I never knew my own mind, Sir. I am ashamed to admit it but 1 honestly believe that I was the most hen-pecked man that ever lived. (white light) I never did anyone any harm except knock out about five men during my high school and college football career. (red light) Hr-er-maybe it was ten. (red light) I mean, 1 meari,-er-twenty. (white light) Saint Peter. That’s enough. You have told sufficient to earn a red tick- et. This will entitle you to a direct ride to Hades. Ring for the elevator. (The thermometer begins to fall and the elevator arrives, bringing new passengers. They step out and Maurice steps in. The thermometer rises indicating the change in climate as it approaches Hades. ) Kathryn Grove, Marion Sewell, and Maxine Trinidade. (in chorus sweetly) Good morning, Saint Peter. (Saint Peter is busy, apparently making a record in his book. He ignors the greeting while the three stand trembling, huddled together before his desk. At last he seems satisfied and looks up at the newcomers.) Saint Peter: Relate your stories separately, as briefly as possible. At the same time do not fail to tell the truth, else you are doomed to eternal torture in the deepest pits of HELM. Marion: (trembling) TI started out, Saint Peter, to be such a good girl and ended so miserably. (she sobs, but her tears are wasted on Saint Peter, who long ago became accustomed to women’s erving) Commencement Week seemed to mark the beginning of my downfall. T ended in the Borden City jail, where I was thrown for disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. (the light in the arch continues to rem ain white.) 19

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Saint Peter: Well done, thou good and faithful servants. Pass on toa happier life. (As Saint Peter sat musing on the happy lot of some people, Curtis Walling, Harry Thede and Margaret Kerr appear before him.) Saint Peter: I want to know your past briefly and take care for I shall know whether you are telling the truth or not. Gurt.: Saint Peter, I have had a terrible life. After IT married Win- nifred, I had to work like a dog to give her all the money she de- manded. (red light) Er-er-I mean-er, she loved dancing and society and left me without any supper every night. (red light) Oh, What’s the use? IL didn’t do anything but stand on the street corner and flirt with ey- ery pretty girl that passed. Saint Peter: Here’s your red ticket. Next. Margaret: (stepping boldly to the front) My life was spent in try- ing to make old maids look like girls of sixteen. Also to avoid a freshie whose name was Elton Macon. Harry: Saint Peter, I’ve been a righteous man, preaching all over ihe world. I’ve tried to do some good for the heathen. Saint Peter: You two may enter. (Bertha Wood, Winnifred Smith and Eleanor Muller then come be- fore Saint Peter.) Saint Peter: Tell your past briefly. Bert: I married Maurice but did not like home life. I became a suf- fragette and helped to get the right for women all over the world to vote. When I was at home I growled at Maurice continually because he never would stay and entertain me. Saint Peter: I will consider your case. You have been cruel. Winnie: My life has been the hard one! Many a night have I washed clothes until midnight to make enough money for my lazy husband, Curt, to enjoy himself. Eleanor: I have been very happy.Saint Peter. I married Mr. Bug and lived on “The Bugg Farm” taking care of the little Buggs. Saint Peter: Indeed you two have earned a long and happy life. (As they are leaving Dolly Evans and Goldia Ashton enter. They could easily represent the two extremes for Dolly is so fat that she waddles, while Goldia could hide behind a fence post with ease.) Saint Peter: (to Dolly) You look as though you might have been the fat woman in a side show. Dolly: You guessed it that time, Saint Peter. That’s just me, Ha, ha, ha. So funny you should have guessed it. Saint Peter: What have you to say for yourself? Nothing, Saint Peter. I did nothing of which I am ashamed. (white light) Saint Peter: I guess I can’t permit you to enter heaven right now for the reason that we haven’t a pair of wings to fit you. How about your friend ? Goldia: T was snake charmer in the circus with Dolly. You see, I learned the art from Bill Berrier, who brought a snake to school one day. T took a fancy to it. Saint Peter: You have done nothing harmful. You may enter. (The arriving elevator this time brings the last of the class of 1921. o 5 e 2