Loyola University - Wolf Yearbook (New Orleans, LA)

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±b Em o l f ILawifs An Irishman anxious to get on the police force hounded the politicians until they decided to give him a letter to the com- missioner, but the signature carried with it that popular little curve which meant to sidetrack Pat in the usual diplomatic man- ner. The commissioner, af:er reading the let- ter, told Pat that if he could answer the three following questions he would appoint him: First, how many stars are there in the heavens? Second, how many hairs are there on my head? Third, what am I thinking? Pat could not give an answer to any of them and was turned down. After wan- dering about town for some time an idea struck him. He would represent himself as his brother, and try again. The ques- tions were propounded again: How many stars are there in the heavens? 661,468,342, answered Pat. How do you know? I counted them, and if you don ' t be- lieve me count ' em yourself. How many hairs are there on my head? Pat walked up, and pulling one hair from the commissioner ' s head, answered: One less than there was a minute ago. What am I thinking about? You think you are talking to my brother, but I ' m the same man back again. He was appointed. Billy Sunday tells of a woman who was so fat that on falling down she rocked her- self to sleep trying to get up. w Hold, ct just Johnnie, said his mother, I must in- sist that you stop shooting craps — those poor little thinges have as much right to live as you have. i i i James: There goes the old rascal who swindled me out of $10,000. Robert: How did he do that? James: He wouldn ' t let me marry his daughter. i i i A young man came into a store and asked for a belt. . What size did you want? asked the girl in attendance. The young man hesitated; then: Er-it ' s just about the length of my arm.

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Mfc«4 imr H 1 - IL tFFS feK STfOs«-n She: How ' d you get that smudge on your face? He: Well, honey, the car broke down and I had to fix it. She: Since when do you use red grease on your car? i i i What awful language you are using. Why, Ma, Shakespeare uses it. Well, don ' t play with him any more. i i i A young Boston negro pugilist who had gained local recognition visited a nearby town to engage in a combat with an Irish- man, who likewise had gained local fame. During the early rounds the negro had much the better of the Irishman and in- flicted considerable punishment. In the sixth round he floored the Irishman with a punch that apparently had enough power in it to keep him on the floor for the fatal ten seconds. The referee (who also hap- pened to be an Irishman) counted over him thusly: 1 — (Mike, for God ' s sake get up!) 2 — (Mike, are you hurt?) 3 — (If you have any regard for your family, get up!) 4 — (Don ' t you see the nigger laughing at you?) 5 — (Mike, do you hear me?) 6 — (For the love of the old country, get up!) 7 — (If you have any red blood in you, get up) 8 — (That ' s the boy, Mike, get up now and kill the nigger! ) Mike finally staggered to his feet at the count of eight which had really been four- teen seconds and made a terrific lunge at his opponent, hitting him with sufficient force to knock him down, and the referee counted over him: 1-2-3-4-5- and 5 is ten. You ' re out, you nigger! i i i I ' m on the track, said the detective as he watched the train approach. i i i What do you think of prohibition? It takes my breath away. V 9 ' t Af O HOW is YOUfl sov QoiN T CoLLiToHy OLE? ' ' Vir A VO VM IS SHOR VRouO, HiR KHy THE OfllW WROTE N J3 SAlO HE v 1S De Ll HQuEl IN ALL His CL t SSF S . A ' Vr HE SMART?

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th Hi otf ILt%iffs of r th, i » » »«. ! 5. 3ey pdrd-o ., Ga-ftAtn b John: Does your fiancee have much to say: James: No, but that doesn ' t keep her from talking. i i i Ducasse: Can a person be punished for something he hasn ' t done? Chemistry Prof: Of course not. Ducasse: Well, I haven ' t done my chemistry. i i i Red Head: I hate that man. Blonde: Why, what has happened? I thought you liked him. Red Head: He said I couldn ' t whistle and just to show him I could I puckered up my mouth just as sweet and round as I could and what do you think he did? Blonde: How should I know? Red Head: Well, the fool just let me whistle. . . . He: Are you fond of nuts? She: Is this a proposal? Lemieux: Why are fat men good-na- tured? Duggan: Because they ' re too fat to fight, and they can ' t run very fast. i i i She ' s only a moonshiner ' s daughter, but I love her still. i i i What shall I speak about? asked the pompous visitor who had been requested to address a few remarks to the gathering at a lodge meeting. Oh, speak about two minutes, said the man who knew him. i i i Wanted: A man to take care of a horse that speaks German. i i i Where do the mermaids sleep, daddy? The young ones are rocked in the cra- dle of the deep, and the older ones sleep in the bed of the ocean. i i i The boy stood on the burning deck, Because he was afraid, He couldn ' t swim to save his neck So that is why he stayed. i i i How close are we to land, captain? queried the man who had had enough of it. Three miles, was the answer. Oh, fine! In what direction? Strait down. 1 i i My poor man, said the sympathetic lady visitor at the penitentiary, Have you any plans for the future? Yes, thank ye, mum, he replied, I have the plans of two post offices and a bank.